My PE teacher at comp looked like my Dad...
...Which makes this all the more disturbing for me...

I'd have been about 15 years old at the time and seeing as it was a bright, sunny day we were once again marched into the sweltering gym to do high jump...bastards. Now, I've always been quite good at high jump due to my natural gait being akin to tigger on speed.
So... we're all messing about, throwing the geeks *through* the high jump gear into the air mat so they bounced off into the climbing bars when in walks the dreaded Mr Rigley. Who immediately picked me to be his guinea pig in explaining how physics can make you jump better. To explain the concept of a 'centre of mass' he decided it would be good to stand me in front of the class, while he stood behind, reached around and rubbed my lower abdomen to show my 'centre of mass'. Now this was disturbing enough... A fat, hairy middle aged man who looks like my dad stroking my tummy...gross, but not the worst... No, the sick pervert then announces that as a girl I have to consider the weight of my breasts...and you guessed it, the filthy old perv reaches up to my considerably large pert young breasts.

Being 15 and unsure of how to say 'get the fuck off me you slimy old cunt' without getting expelled I looked to the class for help... Just in time to see Joe, my best male friend take a running jump and kick the sick old cunt in the face. I don't think I'll ever forget the lovely crunchy sound that emanated from Mr R's nose and jaw as he dropped like a sack of shit to the floor. Even better was watching him try to explain to the Headmistress why he didn't want to press charges against Joe. How could he? We'd have grassed him up!

PE teachers, cunts and perverts...all of them!
(Kimberelli is addicted to the shiny little magnets..., Sun 22 Nov 2009, 18:15, 62 replies)

i grinned when i read the bit about joe
*clicks*
( weaver., Sun 22 Nov 2009, 18:24, closed)

Needs some Honda Accord at the end there.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 22 Nov 2009, 18:43, closed)

I'd like to
dedicate my click to Joe.
(xanthine, Sun 22 Nov 2009, 20:49, closed)

Well Done Joe!!!!!
Glad you had a mate like Joe willing to stand uo to the perv teacher!
( Vambo, Sun 22 Nov 2009, 21:43, closed)

Done good Joe
Serves that bastard right.
(Subway Riding the rails underground, Sun 22 Nov 2009, 22:01, closed)

Joe's
always seem to be a decent sort (Joe Pasquale, Joe Swash, Joe Calzaghe), my granda was also called Joe.

Go on them Joe's, if i was a Joe i woulda kung fu kicked him in the chops as well.....if only though :-/
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 10:01, closed)

HOLY SHIT!
You've got breasts???
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:14, closed)

This is a top notch Online Lie.
Gratuitous mentions of breasts, a bit of noncing and some totally unbelievable hardmanning.

Top stuff.

*archives*
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:16, closed)

she forgot to mention that he shouted..
"Tatsumaki-Senpū kyaku" as he sailed effortlessly through the air...

I'm also betting that another pupil took the opportunity to "FINISH HIM" as Mr. Bison was off balance
( likeajackhammer, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:22, closed)

Note to people coming here via The Archive.
Chompy got nawty stepped for three days for this reply.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:19, closed)

TRAVESTY

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:27, closed)

Fucks.
SAKE.
Guess the Mods are a bunch of asperger autisms too then.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 23 Nov 2009, 15:08, closed)

oh my god
I don't know what's worse...
this verbal diarrhoea, or the spastics posting above me
( likeajackhammer, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:15, closed)

And you people wonder why the rest of the internet makes fun of you?

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:18, closed)

You failed to mention Joe's kick had the power of 10 Honda Accords.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:19, closed)

BREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTS
MY BREASTS
MY HONDA ACCORD
MY SELF DIAGNOSED ASPERGERS
MY UNCLE FUCKING ME ROTTEN
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:32, closed)

I'd like to be able to click this more than once.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:37, closed)

JUSTICE

( Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:38, closed)

Oh please
could you get Joe to contact me, I could do with someone explaining the finer points of flying kicks.
( jenpots, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:41, closed)

How did Joe get a clear shot at him without hurting you?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:48, closed)

He
has Joe skillz
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 11:54, closed)

This is the most fascinating aspect of the whole episode.
By quite some way, too.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 15:07, closed)

( __, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 13:09, closed)

YES!

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 13:13, closed)

This is genius

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:18, closed)

Sometimes
a click just doesn't say enough. That's fucking ACE
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:26, closed)

I cannot express
how much I love this.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:39, closed)

I just clicked so hard
I started seeing honda accords
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:51, closed)

#10 in the bag, surely.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:55, closed)

HOLY SHIT!
You've got breasts???


*folds arms and waits, tapping foot*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:38, closed)

PHWOAR

(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:39, closed)

HOLY SHIT!
I've got breasts???

No, wait... YOU'VE got breasts...
Balls. No, not balls. I'm not saying 'balls'. I wish to categorically state that I'm not saying 'balls'. I will not be used as a test case. Let's stick to the breasts. Ew. Shit. Not 'holy' shit though.

Oh, I'm going before I get put in prison.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:42, closed)

HOLY SHIT!
You've got BREASTS?!!?

*awaits Internet Knights swift reaction*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:43, closed)

HOLY SHIT!
You've got breasts???
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:44, closed)

HOLY SHIT!
You've got considerably large pert young breasts???
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:45, closed)

HOLY SHIT
YOU'VE GOT BREASTS????!!!?!!?!!!!?!
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:45, closed)

HOLY BREASTS!
You've got shit???

Erm, something went wrong somewhere
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:46, closed)

HOLY SHIT!!
YOU'VE GOT CONSIDERABLY LARGE AND PERT YOUNG BREASTS THAT YOU MADE SURE TO MENTION AND DRAW ATTENTION TO IN THE ORIGINAL POST???
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:47, closed)

Shurrup, bellydancer :D

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 17:18, closed)

HOLY SHIT!, You've got breasts???

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:50, closed)

SHITTY HOLE!
Brew got yeasts???
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:50, closed)

HOLY BREASTS?
BREASTS BREASTS BREASTS?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:51, closed)

HOLY EXCREMENT BATMAN
YOU HAVE BRAZIER MEAT LOL!!!111!1!1
( djtrialprice, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:52, closed)

YOU'RE SHIT
I'VE GOT BREASTS
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 14:55, closed)

Woah, hold the fuck up there, YOU HAVE BREASTS?
omg me too!
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 15:00, closed)

Enough of your filthy QOTW LIES!
We all know you don't Dave.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 23 Nov 2009, 15:26, closed)

ohmegosh
I love pert breasts
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 15:05, closed)

HOLY SHIT! YOU'RE AN AUTISM?
WHO RUBS YOUR CONSIDERABLY LARGE PERT YOUNG BREASTS UP AGAINST MIDDLE AGED MEN WHO LOOK LIKE YOUR DAD?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 23 Nov 2009, 15:16, closed)

Are you insinuating she finds her father attractive?

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 15:17, closed)

why?
don't you?
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 15:22, closed)

Hell, I find her father attractive.
It's his Honda Accord that does it for me.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 23 Nov 2009, 15:23, closed)

I'm rubbing my pert breasts at the thought of this homoerotic fantasy

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 15:28, closed)

You most definitely use the word 'random' quite a lot in your conversations.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 15:23, closed)

HOLY SHIT!11!1!11!
Psycho Chomp got banned for this!?
( M o D, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 15:26, closed)

HOLY BREASTS!
You've got shit-spinning moon-beaming fudge-laden Oscar-nominating corn-lashing order-changing righteous lady bags right there.

Anyone who gets offended on this site is in the wrong fucking place. Cunts.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 23 Nov 2009, 16:19, closed)

HOLY CUP OF TEA ON MY BESIDE TABLE!!!
YOU'VE GOT MAIL!?!!!!!!
( Peej, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 9:07, closed)

i like breasts

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 13:49, closed)

Mmmm.... Breasts.

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 24 Nov 2009, 13:54, closed)

I honestly don't believe he's been banned for that
you ugly, big-titted fuck-flap
( likeajackhammer, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 14:43, closed)

holy breasts!
you've got shit!!


Doh!
(knackerz is skinning up, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 7:45, closed)

SHITTY BREASTS!
You've got holes???
(bobming, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 11:06, closed)

SHITTY HOLES!!?!
Breasts got you?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 12:08, closed)