Mental illness runs in our family
This is going to sound like the start of a really bad Mother-in-Law joke, but it’s true.

My grandmother is a paranoid schizophrenic.

She hears voices, is convinced that the police are after her and has had to be sectioned twice for both her own safety and the safety of those around her. She is thus, through no other reason than faulty brain chemistry, Queen of the land known as Conspiracy Theory (Population: her).

However recently, she has also developed dementia.

When her psychiatrist, who is a touch humourless but an all round lovely bloke, told my Mother and I that sadly Gran’s mental health was likely to deteriorate much more rapidly than we’d anticipated due to her senility, I, without thinking (another trait that runs in our family) opened my mouth and said…

“Well, at least this way next time when the voices tell her to kill someone, she’ll have forgotten by the time she gets the kitchen knife out the drawer…”

My Mum looked aghast. Then later admitted that she was trying not to laugh as she thought a little bit of wee might come out.

At least that’s what I think she said…

*dons tinfoil hat*
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 17:52, 7 replies)

Revolution!
Last I heard of a particular gentleman was one morning when I went to work in the library and was told that he had been banned from using the computers at any library in Devon, and if he came in, we would have to ask him to leave, and if he didn't leave we had to call the police. I had also heard that First Bus had also banned him from using their bus services, which at the time was quite unfortunate given that they had the total monopoly of bus services in the area.

Now, to me, this gentleman was nothing other than a harmless nutter, but obviously Devon County Council begged to differ. I never saw him after this occasion I will now relay to you, but apparantly he was also agressive, had insulted staff and had also attempted to make passes towards the female staff (and rumour had it several of the male staff too).

But anyway, this one occasion, I was behind the library counter by the door, when this gentleman walked in, all 6 foot of him, wild red hair and beard, rucksack on his back and a Somerfield carrier bag in his hand, he stood right in the middle of the room, and announced in a loud voice:

"THE REVOLUTION IS COMING!"

and walked back out again.

My colleague was elsewhere in the library (the library at that time consisted of three rooms) and there was only one other customer in the bottom room by the door with me. They turned to me and said 'what the fuck was that all about?'

I said I didn't know.

Because I didn't.

I'm still waiting for the revolution though.
(richietheg my dad buries dead people. he's an undertaker., Thu 27 Aug 2009, 17:50, 2 replies)

I work for an MP, so conspiracy theorists and assorted nutters are my stock in trade;
This one takes the biscuit though.


( Shrub Rocketeer is a twisted emotional husk, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 17:35, 12 replies)

Pearoast: John Resnick
I met John Resnick in a bar in Cannes in 1996. I was sat there getting cnuted on French lager, and smoking tabs. John was sat on the next table, and was reading his paper. He was a dishevelled kind of character, almost trampish, but had very clean well manicured hands. He had his own supply of tabs, and seemed to be able to afford his own beer, but was frantically circling with a pen parts of a newspaper he was reading.

At some point, John leaned over and said, in an American twang, "You boys English?"

We confirmed, and he sidled over on to our table. This is where John proceeded to tell us of his rather colourful, and exciting life.

John had come over to the Cannes Film Festival in 1968, and whilst he was there, someone stole his identity. That is, a doppleganger assumed his life and went back to the States, meaning that John could not go back home. His family, his job, his life now belonged to someone else.

Of course, it wasn't long before John explained the CIA's involvement. And boy were they involved. John told us how the whole of France was just one big experimental zone for the CIA - and that every man, woman, child, and even pet that died had been systematically killed by the CIA. At this point he showed me his newspaper. He had been reading the Birth Marriages and Deaths pages, and circling the names of people that had died, and was writing them in a book he was keeping.

I pointed out that it was also curious how people listed in the deaths column also seemed to die in alphabetical order. John dismissed my comment and went on to tell me what he needed me to do. He needed to get a message to sympathetic friends outside of France... he then wrote down 2 names and contact numbers and passed them under the table to me.

I was to call these people the moment I got back to the uk, and the tell them that John Resnick was alive and well in Cannes.

I pocketed the paper, we made our excuses and left.

Outside, I looked at the paper. He had given me the numbers for Dave Geffen and Paul McCartney.

Just as I was reading this, I heard the crack of a rifle going off... I hit the deack and rolled into a shop doorway... but it wasn't a rifle, just either something backfiring or some other associated noise.

I stood up and brushed myself down, then went to casino and won. I threw the telephone numbers in the bin.

I hope John got home ok.

Apologies for length. The BMD's were printed on a broadsheet, about 9 column inches.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 17:31, 2 replies)

cats in disguise
a friend of mine, a fellow b3tan, is a certified fruitloop. when i had a cat, he would occasionally turn to it and say "catface, pass the remote."
i pointed out to him that she was a cat and, therefore, unable to understand him, but he would say "one of these days, it'll slip up and pass me the remote, before realising its mistake."
now, i'm more than a bit freaked out by cats myself, but even i think he's weird.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 17:18, 10 replies)

Not quite a tin-foil hat...
I was in the pub a while ago with a group of other biologists, when I met a plumber called Smiffy. He decided that we were the perfect group to tell about the international science conspiracy that kept evolution as the status quo, and that something altogether more sinister was going on.

His evidence?

"If evolution is true, why doesn't the favourite always win horse races?"

All six of us sat with our mouths hanging open at the idiocy of this statement, just long enough for him to say, "there, that's foxed you, hasn't it?" and walk off in triumph.

Cunt.

I saw him a couple more times after this, and when I broached the subject again, he claimed that my "so-called science training" meant that I didn't have an open mind. I tried explaining that his plumbing ability in no way meant he understood evolution, but apparently that's exactly what a member of the scientific liberal elite WOULD say.
(Rotten_Cointreau is a proper scientician, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 17:14, Reply)

The CIA control the global drug trade
That's it really...
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 17:10, 5 replies)

Condoms give you AIDS
Catholic Church enough said.

Length - Five loaves and two fishes.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 17:10, 2 replies)

OMG I haz found the illuminati

they iz in yr finanshul institushuns

controllin yr doods
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 17:03, Reply)

Tommy (the hairy little shit)
I met the strangest, weirdest, most fucked-up person in the world after about a week of living in London. (They seem to flock to me like flies round shit, or kiddie-fiddlers at a primary school). I pulled this teeny-tiny girl in Fabric and she took me back to her place for some horizontal tango, squishtastic, DNA-swapping related shenanigans. Her name was Kathy and she was, as I’ve said, bloody short. Just about came up to my tits. But she was also perfectly formed. I recall in the taxi going back to her’s God, I hope she isn’t fourteen.

But all that was forgotten when we ended up at her flat and she took me to her bedroom and got her kit off. I was presented with the finest most perfect set of knockers I have ever seen in my life. They were just... there... even after she'd removed her bra they remained in exactly the same position of perfect pert loveliness. I very nearly wept with joy before burying my face between them and trying my best to suffocate myself. Fastforward a bit - shagging. Trying my damdest not to spluff after fourty-five seconds. Failing miserably. Continuing anyway. Feeling a bit of beer sick stick in my throat. Holding in a monumental Stella fart. Etc...

It was the following morning when things started to get a little odd. For a start I woke up not having a fucking clue where I was in a massive new city. I panicked a bit. The entire Oystercard thing may as well have been written in Swahili and the tube map still resembled the splattered innards of Jeffrey Dhamers last house guest to me. I didn’t have a fucking clue how I was going to get home. Then I noticed the supple body of the girl lying next to me. Being a gent, I prodded her sleeping form in the back with my morning glory until she woke up, and we started on round two of hide the salami. No sooner had I sprayed my load over her pubes, Kathy sat bolt upright and said: “Oh my God! Tommy!”

Bugger... Tommy was either a) her boyfriend, b) her son, or c) her dad (shit! She REALLY IS FOURTEEN!!!)

As Kathy rushed to the bedroom door I was struggling into my cloths. She opened the door and Tommy swaggered in and jumped onto the bed and stared at me. I stared back. I considered introducing myself, but that would’ve been a bit too weird. Instead, Kathy introduced. We continued to stare at each other. My God, he was fucking ugly. Hairy little bastard. Demonic eyes... Tommy was a Highland terrier.

“What do you think?” Kathy asked. I started to speak but she cut me dead: “I wasn’t talking to you!” Tommy continued to stare. And stare. And stare. Then he let out a happy little bark and fucked off out of the room. “He likes you! Great! Now, what would you like to eat?”

Hmmm, breakfast. Fit naked girlie. No fucking clue where I was. Looks like I’ll be hanging round for a bit. So we had breakfast. It was then I realised Kathy was spending more time talking to the dog then me. Fair enough. She knew the dog better. But it was more the sort of thing she was saying: “Do you think my blue dress goes with my red shoes? Oh, I forgot to tell you - you’ll never guess what happened to me at work yesterday! That bastard Mark telephoned! Cheeky cunt!” And so on. And all the time Tommy sat there and, well, just acted like a dog.

Eventually, feeling my arsehole flutter and my weirdo detector go all the way up to red alert, I said: “He’s only a dog....”

And Kathy did a pretty good impression of a nuclear reactor hurtling into meltdown. I sat and gaped. And then, quite suddenly, she calmed down: "Dogs are people too," she said. Then she went on to explain how the shady 'powers that be' are keeping the supreme intelligence of canines a secret from the masses and only a select few 'dog people' truly understand how intelligent the little critters actually are. And - on account of her wearing only a flimsy vest top so I could see her erect nipples poking through the fabric - I sort of saw it from her perspective.

Then started the weirdest week of my life. (I don't do one night stands, never have, can't ever seem to get away after doing the dirty deed without dragging the fuckers out to mini one or two week long relationships). Kathy proceeded to take me out and show me London. Tommy would come along. Infact, Kathy would ask Tommy where he'd like to show her new boyfriend, the dog would growl, raise a furry eyebrow, or generally just sit round and lick his balls, and in doing so would somehow communicate his desired location to Kathy.

She was absolutely fucking nuts. But it sort of worked on account of her being incredibly fucking hot and me being incredibly fucking shallow.

Then, after about a week of frantic canine-induced sightseeing and even more frantic semi-midget sexual intercourse, Kathy and I were lounging in bed one night and - as she reached for my boner - said: "Wouldn't it be nice to let Tommy in the bedroom?"

I had to think about this for a moment. Still didn't compute. Had to think for another moment. Then I said: "What? You want me to fuck your dog?"

And that was the end of that. Tossed out on the street with my sparse belongings in a Sainsburys carrier bag. Never to see Kathy again. It was only on the way back to Borough tube station (I'd learned the tubes by now, yay!), I realised she was probably going to be doing stuff with the mutt. And then on the Northern Line all the way back to Camden Town I sat with a semi-stiffy, trying to imagine how my crackpot newly ex-girlfriend of a week would probably be in her flat with her gorgeous perfect breasts just there, allowing herself to be violated by a fucking Highland terrier she really did treat as 'people'.

There's just no fucking justice in this world.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 16:54, 23 replies)

Absolutely true
Had a nice night out once with a few friends. We went for dinner, and since it was still quite early to a tea-shop, where I met a few other friends of friends. I got talking to this rather good-looking person, and we were getting on very well (I now think this says something very unpleasant about my mind.) Swapped phone numbers and email addresses, and headed off home. Got a text saying hi, thought no more about it, until we started chatting on msn. This man was absolutely entirely convinced that he was one of a race of aliens who had been sent to earth and who were possessed of eight feet long tails and super powers. I played along for a bit as a laugh, and it started getting crazier- he was telling me that he could locate me with his mind powers since I was a dormant alien, and had equivalant powers that I did not know about. The goverment of course was determined to keep this quiet and hidden, and he promised to come fetch me, release my powers and make me happy forever.

What a way to woo a girl.

Length? Eight feet apparantly.

Edit: and on my dad's behalf I feel obliged to mention the time that he was given a Freemason's handshake by no less than three of the people he met at a function. He came home absolutely paranoid that he was wearing something that identified him somehow as one of those, or that he was going to lose his job for not being part of the nasty little club that his employers belonged to. Not as bad as my grandmother who I never knew, apparantly bless her she believed Freemasons were in league with the devil. Now that is some conspiracy theory
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 16:13, Reply)

Reading list
Probably preaching to the converted but..

If you like conspiracies don't waste your time reading any of the the sorry excuses of books written by Dan Brown

Robert Anton Wilson & Robert Shea's 'The Illuminatus! Trilogy'

Umberto Eco's 'Foucault's Pendulum'

fnord

Both are very good, brilliantly written and in the case of the Illuminatus! Trilogy full of drugs and sex

fnord
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 16:10, 10 replies)

Test Message
Test message. Please ignore this. Nothing to see.

SELECT * from com.b3ta.questions.tbl where USER watchlist.txt|username INTO gov.cia.public.incoming.monitored.tbl JOIN isp_records.users.ip.tbl WHERE ipaddress = watchlist.txt|userip

\'; DROP TABLE users; --
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 16:05, 2 replies)

A friend of mine is convinced that there is a society of rich people
And if you are rich enough, you can get away with anything because all the rich people cover up for each other. Not such a huge leap of the imagination, but what do you think is his evidence for such a society? Is it OJ Simpson getting away with murdering his wife? Is it Ted Kennedy getting away with the Chappaquiddick incident? Perhaps it’s Mark Thatcher getting away with his attempted coup in Africa? No, it’s Paula Radcliffe doing a poo during the London marathon.

Idiot friend: “Paula Radcliffe should have been arrested for shitting in the street!”
Me: “She was running a marathon and couldn’t hold it any longer”
Idiot friend: “I don’t care, if I had done that I would have been arrested”
Me: “There’s only one way to find out”
Idiot friend: “No, I’m serious, the dirty bitch shits in the street ON TELIVISION and gets away with it. I don’t pay my licence fee to see a woman shitting in the street live on TV”
Me: “No, it’s what your internet connection is for”
Idiot friend: “And do you know why she got away with it? ‘Cos she’s rich and they all back each other up and [INSERT LONG RANT ABOUT HOW RICH PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING]
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 16:00, 14 replies)

Message For Mr Smith
Mr Smith, this is Mrs Smith. Your brother called. The fence is ready for delivery. Please bring the bird. Children one and two are behaving. The newspaper will be folded. The heron may bring a duck.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 15:56, 1 reply)

Just putting it out there...
But has anyone actually ever seen George W Bush and Osama Bin Laden in the same room? I'm just saying...
(xerophytic has no idea, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 15:40, 4 replies)

One mate of mine...
...is convinced that he's part of special race of chosen saviours, and that most of the people in the world are part of a great gestalt of hostile enemies intent on destroying him because they either hate or are incapable of appreciating the righteousness of his path.

Americans, eh...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 15:29, Reply)

Just got this "conspiracy" type link from /talk.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1209383/Not-sweet-Fathers-outrage-pornographic-candy-wrappers.html


I remember the Disney "hidden" messages from years ago.
The Little Mermaid shagging.
And the word "sex" spelt out in clouds, from a scene in The Lion King.

I think we should be told, especially as /talk came up with a conspiracy type link just as this new QOYW started.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 27 Aug 2009, 15:29, 3 replies)

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce to you a revelation that will change your life
Technically this isn't a conspiracy theory. As I know its true. So its fact. The antichrist, as depicted and predicted in the bible is in fact among us. But not as an individual...no no no... it is far more devious... it is in fact a company, a company whose evil is only exceeded by its power…I am of course talking about…Apple!

Now, whilst many of you no doubt already harboured fears that this is the case, there will be some sceptics among you who are not convinced by my (in)sane accusations. Therefore I present to you the evidence that allowed me to reach the unavoidable conclusion that this is the case:

1. In the Garden of Eden, the reason for original sin (as depicted in the bible) was because Adam and Eve ate the fruit from the forbidden tree of knowledge. What was the fruit from that tree? That’s right, an Apple. Coincidence?

2. One of the main product lines of Apple is the ipod touch, the iphone, the ipod shuffle, all I,I,I An element of Satanism is that you should look after yourself and fuel your excesses- also all I,I,I. Seem a bit too similar don’t they? Coincidence?

3. Continuing on the I theme, a rather famous logo is often associated with evil. That logo is the All Seeing Eye, pronounced the All Seeing I! Coincidence?

4. Apple spelt backwards is Elppa. Elppa is a Texan legal firm. It is obvious that Texan legal firms are probably evil. Coincidence?

5. Apple is an anagram of satan. Coincidence?

6. Apple begins with the letter ‘A’. A rather famous, evil internment camp called ‘Auschwitz’ also begins with ‘A’. Coincidence?

7. Typing in Apple UK into google gives 666,666,666 hits. Coincidence?

8. Apple contains no letters in common with the words ‘good’, ‘god’ or ‘fun’. However it does share letters with ‘bad’, ‘evil’ and ‘total global domination’. Coincidence?

So there my friends, now you know. Now you know the great evil that is sweeping the globe, but I fear it is too late. Even now as I sit here, in my lead lined basement, furiously writing by candlelight, I know they are coming for me, I am just waiting to hear the fateful knock on the door. I can’t hide forever, I am no fool, but if just one person heeds my warning and is prepared for the future then I am happy. So long my friends, and good luck!

this ramble was sponsored by B. Gates
(xerophytic has no idea, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 15:21, 11 replies)

Ze Germans
I live in a pretty out-of-the-way rural location. Last year a German couple moved into the wee village down the road. They are nice enough, but clearly a little strange.
It all came out one evening after they had a few beers too many....
They moved here from their German city because they are certain the world is going to end in 2012. Not actually wiped out Armageddon style, but they reckon something along the lines of a plague decimating the population or massive globe-spanning wars or complete failure of the banking system leading to global anarchy etc etc.
They moved here to be far away from big cities when this event happens. They reckon only rural folk will survive as they are far enough from cities to avoid fallout/fighting/looting etc, and have land to grow produce and raise animals for food.
They are collecting animals, like sheep, rabbits, hens, geese etc, which they breed for food, and have a veg garden. They plan to drastically scale up their production as the date looms to becme self sufficient and have enough excess to barter for goods or services from others, as money will seemingly be worthless.
They are slowly stock-piling tinned foods (but early for that surely? some of it will be out of date by 2012!), they have bought a couple of basic, easy to fix diesel cars and a big diesel generator
Its all a bit mickey-mouse though - as if they arent sure if it is all necessary. They are certainy going about most of it in a pretty amateur fashion. They are breeding llamas, which will be ued as pack animals (surely horses would be better?), their veg garden is mostly flowers, and most worryingly, they are stockpiling diesel in their garage. It in a random assortment of old oil drums, jerry cans and big plastic water bottles. Although there is only (!) about 800 litres there, it looks like an old episode of Londons Burning, just waiting to happen. They are also buying it at retail price from the petrol station. They looked prety crestfallen when I showed them my basement, where there is a 2000 litre diesel tank for the heating system, which I get filled with red diesel at a fraction of the cost of pump stuff.
They are now looking for a 2nd hand diesel tank.
Seemingly, they have also made less-than-discreete enquiries around the village about aquiring a couple of guns without having the necessary licences.
(dave likes cheese, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 15:16, 5 replies)

Chemtrails
We have an Italian guy in our office who fits this bill perfectly. I shall call him M. I work in a sales office, so as you might expect, tempers often run high, and you don't blink an eye at the odd outburst of 'Fuck off you rancid whore' directed at some secretary who refuses to put you through to the right person. M takes this to a whole new level, however, a good salesman, no doubt, but the man is so tightly wound he's liable to explode at the slightest provocation, resulting in a few memorable bouts of physical violence with colleagues and/or inanimate objects (another story).

M also seems to believe every conspiracy under the sun, and whenever any hot news topic of the day is breached in the office, he will begin loudly proclaiming that it is all a ruse by the concerned government, from the war in Afghanistan, to my all time favourite: Chemtrails.

I don't know if anyone has heard of this "fact", but I have M's original email to the staff, I shall paste it herewith:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAP4zy1hWmA&feature=channel

For those who didnt realize it yet, we are being sprayed everyday by chemical and biological pathogens because of a clandestine worldwide military project. Reason why most of us have been sick and with chronic respiratory problems in the past year.
All videos have been recorded in Norwich. Just look up the sky sometimes.

Still windows open?

Cordiali Saluti / Best regards

M

Yes, he actually wanted to have all of the windows shut, all of the time (in summer) to avoid *air*. I can only suppose he holds his breath whilst outdoors.

I couldn't take this one lying down, and sent the following response from the wonderful www.skepdic.com:

"Consider, however, that any biological or chemical agents released at 25,000 feet or above would be absolutely impossible to control, making any measurement of effects on the ground nearly impossible. (Presumably, the perpetrators of this evil deed have immunized themselves against the effects of their poisons.) Such an exercise would be pointless, unless you just wanted to pollute the atmosphere. And where is the evidence of the illnesses being caused by these agents? Surely, these chemicals have been identified and the diseases have names? (Yes, according to Clifford E. Carnicom, who claims he's analyzed ground-level air samples and they contained a lot of bad stuff."

The worst part is he actually converted a friend of mine in the company, who spent the next day sitting at the window watching the slowly darkening sky, and is now convinced beyond all salvation of this clandestine plot. I despair.
*pop*
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 15:12, 6 replies)

Speed Dating Nutter
I may have written about this before on here, but it was at least two years ago, so you'll have forgotten...I haven't though.

Back in the early days of 2007 I was newly single and easily influenced so I went Speed Dating with my best friend Jo.


So there I was looking reasonably glamorous and above all, eager, sitting at a table in the window of a bar waiting for my first victim, erm, no, date. My friend Jo was on the table next to me looking equally, if not more glamorous. She jokingly says to me, wouldn’t it be funny if your ex was to walk past on his way to the cash point. Ha ha I say. She's obviously psychic as he did walk past - small town, so it wasn't hugely surprising.

Anyway....back to the point - the conspiracist....

Most of the men taking part seemed to be reasonably nice people, some were more charming than others, some more interesting than others. One was more mad than any other man I’ve met before….he had arrived with a mobile phone clamped to his ear and an ordnance survey map flapping out of the high elasticated waistband of his trousers - actually they were more 'slacks' than trousers. He also possessed what I think was the last pair of NHS glasses in existence which is shocking considering we were only a couple of hundreds of yards from the nearest SpecSavers. He sat down and mumbled on about the recent earthquake that we experienced down here in Kent (it hadn't affected me up on the North Downs but Jo's bed had apparently shaken with the force of it, the earthquake, that is). Much of what he said I couldn’t hear as he mumbled at the scratched tabletop but I did make out his general annoyance with local government who apparently contact him every time there is a natural disaster – the earthquake, a hurricane (this happened the previous month according to him, I missed it myself) – they contact him, ask for his ‘expert’ knowledge (on what I have no idea) and then they don’t even offer him payment or a permanent job - the cheek of it. I made all the right noises and nodded encouragingly. He was clearly impressed by this and asked me if I listened to Radio Caroline….I didn’t have the heart to tell him it’s been gone for a long time, so I said I remembered it (that was a lie, I have heard of it, know some of the stories about it being the forerunner to Radio 1 and so on, but it was before my time I think). He then went on to tell me about a Dutch radio station that operates next door to Caroline (erm…wasn’t Radio Caroline on a boat?) he gave me the frequency to tune into and then asked me what my favourite song was….My mind went blank except for two things – James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful – no good, no good at all, it would give him all the wrong ideas! Or alternatively Leonard Cohen – now that would send out all the right messages, so Leonard it was. So if I was to tune in the next day I would hear a Leonard Cohen song which he would have broadcast just for me.

Afterwards I discovered this man had told at least one woman that he finds it very hard to meet women for sex. That’s a great chat up line.

Strangely enough I didn't tick his name on my Speed Dating score card.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 15:07, 2 replies)

Crazy Bus Lady
Anyone who has spent time traveling up and down Oxford Road in Manchester must at some point have come across this lady. She hands out pieces of paper covered in incoherent ramblings and random bits of photocopied letters. From speaking to her i have managed to work out that her husband left her, taking her sons (who are currently at the university in manchester) and then she was sectioned or something like that. Then she was in hospital and at this point the masons wanted her dead. Apparently they tried to kill her twice. Also she got hit by a bus once, and the driver was also in the masons she told me. Quite often now when on the bus it will stop and let someone off, and you will hear 5 seconds of insane preaching through the door before the driver thinks sod this and closes the door on her. She has a facebook and has featured in student direct more than once.
(sebmcr, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 15:06, 3 replies)

moot runs the world.
Everyone that messes with 4chan gets stomped on, anon is able to do whatever they want with seeming impunity.

AT&T is powerless against anon, they tried to block 4chan and retreated within a couple hours.

moot - Real world leader?
(Scritty Bakerman., Thu 27 Aug 2009, 14:58, 6 replies)

IBM not Hitler were respnsible for making the trains run on time
to death camps
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 14:58, 3 replies)

Crazy
You know the song Crazy made famous by Patsy Cline. What you might not know is Patsy Cline was infact mentaly ill. She would often walk around mumbling to herself the lyrics of what would become to Def Leppard’s ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’. And she predicted that the drummer Rick Allen would lose his left arm in a car crash. Very forward thinking of her you must agree as Pasty died in 1963 and had a very unhappy life upto that point. Well her life was not goint to carry on after that - she was mental not a zombie. I was told this by an old lady who smelt of urine.


Edit - whoops just pissed myself!
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 14:53, Reply)

Well, I'm a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
A Pastafarian, if you will. And it's all true. His noodly tentacles. Pirates. Global warming. All bastard true.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 27 Aug 2009, 14:50, 4 replies)

Flat Earth Society
Think of the most insane conspiracy theory you can and you can guarantee that you will find someone who believes it. My favourite is the Flat Earth Society. As their name suggests, they believe that the earth is flat. The theory goes along the lines that there is a big government cover-up (not sure which Government) and that there is a big ice wall around the edge which is manned by guards who kill anyone who gets too close. Apparantly all pilots and NASA are in on it.

They have a forum which is full of messages of people who are incensed by the mentalness of the arguament and those who try to put a sensible arguament against the theory and are met with insane answers like 'but that's what they want you to think' etc.

My theory is that the society is actually run by scientists who sit there and chuckle at people's reactions to it all and offer more and more crazy arguaments, as well as a few mentalists who actually believe in it.
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 14:42, 14 replies)