Tales of fast food hell
We've all eaten - or worked - in McDonalds or Kebab hell. Tell us your horror stories.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 24 Jun 2004, 11:23, Reply)

Shitiest job you've done. Purely for the money, of course. Jobs you really hated.
As there are lots of students here, this ought to produce a few good ones.
I've been a chef, cleaner, engineer, mechanic, office clerk, burger flipper and many others.

Mostly I leave a trail of distruction and burned bridges when I leave.....
(Dangermouse., Thu 24 Jun 2004, 8:01, Reply)

Out the door
What has been your biggest blunder at work that has gotten you sacked? I've got an interesting story of how a friend lost a job at a valet parking bit for a restaurant.
(DeadCats, Thu 24 Jun 2004, 3:45, Reply)

The birds and the bees
Any funny analogies when the birds and the bees were explained to you. The reason for this, is I have a great one I'll share with you know.

My dad was ill, and asked me to bring him a chocolate. I walked into his room sat down on his bed (said chocolate in hand). He asks me to unwrap it for him, which I do.
He then says, "Now, when it comes to having sex with someone you love, make sure he keeps his wrapper on his sweetie!"
I can safely say I was speechless.
( dub-girl, Wed 23 Jun 2004, 20:45, Reply)

gentleben
maybe its because the lure of b3ta is just too great to resist. i think its a secret mindwashing thing :D
(woe kitten woe unto thee, Wed 23 Jun 2004, 13:39, Reply)

procrastination
why can't i ever get any work done.. answers please
(gentleben, Wed 23 Jun 2004, 13:18, Reply)

In stead of all sorts of gross and nasty things:
What's the first thing you remember?

For example: The first thing I remember is seeing my little brother laying in a crib about three hours after he was born. I was about 2 years and 10 months at the time.
( RarelyEvil, Tue 22 Jun 2004, 13:32, Reply)

Best tramp
Does anyone else have any tales regarding their favourite wildly eccentric homeless folk? I'm a bit of a spotter myself so have a few tales to share including The Exploding Kid and The Hurtling Screamer amongst others.
(mudflaps, Tue 22 Jun 2004, 12:47, Reply)

oooo PS
Whats the bash in manchester? can anyone go? and where is it? I live in manchester (ish) and the 24th july is my 20th birthday. woo
(woe kitten woe unto thee, Tue 22 Jun 2004, 12:25, Reply)

woooo
I dont know if this has already been said, (sorry if it has) but
A) worst thing you ever did to a sibling? Either something mean you did to a younger one, or something you did to an older one to piss them off... i think everyone must be guilty
B)worst punishment your parents ever gave you? If everyone elses parents are like minbe then there must be some reeeaally stupid ones.
(woe kitten woe unto thee, Tue 22 Jun 2004, 12:23, Reply)

Fear My Super Powers
Although I am sadly unable to fly or control the weather with lasers, I do have the ability to always know what the time is

I haven't worn a watch for years and I'm never more than two minutes out

Do any other b3tans have magic scary powers with no practical purpose?
(le renard, Tue 22 Jun 2004, 11:55, Reply)

Piss Stories
Where is the most unusual place you have pissed?

I was down in Newquey for a friends birthday a couple of years ago and went out quite early and stayed out very late. Needless to say I was battered.

The only memory I have is standing there in the room we were in starkers and looking at my mates bed... I'd pissed all over her, oops.

So where is the most interesting place you have pissed?
(a monkey's not just for christmas, Tue 22 Jun 2004, 9:05, Reply)

Pfft
Best fart stories.

I think that one speaks for itself.
(DeadCats, Tue 22 Jun 2004, 8:45, Reply)

Ever stalked someone without meaning to?
As Peter Kaye says "It's not stalking, it's selective walking."
(microsaulxp, Mon 21 Jun 2004, 16:32, Reply)

"oh God I'm so sorry..."
Utter. Complete. Sexual. Humiliation.

Ever made such an idiot of yourself in the sack that suicide really did seem like an option at the time? Everybody has or will do at some point...
(meatatarian!, Mon 21 Jun 2004, 16:20, Reply)

Gibberish
Have you ever had a conversation with someone who is obviously sleep-talking. My son is the biggest culprit, once asking me if I knew how to put his bike back (from where, I have no idea) and another time asking me if I really wanted to take it without putting it in the fridge first (what?)
(Rikaitch is full of crap ideas., Mon 21 Jun 2004, 10:47, Reply)

question of the week
What about best hospital stories? I am still reeling from the trauma of listening to an elderly lady have an enema.
(Bunnygirl, Mon 21 Jun 2004, 9:13, Reply)

Job interview disasters
Got to be some material in this, we have all had a stonkingly bad job interview in our lives, like my interview for a job for Kwik Save where I said the reason I wanted the job was 'the money' and the manager thought I was being sarcastic (still got the job though! hehe)
(Kazza , loathing myself so you don't have to, Sun 20 Jun 2004, 20:42, Reply)

Pet Peeves
where to start? gotta be the dumbasses that are walking along in front of you and just STOP. for no good reason whatsoever.

or traffic jams. especially when you are stuck on the m6, below the red on petrol, sh1tting yourself, and the huge tanker next to you is... a shell petrol tanker...

or tony blair.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 20 Jun 2004, 19:10, Reply)

wish u were still doing the dumped thread
i got dumped today.

kinda.

3 years we've been together, and he didnt tell me, i was browsing a clubbing message board and found a public announcement that i was dumped...he posted it on tuesday...no wonder he didnt answer my calls :S


Nehow...question of the week...ooh...usmthing about parents...like ur most embarresing parent moment (b4 or after they had you)
(polystyrene_daffodil, Sat 19 Jun 2004, 23:09, Reply)

Impressive
The most elaborate lie you've told impress a member of the opposite sex (or same sex, whatever floats your boat)
(Quiet, you!, Sat 19 Jun 2004, 17:01, Reply)

deeds
bad deeds that b3tans have done, worthy of landing you in hell for all eternity...really really lousy things
(Quiet, you!, Sat 19 Jun 2004, 17:00, Reply)

meh
Good deeds that b3tans have done.
( The Lurker Plenty One, Sat 19 Jun 2004, 3:01, Reply)

You ought to ask
How many times you've laughed with (not at) your partner during an intimate moment.. elaborate
(terron, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 16:28, Reply)

best responses to cold calls
or best prank calls all together..
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:34, Reply)

Ever got the giggles?
Rather tragically, I attended my Father's funeral recently. Despite the sheer magnitude of grief felt... I still got the giggles when Uncle Ron started singing Lord of the Dance.

It was the combination of his huge comb-over and his booming Yorkshire voice. I just couldn't stop.

Especially at the chorus.

Have you ever had the giggles at precisely the wrong moment?
(microsaulxp, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 12:45, Reply)

Cops!
What is the funniest (or stupidest) arrest story that you've ever had? What did you do to the police?
(The_strung_out_suicide_machine, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 22:13, Reply)

Muck
I've just been told a brace of rather grotty sexual tales and i'm desperate to share.
(mudflaps, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 15:20, Reply)

how 'bout how crap your first car was?
Mine was K reg Rover Metro, rusted to bits and a broken radio. Not much fun. sold at auction for £12.63*

*100% fact. honest
( just mike, Wed 16 Jun 2004, 20:44, Reply)

stupidness
I think a good/entertaining question would be: "What is the most stupid thing you've found yourself doing?"
I know I would have some great answers for that...
(celestie d'etoile, Wed 16 Jun 2004, 20:26, Reply)