Just spotted mrkyle down there and thought I would offer a cautionary tale of warning
In my 1st year of uni we decided to have a house party. A major feature of this party would be a very alcoholic punch. We went to the supermarket and spent about £60 on spirits, wine and fruit juice. One of our number (let's call him Scouse Tony) also purchased a large bottle of Pernod. We cleaned out a large plastic container and filled it with our punch, which went a sort of pinky-orange colour and tasted sweet, like candy. It was a sure-fire thing: girls would like the taste of this and it would get them drunk. Enter Scouse Tony: "Hey arright la, let's put some Pernod in it!"
"Not a chance," I replied. "If you put Pernod in it, it will turn horrible."
"No way man," he said. "My missus loves Pernod, just a bit, like, it'll be fine."
I registered my objections but there was really nothing I could do. The next time I saw the punch it had turned a bilious shade of green and stank to high heaven of aniseed. Since that made people's eyes water, during the party it was left in a section of corridor with a door at each end that we had dubbed "the airlock". Not even a house party full of drunken students would go anywhere near this foul brew and we still had to contend with the stinking mess the next day. There is a valuable lesson to be learned here.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 9:46, Reply)

Last night
A number (6) of dear chums came round, we got plastered, and everyone stripped down to their pants at 3:30 in the morning. For no good reason.

Then someone got a blowjob, but it wasn't me, sadly.
(youthink, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 9:25, Reply)

On the night of a pub crawl and extensive in-house partying
my friend Matt spied a bright pink bottle of "just add ice" strawberry daquiri mix and asked me if bad things would happen if he drank it straight. I grinned and said GOOD things would happen if he did so. He happily drank the entire bottle before heading out on the pub crawl and adding many other beverages on top of it.

Fast forward to 3AM, and Matt wakes me with violent wretching noises from the bathroom. I went in to check on him, and asked if he was alright. He said he woke up and projected hot pink vomit all over his bedroom, and in the drunken stumbling to get out of bed and into the bathroom he knocked over a can of white paint (he had recently painted his bedroom) and had to walk through it. He had tracked it all through the hallway and into the bathroom. Upon hearing this I burst into a fit of loud, uncontrollable laughter. I went back to bed and every time he got up to be sick again, I laughed more.

In the morning I found him sitting in an armchair in the living room, picking white paint and pink gobs off his feet. I assured him that good things did in fact happen as a result of his drinking the pink potion.
(ghettobooty, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 6:26, Reply)

My younger sister's first drinking experience
was a New Year's Eve party when she was 17. I stepped out for a while to take someone home, and returned to start my own drink binge. An hour or so later, I was holding sis' hair off her face while she chucked violently into the toilet. She said she'd only had three drinks, and I knew something was up so I demanded to know exactly what she'd had to drink.

It turned out that while I was out, the cool older brother of our friend hosting the party offered her "samples" in little glasses. One tasted like cinnamon, one was set on fire and tasted like licorice, and so on. She didn't realise she was drinking shots, so didn't count them as even one drink. In total she'd had about 10, on a near-empty stomach, and she hadn't touched alcohol before that. Bravo to her for making it that far!
(ghettobooty, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 6:15, Reply)

The Fetal Pig Head Odessy
Ah..Teenage parties you say? In the days 18, I happened to partake in a tale of debauchery, vengeance, and the pickled head of an unborn sow.

It all started at a party in my good friend Harvey's house. His mom was away for the weekend, and knowing Harvey, a party was damned-well inevitable. Pretty soon most everyone was off their collective asses. I, being the least drunk, was taking care of my best mate Dylan, who by that time had passed out in Harvey's bed. After watching him retch, and occasionally flipping him on his stomach for an hour or so, I wandered off. In the time I was gone, a dubiously drunken Harvey had snuck into his room with a Polaroid camera. When Dylan wakes up in the morning, what does he find upon his chest? A photo of Harvey a shit-eating grin on his face, poised above Dylan's head, with his scrotum firmly planted against Dylan's cheek. Needless to say Dylan was fucking furious, and began to plot his revenge.

Now, it just so happened that for his birthday, me and my friend Tyler had gotten Dylan the decapitated head of a preserved fetal pig, snatched from a biology lab. For effect we'd stuck it in a jar of vinegar, and left it on his doorstep. It had sat on Dylan's computer shelf for about a month before the scrotum incident, and he naturally realized the potential for vengeance.

Two months later, and once again a party at Harvey's house. Dylan and I wait a good long time into the night, growing more and more incapacitated. By the time it was late enough, we lurch out to Dylan's car and retrieve and decant the pickled head. Harvey has left his car unlocked, and we stumble into the front seat armed with both screw-driver and a pig-head. For about 10 minutes we try to hollow out the base of the head with the screw-driver, so as to place the skull on his stick-shift. Suddenly, I realize the top of the shifter can be unscrewed, and the mischief is quickly made.

Zoom to the next day, and what does Harvey find? A car covered in stale vinegar, reeking of formaldehyde, with crumbs of pig-brain scattered about the dash and floor.

Oh yes, and the desiccated, vile skull of a pig fetus entrenched about 5 inches upon the shifter.
(kingofthebeets, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 1:59, Reply)

HAH! I'm going to one tonight but...
The first time I got absolutely shitfaced was when I was an exchange student in Germany at the age of 15. Early on I proceeded to get rather mellow on a 7€ bottle of "Wodka".

This was apparently not enough for the likes of all the boys there who had noted that the front of my dress slipped lower and lower. They all gathered around me and continued to fill my glass with alcohol. Everytime I would drunkenly hollor "Nein! Nicht mehr!" I was told I was "langweilig" (boring) so I would giggle and empty the glass, unbeknown to the stares directed at my ever increasingly visible cleavage. A friend and brother figure of mine walked in as was appalled at the scene before him. He propped me up, pulled up the front of my dress and shooed away the boys.

During the night I broke a chair, had a heart to heart in a language somewhere between english and german with a thouroughly intoxicated german girl, and clung to some guy that was the spitting image of Sam Wise Gamgee in Lord of the Rings (I kid you not!).

Some try hard Nazis came by intending to beat said hobbit up so I clamboured behind the bar shaking my little doc martin bootst whilst hiding from them. Turns out they were pussies and left after what appeared to be a rather placid chat.

The rest of the night is a bit of a blur but I earned myself a magnificent black eye by body slamming a friend while pretending to be a pokémon.
(Dust Bunny your little friend under the fridge, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 1:48, Reply)

The Snow
At the partys we had in my friend Jimbo's garage, this one guy insisted on putting "The Snow" by Audio Bullies on repeat from about midnight til 7am, raving anyone who fell asleep. No-one even likes the Audio Bullies, it was just found on my MP3 player, even though I had no idea I had that song. Other party hits largely include Gary Numan.
( Didyoumissme1, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 1:29, Reply)

I have a penis on my cheek


This is a goldmine for teenage party pics..
clicky
( Didyoumissme1, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 1:12, Reply)

Well, not so much what I drunk or smoked
(Baker's dozen of shots, a dirty pint, two Worthingtons, three spliffs and I don't know how many bongs) it's how I woke up. It was my leaving do at uni, and of course I went out in style. Well, relative style. I had woken up bald, covered in writing, and clutching a big iron spike. And my door was bashed in. As it turned out, they wanted to sign a leaving book for me. In the absence of this, they used me and took photos. And shaved me for good measure. I looked like a graffitied cancer patient.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 16 Apr 2006, 1:00, Reply)

His mum must have been gagging for it
At a mates house about 3 years ago (making me 15/16) it was all going as usual. I had 2 litre of rum a mate brought me back from the Dominican Republic - for about £3 - and others had their beverages so much was conusmed.

Anyway, couple guys are in his mum's room doing the usual of downloading the most obscene porn ever (the usual...or just my mates?). Anyway they wanted a blank disc and asked the party-thrower who pointed them towards his mum's drawer. In they go.

I am currently in the living room and here much laughter and they should us in. As I walk into the room this puple dildo was thrust in my face.

I don't mean a normal, comfertable number but this MASSIVE purple thing with vains etc.

The rest of the night was spent slapping anyone who fell asleep with it and finding batteries for the vibration to work (interesting to note during this search we also found her stockings/garters etc).

His maw seemed to be up for anything!
(puggs, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 0:58, Reply)

Teenage kicks RIGHT through the night
I was a mite of fifteen when I went to my first alcohol doused party. I don't remember an awful lot about it, but I do remember throwing up and wetting myself at the same time. That was pretty aewsome.

One New Year, I seem to remember everyone there tonguing everyone else.. and I think the ratio was something like.. 4 guys to 8 girls. Yeah. Ended up making out with me ex most of the night. That was back in the day when I could get pissed as a newt on barcadi breezers.

Now its sadly a tad more expensive.
(Wheeler back off Amazon, she's mine!, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 0:39, Reply)

Bastard Mates!


Woke up hungover, went to my girlfriend's house to be greeted by my girlfriend's mother!

Never EVER be the first one to fall asleep at a party! That is all.
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 0:25, Reply)

Waterbed...
Vaguely remember something about a waterbed at a party held by my friend Pam's parents...

Also remember dancing to Nik Kershaw (it was the 80s) and being madly in love with a weedy looking guy who might have been called Scott???? We never got it together, but the sexual tension, as our arms brushed together over his mum's kitchen table, was electric.

It was all very innocent and I don't think we even drank alcohol. All the adults got pissed, but we were fast asleep on the water bed by midnight. The next day, my parents were furious - they assumed I had been up to no good and accused me of having spoiled their picnic lunch. Apparently, I made them late because my friend's dad was too hungover to drive me home in time...
(Pantyliner, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 23:55, Reply)

Small gathering...
Of three including myself. After consuming goodness knows how much cheap vodka and white wine at a friend's the story goes like this..

My two friends spilt their white wine on the laminate flooring, and decided to 'swim' in the wine. I let them get on with it and just chuckled to myself.

Carly tumbled all the way down her stairs, landing in a heap at the bottom, and stayed there crying and hugging her dog for half an hour.

We ventured into the back garden where one fell on top of a pile of glass bottles...alerting her neighbour..thankfully he came over and helped us get her in the house as by this point she couldn't walk.

Next came the vomiting of course, cue basin for one. Of course everything was fine until they both needed to spew at the same time, and them being too drunk to walk, couldn't make it to the toilet..they both had their heads in one bowl, this horrible combination of two people's vomit turning red. Both fighting for the bowl, it tipped and went all over the floor..and so enters the dog to eat it up.

Stephanie made it up the stairs to the toilet, I made sure she had water..she threw up in the pint glass, vomit and water cascading everywhere, up the wall and on the cream carpet at the top of the stairs.

I then go downstairs to find Carly lying on her kitchen floor in her own vomit, choking. Me to the rescue again! God knows how I managed to put the two of them to bed and clean the whole house before enjoying some wine to myself before her brother got in at 6am.

They woke up with absolutely no idea what happened the night before.

And myself, woke up miraculously with no hangover and a clear memory of everything that had happened.
(fabulouslycrazylady, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 23:54, Reply)

Great Night out in a tiny village pub
So there we were, the 4 regulars of the Edgerton Arms in Chelford having a friggin laugh. When you buy in rounds and everyone brings £40, drinks are flowin. So after 4-5 hours in this pub having conversations from politics to Josh's latest endevour, Josh being one of the 4 regulars, its near last orders and Josh has passed out. Somehow it became a group idea to buy a £2 packet of condoms from the bogs and put one over Josh's head, not like a mask but just a condom cap... it was hard work but we did it. Josh came around when he heard the bell for last orders and just started sayin "WHO IS IT????....Who is it?" in a really high pitched voice. But it don't stop there.

We head outside the pub and, as you do, think of ordering 4x 16" pizzas to munch on. When they arrive I was so dead I lied down in the car park and the delivery guy thought it funny to near run me over... so anyway we start the pizzas as soon as we get them, which is just after giving the delivery guy all our remaining cash as we can't even count in this state, we reckon he got £30 in tips... So I have over half this pizza which was absolutely fantastic. We walk back to the house we're crashing at where I dive into the couch and say I'm not feelin too good, so they get me a large baking tray which I proceed to fill with the munched up pizza, twice...

Needless to say the hangover and 8 hours of work the next day were pain....
(Golden_guns247, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 23:41, Reply)

i do love a good box social
oh har har i've been on a few wild parties in my time, but one sticks out as it was rather crazy of me.

while at the party i leaned over to Jenkins, my trusty wingman and promised him the night of our lives. i drank a whole bottle of beer and even LOOKED at a girl. then retired to bed as i was rather exhausted. ho ho

ohh those were the days. such a party animal.
(quibble, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 23:19, Reply)

One chick, loads of guys
So my mate was having this party, and he let me and my girlfriend use his room to make out, and also to make sure no one else went in there to steal stuff/break stuff/be a general prick. So we're making out, and we can hear everything outside, and from what I could pick up (and this was later confirmed) there was a girl in the host's parents' bedroom who was pretty much offering herself to be screwed by anyone who wanted to. Bear in mind that I was either 15 or 16 at the time, which would have made the girl in question either 14 or 15.

I'll never forget hearing two guys outside argueing, and hearing the immortal line, "No, I don't want to go after you!"
( Styxx hates when people talk in the third person, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 23:02, Reply)

There was this cocktail party once
in a rather roomy shed in a schoolmate's garden.
Quite a few schoolmates had come, and unfortunately, we weren't able to prevent the presence of the most unpleasant geek imaginable, as he had just discovered partying (about 3 years later than everyone else), lived close by, and had overheard the conversation.

Just to picture the scene: this bloke was quite tall, wore glasses as thick as zoo windows,
and always wore ill-fitting tracksuits, or tracksuit trousers. He was boring, painfully unfunnny and laughed aloud at his own jokes, and to top it off he always stood extremely close to whom he was speaking to. Noone dared to deny him entrance out of pity.

So there he was, and after about two minor cocktails, he starts sighing and complaining he was "incredibly drunk". The host, meanwhile, kept on throwing "subtle" hints for him to leave.

-"So D, shouldn't you be heading home? It's ten o'clock already, mate!"
-"Nah, I'm drunk. Did I tell you I'm drunk? Because I am. I'm so drunk I might not get home. Because I'm drunk. I'm drunk, I am. I am drunk.
I might have to stay here and sleep over."
-"NO! I mean, nonsense, I'm sure you're sober enough to go home. Very soon. "

At a certain point he went and sat in the garden with a puke bucket to "sober up".

Apart from that, the party was all right though. I even ate snacks off a supermodel! But that's another story.

Insert saucy length/girth joke here
(Caustic Armadillo consists at least 30% out of custard, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 23:01, Reply)

Birthdays in the summer....
Being born in may, I was always the party host,
Sun and beer, always good, get started at around 2pm, For my 17th birthday, I had a bigass BBQ, being the chef amoungst my friends always an excuse to cook somthing,
well, one friend bought me a 35 quid bottle of champagne, others bought me bottles of wine, etc, i didnt even ask for all this stuff, i geuss im just dead popular, i dont know,
well, as the night progressed, so did the drinking, and one mate, well known for being stupidly pissed often, decided it woudl be a good idea to bottle me - im known for being quite a tolerant guy, and i dont mind being glassed occasionaly if its done right and doesnt hurt, but this occasion, lets call him will, decided to bottl me, with a full bottle, of champagne, it damn near knocked me out, and the bottle only broke, because he dropped it after hitting me, needless to say, 35quid and a concussion, pissed me off, so i turned around an threw and allmighty right hook at him, removing 3 of his teeth - which ended up imbedded in my fist (oh yeah, i am also a boxer)
needless ot say, i prettymuch came out looking like the madman at my own party, but everyone forgave me and we played drinking games all night whilst he cried.

he got his own back though, him and his bird fucked in my bed that night and left stains everywhere, touche, but how she managed it with his face looking like that ill never know.
I never approached him about it, but he and i know, its in the looks we exchange,
Jokes on him though, steve saw them do it, and shes got wonkey nipples apparently.

hrm....
apologies for lenght, girth and masculinity
(Sennor, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 22:59, Reply)

Heh, One night stands out in particular. TEQUILA
My parents were going away for a week and as soon as they left my brother and I called almost everyone we know so as to get em round for a heavy stoner and drinking session.

I went up to the supermarket and stocked up on alcohol and munchies, notably I bought a bottle of tequila.

Skip to later in the evening-- Everyone was mashed and I ended up having a little argument with my girlfriend about something or another.

I attempt to regain her respect by showing her that after snorting a line of salt, downing a good two thirds of a bottle of the tequila then squeezing a Jif lemon in my mouth and eye I could still stand.

Suffice to say that it didn’t last long, fell down the stairs and went for a shower then woke up god knows how much later naked on the shower room floor with my girlfriend and brother arguing about whether to call an ambulance.

I have never drunk Tequila since! And Jen and I lasted for quite some time following this, surprisingly... although that is over now too.
( Weasel13, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 22:48, Reply)

Senior Dance, 1991
The dance itself was crap, left just before the end and headed up the road to the local restaurant for the bar. Had a few beers there, then all 10 or so of us headed off to one of our friends house that was just out the back of the bar.

If only it had ended there. Most details are hazy now, but the highlights included

downing the best part of a quarter bottle of gin
struggling with a mate over a bottle of napolean brandy
drinking anything that was left unattended.

Again, if only it had ended there. The combined effect of probably some of everything going led me to realise I was very hungry. Myself and 2 other guys went down to the Chinese at the end of the road. I clearly remember eating said chinese (chicken and pineapple with fried rice - straight Gin tastes better than that) with a teaspoon, although at the time I never questioned it. This was later pointed out to me that I was using a teaspoon as someone had poured bacardi all over the plate of food. Still ate the lot seemingly.

Then there was the 'brace' incident. Even bacardi cannot make chicken and pineapple taste good, so I began to feel sick (obv. not the drink that had made me feel ill), and legged it upstairs to the loo. After an extended session with Ralph, I realised that my removable brace was missing, the only logical explanation being that it was disloged by the force of vomit. The solution to this is to obviously plunge my arm into the toiletful of vomit (and whatever may have been in there previously, I never had time to check before I added my own contribution) and search for it, but to no avail. Gone forever, woe is me. I turned to the sink and washed my hand, when Pepe (who had followed me in to laugh) composed himself enough to point out that I had removed the brace and thrust it into his hand as we entered.

After probably much more drinking and the sideshows of watching two of the guests shagging in the main bedroom (the small bedroom could not fit everyone in to watch) and someone drinking Fahrenheit, it was time to go home. Held the taxi up for ages while we searched for my bowtie, until my cousin pushed me out the door and told me she would find it in time for the return of the hired suit. As the taxi pulled away, I dived out and ran home, through the restaurant grounds and down the 8 foot drop to the main road in and out of Stirling, pavement width 2 feet.

The bowtie was retrived from the jacket pocket of the suit, the shirt unfortunately never survived.

I may tell you about the 1992 dance as well sometime.
( LuftWaffle, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 21:47, Reply)

At a friends 14th birthday
A load of us were staying over and we were sleeping in his garage, I ended up having a good night with one of the girls there, that I fancied. We also beat up a guy that no one liked and some other people pissed in his bag.
( Duke Otterby you pre-verts, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 21:41, Reply)

Well, I wasn't actually at this one.
The video of it describes it all though. My mate, back in the day (about 3 months ago), went off to a party basically to get smashed. As was his style. I won't name names, so lets call him "L". L was probably drunk by about 8pm. Everybody else at the party was pissed off with him, so they persuaded him to go for a drive. So 5 of them climb in a car, disappear down some back roads, in the middle of nowhere. When they're far enough away from the party, one of the more sober guys (sat in the middle seat) tells L to get out, because he needs a piss. When L does, they slam the door shut, and drive off leaving him stranded...

Until he reappears about an hour later (or, they went back for him, my memories a little hazy). Anyway, the party continues, and L continues to get pissed, and some other guys take advantage of his drunkeness by trying to shave his eyebrows off. He retaliates by punching one of them, which leads to L getting his nose broken. They've got his eyebrows by this point, and some of his hair.

As far as I know, he's pretty much passed out until about 5am, when he wakes up, (everyone else is too), and goes for a shower to try and wash the blood off. He leaves the door open for everyone to see his manhood (which they caught on film, for some reason), but thats beside the point. He looks in the mirror, and theres the tiniest bit of hair gone from his head. Being still fucked, he thinks its hell...starts shouting at people to sort it out, help him get his hair fixed. Someone gets some scissors. Others get razorblades. Someone ran out to the shed and got a pair of shears...about half an hour later, bloody and bald, he's back out in the middle of nowhere, waiting for the bus to go home.

He got the biggest bollocking you could ever imagine...His hair still hasn't grown back to what it was. Getting there though.
Apologies for crapness...
(insanity_on_a_stick RISsing like mad, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 21:36, Reply)

Hooch and weed
Back in the days of a 14year old, whenever i had this combo at any house party i had strange hiding habits.

A friend came across a giggling wardrobe, needless to say she was a little spooked after smoking a few. Her freaking got worse when she opened the door to investigate, out fell me not looking far off the girl from exorcist - covered in vomit, dark hair all over the place, and a whitied looking face with slight droolage.

I had been found in many places such as under sofa seat cushions (they had empty spaces inside the chair) after being there for about an hour.

I have no ideas why oh lordy, i came up with ideas to play one man hide and seek. Its just as well i have grown too big to still fit inside chairs.
( wigglywoo i like jelly beeeeaaaans!, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 21:28, Reply)

still a teenager
so hence still having these parties..

we were about thirteen...i did not attend this particular party because i was away holidaying, but when i returned i was told that my friends had got hold of some weed and had been utterly stoned. they had to smoke it out of the window so said parents would not smell it.

anyway, mid-stoning sesh, one of them drops the joint out of the window. bear in mind the window was a velux attic type. he scrambles down onto the roof tiles to get it out of the gutter and almost kills himself, if it were not for the others grabbing his trouser leg at the crucial moment.

thing is, said parents were leaving the house at the exact same moment and saw him dangling out of the roof. he's never been allowed parties since.
(lucyloo, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 20:25, Reply)

A very wild, but extrememly abbreviated party
A couple of years ago a girl in our year threw a party for her birthday. We had seldom even exchanged words, but since the whole year was invited, I went along intent on helping to drink the large bottle of cognac one of my friends had bought along.

By the time I arrived, the party was underway, and I was just wandering around greeting my contemporaries (she had hired the village hall for her party), when she and her mother went up on the stage, stopped the music and gave us a collective bollocking over the PA system.

I wasn't quite sure what for, and was most confused when she told us we'd better go home as the party was finishing. However, my friends filled me in later that her mum was very unhappy about the fact that many people, instead of staying inside dancing, were in fact skulking around outside smoking weed, and she was veritably enraged that someone had gone into the toilets and wrenched the water pipe off the wall, causing widespread flooding.

We were informed that the police would be arriving imminently, so, not wanting to have my name taken along with the guilty (though I may not have remained entirely innocent had I been there more than five minutes before things came to a head), I said 'darn this for a lark', called up my dad, who was at astronomy club nearby, and asked him to come and pick me up.

I left just before the police came, though I suspect that anyone searching through the nearby hedgerows the next day would have thought they'd struck some sort of boozy goldmine, and I'm reliably informed that a large rasta type, who no one knew, left an entire crate of weed underneath a bush and walked nonchalantly away.

so it was entire waste of a journey and very few people had any fun at all, least of all the hostess's parents who received a bill for water damage to the village hall.
(WarneMarsh My priority for frivolity begets quality jollity, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 18:04, Reply)

Not too long ago
The house parties my brother and I used to have were legendary. Everytime the parents went away we always used to have one, even when they were gone only one night and decided to have an impromptu cards and smoking night in the dining room. Its amazing how naive we think our parents are sometimes, two bottles of Febreeze couldn't even begin to mask the smell that was due to "a few cigarettes".

We had nice parties, everybody drunk too much, nothing got trashed and it was never gate crashed due to living in the middle of nowhere. All of the parties were filmed and I have some great footage of our 17 year old selves carefully crushing some Pro Plus tablets and snorting them. Damn we were cool.

Oh the days the days...
( Farmer Cat ...loving cheese scones since, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 17:52, Reply)

. . .
. . .there was the time when it was my mates 19th. . .we were all skiving college and on the dole. . .which is my excuse for drinking 'diamond white' (a cheep rip of of white lightning!) all day, loads of it.

(his parents were away as well) by about 4 people were leaving etc. . .we ran out of dirnks. Drunkenly thought the 24 hour tesco would sell us alcohol and so we set off after a warning from birthday boy not to do anythign stupid as he always gets the blame.

we walked down the lane in this quiet suburb. . .got tothe petrol station. . .

the one whos birthday it was, 'Tom' stopped to get some cash. He was the least drunk, but still on the wobbly walk. I was absolutely mashed, but in giggle mode and sat next to the cash point.

the station was closed and no lights/streetlights were on for quite a way. The two others we were with, 'firth' and 'bowers' were absolute fucking states. it was only a matter of time.

it started by ripping the pump nozzles out and knotting them to the next one and so on. . then the bins were kicked over and shit went all over the forecourt. laughing and joking all the way through like excited children. 'tom' wasstill getting cash and ordered them to stop and they did. . .for about 5 seconds. . . . out of the silence, 'firth' shouts 'i need charcoal' and booted the paddlock off the massive thick plastic crate (the type they keep cans of gas in at petrol stations) the door fell off and we were greeted by tumbling bags of charcoal.

walking back down the lane next to the field, things were forgotten and everyone was happily mashed again. . . (we forgot to go to tesco). ..

i woke up about 30 minutes later, i was lying on 'tom's front drive along with everyone else. 'firth' and 'bowers' were asleep, tom was sitting up at the end of the drive next to the hedge smoking a fag. he says 'Shit! cops are comming!' i sat up lightning quick and he said 'only joking' and i called him a nob and led back down thinking that the floor was actually supringly comfortable - the second my head was on the ground 'tom' said again 'Fucking cops are coming!' i went to sit up again and was met face to face with a police german sheppard growling and drooling.

the cop with him was alone and he suggested i stayed flat and my back and not to move whilst he got on his radio for backup - he was whispering because 'firth' and 'bowers' were asleep still. . . another dog cop with dog turned up.

now 'toms' shitting it. the front door of the house was wide open. all sorts of incriminating evidence from the party was scattered all over the place and we jsut remembered. within about 2 minutes there were 2 meat wagons and a 2 cars. about 7 coppers were on toms street, lights flashing etc and they took our details.

firth and bowers are still asleep. cue angry middle aged bald copper sgt. walks up to firth and kicks him in his side. . .firth doesnt budge. . .he kicks him a bit harder. . he starts to come round and the copper is like 'get up you drunken idiot' firth was still pissed as a fart and was half asleep. . . he didnt know who it was and started mouthing off 'who the fuck are you', 'your mums . . .' etc whislt curling up slowly on the floor like a dying slothe. . .the copper starts repeatedly kicking, (gently on to wake him up and get his attention - but that made it really comedey to watch) firth in his head. . .the copper was getting more and more wound up and firth jsut kept on winding him up - this copper was now brimming and picked up firth by his shirt of the ground and practically launched him into the wagon :p. bowers was already in there. . .and then tom and then me.

backs of meatwagons are funny :p all in this little cage with no escape - the destination? somewhere where your going to sleep on concrete in a shitty cell with a rubber pillow and then wake up and get a bollocking for such a stupid crime. it wouldnt of been funny if i had been sober. heh i remember the feelign of complete despair at the forced surrender.

firths the first to the custody desk. wpc takes his items, and then promptly passes out - cops in the room didnt see what happened, heard her hit the ground and rugby takled firth :p. . .now firth pipes up again and im sitting there wondering how the fuck we got to this point

the cell was cold, shit stains on the floor etc, predictable rubber pillow. i could here firth and bowers shouting all night.

in the morning we are given our shit and let go. . .tom was the most sober and the sgt said if he admitted doing the damage everyone would be let off. he got a caution. firth pissed in his cell and refused to clean it up - 60 quid fine.

it was sunday, no busses. police station about 6 miles away from home. the cops laughed in our faces when asked for a lift. hungover and feeling like i was going to die, the hot bright sun was awful. jsut as we were going down the stairs, a jubilant looking sgt (face kicker) opened the door of the station and shouted 'boys! do you know how we found you?'. . .'you know that bag of charcoal you nicked?. . . .it had a hole in it'

'dickheads'
(eyeballonastick, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 16:39, Reply)

jungle juice
has anyone ever raided their parent's booze cabinet (the forbidden land of fun) and thought, "whats this? thats a funny colour, ugh, smells like dead arse shit"....??

me, elliot, tim, and lee did once. (aged 14)

we mixed all sorts of crap together and it ended up a cloudy green. we drank it and it fucking blinded us. there was no party to be had after, as we just sort of died on the sofa.

happened to anyone else???
(mr kyle he's a silly bastard, the one who posted before me, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 16:36, Reply)