A neighbour's lad had been bullying me
but when he got a new pair of roller skates, he called round to ask if I would show him the ropes (you know, the roller skate ropes). Anyway, I got my own back by finding a long gentle hill to teach him. He couldn't stop and had a nasty fall. Result!
(bellend Olde Phart, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 17:37, 1 reply)

The best a position of power I've been in
was back in the olden days of the mid '90's when I was DM-ing a D&D quest involving four of my friends at the time. Saying things like 'Oooh, bad luck, the arrow hits you in the eye and you lose your last hit point' made me smile inside.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 17:14, 6 replies)

Being Welfare Rep for my Student Union
Me and the other welfare rep kept a running tally of the number of condoms, pregnancy tests, etc. we were asked for by individual people (strictly for our own amusement, of course, we NEVER told anyone else as it wouldn't have been nice).

It really is amazing how the pregnancy tests were the same people, every week. You'd think they'd learn.

It also gave you the opportunity to keep track on who was doing the most shagging. That was quite depressing in a different way...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 16:59, 6 replies)

I'm a Rapist.

(TexasPete enjoyed being sexually molested by your Father on, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 16:52, 5 replies)

I am a Woman
On The Internet.

Do I need to say more, slaves?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 16:40, 17 replies)

I don't have any power at work or home
So I make up for it by using my superior man strength to pick my cat up by his front legs and make him dance for me.
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 16:38, Reply)

Log Tables...
How many of you remember Log Tables?

Lovely books full of pages of Logarithmic Tables. No logical order to them. No rule to determine what number comes next.

Just pages and pages of tables of numbers. Like .00345 .01235 .01987.

You get the picture.

Anyway, my Housemaster saw fit to grant me the position of House Monitor at the age of 17.

You were required to assist in keeping the rest of the House in check - unruly chaps aging from 11 to 16.

One weapon you had (used before sending the young scally to see the Housemaster) was *COPY*.

This required the scamp to copy a page of a book onto a sheet of narrow lined A4.

My book choice? That's right. Log Tables.

The conversation wouyld go along the lines of...

Me: Jones, Patterson II, why are you running in the corridor? You know it's not permitted.
Oiks: Sorry, SatchmoR.
Me: Right, I want one side of A4 copy in my study after prep tonight. Page 6 of your Log Table.
Oiks: 1 page of Log Tables?
Me: No, two!
Oiks: Two?!?
Me: No, four!
Oiks: ...remain quiet...

So, after prep, they'd present me with the dutifully copied Log Tables.

Then I'd check three values.

If two or more were wrong, they'd have to be redone.

My Housemaster said I'd put Eichmann to shame.

Then demoted me.

Chokky-Starfish!
(SatchmoR No, mummy, don't put knitting needles in my ears!, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 16:15, 12 replies)

Converted a bank into a hi-fi shop once
Filled all the vaults with amps...
(Cloudane, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 16:14, 4 replies)

I'm gifted with the power to upset some(but not all) QOTW users over something in my profile I did mainly for my own amusement.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 16:04, 11 replies)

Shut up, bitch, and get to it.
Or daddy will be angry.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 16:00, Reply)

The mods have absolute power and abuse it, I have proof.
Mod Edit: Post deleted *mwuhahahahaha*
(Charlietron Still can't think of anything witty to put here, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 15:53, Reply)

23 year old "IT Manager" placed in charge of the networky bits of a building renovation
My first tastes of power the likes of which I haven't known since.

Knowing how the company I worked for liked to play musical offices on a daily basis and converting every part of the building in every concievable way (any wall was very much a temporary arrangement) I ordered a MINIMUM (frequently more) of 2 structured cabling points PER WALL, in every room of the building including the toilets. And a modern telephone system that uses the same cable structure.

A little excessive and expensive but oh yes, give me that kind of power and I will be utilising it to make my life easier. That's basically what I do in positions of power, I'm a lazy sod. No more scrambling around running cables, finding spare switches, moving network sockets from place to place. Someone moves, "right, what socket number are you moving from and to" - down to the server room, move a couple of patch cables, done.

I now work elsewhere (5 years on) where I am much better paid but have been long beaten to that particular position. The IT Manager is my boss here and is of the type where if I want to so much as change a toner for someone he stops me on the way out of the door to check that I verified that it's empty (not low), where it's going, who asked for it etc etc. Doesn't trust me with a thing, kind of bad for self esteem but it pays the bills. I have no say in anything whatsoever (well sort of... I can make suggestions and have them shot down without a second's thought).

I'm probably in my more rightful place for the age now, to be fair.

(Lack of funnies etc, just to say I miss my little masterpiece. The networking here is far less organised or modern)
(Cloudane, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 15:27, Reply)

I was the master
Of a rescue dog called Lemmy.

He was amazing, he'd bark when the doorbell went, he'd sit when I told him, stay on command and come back to me the moment he was called and he'd even go and get his own lead when it was time for walkies.

The power didn't go to my head as Lem was absolutely fucking brilliant. He knew I was the boss and he did everything (that he understood) I told him.

I was well gutted when he got dog-cancer and died.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 15:26, 5 replies)

I used to be a bodybuilder
This might not seem like a position of power per se, but I was what Meat Loaf refers to in Fight Club as "a juicer". Started off with testosterone injections and eventually moved on to steroids. Testosterone is actually pretty cool. Muscle mass increases at an exponential rate, to the extent that you can see the improvement after just an hour in the gym (may have been power of suggestion, with hindsight, but it felt awesome at the time) and it makes your libido go fucking mental. All I wanted to do was shag and work out, work out and shag. I'd come back from the gym ready to fuck and as soon as we were done fucking I was back on the free weights. Amazing feeling, and I ate like a horse - so much meat, so much protein. Regular listeners will have detected that this took place when my girlfriend was not a vegetarian. Although that was the least of her concerns when I hit the steroids.

The only problem with testosterone - apart, before you say it, from the ludicrously, cariacature-style alpha male existence - is that it leaves you wanting more. And then one of your mates down the gym offers you 'roids, and you rip his arm off (not literally, although I probably could have at the time). Now steroids have got a bad press, partly because of idiots like Ben Johnson, but mostly because of the idea that they make your cock smaller. This is absolutely bollocks, but I must discourage you from their use nonetheless, because the six months of my life that I spent on 'roids are a cautionary tale.

I felt like a bull in a china shop all the time, like ALL the time. I was constantly pumped, constantly horny, constantly hungry. The reason why you see so many well-built guys with pot bellies is because they're not doing enough core exercise whilst they're using, and focusing on the arms. With hindsight, it's not a good look unless you're sporting some WWE gold around your waist. But the impractical musculature was the least of my worries. I was constantly starting pointless fights with my girlfriend, I got fired from my job, I had major fallings out with my family and most of my friends. The only people I felt could understand me were my fellows juicers downt he gym. A bunch of knuckleheads talking rubbish about how women should "just understand" and occasionally deviating into football and what Capello did wrong. Every bit as horribly cliched as you imagine.

I shouldn't have been surprised when I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me. In her position I'd have done exactly the same; she couldn't talk to me, she was too afraid to leave me lest I turn violent, of course she'd seek solace in the arms of another.

It may have been a BIT harsh to shoot them both, and the copper who came after me, though. Amazing how good the wi-fi is in a tent on the Northumberland moors.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 15:23, 13 replies)

With my ladyfriend
I like to give her sweets, or little bits of fruit or whatever in a romantic, but fucking ridiculous manner, by feeding to her mouth in the style of a servant feeding a Roman Emperor etc.....

But then every now and then, almost giving her the treat but then, not giving her the treat and generally being a fucking annoying teasing bastard.

Then she punches me on the cock, and I relent.

That's as close to power as I get.
(Pat_Gash, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 15:20, Reply)

Students
Great fun messing with their minds, tell them that we weigh the work and that dictates the grade, they do believe it from time to time!

Other stuff includes randomly changing deadlines for a laugh..or maybe not.

Saying that we only have x number of each grade to allocate and it depends on the order we mark the work.

I'll add more abuse of ongoing power abuse as I remember it
(bluehamster, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 15:09, 2 replies)

I have a very bizarre habit
I always post my QOTW stories a week late.
(Charlietron Still can't think of anything witty to put here, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:44, 8 replies)

First!
You deny it now, but just wait.

*menaces*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:42, 1 reply)

To anyone who visited the multiplex cinema on the Dublin Road, Belfast, 1995-97:
I was the ticket seller who liked to use the following phrases:

"No student card? No student concession."

"Your card has expired. No student concession."

"Your card is fake. No student concession."

"I don't care that you're Eamonn Holmes - it's still sold out."

I don't apologise for any of it. I fucking loved it.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:40, 14 replies)

Power.
plus equals power to the power of absolute power.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:37, 2 replies)

Interviews
In my last job, I'd interview for temp staff for the annual BIG PROJECT our company worked on. They didn't have to be anything scintillating: merely being able to convey basic technical info over the phone without accidentally calling the customer a cunt was all that was needed.

However, my colleague Claire and I had a...well, a not-unique-at-all method of selecting candidates. It was a simple process; I got the final say on female candidates, she got the final say on male. We tried to keep the male/female split equal when hiring.

And thus, we guaranteed that for 6 weeks of the year, our office was filled with stunning young adonis' and plump-titted lovelies. The biggest challenge? Coming up with realistic sounding feedback for the uggos we rejected.
(Light, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:28, 7 replies)

Birthday Treat
For my birthday just gone, my girlfriend gave me absolute power over her. I was allowed to do anything I wanted to, and she'd go along with it.

So I went down the pub and got hammered whilst she cooked the dinner.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:28, 5 replies)

Scaryduck
is in a position of supreme power, and boy does he abuse it by picking the question of the week subject he wants everytime

Please don't hurt me Scaryduck :s
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:23, 1 reply)

Bugger
I had another but I was too busy counting how many strands of spaghetti were in the pasta jar.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:22, 1 reply)

Question
What is the unit of power?

Doesn't really work when not spoken.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:19, 3 replies)

I enjoy having power over others
I was once a dom for a female submissive.
She said "Hurt me!"
I said "No!"

Everyone was happy.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Absolute power?
Is that a new vodka?
( snee held his breath since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:12, 2 replies)

DAMMIT!

(McChinaman banned, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)

2nd
and first with the mention of Ivy Watts
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)

1st
I HAVE THE POWER!!!
(Mr.Dog was in love again on, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)