People who reject the metric system
...as though it's some kind of evil foreign black magic. Somebody not much older than me asked me how I made my (rather good) flapjacks the other day, so I replied "Oh, it's dead easy - you just need 500 grams of oats..."

"Oh, I don't do grams!"

"...250 grams of butter..."

"I DON'T DO GRAMS!! TELL ME PROPERLY!!"

Well, forget it then. If you have a religious objection to flicking a switch or reading from a different scale, or can't simply approximate, given that I use four ingredients in the ratio 10:5:3:3, then I'm not going to pander to your phobia.

Proponents of Imperial helpfully point out that you can't divide 10 by 3 without getting fractions. Woop-de-do. What's a third of a mile? Or a stone? Or a pound?

Actually, I find it really embarrassing the way the UK is stuck in a kind of shitty half-way house - all medical examination is done in SI units, but people still weigh themselves in stones and pounds, road and railway specifications are all in metres and kilometres, but signage is in yards and miles and Eurostar adverts boast about "186 mph", new buildings are planned in metric, but the number of square feet used to advertise their office space, everything's sold in "metric sizes", but people like my work colleague can only cook using Imperial etc. etc.

Hmmm, I'm ranting now.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 7 May 2008, 11:20, 21 replies)

BBC Breakfast News
There's a clue in the title... NEWS.

I see they dropped the NEWS bit form the title now, so they can happily spend the last hour of the show plugging that night's telly (with particular emphasis on Scritly Come Dancing and The Apprentice) without people complaining.
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Wed 7 May 2008, 11:16, 2 replies)

Lectures from TV Weather people
Clare Nasir did it this morning.
"It's going to be hot today, so make sure you wear sunscreen'
I am a 39 year old man who is perfectly capable of making decisions by myself. You don't know if i am dark skinned or pasty, work down a cave or in the fields. You're not my Mum, stop being so fucking lecturing.
And next time it is going to rain, don't tell me to take an umbrella. I won't, just to spite you.
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Wed 7 May 2008, 11:10, 4 replies)

Thermostat battle
Like most people, our central heating is controlled by a thermostat. Pretty simple concept really, you set the temperature you want your house to be and if the temperature drops below that, the heating comes on until your house reaches that temperature, at which point the heating goes off.

So why oh why does my wife insist on turning the thermostat down when the weather gets hot? "I don't want the house to get too hot" she says. We have a constant battle where she keeps on turning it down and then I covertly turn it back up when I walk past.

I know that it is a minor thing but the complete lack of logic just really winds me up.

Ahhh, feel better now.
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Wed 7 May 2008, 11:04, 5 replies)

Rude people
...particularly in shops.

Last week, I'm queuing up in Comet and two women come and stand behind me. RIGHT behind me, practically touching me. They then proceed to gabble on at each other very loudly, and then after a while they started tutting.

One poked me (yes, poked) and shouted "Are you waiting to buy something?", as if she expected me to say no and get out of her way.

"Yes, I'm queuing."

"Oh... so why aren't these people serving you?"

"Probably because they are all serving people" (as this is exacly what they were doing), I replied as sarcastically as possible. Then I relised how appalling this woman was, so I continued, "They can only serve one person at a time, can't they?"

"hmmpfff... I suppose so."

By the time I got served, the woman was getting really impatient. Whilst i was waiting for my item form the storeroom, the woman shouted across:

"Serve me now!"

The poor girl on the till politely informed her that she was serving me, to which the woman threw what every she was holding on to the floor and stormed out saying

"Well, this is just ridiculous".

Quite... wait your fucking turn!

Maybe it's because I worked in a shop for eight years and have encountred every kind of rude customer imagineable, but always appreciated customers who were polite and, just nice.


Blimey: quite a long one
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Wed 7 May 2008, 11:02, 3 replies)

ringtones..
That fool in my open plan office that has a fecking bagpipe ringtone. Twat.

Use silent mode you brain dead chimp.
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Wed 7 May 2008, 10:54, 3 replies)

More Peeves:
Following on from my first 'list' - www.b3ta.com/questions/peeves/post153434

Here are some more, mainly TV related:

People on TV who don't address the camera directly - It's a trend that's caught on in the last 4 or 5 years that when a minimum of 2 people are talking they MUST face each other and be oblivious of the fact there is a large camera and sound crew around them, and we - the viewer - must assume the role of a snooper on their conversation to pick up their point. Many programmes now adopt this method of conveying information, and as viewers we just become bystanders instead of the intended audience, which we once used to be. Some presenters and personalities manage to do it on their own, addressing points to a non-existent person off screen whilst making a point intended for the viewers. Grrr.

The ITV 6.30pm News - A little bit more specific this one, but have you sat through it over the past few months? It's a scaremongering masterclass for the masses. If someone gets bitten by a gerbil, then guaranteed they'll do a 'special piece' on 'the rodent threat rampant in the UK' with the title 'killer rodents' or suchlike in big bold letters behind the presenter. It's like having the Daily Mail rammed down your throat in the early evening.

TV Doctors and other 'experts' - That Dr. Tanya Byron - she may be the new media 'luvvie' for all things medical because she scrubs up well once she's put a bit of slap on, but she really does like the sound of her own voice and seeing herself on camera. Many other 'experts' suffer a similar condition. There's probably a medical term for it. If you're an 'expert' then say your piece, present your evidence, and let us - the 'not-so' thick masses - make our own judgements. We don't need someone tarted up like a dog's dinner and forcing themselves onto the camera like some fame hungry big brother contestant to give us 'expert' opinion.

TV Camera work - Yes, crazy and frantic camera angles worked well on the Bourne film sequels, it added to the air of danger, excitement and thrill. I quite enjoyed being taken along for the ride with those films and the camera work helped... HOWEVER, there is no single benefit to adopting the same kind of camera work for someone making a pancake on TV. Messrs. Oliver, Ramsey, Blumenthal et al. please take note. Just have one camera angle, let us follow what you're doing at a steady and sedate pace, and stop trying to convince us with your camera work that at any second this glorified cake making could erupt into a full scale car chase with all the excitement of a Michael Bay film. It never will. It's just a cake.
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Wed 7 May 2008, 10:21, 7 replies)

I almost died.
What got my goat this morning was an incredibly fat woman in an incredibly small car (you know the type) pulling out inches in front of me and causing me to brake and nearly lose the rear end (of my bike, and of my body).

For feck's sake - is your journey really that important that you need to pull out right in front of a fast-moving motorcycle and then drive at 5mph because your pathetic little car can't haul your enormous bulk up a hill?
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Wed 7 May 2008, 10:19, 11 replies)

Unclear password requirements
Prompted by British Gas paperless billing this morning. Why, when you request a password:

- Don't you tell me that it needs to be 8 characters long
- Don't you tell me that you need at least 2 numbers and letters in the password

...resulting in me having to go through the damn form 3 times and get angry.

Don't get me started on the bastarding security standards at work. Grr.
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Wed 7 May 2008, 10:16, 1 reply)

everyone
replying to my anti-dunking peeve and talking about bread in soup has reminded me:

lukewarm soup. well, all and any food, but soup is the worst of all. it has to be piping hot, steaming, burn your mouth hot.

otherwise it's just gross. my flatmate not only used to let her food go congealed and semi-cold before she would eat it, she'd leave it out over night and eat the claggy leftovers in the morning.

i am gipping just thinking about it.

and leftovers. they are also grim, hardened, tasteless relics of their former selves. throw it away, don't leave it for tomorrow!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 7 May 2008, 10:05, 16 replies)

Ice cream
I absolutely HATE it when someone has a spoonfull of ice cream which they won't eat in one go. Instead they just put it in their mouth and drag it out only injesting a small amount.

I really don't know why this winds me up so much.
(Errorist, Wed 7 May 2008, 10:04, 4 replies)

Reminded by tweebianmonkey below...
Bugs:

Must be a biologist thing, but when people call spiders, ants, flies or anything like that "bugs".

They're not bugs, you shit-brained rim-licker.

Bugs are a specific type of insect with a sucking mouthpart.
I wouldn't call all birds chickens, so stop being so retarded.
( Cawl, Wed 7 May 2008, 10:04, 9 replies)

Another one
Kate pissing Moss: I actually shout at her to fuck off when she comes on the tele and tells me to get the London look (although I'm a bit male, so it doesn't really apply to me all that much).
A more skilfully orchestrated fall from grace and rise back to power there has never been.
I hate them all.
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Wed 7 May 2008, 10:04, 1 reply)

A small one that noone but biologists can get annoyed at
Bloody little pissing flies that seem to just *have* to fly round in front of my face all the fecking time.
I made a decision a few years ago not to kill anything at all if I can help it. Ants, beetles, bees, wasps... but I had to reverse the policy because the flies were taking advantage.
Shitty things.
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Wed 7 May 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Just happened
Nature calls, head to the toilet, pull up to a urinal and (after making sure the path is clear) make my transaction.

Finish, shake, put everything away and go to leave. Hear this line from behind me, "Didn't anyone ever teach you to wash your hands after you go?"

Why do people always ask this stupid ass line? It's infuriating, especially as I can go to the toilet WITHOUT PISSING ON MYSELF, and my penis isn't riddled with massively contagious diseases. I gently remind this person of said fact and leave.

I'm in a rush, I don't prepare food or work in a hospital, I have little contact with the peons at work as is (advantage of being an engineer in a small company) and when I do have contact, it isn't physical (and if it was, it would probably involve my penis, advantage to being in a workplace with a higher ratio of women to men).

Length? After a couple of pints I can usually hit it from across the room.
(UncleChuckles "Cthulhu fhtagn", Wed 7 May 2008, 9:47, 7 replies)

Hmmm....
People saying, "oh, right, so you're a bit of a mongrel then, lol" when I tell them I'm half Chinese-Malay and half Irish.

NO. I'M NOT. I'M MIXED RACE. THAT IS THE CORRECT TERM, PLEASE USE IT.

Aaargh.
(YayLady is cold, Wed 7 May 2008, 9:44, 8 replies)

Back on the subject of "football"
I reserve a special type of scorn for fans of the round ball game who claim that "it's called football because you use your foot to kick the ball", and use this gem of fallacy to mock fans of other codes of football as though they're the ignorant ones.

Please do some research and learn a bit of history.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 7 May 2008, 9:33, Reply)

another one
What upsets me as well as outrages me is the fact that people obviously fall for the bullshit that is fed to them.

Reading through the answers in this QoW, it seems a popular theme is that people hate adverts with bullshit dressed up as information, or the sun newspaper, or buzzwords like 'carbon footprint' and 'probiotic'. Now I agree, and depise all those things in equal measures. But I find it tragic and infuriating that obviously the vast majority of the general public falls for that shit, and I can't understand why.

The average B3tan is obviously cynical or savvy enough to see through the crap and fear that is pumped into us through our newspapers/TVs etc and so is nearly everyone I know, so how come this sort of rubbish continues to be produced? the only logical answer is that the vast majority of the country laps it up and asks for more, and that, to me is maddening.
( BlueHaze Chutney. All good., Wed 7 May 2008, 9:27, 2 replies)

The sun
I have many reasons to dislike the sun.

Firstly, I seem to burn rather easily, which is never fun.

Secondly, the coming of the sun generally seems to coincide with the coming of hayfever, making my life miserable.

However my biggest annoyance about the sun is that it has just got really sunny for the last 3 days, and will no doubt continue in this way, because exams have just started.

I hate you Mr Sun, you annoying, student-hating titface.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 7 May 2008, 9:27, 5 replies)

Disabled drivers...
Fuck 'em - I see those bastards parking in our spots so why can't we park in theirs?
(Tugnut I got them all..., Wed 7 May 2008, 9:15, 3 replies)

dunking
people dunking biscuits into tea or bread into soup.

thereby turning nice, crunchy biscuits or fresh, crusty bread into a mess of soggy goop that i can see dripping back into your mug with big chunks of it falling back into the liquid, floating mysteriously around on the surface....

should be illegal.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 7 May 2008, 9:08, 15 replies)

Men's public toilets
I can only speak for the men's toilets, obviously. I don't know how ladies' are, but why do the men's public toilets always have to be absolutely DISGUSTING?

Why is it that EVERY fucking time I go into a cubicle, it looks like someone has pissed all over the seat and the floor? I might understand it happening very rarely - like for example, in a pub toilet in the evening when some drunk person lost control of his ability to aim. But why is it that EVERY time I ever use ANY public toilet - no matter where or when - then the previous user has always made a disgusting mess?

Do these people do the same at home, I wonder?

I have had to spend countless hours, wiping up their mess with toilet paper simply in order to be able to sit down. I don't want the bottom of my trousers to lie in a puddle of someone else's piss on the floor.

*sigh*

Can any women here please confirm whether it is the same in ladies' toilets - or if they are generally clean in comparison?

Oh - and don't even get me started on people leaving the toilet lid up. It drives me nuts. I don't just mean the seat: I mean the actual lid. Why oh why do most people seem incapable of closing the toilet after they have finished? The lid is there for a reason: use it!
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Wed 7 May 2008, 9:06, 4 replies)

Kanye motherfucking West
I'm sorry... what's that? What are you saying? I can't hear, as you appear to be mumbling over some unbearable 80s electro-shite...

I'm sorry, what...?

JUST FUCK OFF
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 7 May 2008, 9:04, 7 replies)

Upselling
Once upon a time, this charming practise was reserved to shoe stores, who would try and "upsell" shoe horns, expensive cleaning kits, spare feet etc etc to you at time of purchase.
Now, this loathsome habit is everywhere. Order food from a fast food place (OK, you only have yourselves to blame): "Would you like that meal max'd / fries with that / something to drink".

Oh yes please, I've got such a low IQ I forgot my order between thinking of it and placing it with you.

It's even at WH Smith's now for goodness's sake. You try and buy a newspaper, they try and upsell you a bar of chocolate the size of a small roof-tile.

And staff look hurt if you fail to respond to their tactics and say "I'm happy with what I've ordered, thanks".
( I_Was_Mordred, Wed 7 May 2008, 9:02, 8 replies)

WTF?
I don't have this problem now but when I was married, my then wife had an irritating habit (several really but this one was the worst).
If a situation arose that necessitated waiting for information she wouldn't shut up about it. For instance, her car went wrong. I booked it into a garage (warranty claim) for the next day.
As soon as I got home she started.
"What do you think is wrong"?
"I have no idea, that's why the garage is doing the work"
"What will they do to the car"?
"I don't know, that's why the garage is doing the work, utilising their specific knowledge of the marque".
"How long will they take"?
"I don't know, that's why you've got a courtesy car all day".
"What do you think is wrong"?
FOR FUCK'S SAKE WOMAN, I'VE ANSWERED EVERY INANE FUCKING QUESTION YOU'VE ASKED WITH "I DON'T KNOW" GET THE HINT!!!!!!
And while I'm at it, how do women think men get information? I mean, I've been sitting in front of you all the time so why ask the same question? I had no idea 5 minutes ago, I've not seen another human being or used any communication device in those 5 minutes so where do you think I've got the information from, fucking telepathy?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 7 May 2008, 8:46, 3 replies)

OK - last one I promise
Fat birds who refer to normal sized women as 'sticks'

No, they are not sticks - they are by definition normal weight for a human being and don't see fit to stuff their face with a million burgers, drink 15 bottles of bitch piss every Friday and Saturday night and fail to see the value in any kind of physical activity.

Women are not generally fat, unless they have a genetic disorder and or illness.

Eating burgers is not a genetic disorder, it is called being a fat greedy bitch.
(zit, Wed 7 May 2008, 8:28, 15 replies)

Wearing a suit makes you better than everyone
I don't have to wear a suit to work. I have to be smart, but not suited and booted.
My ability to wear a suit does not increase my capabilities to do my job, it doesn't make me work faster or instantly increase my pay packet.

So why do people who wear suits to work think they are the big fucking 'I AM' on the tube in the morning?

They have their big papers (but still pick up a Metro, depriving someone who just wants to occupy themselves in the mind numbing tedium of the tube); they stick their fucking briefcases in the aisles; NEVER give up their seat to someone who needs it more; and, although this applies to most, they fucking stink in the evenings.

But it's not just on the tube where they turn their noses up at non-suit wearers.

In my office, the guys who wear suits will regularly stand having conversations right by my desk, or block a corridor discussing the weekend's golf game, and never move, apologise, or even have the good grace to acknowledge your presence.

And I don't even think it's to do with status or pay packet.
People who work in mobile phone shops wear suits, and they're tossers as well. In fact, salesmen of any kind. And I should know, I used to be one. But I never forgot my non-suit wearing roots.

Now, before you start, I know this is a broad generalisation, and I'm sure some of you lovely people wear suits to work, but it just seems wearing a suit to work instantly makes you a wanker.
Or is it because you're a wanker that you manouvered yourself into a job where you wear a suit?
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Wed 7 May 2008, 8:21, 6 replies)

The Sun
How this rag can possibly be the best selling newspaper in the UK is beyond me and how anyone reading it in public can not feel even slightly embarrassed by the public display of idiocy - Grrr - its like walking round with I AM A STUPIT TWAT stamped on their forehead.

Then we have the temerity to laugh at Americans for being stupid when over 3.5 MILLION in the UK buy the Idiot Times EVERY FUCKING DAY.
(zit, Wed 7 May 2008, 8:04, 2 replies)

"Anything else I can do for you today Sir"
On a roll here..

This phrase, used specifically by either credit card companies and or Mobile phone operators when you go to cancel. Despite the previous 5 minutes of conversation going through why you're leaving them and tying up the finalities (last bill ra ra ra) why then do they ask you if "there's anything else I can do for you ?"

Blow job ? Fan dance ? Juggle walnuts ? why else ask that fucking question when you have absolutely no intention of carrying out any further request on my part.

Especially as you are sat in a call centre in Mumbai.

Grrrr.
(zit, Wed 7 May 2008, 7:51, 1 reply)