radio dj's
vast majority of em are absolute ball bags and ugly as fuck hence their radio work!
chris moyles is a fat talentless smug fat tosser and very fat
jo whiley pretentious smug ugly persian cat looking twat
edith bowman & fearne cotton both pretty much the same person junior jo whileys! fawning over gash music!
scott mills fake tanned hilariously un funny thunder cunt
and all of the mongy "news and showbiz" talent free twats
(robbbbbbbb, Thu 27 May 2010, 22:06, 8 replies)

Orchestral conductors
What - they think waving their little wand about influences the musicians? Nope, the musicians keep perfect timing themselves through practice...
( Signify, Thu 27 May 2010, 22:02, 11 replies)

digital tube drivers
London blunderground only seem to hire monkeys who are either full on accelerating or braking - nothing in between...
( Signify, Thu 27 May 2010, 21:59, 2 replies)

Musicians
Who make funny faces whilst playing their instruments


fnaaar..
( Signify, Thu 27 May 2010, 21:58, 3 replies)

Grandpa told me
never be late with your QOTW answer.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Thu 27 May 2010, 21:47, Reply)

Stand up comedians - They are nothing but a bunch of Jokers!

(waxdart hello., Thu 27 May 2010, 21:46, Reply)

Anyone who insists their job title is “Digital Creative”
Fuck off. Are you creating brand new numbers previously unknown to mathematics? Conjuring fingers or toes out of the very air itself?

Are you fuck.
(square go, Thu 27 May 2010, 21:46, 2 replies)

Bristol town planners
Especially the ones responsible for fucking up the roads with all the bloody bus lanes and those fucktard one way systems...
( zulu eh?, Thu 27 May 2010, 21:30, 8 replies)

I am a chugger
Christ you lot are heartless.
Yes I do get paid a wage, but I raise a hell of a lot more for worthy causes, I make people aware of issues and how we can help solve them. If more people wanted to be human and actually help out other humans in need there would be no need for chuggers. So the folks who ignore us in the street or try to come up with some witty come back you are the only reason we are there. Those lovely people who stop and actually chat to me, even though only a handful end up signing up, are wanting to make a difference. If there was more of them there would be no need for us to have to go out on the street to raise money.

You know who else hated chuggers? Hitler, well he hated everyone else so I imagine this to be true.

Length? Up and down half of Argyle street today, my feet are killing me.
( Laird Dave Draws Now charges to take off his clothes., Thu 27 May 2010, 21:23, 79 replies)

Got an MBA?
Get stuffed.
( RedWine President of the S.C.U.M., Thu 27 May 2010, 21:21, 2 replies)

Toilet Attendants
Fuck those guys, seriously, fuck them in the eye.

The sheer audacity of some dickhead in a burton shirt who expects me to tip him for watching me piss and guilt tripping me into washing my hands afterwards.

Especially that last bit! If i haven't pissed on my hand why shoulld i have to wash them? I don't expect a dettol mouthwash to be administered to someon who's just given a blowjob, though that would offend me less.

sorry, i digress

ALSO! If you are one of those people who utilises their wide array of afltershaves, hairgels and cunt-varnishers you should be a-fucking-shamed of yourselves as you're blatantly part of the problem and don't know how to enjoy yourselves when you're out.

...I realise this post may have turned into a semi-therapy session but toilet attendants will be first up against the wall, mark my words
(Waffle Iron ain't gonna take it anymore, Thu 27 May 2010, 21:04, 16 replies)

Mechanics!
In particular, the kind who make sucking noises through their teeth whilst assessing the work that needs to be done. The ones who think that, because I happen to have been born in possession of some ladyparts, I must know absolutely nothing about cars, and therefore that they'll be able to get away with adding a little bit of headlight fluid to the invoice...
(Bob Frapples is de-lurking on, Thu 27 May 2010, 20:51, 1 reply)

Whoever does mail-based marketing at Virgin Media.
I'm registered with the MPS. Most companies accept this. They take it as a useful indication that I don't like receiving junk mail, and that I probably won't respond to it, and act accordingly.

There's the odd leaflet war between the local takeaways, but overall I don't have to feel particularly guilty about the amount of paper that ends up in the recycling.

Except one company.

Virgin Media decided that my reason for going on the MPS was that I didn't want mail to my name (spelt wrongly, I hasten to add), I wanted mail to "THE OCCUPIER".

And Virgin Media decided that not only did I want mail to "THE OCCUPIER", I wanted lots of it.

Even if you include all the takeaway leaflets, all the business cards pushed through the door by taxi firms, and all the offers from companies I already deal with, Virgin Media supply, by weight, over half my junk mail.

It's not cheap stuff either, they're thick brochures on good quality paper with full colour gloss printing. In three years I haven't bought a single thing from them, so I can only assume it's some gigantic paper-wasting exercise intended to dwarf the K Foundation's attempts to dispose of a million quid - either that, or whoever handles their mailouts also has shares in the local printing firm.
(Timberwolf, Thu 27 May 2010, 20:47, 7 replies)

Chuggers I don't mind
at least they're doing it for good causes.

But FUCK OFF, I do NOT want to go fucking paintballing.
(and now for someone completely different, Thu 27 May 2010, 20:18, 2 replies)

Well...
It's a bit off topic, but they'll soon go into a profession where it involves 'business' of some sort. Yes, you got it, I am talking about students who do the following: Business Management, Events Management, Business and finance.

Like seriously, why? Do not piss me off with your spiky bleached hair, flip flops, ponsy terminology for what is essentially common sense and arithmetic, especially when I have to sit and slave away for hours debunking the St. Petersburg myth whilst you do multiple choice exams.
On a similar vein, REALLY up 'emselves lecturers. Most of the Russian Dept. here are lovely, are more than willing to answer anything and go down the pub with you every so often. Bar one... She's the typical, unapproachable, snappy, feminist, self absorbed 'cozI'madoctorandhaveinfinitelymoreknowledgethanyou,peasantundergrad' type. Cunt.

Anybody who works for the network provider '3' deserve a smack in the plums too. My arsehole is still sore from the financial arseraping I got last year from you lot...

Apologies for lack of funnies!
(Mr.Cunt whacked his knob out in Asda on, Thu 27 May 2010, 19:40, 1 reply)

Homeless Home Contractor Gang Leaders
I believe in investing in the community. So, when I borrowed money off the credit card to spruce up the house, and met you folks at the loading dock - folks with good manual skills, but down on your luck - I felt it was my duty to spend the money first with you - the community!

Nevertheless, it has come to my attention that there are some deficiencies here.

First, why is 'Irish' painting from the top rungs of a rickety ladder? You know he has delirium tremens and cancer in one leg. I've also heard he is afraid of heights. Yet there he is, dropping paint brushes and clinging to the ladder in fear. Is it wise to put him so far off the ground?

Second, the woman painter (the only one with any skills, by the way) doesn't appear to have been paid. I paid you so you could pay her. Yet, she has received no pay. What happened to her pay?

Third, I don't see the purpose in removing the gutters, only to reinstall them in considerably-worse shape than they started. There are hints of a make-work project here.

Fourth, several of the workers are short-tempered today, and can barely work. Their fists are bloodied: rumor has it they had a brawl last night. Is it wise to keep all of them at work, here, so close to one another?

Fifth, I appreciate the thoughtfulness of using such a brave Mexican to trim the trees, but he is in poor physical shape and in danger of falling off the roof. And he has no tools! Not even a saw! A lack of foresight has been demonstrated here!

I am disappointed. Since the money I borrowed most recently has been exhausted, I will have to go back to the bank and borrow more.

That is all.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Thu 27 May 2010, 19:32, 2 replies)

HR
Anyone that 'works' in HR.

Get a proper fucking job.
(peter_griffin, Thu 27 May 2010, 19:21, 2 replies)

Pikey Driveway Cleaners
One called yesterday, fucking accent I couldn't understand and had to introduce him to my rottweiler to get him off my doorstep.
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Thu 27 May 2010, 18:54, 15 replies)

Professional boxers
Every time I meet one I call him a cunt, spit in his face and spill his drink (if he has one).

They just do my head in.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Thu 27 May 2010, 18:38, 2 replies)

northern gas and electric
i had to put up with these fuckers in my last flat. had a knock on the door, opened it to see johnny pinstripe stnding there with a shit-eating grin and a clipboard. "hi, i'm from northern gas and electric..."
"no thanks, i'm perfectly happy with my current supplier."
"but if i could just..."
"no. thank you, but no."
"but we're cheaper than manweb!"
"i'm not with manweb."
"oh, well, we're cheaper than whoever you are with."
"goodbye."
4 days later, i got a letter from my supplier, saying how sorry they were that i'd decided to leave them. i phoned them immediately, only to be told that i'd signed up for northern gas and electric. i told them i'd signed nothing and didn't want to leave, as i was happy with my service. they sorted everything out for me.

fast forward 6 weeks and i get another knock on the door. "hello, i'm representing northern gas and electric..."
"i'm not interested, please go away."
"but if i could just..."
"no, you couldn't, go away."
he was still trying to talk to me through the door after i'd closed it.
4 days later, guess what? yes, another letter from my supplier, saying that i'd signed up to northern gas and electric. this time, however, they'd been sent a contract with what was supposed to be my signiature on it. again, i told them i'd signed nothing and didn't want to switch suppliers. "i'm not surprised," says the phone monkey, "we've had at least 500 people telling us they've signed nothing, those door-to-door people work on commission." once again, all was sorted. however, i felt the need to phone northern gas and electric to tell them that, even if i had wanted to switch to them, faking my signiature on a contract was fraudulent and i would now never switch to them, even if they offered me free gas and electricity.

6 weeks later, another of the buggers arrived at my doorstep. "hi, i'm from northern gs and electric."
"northern gas and electric, you say? yes, i'll sign up, just pass me that pen."
i sent him merrily on his way, with a contract signed by mrs. A. Hitler.
another phonecall to their office, this time threatening legal action if my name was placed on their forms by anyone but me. it's been 4 years now, i've not seen another one of those fuckers on my doorstep.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 27 May 2010, 18:30, 4 replies)

anyone that has anything to do with fox 'hunting'
You are are a bunch of wankers that have fuck all idea about the countryside.

Control the foxes.. maybe, but shoot them, don't chase them round several acres of fields/forests before sending a terrier down the one hole your terrier man hadn't found, only for it to bolt and then let your dogs rip it to shreds.

And fuck tradition as well, we used to put kids up chimneys and stick pins in their feet, it does not make it right.

so get off your high horses (pun?) and do something useful for the community instead.

It's a barbaric sport, end of!
(Kip, Thu 27 May 2010, 18:25, 65 replies)

Bus Drivers
Got on the bus and the number was missing so I decided to ask
"Is this the 14?"
"It might be"
well it is or it isn't
cunt
(FootOfTim, Thu 27 May 2010, 18:15, 4 replies)

Mediums...
"There's no such thing as dead people"
- Derek Acorah

I am here to express my utter feelings of hate toward those fucksucking parasites that claim to be able to channel people from the spirit world.

I have watched in open mouthed anger as countless friends of mine have been maliciously duped and tricked into believing the shit fairground tent shenanigans of so called mediums. All of these friends have walked away from readings, seance's, and spirit sessions with their pants around their ankles having been firmly buggered out of their hard earned cash by these fraudulent, unctuous scam artists.

Whether they're lauding their higher astral state over vulnerable, grieving, desperate folk or filling up my Sky channels wearing shiny suits and shit eating grins there is one thing they all have in common:
They all in one of the lowest professions known to man.

I can't express in words here how much I hate these utter fucktards so I'll leave it here.

Stick that up your ass-tral plane.
( magictoast, Thu 27 May 2010, 18:15, 8 replies)

My profession...
what ever it is I actually do for a living.
( darth munki is flipping livid, Thu 27 May 2010, 18:01, Reply)

Fake Prositutes...
Who prey on young men like me, but not me, by offering sex, reluctantly accepting £30 because that's all you can get out of the cash-machine, then disappearing off to "check if that's OK with the office," leaving your alcohol-addled brain to suddenly realise that you're not going to be seeing her or the money again. I'd imagine that'd be a very frustrating experience.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Thu 27 May 2010, 17:46, 6 replies)

Car mechanics
When you walk in to the garage they look you up and down thinking "how much can we do him for?" then procede to find work that needs doing on your car to achieve the value that they had in mind. If you need brake pads replacing, they'll replace the discs as well. Quibble the need to have done this, demand to see your old discs and they'll fetch some fucked old discs out which they keep in the "Mug Cupboard".

I had a blowing exhaust and they insisted I needed three sections replacing. A few months later a mechanic at another garage commented that one of these sections was "rotten" and needed replacing. Not sure if he was bullshitting me or if the last place had merely given my exhaust pipes a polish.

Had a slight argument with a kerb causing one wheel to point in the wrong direction. New steering rack apparently at a cost of £500. Then after months of wobbly steering and re-visiting that garage, finally took it to a dealership who sorted out the bollocksed-up alignment.

Another place did some work and my car which had not been stalling beforehand now was. Took it back several times, each time they'd ring and say "All done now". Each time it would stall before I'd driven the 2 miles home. Again, a trip to a dealership got the problem sorted.

Even the dealerships are at it. I had a slight coolant leak which I could see was coming from either a leaky or loose rubber hose. When I took the car to be serviced the dealership mechanic said I needed a new radiator. "No thankyou" I said. He commented when I went to collect the car that he had only put water, no anti-freeze, back in the radiator because of the leak. "WTF?" I thought to myself and then forgot all about it until my engine froze the following winter.

One last gripe: at a well known chain, sounds a bit like Quick-Fit, I decided to wait whilst they fixed my exhaust as it would only take "about an hour". After 2 hours had passed, I was told "the mechanic is just doing it now sir". Another hour goes by. "How much longer?" I ask. "We're just waiting for the driver to deliver your exhaust part". "WHAT?" I exclaim followed by "When will that get here?". "Probably tomorrow morning".
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 27 May 2010, 17:40, 12 replies)

I'd like to hate chuggers as well, but somehow I can't quite do it.
It's probably down to the looks on their faces when you refuse to contribute to a breast cancer charity on the grounds that you think bald women with one tit are HOT.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 27 May 2010, 17:29, 6 replies)

Receptionists at the doctors.
Thin lipped sneering bitches. If you hate the job that much, Fuck off!
Would it kill you to be nice? Sick people bother you at all?
(waxdart hello., Thu 27 May 2010, 17:11, 11 replies)

SEO Consultants
Maybe there's some out there who are worth it, but every single one I've met is a charlatan who thinks that rewriting Matt Cutts' top 5 tips is worth £300/day.
(swestener, Thu 27 May 2010, 17:10, 2 replies)