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I've been invited to a Man vs Food party and I've got to bring a food based challenge to it.

What should I bring?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:18, 187 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

An excuse to leave early

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Nah girl who's hosting is really hot and just broken up with her boyfriend.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Flavoured condoms then

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:21, Reply)

You've got to bring stuff you'll eat.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I've never watched Man vs Food
Take a deep fat fryer and some chips, get the other men to play Bobbing for Chips, thus securing you the position of best looking guy there. Probably.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Simon Weston lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Hahaha!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:26, Reply)

chocolate nipple sauce.

( sleepybinky, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:20, Reply)

he has to bring his own nipples though

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:23, Reply)

awesome, so you'll be the shoulder she cries on

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:21, Reply)

a shoulder of lamb
would make a great talking point if that is the case.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:23, Reply)

With loads of raw onions?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Almost certainly not.
I'll probably just get drunk with my friends.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Almost certainly not?
HA!
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:28, Reply)

e-coli

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:20, Reply)

A man and some food.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:20, Reply)

jello shots

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Hmm, this could be done.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:21, Reply)

IT WILL BE DONE
also, what kind of stupid party is that, "hey lets see who can puke first from eating too much!"
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Pretty much that.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:22, Reply)

gaaaaaaay
unless Adam is there....he's well fit innit
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:27, Reply)

My mate adam?
have you been stalking me?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:31, Reply)

nah
she thinks you're friends with Adam Lambert
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Adam Richman?
The host of the show?
Are you retarded?
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:35, Reply)

No, I've just never seen it.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Sorry, too much whiskey last night.

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:40, Reply)

I'm going to buy a bottle of whiskey on the way home from work
for my patented hot toddy approach to curing my cold.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I find they only make my cold worse
Last week I mostly drank captain and coke if I wanted a drink, and I'm better this week
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:43, Reply)

It'll put me to sleep and that's what I need at the moment.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:44, Reply)

captain and coke puts me to sleep
I've no idea why
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:46, Reply)

funny, coke keeps me up all weekend

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Fizzy coke rachel
not Monty coke.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Alcohol gets you to sleep but it's not as good sleep
lifehacker.com/5684996/what-alcohol-actually-does-to-your-brain-and-body
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:58, Reply)

I know, but sometimes I just feel like having a drink
not every day, you see
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:34, Reply)

I don't know what a Man Vs Food party is
so i'm going to assume it's some kind of gay orgy
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Ass me

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Do I have to?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:23, Reply)

U ASS ME

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:23, Reply)

I'm way out of my depth here
so i'm gonna get on with some work. Have fun at the gay orgy.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:25, Reply)

some jelly to wrestle in
to keep the gay theme up
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Wear a Soft Cell t-shirt
And take several pints of jizz for you and your guests to consume.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Some cock custard, a spam javelin,
three mutton daggers, some gammon gates and a beef bayonet.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:24, Reply)

What about some beef curtains?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:25, Reply)

And a badly packed kebab

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:25, Reply)

and a fish taco

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Not forgetting a bulldog eating porridge.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:32, Reply)

That is fucking rank

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:32, Reply)

:D

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:43, Reply)

I can see
you've had this planned for some time
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Mince.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:29, Reply)

And bring food whilst you do it.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:45, Reply)

A pig on a spit
But the twist is it's not cooked. If you ate it, you'd be a hero. A dead hero most likely, but a hero nonetheless.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Either that, or you do start cooking it at the party
And nudge the hot-but-newly-single-host, saying "Ever feel like you're looking into the not-very-distant future?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:31, Reply)

*vomits blood*
that is honestly one of the worst lines I've ever heard.
And I can hear myself.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:38, Reply)

it's no wonder girls end up feeling cynical...
if this thread said "the really sweet/kind/intelligent/funny/lovely/warm/friendly/popular/generous and newly single" hostess, that would be one thing.

but oh no. "she's hot" and that's the only thing that matters.

men!!!!!!!!!!!!

[is in a strop because salad factory had run out of pasta and is now stabbing moodily at second-rate couscous alternative]
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:49, Reply)

there's no other basis to judge worth remember
important fact for life there

/pissed off from last night still
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:50, Reply)

well that's certainly how some people* seem to think
* = men

have you had any thoughts about last night?? will gaz you later...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:51, Reply)

Well, let's face it, we know that all women who come on here are intelligent, beautiful and divine.
But we have to deal with the other 99% on a daily basis, they dumb us down so much we just can't appreciate you lot properly. So blame other women, not us!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:52, Reply)

[had written that reply with the intention of being as awful as possible for comic effect and is sorry if it touched a nerve]

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:58, Reply)

oh
so you're saying i'm not hot?

thanks crow, yeah, thanks a BUNCH.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:08, Reply)

I believe he still would, as the phrase goes, 'fuck you up the shitpipe'

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:09, Reply)

firstly you are judging him by your own standards
secondly.... eeeeeeeeeow.

ps: saw your comment on facebook. see, i don't judge people purely by their looks!!! of course, he was equally grim on the inside, but meh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Haha, thought you'd appreciate it!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:11, Reply)

or just go with nothing and say you can create a spit roast out of thin air,
all you'll need is another bloke and a willing female.
(Kip, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:32, Reply)

I can make a helicopter out of basically nothing!
All I need is a midget, and a lob on.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:03, Reply)

looking forward to seeing that in Manchester....



*Possibly a lie
(Kip, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:10, Reply)

8lb of sirloin steak with 1lb of fries and side salads

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:30, Reply)

A date?

(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Pfft

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:33, Reply)

If you've got a slow cooker
Do this
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:38, Reply)

I do have a slow cooker... I will keep that in mind.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Slow cookers are excellent.
Beef in beer in particular is very nice done in one.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Venison in red wine is awesome as well.
just fry venison in onions and some flour, pour in red wine put in slow cooker.
Put herbs in if you want.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:46, Reply)

I'd like to throw out the opinion that slow cookers are for gays

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:47, Reply)

I'm sure some gay people own them.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:48, Reply)

my aunt bought me one
it's still a virgin.

there is nothing vegetarian that i could conceive of cooking in it, and i am gone for more than 15 hours usually, not 6. meh.

thank you for your coriolis effect thing yesterday btw, got stuck on a massive long telecon.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:50, Reply)

I just don't see the point in them
my oven does some pretty low temperatures and has a timer that can start and stop cooking. Why do I need another gadget to take up more room in my kitchen?

you are welcome. It's one of the few times that I might know more about something than someone else on here.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Ovens use a fuckload more electricity/gas, I think.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:53, Reply)

I bet you'd have to use a slow cooker loads of times before you covered the cost with the savings in gas/electricity

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Mine cost £20
Plus, your food won't dry out in a slow cooker, it can in an oven.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:59, Reply)

that is quite cheap
just need an appropriate pot though, and the right temperature.

I have an irrational dislike because one of my mates banged on about his for fucking ages and was telling me I should get one. When I hardly ever cook that sort of thing, and I really don't want another great lump of gadgetry in my kitchen.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:02, Reply)

One of my mates did that about his smoothie maker
We told him to cock off.

Somewhere like TJ Hughes is best to get them, same quality as everywhere else, but far cheaper.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:05, Reply)

I gues it's the same with breadmakers and soupmakers and the like.
You dont actually need them, but they do perhaps encourage you to make those things, and give those, like me, with under developed culinary skills the confidence to do so.
(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:12, Reply)

breadmakers are a bit different I think
because it removes a lot of the effort and skill required. Mind you, I only use mine for making pizza dough these days.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:15, Reply)

I may have mentioned this before.
but a friend of a friend used to make great pizza dough. He was a pastry chef by trade, but it always amused me that he had actually initially trained to be a stonemason.
He emigrated to Australia and apparently qualified to settle there under either job.
(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:25, Reply)

doesn't ring a bell
pastry chef looks like a hard job. too much of a science rather than an art.

most things I approach scientifically, but not music or cooking
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:27, Reply)

Fuck that, I got a knife sharpener, one of those ones that you slide the knife up and down some plastic that has two wheels of stone in.
FUCKING AMAZING
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:31, Reply)

I need one of those
my Global knives, while insanely sharp, are not insanely sharp enough!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:35, Reply)

then you need one of these:
www.salamandercookshop.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=2824

Wusthof are the dogs bollocks of the kitchen knives, think I'm up to 7 pieces at the moment, never looked at another make since.
(Kip, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:15, Reply)

I have a steel which works nicely
as global knives sharpen like a motherfucker, but one of my knives has a bit of a notch so need something more than a steel to set to it without fucking it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:24, Reply)

then
this: www.richmondcookshop.co.uk/index.php?cPath=375_340 could be the place.

I could spend £1000's in this shop, (If I had it)
(Kip, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Some ovens may do this
ours doesn't, hence the slow cooker is a welcome addition to the kitchen rather than forking out hundreds of extra pounds for a new oven.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:15, Reply)

I broke my old hob a while back
so I had to buy a whole new cooker thing.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:36, Reply)

I remember that.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:02, Reply)

Roasted veg in a tomato & herb sauce
You could make one hell of a strong tomato sauce.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:53, Reply)

OR
i could just stop at the 24 hour marks and sparks or tesco on high street kensington and buy them as i get in.....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:56, Reply)

By that standard, whats the point of cooking a roast when you can get one to put in the microwave for 5 minutes?
Because it's better!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:58, Reply)

It really just offers the opportunity of having it ready and warm for when you come in.
Which is quite nice if you've been working late on a cold evening. Though of course it requires you to have done the prep in the morning/night before.

Ours only gets used in winter.
(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:02, Reply)

I've already got my next recipe lined up
Spicy Squid Stew, should be good. Basically, you make the entire stew without the squid, then take the food off the heat, put the squid in, and serve immediately.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:06, Reply)

Where's my invite?
I'll bring the sea urchin roe for a starter.
(Kip, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:13, Reply)

If only you had a stunningly attractive man in your life who knows how to cook, then life would be content.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:32, Reply)

and don't i know it
i've even tried settling for "not remotely attractive and can't really cook" but that didn't work either!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:40, Reply)

*high fives*

( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:41, Reply)

clearly settling for that hasn't worked
you need to maintain standards.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:50, Reply)

if i have learned nothing from my dating history
it is that i have no standards!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:56, Reply)

enforce some on yourself
then you could end up with someone as awesome as me or gonz.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:59, Reply)

i would love to be at gonz's wedding if he wrote the vows himself
how cool would they be?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:11, Reply)

I like the idea of the slices of celeriac shushing each other as they hide under the potatoes in excited anticipation
Like the guests in a darkened room awaiting the subject of the surprise party.
(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:48, Reply)

"delicious and subtle celery flavour"?
delicious and subtle fucking rank
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:01, Reply)

When did people stop having normal parties where you all got drunk while dancing to funky music and copping off with someone who don't really fancy that much?
I miss those kind of parties.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I'm having one soon.
In answer to your next question no.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Yeah! cause I'd love to be surrounded by drunken yoofs wondering what it's like to shag an old woman.

( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Looking forward to the manc bash then?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Out of curiousity.
Was that sarcasm or a genuine statement?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Pfft!

( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Don't you 'pfft' me.
I was serious as I had just been thinking how great it would be to be surrounded by drunken young nubiles curious about getting jiggy with an older man.
(Is this a prime example of that male/female, different mindset thingy?)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Yes!

( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:07, Reply)

Holy shit! Am I am beginning to understand?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Hurrah!
One man has seen the light.

Now for the other billion trillion or whatever.


Edit - Actually some women may love that sort of attention but not me.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:28, Reply)

*stops staring at boobs*
Sorry - what did you say?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:35, Reply)

Haha!
I thought it was too good to be true.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:40, Reply)

Make it a fancy dress party
And go as WonderNoMoreWoman.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I don't think I've ever been to a house party where people danced

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:46, Reply)

I do it in my house all the time
only because I love dancing so much
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:47, Reply)

I only dance when I'm angry.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:48, Reply)

The Safety Valve Dance
Men Without Hats disappointing follow up single.
(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Not as disappointing as their original hit.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:55, Reply)

There was dancing at mine.
But only aber and crow were dancing.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:49, Reply)

I'm not saying I haven't been to a party where some weirdoes did a bit of dancing
but I mean one where you have a significant proportion of people in a room dancing away, like you see on tv and in films.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:50, Reply)

I probably would have danced too had I not been so sober.

( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Just last Saturday I was at a house party in a flat that looked up on the Sacre Couer
Beautiful apartment, about 40+ people throughout the night and tons of booze. At around midnight, the international crowd (Brits, French, Italians and a couple of Canadians) just started dancing.
It was quite cool to watch, though I didn't join in as I was too busy helping the birthday boy berate some party crashers by assigning them numbers and saying they could only drink out of egg cups (very few glasses left by that stage).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:50, Reply)

I was at such a party just the other week. It was good.

(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:50, Reply)

admittedly
as a stoner I may have just not noticed people dancing...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Does anyone who isn't a student or living with on their own for the first time inside 3 years even have house parties?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:33, Reply)

yeah, it has been known to happen
but I didn't see any dancing at parties during the times you mention either
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:34, Reply)

They're still around
without the dancing in my case though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:51, Reply)

Two girls and a cup.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 14:56, Reply)

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( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Durian fruit.
They are available at oriental markets.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:04, Reply)

The Pain.

(ThomsonsPier consumes, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Hardcore from the brain?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Man vs Booze.
"Oh, sorry, I misheard."

Sorted.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:11, Reply)

An indecisive bear.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:25, Reply)

eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
just got a message on facebook asking for my address and email for 10yr highschool reunion

who fancies being my date?
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Me!
But only if I can snog you in the middle of the dance floor while everyone is looking.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:40, Reply)

I'll never be invited again.
SOLID PLAN.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:40, Reply)

But this why blokes are confused, you didn't want the attention of drooling idiots a minute ago.

(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:43, Reply)

That's because this time I'm joshing!
Keep up.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:44, Reply)

I'll do it
I'm devilishly handsome, extremely successful and a great liar
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:40, Reply)

this is what I need
I can cover food, booze, air fare, but you'll probably have to sleep on the couch in the basement
I've got a house full of lesbians to keep your mrs occupied
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:42, Reply)

You make it sound like your infested with them *laughs*

( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:43, Reply)

It's like they're all friends
because they're lesbians.

It's disturbing how many men I don't hang out with.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:46, Reply)

I spent a good chunk of my time in my youth only going to gay clubs.
And I wondered why I was single for all of it.
( girlinthehole, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:49, Reply)

Yeah. I need some dick in my life.
Even if it's constantly covered by pants and jeans.

The only guy friend I have is married and they just had a baby so he's not interested in hanging out with me anymore.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:52, Reply)

dick is one thing
dickS is quite another. lots of those around.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:55, Reply)

men
I need men
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:56, Reply)

i could have sent you some from the army wedding
if i hadn't fucking well missed it.

/bitter
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:57, Reply)

You missed the wedding?
but you were so excited? All those Ruperts & Giles's and RA RA RA Sandhurst was a bally-good show wot wot...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:02, Reply)

you must be the only person on here not to have seen me whinging
that i was so so so sick on fri night that after 5 hours of non-stop vomiting i eventually started throwing up blood, realised this, passed out, came round, threw up, googled it, panicked a LOT, threw up some more, eventually called NHS Direct for the first time in my life, they told me to go straight to A&E. the prospect made me cry, so then they got me an on-call nurse who was brilliant. apparently it is quite normal if you have been throwing up for 5 hours solidly, you just need to be careful not to choke on it.... lovely.

she was right though, i was fine by saturday, just far too weak and dizzy to go and dazzle a load of ruperts, even those who hadn't seen a woman for 6 months. humph.

i am going to leave my flat to NHS Direct in my will.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:08, Reply)

That's terrible
glad you're ok now.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:11, Reply)

awwwww thank you!
i am a combination of (i) never ever ill and (ii) a total dramaqueen, so it was pretty hideous. but i am glad the nurse was so good, can you imagine having to drag yourself down to A&E after 5 hours of throwing up and then sit there for hours by yourself in the middle of the night... and this is central london, you can imagine how busy those places are on a friday night!

worst. weekend. ever.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:13, Reply)

I don't think you're a drama queen
if I yakked blood I would probably call an ambulance (or 3)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:16, Reply)

drama queen

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:17, Reply)

"Young and sweet only thirty-three"

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:19, Reply)

this made me laugh and sing at the same time
inside my head though, i don't want them calling the ambulance with the square wheels for me.

and for the record, i myself am not thirty-three until TOMORROW . still plenty of time to find out how to stop time.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Happy Birthday for tomorrow
but I was singing about myself...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:28, Reply)

i know
it was just a shameless excuse to tell you that it is my birthday tomorrow
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:28, Reply)

sounds good

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:45, Reply)

bring a camcorder
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:51, Reply)

I think Vipros has hacked the popular page.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 15:53, Reply)

I don't understand how that is at the top
it wasn't yesterday.

it's also not funny or particularly interesting
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:01, Reply)

I'm not sure how the ranking works
Some times it seems to be chronological, then it just randomizes everything.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:02, Reply)

yeah, sometimes Chompy is at the top
what's that about?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:03, Reply)

It's a perfectly good thread opener, but as you say not necessarily one to rave about.
However, as I missed it at the time I'm going to contrive an Andrew Lincoln/Jethro Tull related answer.
Firstly Andrerw Lincoln went to school in Hull as did I.
Secondly, some years ago I went with my then girlfriend to visit her posh aunt & family who lived somewhere near Hemel Hempstead (IIRC) whilst there I was given a Big County box set that they had been given by the Clive from down the pub who used to play a bit and still did a bit in the business. I found out later that it was Clive from down the pub was Clive Bunker who used to play in Jethro Tull.
Clearly these means that I am just as famous as Andrew Lincoln and will probably have a queue of young women waiting to touch the hem of my coat when I get home.
(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:17, Reply)

interesting stuff
I would certainly want to touch the hem of your coat if I were a young woman.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:19, Reply)

as you're a young man
you just want the chance to sleep with him
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:20, Reply)

obviously

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:21, Reply)

on another note
from the same popular post. Andrew Clutterbuck could conceivably be shortened to Andy Clutterbuck which is the name from a not very good book by Stephen King (pick any)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Stop being more interesting than me.
*sulks*
(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:23, Reply)

That's quite strange
edit: to not use the word 'random' someone asked me out on a date. Sadly not someone I'm actually interested in, but the point stands
There must be something in the 'got some' theory
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:11, Reply)

5th September 1994
how's that for a random date?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:13, Reply)

not random enough
try 19th January 1873
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:15, Reply)

We'll not see the likes of those days again.

(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:18, Reply)

*narrows eyes*
I see you've played "Random-Datey" before
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:18, Reply)

I can't lie
I have previous experience with a cheeky 27th July 1901
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Pervert

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Oi
I prefer the term 'experimental'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 16:25, Reply)