Oh, gawds...
...I thought of a few others, though the first two fall outside teenage years. Cathy Rogers of Junkyard Wars/Scrapheap Challenge, and Charlie Dimmock of Ground Force. (I still refer to visibly erect nipples as 'charlies'.)

And the most shameful: Michelle Meyrink. Jordon in the movie "Real Genius". What can I say? I thought hyperactive women who could weld were sexy. Still do.
(springjack The King Of Pygmy Marmosets!, Sat 7 Nov 2009, 2:39, Reply)

Showing something...
... my age.



Length? As long as a Dr Who episode.
(beer knight starts when the sun is over the yardarm, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 23:48, 3 replies)

Sophia Loren
in Arabesque, in the shower.
(wkiernan, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 23:34, Reply)

Alone in the dark
My first true introduction to the wonderful world of lust, came from, of all things, an advert. The most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life would pursue a frightened, cringing man through a museum, before dragging him into an Egyptian sarcophagus as the advert ended. Supposedly, this was all due to the aftershave he had chosen, although it offered no explanation for why, if he'd been man enough to wear the damn stuff in the first place, he didn't actually display any spine, or evidence of masculinity when a totally hot woman came onto him. And not in a "Hi, how you doing?" kind of come-on, no; this was a full-on, "As soon as I get you alone, I'm going to ..."

The ellipsis above is why this is a crush, and not a generic wank fantasy. Because at the time, I would have been about 9, and I had absolutely *no idea* why she wanted to be alone with him, or what they were going to do inside that sarcophagus. I just knew, deep down in my very bones, that if she'd approached me, I would not have been such a scaredy-cat. No, I would have been dragging *her* to the sarcophagus, and then figuring out what to do when we got inside. I thought it probably involved kissing, but not the kind you gave your Mum, or your Aunties. I also reckoned that it probably involved taking clothes off, and I could see how that might be tricky in such close quarters, but I could also see how that would be a lot of fun, in and of itself.

I watched endless hours of utter shite, just praying for that advert to come on so I could see her again. 1974, so no Net, no Wikipedia, no idea that she was an actual actress who'd been in proper films, and the whole Egyptian schtick was because she'd been in a 1971 Hammer horror film about Egyptian Mummies (see what they did there...?) All I knew was that I wanted to be in that sarcophagus with her more than anything. Private. Dark. Alone.

Other crushes would hit later on, Kate Bush, Debbie Harry, Sally James - the usual for anyone who was a teenager in the 70's/80's, but without her, I don't know that I would have been ready. And the horrific thing is that the advertising worked. For years, I bought my Dad the aftershave for Christmas, and then ask if I could use a little dab of it whenever we were going out anywhere public. Like a museum, or an art gallery. You know, just in case it actually worked...

She is still phenomenally beautiful (http://www.stalbansreview.co.uk/resources/images/842526/?type=display), and the temptation to come over all testosterone-laden now that I do know what I'm doing is quite severe. But you know, I don't think I would (even in the very unlikely event it was ever an option). Some memories are too powerful, and too precious to be messed with. I'd maybe like to buy her a flower, and kiss her on the cheek, and thank her for ensuring I turned out extremely heterosexual.

Valerie Leon, you are a goddess.
(Leo Sasquatch hates being the grown-up, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 22:55, 1 reply)

Jennifer Paige
She used to fancy me but...
It was just a little crush.
Not like she'd faint every time we touched.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 22:42, Reply)

I was mad about David Yost
aka, the blue Power Ranger. Just thinking about him gives me a soggy gusset
(Astrid, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 22:34, Reply)

I think we're alone now
Oh Tiffany, I wish we were (in a non-rapist, you like me and I like you kinda way).
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 22:11, 1 reply)

Katherine Jenkins
Not a teen crush by any stretch of the imagination as my teenage days are but a distant awkward memory, but fucking hell what I wouldn't do to spend some quality sweaty time with that busty blonde vision of pure womanly lovelyness. I would happily crawl a mile, naked and over a bed of broken glass, razor blades and dirty skag needles just to be given the opportunity to suck the skin off her shit (Not that I believe for a moment that Miss Jenkins does toilet of course - and if she did it would probably smell of roses)

You might think that meeting her in the flesh (MMmmmm flesh...) would be one of the highlights of my life so far, but no. I actually got the chance to meet her for a second time. (My rapist's smile, sweaty skin and lazy lob from Round One obviously went unnoticed)

I was cool. Fucking cool, even if I do say so myself. Not in any measurable way. Not in a way that I could possibly put into words. Not in any context, let alone on a humourous website. So you'll just have to take my word for it. I was raw fucking sex made flesh. This was my chance to impress her with my powerful intellect and sharp wit. I was going to be like Oscar Wilde. (only less gay) We would chat, laugh and flirt. Time would become meaningless as we would gaze into each others eyes. Then later on we would share each others bodies and endeavour to push the very boundaries of sexual extacsy...

"Oh hi TheMattInAHat, nice to see you again" quoth Katherine

"MMfffhhuugggHiyaKathbbtthhfffSHEFUCKINGREMEMBERSME!fffbbll..."
"Nicetoseeyoagain.....mMMmmmmmmm"


I have never fucked Katherine.
(Still very (very) much would though)
( TheMattInAHat has a particular... odour..., Fri 6 Nov 2009, 21:45, 4 replies)

Ally Sheedy in the breakfast club

I used to get upset whenever I watched the bit where she got made-over to look like a normal person.
( Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 20:55, 3 replies)

I used to think
that Miranda Richardson as Queenie in Blackadder 2 was pretty damn hot.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 20:54, 6 replies)

Rock Goddess
It's been Kim Gordon for nearly 20 years now.
I think she must be in her late 50's now -- but i'd still give her one.
( hismastersvice cunting flange-jammer, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 20:44, 1 reply)

Ant, Dec or Leo?
I know a lot of young girls probably had a crush on Leonardo Dicaprio, and i was no different. Posters everywhere, plastered all over my room, his face stared out from all walls. After watching Titanic, i cried for days, creid when i heard the song and had to take a day off school.

Even worse than this, I had a massive crush on Ant AND Dec, went to see them in concert as PJ and Duncan, actually melted when Dec put his thumb up at me. Trouble was, i was about 11, with my mum and little sister.
( squiddylyd Once you pop you can't stop!, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 20:42, Reply)

i've always had pretty shonky taste
love of my teenage life: my history teacher (later turned out to be gay, what a waste of frothy adolescent hormones)

my friend nick (later turned out to be gay, see above)

george michael (gay. as above)

michael barrymore (don't ask. he looked a tiny bit like the history teacher. see above. enough with the hidden homo stuff already.)

on a slightly classier level:

patrick swayze (dirty dancing. porn for teenage girls. and older.)

kevin costner (at least he wasn't gay)

warren beattie (50 year age gap counts for nothing when he's dressed like dick tracy... mmmm, yellow flasher macs)

damon albarn (i stand by that one. damon would still get it if he begged. and he would beg.)

billy kennedy from neighbours (also still fucking gorgeous. see above.)

then numerous boys at school, in the pub, on the train...

actually, speaking of that, can anyone tell me why parents tell their daughters that when a boy is mean to them, it means he fancies them? er, no. it means (i) he is a cunt and (ii) you reeeeally shouldn't have had your hair cut into a bowl. because it looks like a bowl. and people will take the piss out of it. because it looks like a bowl.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 20:28, 3 replies)

New balls please!
That bird who was on the poster holding one of them there tennis bats and scratching her arse. Possibly she had a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle, but I didn't care.

My Mummy told me it was because she had worms from not washing her hands before dinner, but I suspect she was lying.
(Rsoles, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 20:02, 2 replies)

Betty Rubble
I would've taken Betty over Wilma Flintstone any day.

She looked far dirtier and I reckon I would've stood a better chance in a fight with Barney rather than Fred if I was caught in bed boffing their missus.

Of course these days I've grown out of that nonsense and I now have my eye on Lois Griffin off of Family Guy.

*fwaps*
(Helmut McBucket invites you to pull his finger on, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 19:58, 6 replies)

Morticia Addams
I was fond of Carolyn Jones done up as Morticia Addams in the TV series.
(uncle_bud is not the jelly roll king., Fri 6 Nov 2009, 19:26, 6 replies)

Susan Stranks(sp)
When that lady emerged from the Thames my pants were damp
(SBCkittencure, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 19:05, Reply)

My first crush was Jon Bon Jovi
But I pretended it was Robbie Williams to fit in.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 19:03, 1 reply)

Sarah M
Ahh, Sarah.

One of the few girls I liked whilst at school. (I was usually too busy playing wrestling with my friends, and I turned out to be a bisexual with mainly gay tendencies... quelle supríse)

Sarah was beautiful, golden hair, perfect smile, blue eyes.

She's a lesbian now
(Multi-Coloured Pop Shop "twat with a ukulele", Fri 6 Nov 2009, 18:51, Reply)

Natasha Kaplinsky
And i'm 40....

need i say more
(TROLLING AWAY living under a post ironic bridge, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 18:16, 8 replies)

bananaramaramarama
I thought they were well fit when i was 12!!

sad but true
(TROLLING AWAY living under a post ironic bridge, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 18:04, 2 replies)

Catherine Oxenberg from Dynasty
and Ken Russell's notorious "The Lair Of The White Worm" where Amanda Donohoe goes after her with a giant strap-on.

Oh, and Virginia Madsen in "Electric Dreams". Gosh.
(rogerzilla, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 17:42, 2 replies)

Hanna Barbera turned me to the dark side
The Hooded Claw tying up Penelope Pitstop every week, for fuck's sake. God, she was gorgeous. Heee-yelp! Heee-yelp!
( FishNChimps Achtung! Spitfeuer!, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 17:39, Reply)

Violet Berlin anyone?
God, I loved those little hamster cheeks.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 17:33, Reply)

Ah yes...
My teen crush was a girl from my school. Think blonde Natalie Portman. Serious. Same year and that. She lived on the street behind mine. Many a wank was had about bending her over doing whatever it was people did to girls that were bent over. Fast forward to a year after we'd left school. We started seeing each other. For nearly six years. Awesome. We traded V plates, and for my 18th she gave me my brown wings. Awesome.

Then she went the way of the mental, and had the fucking audacity to put weight on. I put an end to it and realised I'd wasted almost six fucking years of my life with this soulles, dull, thick gobshite.

Crushes are best kept as such, boys and girls. It doesn't end well!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Fri 6 Nov 2009, 17:29, 2 replies)

Highly embarrassing one.
Paul McKenna.

*hides*
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Fri 6 Nov 2009, 17:09, 1 reply)

Bits - 4later
3 sexy ladies who knew and liked games.

Emily, Emily and Aleks. All 3 different yet all georgous.

Aleks accent was a turn on.
Emily B, always suspected she was dirty and appeasr I was right with what she has done since.
Emily ND sexy in an understated way.
(langers, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 16:40, 1 reply)

This may make me a strange bloke...
...but I've had a thing for Kim Deal since I was wee. Buggered if I know why, as she was never particularly attractive in the first place; and now she's got middle-aged spread, even less so. I still would though. And Tanya Donnelly.
(Nimrod's Son Boredom provokes some interesting habits..., Fri 6 Nov 2009, 16:39, 4 replies)

Too many to mention
I didn't know their names, only the page that they were on in the Freeman's catalogue and the bra/knickers/girdle they were wearing. You can't imagine the disappointment when a particular lady I liked did not re-appear in the next Autumn/Winter or Spring/Summer catalogue...

Of those (not in catalgues) whose names I can remember-
Debbie Gibson - Out of the Blue/Electric Youth era
Phoebe Cates
Kelly LeBrock - Dirty and posh sounding
Joan Collins - Dirty, posh, classy and mature

Makes my arm ache just thinking about them...
(wackywavinginflatablearmflailingtubeman Hi, I'm Al Harrington..., Fri 6 Nov 2009, 16:25, Reply)

Plain Jane Superbrain from Neighbours....
All you could ever want in a woman (minus the Deidrie Barlow glasses)
(ferris_b, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:47, 2 replies)