Rather than alcoholic fueled naughtiness
my only crime was attending a party consisting of 15 girls and me, the only guy, at the age of 14, and having these girls call the local radio station to inform all their mates I was the only guy there. And I had the audacity to be embarrassed about this, rather than practicing my pimp hand. Oh, how stupid I was back then.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 19:09, Reply)

twins
15 years old in Kiwiland and at a tame shindig. Met a nice girl and had been speaking for a while, amidst two friends getting attacked by a another guy with a tub of sour cream....hmmm...

Anyways, at the end of the night the penny drops when she tells me she has a twin sister, I had heard about these girls from a friend of mine. I said to her "so you're the one with the gorgeous sister then...." Lead balloon....
(essbeenz there done that, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 19:08, Reply)

an evening in the park...
turned into a rather drunken affair with a mate, having consumed black absinthe (why? WHY?) we staggered our way homewards around 11:00, and decided that we wanted a cigarette. asked the nearest smoker for one, who demanded of us 'what are you going to do for me, eh?'
we'll sing you a fucking song, is what we'll do. cue a rendition of a light italian aria in the middle of the town square, the smoker giving us a whole pack, and passers-by throwing loose change in my jumper that'd i'd dropped on the floor. quite a profitable evening, i feel.
(tickles, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 19:04, Reply)

Its not fair
Nobody invites me to parties anymore. Its not fair. Hmyph!
(Garree Glitter, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 18:59, Reply)

"runnin' through mah veins"
For my mate's 16th he invited a couple of us round to his house for a "minor bash". Thinking it'd be a quiet affair we dressed casually, jeans and T-shirts. I'd already downed some Vodka and a six pack of Carlsberg in the afternoon so was feeling pretty merry. When we got to his house, (his parents actually owned a shop which he lived above, more on that in a bit) the place was heaving. Full to the brim with middle aged guys in suits. After calling up to the balcony to find out what was going on and almost getting the police called because we looked like scruffy urchins, we got let in. Yeah, unknown to us he shared the same birthday as his dad. So on his Dad's 50th birthday, very respectable do, we invaded.
We got quickly bored of mingling with the upper class so decided to raid the downstairs shelves for sweets and cheap lager. After a few hours of drinking everything we could find we headed back upstairs to indulge in 80's rock karaoke. Trust me, you've never heard Alice Cooper's "Poison" until it's coming out of the mouth of two pissed Welsh lads, shame on me. My other mate was sequestered in the corner eating his girlfriend's face (or so it looked to me) much to the disgust of the business people in the other room. After a riotous night we all called a taxi but when it arrived I realised I didn't have enough cash and freaked out, for some reason I ran away thinking the driver would kick my arse, turns out I was still at my friend's house and hadn't even set foot in the taxi yet. I don't remember how I got home but I must have done, as I woke in my bed with a mouth that tasted like a sewage treatment plant. Ironically his shop is located near one such plant so I was worried there for a bit.
(Suddenly, zebras Safe and sound for eternity, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 18:41, Reply)

I was invited to a party...

...sadly, it turned out to be the Conservative Party.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 18:39, Reply)

Roman shower
I was about 18 or 19, and I went to a party at this girl's house. Her mum and dad were there, but they were quite cool about people getting pissed and stoned in their house.

I overdid it on the weed and vodka (again), and then realised I was going to be sick so I headed for the bathroom. Whoever was in there was taking forever, but I knew that the lock on the door wasn't very good so rather than puke on the carpet I forced the bathroom door open and went in.

The hostess's gorgeous younger sister, whose eye I'd shyly been trying to catch all night was sitting on the toilet doing a noisy poo, and my mouth was full of vomit so my cheeks were puffed out like a hamster because I was still trying not to get it on the carpet. I couldn't give any explanation because I couldn't open my mouth to speak, but I felt another surge coming so I stumbled forward and tried to puke between her thighs, but she shoved me away and it kind of arced in the air showering both of us. I asked my mate to call me a cab.

Never did get invited back.
(trashbat, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 18:33, Reply)

Brandy is evil
I'd just started sixth form, and I had a new girlfriend whose mate was having a house party. We were only supposed to be going there to show our faces for a couple of hours and then her dad was coming to pick us up. I'd been told by my girlfriend how her dad didn't approve of drinking, and this was going to be the second or third time that I'd met him so I decided I wasn't going to touch any drink at the party so that I could make a good impression when he picked us up.

That changed as soon as we arrived when the host offered me a dusty unopened bottle of brandy from the back of his dad's drinks cabinet, seeing as I hadn't brought any alcohol along. I wasn't really used to drinking spirits but thought I'd give it a go, so I half filled a glass and topped it up with Coca Cola. The brandy and Cokes went down really easily, and within about 45 minutes I'd drunk the whole bottle, so I'd forgotten about not getting hammered and her dad coming to pick us up and went through to the kitchen to join in with the stoners who were doing buckets and hot-knives (which I wasn't really used to either).

When her dad came to get us 2 hours after he'd dropped us off, I was unconscious in the toilet and had to be carried to the car. Threw up in the back of his car on the way home, and then they had to carry me from the car to the front door of my parents' house, where I collapsed again.

Great times!
(trashbat, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 18:24, Reply)

Er...
... I was too drunk and/or high to remember the parties ...

They must've been great!
(bunnybutt, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 17:58, Reply)

Big house unattended and a load of 14 year olds left in charge.
Suffice to say that in one night
- A girl got stabbed in the arse with a fork.
- Someone stood in the middle of the living room chewing crisps, spitting them on the shagpile and stamping them in.
- Someone smoked weed from his dads antique pipe collection
- the living room window was smashed
- the garage roof was ripped up
- someone called a pornline and left the phone off the hook for 3 hours
- 3 lads tried to take owners car to the off licence. They were rolling backwards down the drive with the car in 4th revving the tits off the engine with the clutch in. they then released the clutch and watched as engine parts were distributed round the garden.
- the locked study door was crowbarred open giving access to cabinets full of expensive drink
- a nintendo (gives you an idea of the era) was stolen along with all of the games

As inebriated as I was I made the chioce to spend 5 hours walking home then face the morning after and then denied I was there in the first place.

My mate is still grounded today.
(a man called donkey has been away for too long, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 17:55, Reply)

I watched Kloopy do that.
I was just behind the camera, giggling.

Incidentally, the next i-event starts tomorrow. I'll be sure to film him killing himself this time.
( gone, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 17:41, Reply)

I almost stood for the Teenage Party in the local by-elections
but it was so much of a mission, I couldn't be arsed to do it.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 17:24, Reply)

Climbing Buildings
At one of the i-events (a series of huge LAN parties at Newbury Racecourse) I accidentally found myself having a drinking competition with a girl.

After 6 hours and 17 pints of Snakebite (Stella & Strongbow) I decided to climb the Grandstand building. With the coordination one expects after so much alcohol and climbing to about 4/5 stories high, I managed to fall off.

2 days later I was off for a holiday in South Africa.

Luckily the climb was all caught on video: www.kloopy.com/fun/GrandStandStunt.avi
(Kloopy, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 17:22, Reply)

My 18th.
I discovered that we racked up a bigger bar tab than Charlotte Church did on her 18th. She went to China Whites, I stayed in Essex. Either our local is just as expensive, or Ms Church is a bigger lightweight than the tabloids would have us believe.
(scoob666 Ain't Nuthin' Ta F' Wit, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 17:18, Reply)

Sex, lies and a videotape
6th year at school, one of the girls decides to have a party as her folks are away for the weekend. Half the year turn up and drunkenly cram into the house. The bedrooms are full, the bathroom is full, there's even folk making good use of the hall cupboard. Then it all starts going down hill. One of the rugby boys thought it would be a good idea to start tackling folk as they walked by... until he missed his victim and put his head through two layers of plaster board from the living room into the kitchen.

Someone then decided it would be cool to smash open a video tape and wrap it between two trees in the back garden.... turned out to be the only copy of the sister's wedding video.

In due time the police arrived, only for the house to empty with people jumping out of windows to avoid getting their names taken. In true WWF Wrestling style, about 8 of us ran at the back fence thinking we could just lean over, place a hand on the other side and simultaneously flip over it with our feet flying up over our heads... at least that was the plan until the entire thing collapsed.

On Monday morning we then found out that the neighbours called her parents, who drove back to find her on her knees in the kitchen with some guy... tousers round his ankles.

Appologies for the length, but that's the shortened version.
(StevieMcK, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 16:42, Reply)

things just get better and better
went to my friend twisty andy's parents house for a party with my brother and all his older mates.
1st good thing = get drunk
2nd good thing = discover lots of mogadon increases drinks capacity tenfold and adds a sickly sweetness to one's bifter
3rd good thing = discover parent's red wine stash
4th and 5th good thing = ****discover a bin bag full of out of date super-strength (9%) kestrel lager**** this was really, really good!
6th good thing = end up with impromptu jam session - their entire family are folkies and have plenty of bongos to go round - my band at the time "wonderpants" were all present and we played our well known hits "he's BA Baracus and he plays the maraccas" and "I like Giraffes" to raptuos applause.......
......Next morning one guy had gone mental (apparently the only guy not drinking/getting foul) and was locked in the bathroom shouting "BE GONE MOTHER" through the door at his poor old mother - she had to call an ambulance - The ambulance turned up and the crew were promptly threatened by said mentalist - they then called the police.
We were sat outside in the garden (which was now a massive foul pit of destruction/recycling centre for cans) having a hangover remedy of the herbal variety and moving rubbish around when the house was stormed by 10 Riot cops fully body-armoured and very very scary.
At this point we quickly went and hid our prescious things at the bottom of the garden and quietly made our way to the nearby pub whilst things calmed down a bit.
Came back to find the mentalist going mental on my drumkit and the cops advising to "leave him to it". apparently he was having fun bless his little cotton socks.
(FlamingBadgers, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 16:31, Reply)

I'm not nice.
Ah yes, one party at the age of 17.

A couple of our friends had got off with each other, before passing out drunk, cuddled up nice and cosy. when I see clean lines, I want to scrawl all over them with permanent marker.

As such, me and some mates gathered all the booze bottles, and arranged them around the pair, before taking a condom, spitting in it, and tucking it halfway out the boy's trousers.

Que hysterical screaming and tears upon awakening.

It was great.
(RioOhki, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 16:26, Reply)

Upon Awakening
back when i was 14 i went to my usual surf spot in cornwall. One night i hear of a beach party thats going on at my local (beach not pub). So after closing time me and me mates stumble put of our local (pub not beach) and head towards the noise. The party was incredible, you'd go up to somone and try and ponce a fag and they'd roll you a joint.
To this day I dont know what preceeded me waking up propped agaisnt a hedge in a field with my right shoe next to my left foot and my left shoe 20 feet (no puns please) off to my right, my trousers 'round my ankles and mummified by about 5 rolls of arsewipe.

Another time i went to a party in a building that was sentanced to be demolished the next day. Needless to say everyone went crazy and destryed walls, toilet cubicles and burst a water main thing.
Next day we find out it was meant to be decorated not demolished

No apologies for length as I was still wearing my boxers
( Jimminy_rickets was at Grills Gone Wild on, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 16:24, Reply)

Oh God
After school plays we had a party, usually at my house. After Macbeth, there were about 150 teenagers in the garden, along with about 10 blunt, but still heavy metal swords. There were swordfights. A wall got demolished and it's a miracle no-one was killed. It's still brought up 12 years later.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 16:23, Reply)

Went to a party
Went to a party. I danced all night. Had 16 beers and I started up a fight. Now I'm jaded. You're out of luck cos I'm rolling down the stairs too drunk to...

... oh wait, that was Jello Biafra, not me.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 16:13, Reply)

the other night
i went to a fancy dress party. it was for a girls 16th and i'd never met her but somehow got myself invited. it was all good fun however not the most exciting party i'd ever been to as it was emo central and, despite being held in a pub, severly lacking alcohol.

the most exciting part of the evening was a 6ft god (blonde, curly wig and beard with bed sheet robe), a camp pirate and two cowgirls running through town at some rediculous hour of the night shooting each other with water guns.

then sitting at the back of the bus for the hour it took to get us somewhere near to home creating an air band to blink 182 and system of a down.

we are fools. we werent even pissed...
(ThePony, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 15:56, Reply)

On the joys of Halloween...
Since everyone seems to be going off on a trip down memory lane I think I'll start with something a little more recent. This involves a party of three.

In my final year of University I lived with two other blokes and we all some how managed to end up single at roughly the same time. This led to the inevitable; us treating the most important year of our University careers like the first!

Come Halloween and a huge piss-up at the Student Union. Much drinking was done, much chasing of girls happened and no doubt failed (my mind is a little hazy about the events of the night). Cut to me in bed waking up at about five in the morning. I stumble out to the bathroom to take a piss and clock that there music on in the living room.

Wandering up to the door I start to push it open to a cry of "Nooooooooo don't come it!". Obviously this being my own flat I was having none of it. I get in to find two of my flatmates friends sat in chairs facing a completely naked girl on our couch speadeagled. Thankfully they were clothed.

The girl looks a little shocked at the appearance of some bloke in a towel and grabs the nearest object to cover herself with, a Sombrero that I had been wearing earlier in the night. Her shock didn't match my own as I hurriedly closed the door and went back to bed. Looking back I should of probably been a little more angry and kicked them out but my mind was still trying to cope with the image.

Reading through that was quite long and not very satisfying. Story of my life really.
(mehmeh 0% witty, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 15:55, Reply)

The Host With The Most
At the time my parents were renting this lovely little cottage on the river, in amongst loads of holliday homes in a prime area of the broads in Norfolk. With the boat tied up in the wet dock, the balcony looking over the river, and with the house being pretty much white throughout it certainley looked lovely. Towards the end of the lease, they decided they were going to go away for a long weekend, leaving my sister and myself behind because of work.

As soon as we heard this the obvious sprung to mind and I organised all. With rumours curculated at the bar where I worked throughought the week a lot of hype was around for my forthcoming party, and the instruction that they wouldn't get in without a 'contribution'.

Saturday rolled round, and i had spent the Friday night at work heavilly promoting the bash to all unsundry, including random holliday people who had mored up outside.

Aiming for some sort of damage limitation we removed all the breakables and locked them in the dining room, plastering a huge 'out-of-bounds' sticker to the door. I cooked some food up, including 2 pasta bakes - one of which was a little 'special'. I left my sis to it, whilst I went to the pub to see what was going on.

Somehow we managed to fit in excess of 60 people in the little house, and partied away till dawn. If it wasn't for the big mental block thing going on I would probably be a bit more specific but heres the highlights:

-Arriving back at the house to see my sisters mates, and my girlfriend had arrived - cue sneaking into my parents room (I'm not proud) for a damn good start to the evening.
-coming out an hour later to find the house full, and having a line thrust under my nose - this resulted in me picking a fight with my sisters judo champ mate, whos arse i royally kicked from one end of the house to the other, and left him in tears.
-Dodgy goings on with salad cream and obergine and someone acting out felatio on such vegtable.
-Walking around with the 2 pasta bakes telling people that the special one was the safe on just to stitch people up.
-yelling at the people on the other side of the river to come and join the party, they did, saw what was going on and scurried back to the security of their house again, occasionally waving from the windows.
-playing '30 people shove' on my sisters trampoline to drumm and bass, which stopped when someone broke their wrist, and the trampline got bent into a right angle.
-The police showing up to check everything was ok, so I invited them in for a grand tour, even offered them some pasta bake...
-Someone blowing chunks in the bath, then took great pride in marinating his drunken girlfriend in it.

The only problem was that when it came to the morning after, we saw the damage that had been done, and thought it was nothing a bit of vanish wouldn't sort out. We were very wrong.

My parents came home on the Monday night to find their pretty little white house on the river dessemated. We couldn't remember where all the breakables went, so just put them where they fitted. Blood, vomit, wine, ash and cig burns covered the walls, sofas and carpets. The Balcony had been broken during some high dive (into shallow water) olympics. My littlest sister broke down in tears when she saw the sate of her trampoline, which only got worse when she found the washing up bowl of vomit that some kind soul had left under her bed. And the cat didn't show itself for nearly a week.

Oh, and then my mum kicked me out the house... I think she was the gutted one - I left with a great big grin on my face, I didn't care, it had been a wicked party, and it meant I didn't have to try and clean the stains anymore!
(Smokey J, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 15:51, Reply)

Fuck Off Mum
At a party I held many years ago, the two events of note had to be:

a) A mate of mine brought round his home-made valve amp to use for the music. Half way through the night someone spilt beer all over it so he started crying, got a screwdriver and tried to repair it whilst it was plugged in... sitting in a puddle of beer.

b) Firstly, me going into the toilet with a bird who was contemplating whether to split up with her boyfriend, so I convinced her to get off with me. I then went into my room where my current young lady was, who proceeded to lock the door and give me some scarily dirty sex. About 20 mins later my mum happend to be at this party (don't ask, she was cool like that) and banged on the door to say people were leaving.

My rather pleasant squeeze took it upon herself to yell at the top of her voice, "Fuck Off, We're Fucking!!"
(kna has forgotten everything., Thu 13 Apr 2006, 15:48, Reply)

16th parties were always a laugh...
I went to my friends 16th party, and there was this one guy there, he was a bit of a wierdo, anyway he got absolutely hammered and started eating cake...space cake...he didn't actually REALISE it was space cake...he ended up scooping mayonaise straight out of the jar and throwing it at people, then went outside, laid on his back and smoked a cigarette, and then somehow broke his glasses. My dad came to pick me up, spotted him and rang his mum (his sister and my sister were best friends). She was WELL not pleased. I don't think a week went by at school afterwards where it wasn't mentioned...teehee
(The Who Bird is eating Jaffa Cakes on, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 15:44, Reply)

Wasted (on the young)
Just read through story after story of "I drank vodka and was sick, drugs, girls, lolz". How unimaginative. How dull. How fecking pathetic.

Youth is wasted on the young.

And, of course, that's *exactly* what I did. But my yarns are all so samey (plus ca fecking change, eh?) - and so long ago - that I can't be bothered. (But there was this one time in an attic with a girl, some voddie and an air pistol. Strange times...)

A better QotW might be what you'd do differently if you could go back to the freedom of those days.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 15:30, Reply)

Condomfest!
We used to have cracking parties back at school. Usually they would involve someone ending up in hospital or the police coming to chuck people out, but one party stood out over all.

It was our mate's 16th birthday party and his parents were allowing him to have it at home whilst they went out for the night. Earlier in the day, this guy had sneaked into a gay bar and nicked a bowl of anal condoms from somehwere in the place. Halfway through the party, he brings out this bowl, rips most of them open and throws them round the place to be used as balloons. i'm talkin at least a hundred.

People start blowing them up, hiding them in the kettle and everywhere else they can put them, and then everyone buggers off, leaving the four of us who are staying the night to clear the mess up in half an hour before his parents came home.

Well, mum and dad come home to find us with a binbag full of condoms, and several of her prized ornaments with rubber hats on. She threw us out, and all we could hear from inside the house was "Do you know how much it costs for a twelve pack of these???"

He was never allowed another party...

EDIT: and they never found the one in the kettle until after they'd had a cup of tea in the morning...
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 15:26, Reply)

right...
went to a teenage party years ago...
started on cider,
then lager,
then bacardi and coke...
was shitfaced...
was being violently sick when the parents came home...
blah blah...

but heres the thing.
For years after i couldnt remember how i got home, surely a typical manifestation of "drunken amnesia" i thought...

but no! a couple of years ago a little glimmer of long term memory reminded me of the truth...

i had been bundled into a parents car, and then had a black bin-bag placed over my head "just in case"!

aaaah, memories.
(A Hospital Carpark, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 15:21, Reply)

I was going to tell a different story but Carling, Pint ofHas reminded me of this one
I was at a party deep in the suburbs and I had crashed upstairs as it was impossible for me to get home (too skint for a taxi) I'd had maybe an hours kip so i decide to head downstairs to see if anyone was still up. So I step into the hall and there's about 7 or 8 fellas huddled and whispering. I ask what's going on and I'm rapidly hushed up
1.....
2..........
3............. BAM!
We all burst through the door into a little girls bedroom, she was on holiday with the parents at the time, but there in her bed was a chap we'll call Shane Mccaffery for I'm pretty sure that was his name, we was wearing nothing but a pair of manky white socks and was enthusiastically stroking his manhood. in unison we yelled
"SNARED ON WANKING" and laughed and gereard told us to "fughmnhm ye busss...." and was dragged out of bed by the other chaps.
It took him years to get people to forget about this, hopefully I can jog a few memories

No apologies for length as Gerard certainly didn't have to
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 15:20, Reply)