Sorry to kill the mood...
...but Chopper3, you and your friends sound like a right bunch of sadistic little cunts. What did that poor fella ever do to deserve the frankly shocking abuse you dished out to him? It's bad enough to observe and snigger slyly at the misfortune of others, even if they do deserve it, but taking part in the ritual humiliation of a perfectly innocent (and most likely entirely sound) young man is just sick.

Once again I apologise, but I think it had to be said. Most of these anecdotes are top quality and a very entertaining read, but now and again there's the odd one that crosses the line.
(SurferRosa causing the lamentation of the womenfolk since, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 19:58, Reply)

Meatboy
Some freak on the school bus took pictures on his phone of the open backed truck outside the butchers, with swinging cow corpses on show. The look on his face was in my nightmares for weeks.
(Strangemiester, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 19:22, Reply)

Odd kid
My own mother called me odd kid.

I refused to be left at first school so they let my mum sit in the car outside and I sat at the window. For years. Freak....

I wanted to wear trousers but the school said I had to wear a skirt. I wore both. Most of the time. As if early 80s fashions weren't bad enough.

I then developed a nervous vomiting problem where if anyone/anything scared me slightly I would instantly spill my stomach contents. This obviously made me very popular and a great person to startle. So I ended up visiting a child psychiatrist.

I was also ginger (and still am, but I wear it with attitude these days)

I made the mistake of getting free place at a posh public school where I was the poor kid as well as the odd kid.

It was only when I got to university that I actually had like, proper friends!

I'm quite normal now, well, mostly.
(roadrunner, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 19:15, Reply)

Library
Oh who could forget Emma? She threw a book at the librarian, then denied it even faced with CCTV footage of her doing it. She also bought a giant bottle of ketchup to school in her bag, because she didn't like the ones in a sachets in the canteen. I also once saw her randomly thrust-jumping in the corridor - thats making a thrusting movement with your hips, and jumping forward at the same time. Freak.
(Strangemiester, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 19:02, Reply)

Yes...
I am that wierd kid, and ive come to haunt you and steel your fridge. Be warned. I am Joe.
(abignumber, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 18:50, Reply)

Joe...
The wierd kid in my class is called Joe. Although some of you may know him as 'Name'.
He's the same kid who had a strange fascination with my cock while I was having a slash in France.
b3ta.com/questions/schooltrips/post67751/

I'm guessing he'll probably read this, but to be honest I don't care because he threw a mini coke bottle at me today.
It bloody hurt too.


Length etc.
(littlenipple hate's bad grammar, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 18:47, Reply)

Never see him in class
but he would stand at the bottom of his garden which fronted on to the main road. He just used to stand there and watch the traffic. I dont think he was a dribbly. but he just watched traffic like 'normal' people watch TV. Maybe he never had a tv....
Anyway, he wore a hole in the same patch of grass he used to stand in. It must have been worn down a good foot by the time the council knocked the houses down and moved them on to pastures (and traffic) new....

Length? I said a foot! A good foot at that!
(i AM that masked man Book him Tonto, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 18:36, Reply)

Darth Vodka has reminded me...
A girl at my uni, we all named Magic girl (use to be ferret girl but it didn't stick) mainly due to her being a member of a role playing society. Anyways:

She insisted on following me and my mates around (especially on of them called Claire) even though we never attempted to be friendly to her.

Now this might seem cruel, but take into consideration she used to PICK HER NOSE during lectures and she used to do this weird clicking thing with her jaw.

This was while smiling all the time like Timmy from south park.

You might notice that Im talking in past tense, this is due to being in my third year of uni and due to me and my mates being Biochemists and her a Biologist, we don't share any lectures!! :D

Her favorite 'friend', the poor Claire is a Biologist but luckily shes escaped her by doing a year in industry in Florida.
(purplefairy, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 18:16, Reply)

College
Unfortunately the weird people don't disappear when you leave school.

One guy in my class just now is interesting, great guy but comes out with the strangest things.

When asked what our sinuses are for, he answered "to make our heads lighter"

and just today I was telling him that I work in promotions-
"so where do you do this propaganda"
"promotions"
"ah, same thing really"

Makes us smile though

P.S. I totally agree about the comment below about bullying, "special needs" people have a mental disability, it's not their fault and it's not nice to laugh at them for it.
(kaedesmith, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 18:15, Reply)

Its not nice to laugh at people with mental disabilities...
...but its the only way to make their lives useful, sadly. None the less, if you knew this guy, you would HAVE to laugh out loud at his antics. If you dont, you go insane trying to keep the laughter in. Anyway, his surname is Durber, but lets call him Jim Durber, because I'm nice.

At first I didn't see anything wrong with him (thats me, not good at reading people). However, I soon realised he was fruitcake after people told me of the odd things he had done. These included: paying girls to let him sit next to him, pushing a girl down the stairs and throwing a brick at her as a sign of affection and laughing manically while a piece of ruler was stuck in his eye.

As time went on, I soon witnessed the horror that was the Durbinator. There are too many hillarious occurances to list here, but here's 10 of the best memories.

Was punched square in the chest and winced. He still managed to say 'ARGH, you missed!'

Sat at the back of the bus, staring at me and the girl he fancied through the gap between the seat and headrest. Oh god, that was freaky.

Walked into the locker room with his face exactly resembling a chimpanzee’s, making a loud 'WAAOOOOOOOOOO' sound.

On numerous occasions, had conversations on his phone with Spongebob.

Used the 'insult' "you like girls don’t you! Hehehe!" on every boy he could find.

Decided to copy Chico from the X-factor. For a good few weeks people would ask him what the time was just to hear him go ‘ISS CHICO TAAAAME!!’ One day, when feeling low, he replied with an un-enthusiastic ‘Is Chico time.’

Used a shower at Dartmoor. He couldn't figure out how to change the heat setting. As a result we had to endure 5 minutes of 'ARRGGGH IT BURNS!! AHHH!!'

On said Dartmoor trip, chewed off the corner of someone's roll-mat. When asked by the teacher why he did it he claimed that he 'was hungry.'

Became a green day fan, a good few years too late. He developed a hilariously bad dance for it and would always say that his favorite bands where ‘Green day and American idiot.’

Best of all, he walked up to all of the year 11 guys, asking them how their mum's where.

He's gone to an even more special school, where hopefully the girls will fully appreciate having a brick thrown at them.
(Dirty Harry has a cordial relationship with the Pope., Fri 19 Jan 2007, 18:10, Reply)

Laura Jones
laura Jones was the odd kid at high school, when 'Dr Jones' by Aqua came out all the kids reinvented it:

Laura Jones, Laura Jones
Calling Laura Jones
Brush your hair now.

Cruel but even the teachers didn't like her.
(purplefairy, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 18:01, Reply)

Lesley
The boy in reception who smelled of vomit.

Apart from that and my pink and white BMX I have no real memories of the first year of infant school.

So congratulations Lesley, you made it to my adult memories.
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 17:51, Reply)

...
There was a kid who, though not in my class, he was a friend of mine. The poor sod has Spinobifida and one of the operations he had to correct his spine when he was young left him with rather poor bladder control. It just so happens that if you made him jump or scared him enough, he would wet himself. Now I'm a nice person so I kept the fact that he was a walking piss bomb to myself, but one day there was a knock on my door. I open the door and he's standing there in a puddle of piss. I look at him the way you do when someone is standing in their own piss - and he looks up and says:

"there was a bee"
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 17:41, Reply)

There were a couple in my year...
For starters: www.b3ta.com/questions/intensefriendships/post59134/

- There was a girl I came to refer to as Boring Sarah. Although I was pretty unpopular on my own, Boring Sarah was a law unto herself. Overweight, freckly and with hair the shape of a warning sign, she had three major characteristics:
1. Clinginess. Especially if you had anything in common with her (liking for Westlife, kittens, whatever). She used to poke me in the arm (see below) on a regular basis to tell me exactly how old her kittens were down to the hour.
2. A liking for poking people repeatedly in the upper arm to get their attention. Usually to go "nothing" and carry on. During study leave for GCSEs I had a perfectly circular bruise on my upper arm, in the same spot as my BCG scar. Ouch.
3. Uber-religion. Before moving to our school, she'd attended a Catholic grammar. On overhearing one of the girls in our year talking about how she needed to get laid (thinking about it it could have been me), she said "but if you have casual meaningless sex you'll have a casual meaningless baby!".
The opposite of most men's Catholic schoolgirl fantasies, I think.

- A Thai girl whose mum, so it was rumoured, was a prossie in London, and who used to get people to walk on her back when it clicked. She ended up dating a guy in the year below her (loudly mocking his length and girth to her slutty friends in the common room), whereupon her mum met his dad ... and they became a couple too.

- Alex. He never turned up for his classes, never handed his homework in and one day, when our English teacher lost her patience with him and told him he had ten minutes to write his presentation, legged it home. His yearbook entry had to be written for him as it was unprintable.

- If you ask most people in my year, I was the weird kid. But hey, I live in Switzerland now and you all live in incest-a-gogo land, so screw you all. Bastards.
( Maladicta, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 17:33, Reply)

Ok, one guy...
Mentioned one factor before, that this said person once came back to school after a week off claiming he'd had Anthrax. Theres more from him.
Came in once when about 12 or 13 telling everyone he had set up a gun sales website and was making hundreds of pounds selling non-existant guns and tasers, but got shut down by the FBI before he could give anyone a link to this site. He became convinced once a death penalty existed for a minor arson incident he was apparently police interviewed about (We live in Wales)...oh, told everyone his sister from the army had brought him home a rifle, using its registration number in his msn name and everything...it was of course made of plastic...was telling everyone at the age of 16 he had to go have MRI scans every week because doctors said he had a "Psychotic Brain"...not so much the genuinly weird kid, as the desperate attention seeker fantasist, who will bring a yellow pages to school and make sure everyone knows about, gets a chin hair, buys a shaver, brings shaver in to show everyone, then never shaves and ends up with multiple fine thin chin hairs a couple inches long each...
theres plenty more, but with this going on for 6 or 7 years I tend to forget lots of it.

EDIT:Just got reminded of the time a test tube of a clear liquid was produced at every possible oppourtunity for 2 days that was supposedly stolen from a lab during work experience. This was said to be chloroform and with the display of said person constantly taking sips from it came a print-off he had made with all the effects and dangers of drinking chloroform on it. Given none of these ever came to pass, its safe to say clear liquid was water Id say...
(Pigmash, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 17:30, Reply)

One of the guys who I was mates in school with used to get naked at every available oppurtunity when on school trips
Every. Single. One. Come lights out the clothes would be whipped off and he'd be dancing about the dorm room trying to persuade others to streak the girls' room.
He was one of my best mates, but boy was he weird
( Dave the Mighty, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 17:30, Reply)

More...
Vincent E - the school genius with head double the size of a normal human. His family didn't believe in Christmas, so they'd just sit round a candle on Dec 25th to spite everyone else. He once had to be escorted home in tears when he only got 99% in a maths A level that he'd taken two years early. He dropped out of university after three weeks because he missed his mum.

Jonathan Booker - jovially known as Booker the Fucker, or Stinker. He was an accidental baby and his parents were reputed to be in their nineties. Nobody had ever seen them until I caught a glimpse of his mother through their house window. She must have been 200 years old if she was day. She had stalactites.

Ian M - played Dungeons and Dragons, read all of Tolkien before he was 12 and liked computers. Enough said, I think.

Nigel Parkin - I know he won't read this, because he is illiterate. The school psycho, he would fight anyone just for practice (including, on one unfortunate occasion, a policeman). One time, there was a workman glazing a door leading the the dinner room. Fifteen year-old Parkin wanted to smoke, so he kicked the kneeling worker to the ground and stepped over him. The man seemed too amazed to react.

Paul S - a virgin at 21, he used to shit the bed, flagellate his buttocks with a coat hanger and masturbate into scented condoms. When we put his teddy in the freezer, he got so upset, he had to call his mum. He is now a music teacher and married to a woman ten years his senior who has been described as "a giganitcally fat and ugly beast" by people who attended the wedding.
(frankspencer, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 17:30, Reply)

ssshhhiiiIIIIIIIiiiiiittttt
His name was Paul. While not technically in my class, he was in my year in middle school. So when the year goes on a school trip to Lyons, France, the rest of us have to put up with him and his strange odours.

Now, the dorms we were staying in were arranged so that there was a long corridor, and the dorm rooms were all down one side. At the end of the corridor were two toilets. One morning we are all getting ready for the day ahead in the rooms when we hear (with full doppler effect):

_....ssssssssssSHHHIIIIiiiiii_iittt......

and we look up to see Paul legging it past the doors looking somewhat panicked. Naturally we all stick our heads out the doors and watch as he legs it down the corridor and out the doors at the end. We look back the other way to see what could have spooked him so, just in time to see one of the toilets...bubbling over. A brown liquid was pouring out the top of the bowl accompanied by the odd bubbling and gurgling noise. Then it surfaced. The mother of all turds rose out of the water like an alligator stalking its prey, then promptly slopped over the side with a wet splat. It was then carried by a small wave of brown water along the length of the corridor as we all scrambled for higher ground. The turd sailed, almost gracefully past the doors before butting up against the exit doors at the end of the corridor. Oddly I can't remember how we managed to get out of the dorms that day. I must have blocked that experience out.
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 17:20, Reply)

do criminals count
one kid started running weed through the school, then started to grow it in his dads alotment. he later OD on cocaine. In the toilets outside english. first timer apparently. presently in prison to my knowledge for dealing.
(dirtyfukinmanc I swear the sheep was awake, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 17:17, Reply)

I had a few
Our first subject is named mark. Mark was a "special educational needs" student. Nobody had a F**king clue what was wrong with him, but the results of his behaviour were hilarious. The most notable was when he discovered his love for a girl named emma. Mark began to follow emma around school, even skipping lessons just to see her sat in geography. My friends and I thought it would be fun to egg Mark on to sneak in and catch her changing for P.E. So enevatable screaming and a very scared but obviously very aroused Mark leg it back round the corner. It was soo good my mate put it in his year book entry.

The second was a girl named katie, another member of the "SEN" students. She didnt have a disability she was just stupid. This girl was so horrible that even the teachers didnt prevent us taking the living piss out of her.
The abuse ranged from doctered images posted round school of her dad (local milkman) to randomly telling her she was anwsering the wrong questions in lessons. Some would say this was evil bullying but katie found it impossible to be nice to people. I remember walking down an empty wide corrider and her delibrately slamming her way past me, this was with no provokation. She never showed up to the leavers party.
(dirtyfukinmanc I swear the sheep was awake, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 17:10, Reply)

wanker
there was a kid in my class in about year 8. and we were doing some kind of end of year test. when towards the end he started to "scratch" himself under his jumper. he carried on "scratching" for a couple of minutes and then ended with some slow "scratches".

anyway i thought i was the only person that noticed this and i convinced myself he was actually scratching himself. until the girl sat behind says "was he wanking?!!?"
i gave my honest opinion and then suddenly the word spread. later than day i found that i had become the go to guy for people to find out what actually happened. it usually went like this.

person: what actually happened?
me: what have you heard?
person: he had a wank over the teacher under the table
me: thats about right.

or

person: is it true he stood on the table, whipped it out and jizzed on the chair?
me: yep thats about right.

so i was pretty much just agreeing to what people had heard on their chinese whispering adventures.

all was good and well until i was called to the head of year about "bullying" said wanker.
hardly fair.
so i gave my side of the story and i was off the hook.

he was a bit wierd
(suboftheday, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 17:09, Reply)

Tracksuit Man
there was a lad on my course at uni (admittedly Maths has it's fair share of weirdos) known only as tracksuit man, he sat at the front of the lecture theatre and always wore a sh1tty tracksuit

a girl i knew was introduced to him in Freshers' week and he said (in his ridiculous estruary english) "ooooh i've never met a girl before"

he was 18

i'd google him, but nobody knew, or wanted to know, his real name
(Darth Vodka, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 17:08, Reply)

A lad called Adrian joined the last year before going off to secondary
he was such a social-cripple, we used to make him eat all of our left-overs on our dinner table. Then when we went up to secondary school we ensured that the entire school would pick on him, we'd force him to eat dry cake-mix every day until he was sick, eventually his teeth started to fall out. Every day for five years he would be chased home by a baying mob, always a few paces below to keep him terrified, he'd often piss himself as he ran. On the last day of school a bunch of us tied him up with gaffer tape, hung him upside down by a rope, knocked him unconscious with lumps of wood and threw him, mostly naked, into the middle of an enormous bramble bush. Never saw him again.
(Chopper3, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 17:02, Reply)

Riverdance...
Quite frankly it’s not surprising that most b3tans were the weird kid at school, I mean, just bloody look at us. =D

Next to where we played football in the field, all the popular girls in my year would sit on the picnic benches for their lunch. Until one day I decided to Riverdance like Michael Flatley right in the middle of their table. They never came back.

Prior to that though, me and my strange friend Phil (Felipe Pazos of the kingdom of Spain, to give him his full title) decided it would be fun to do something silly for those popular girls… So, we hid in the woods behind the benches, and Phil ran out screaming, directly at them. I will never forget the exact pitch of his scream, it still makes me laugh today, it was the definitive ‘AAAIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!’
Seconds later I followed, emerging from the bushes slowly, shaking my fist at him before looking down and zipping my flies back up, again, right in front of all those gorgeous girls.

What made it even more hilarious was when at dinner the next day my little sister, who was at the same school, decided to ask if I was gay and then explained how she’d heard all about it from her friends, right in front of my quite bigoted parents. SCORE!

It’s hardly surprising that I didn’t have any girlfriends at school.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 16:49, Reply)

Woof
As a teacher, I come across a fair few 'interesting' characters.

Like the kid who can't feel pain.

Or the boy who has a split personality. One half is an articulate, clever, witty and charming young man who can do well in school. The other half of his personality? He's a dog.

Yes. A dog. He barks, growls when he feels threatened, bites other pupils, walks and all fours and has been known to urinate in the corner.

I wish I'd made this up, but it's the truth.

The wonders of modern education.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 16:46, Reply)

stalker
My mate on my course is being stalked by this japanese girl who's also on our course. She's erradict, sufferes from paranoid deliusions. Often spamming our emails with random rants and follows my mate around.

I just got back from giving witness statement to the police to stop her antics

:)
( schizophrenic_sheep, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 16:44, Reply)

molested by a vicar!
i went to a private school in the posh bit of cheshire. there were about 150 kids per year, approx 15 of whom were socially retarded.

i was not one of these, believe it or not.

one of them, whom we shall call nhoj and pronounce it backwards, was the son of a very happy clappy vicar. VERY religious. he was once heard to say that he would "rather die than have sex before marriage". i am confident that he will get this wish as i can't believe anyone would do either with him.

anyway. i had the grave misfortune to be sitting directly opposite religious nhoj in latin gcse, at the tender age of 15. this was when i was still good at latin, but the teacher hated me anyway for answering back and wearing makeup etc. one lesson, i felt this - thing - sliding up my skirt. i pulled back a bit, but it followed and resumed sliding.

i pulled back even further, but latin being (deservedly) as popular as nhoj, we were in a tiny classroom and i hit the wall behind me. the slimy thing reached the top of my thighs and started trying to poke around happy valley.

it was nhoj's foot. i knew it. i knew it. i knew this because the other person opposite me was a girl. why the hell he had picked on me to finger with his toes i had no idea. i ran out of the lesson when the bell went, but given st nhoj's religious and geeky beliefs, not even my best mate believed me! so i had to put up with it - i knew full well if i had said anything, he would have denied it and the teacher would have bollocked me. nhoj was the archetypal straight A teacher's pet.

this awful degrading stunt went on for a couple of months before he got caught in the act and ridiculed for the next year. his excuse? "i was feeling very frustrated..."

ha, he went on to become a physics teacher at the school but has now left to become a vicar. wonder what he will be preaching about every sunday...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 16:43, Reply)

Bunnyland..
Very weird child in my year at secondary school, that we were all convinced was the product of too many generations of cousins breeding..

Anyhow, most was fairly harmless stuff. We would while away lessons, listening to him tell us about how a spaceship used to turn up in the park outside our school of a weekend, and take him to the planet Boracacia, where he would have fun in Bunnyland.. All amusing and helped pass the time in dull French lessons..

It all got seriously weird a few years later, having left school, when it was discovered that he had walked into a local primary school, scared the shit out of teachers and pupils alike, and smashed the place up...

All supposedly because his advances towards my younger sister had been spurned.

The oddest thing was that my younger sister had no idea about any of this or his obsession with her. It only came to our attention as an older sister came across my little sisters name in a file she was typing up at work.

The solicitor she worked for was deffending him on charges of criminal damage and GBH.

Never heard about him again. good thing too, sodding weirdo.

Woo Hoo, first B3ta post!

Its long and thick and you know you want it.
(CantSleepClownsWillGetMe Likes: Turtles, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 16:42, Reply)

Aliens...
We have this Autistic guy in our class - he's nice, but totally lost the plot. Back in year 11 he spent the whole year constucting the most detailed drawing I'd ever seen, of his 'mother ship', yes, thats MOTHER SHIP, which stretched over 13 A3 sheets of paper, all taped together. He'd drawn all the ships hulls, storage rooms, in a cross section, with it all labled and measurements put in. He said it was comming to take him home...still hasn't come yet.

He would also claim popular people hated him because they were from his rival planet, and knew he was soon to return to his. Apart from that, he was an ok guy!
(Strangemiester, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 16:38, Reply)

Nonce sensical
Alban Fellows was a highly intelligent mole person in the year below me that would make strange 'iiikk' noises when approached. He used to lurk around breaking in to peoples lockers and had a greasy haircut that made him look a bit like Peter Lorre. If you do a quick google you'll see that he was the first person to be jailed in the UK for distributing kiddie porn over the internet.


Iiik indeed.
(icebergslim, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 16:32, Reply)