one more perv.
as a serial lurker, this is my first QOTW.

it always seems to be either the RE teachers or the PE teachers.

mr ferrethole (if you were at my school you will know him) was an RE teacher. lived in the block of flats opposite the school, romour had it that about ten years ago he was left standing at the altar by one of the history teachers. this romour has been corroborated by various staff and ex-pupils. always looked like he had a tennis ballbetween his legs, and appeared noticabley disapointed when ties became compulsory for the girls (it meant they couldn't wear low cut blouses anymore). also another thing, occaisionally saw him leaning out of the window of his flat to pick up the school wireless network on his laptop and hence recieve free email and interweb. tight git.

\\hmm, doesn't seem overly long

\\reluurks
(33% longer is struggling to think of a witty comment for here, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 14:42, Reply)

My Latin Teacher
Mr. Jenkins was his name, and murder was his game.

He was a religious man, skilled in the art of the Latin Language, his knowledge of religion was second to none, and his compulsion to Beat his beautiful Daughter to death with a tent peg was optimus prime on his list of 'Things to do before I die.'

He is now on bail in Wales somewhere, re-married to some rich witch.

It also aspired he forged his teaching experience and wasn't qualified in the slightest.

Hoooray!

[Edit: Oh yea, we had an ever so strange Supply teacher for Chemistry who too knew absolutely nothing about chemicals..

He was called Mr. Fox, and when pointing at a pupil, he would point the arm at your face, while his hand pointed to the ground. This would be preceeded by the words "YOU BOOOOYY, ARE YOU A MOUSE..." which was wierd. he then proceeded to show us an experiment using magnesium and a bunsen burner, in which: he racked a crucible as full as possible with Magnesium and heated it with the vigorous blue flame, resulting in an almighty flash, a few burntout retinas, and a heavily burning desk. To make matters worse, instead of dowsing the flames, he decided waving text books and blowing oxygen into an already brutal flame, just to ensure that no one got out alive..]
( Mr Leroy Your local friendly <GM>, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 14:32, Reply)

oh
and there was the R.E. teacher who refused to use deoderant on the grounds Jesus didn't! Apparently he bathed rarely too so he stunk of shit as you can imagine!
( moogy boobles, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 14:27, Reply)

my biology teacher
devout christian..you know fish tie pin..fish on his car. Rumour (according to fellow teachers) he was a celibate gay due to his strong religious beliefs.
We had amusing class conversations when he tried to teach us about evolution and we said "but you beleive in creationism.." to see him squirm out of it. haha

One teacher made us watch Ah-ha concert footage.
Oh and another got drunk, walked my mum home from the pub and passed out in the bathroom.
( moogy boobles, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 14:26, Reply)

Bollock
Our physics teacher was Commander Stuart. Bald headed old b@stard with little glasses he used to peer over while writing reams of notes on the OHP. His nickname was bollock as he used to bollock the hell out of anyone, this guy had the worst temper.

Commander? The story was that he was a submarine commander during WWII, fecking idiot ran it aground.
(Baron Greenback Still in Sunny Singapore, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 14:20, Reply)

Where do i start........ the beginning I think
(names changed for legal/comedy reasons)

Mr Bignose - Science teacher who successfully managed to blow up a lab, also used to flick fresh snot at kids in front of him. They sacked him after 8 other teachers resigned due to him.

Mrs Smokeywoman - Taught English, but had a habit of swearing a lot, calling another teacher a c**t in front of stunned 11 year olds was cool

Mr Fuck and Miss Bunny - Physics teacher and the deputy head who had a thing going on, until bunch of English students were looking at school camcorder to find they had filmed a porno in the gym using lost property uniforms, dirty twunts! (lucky fucker more like!)
(psychomonkey padded cell and drugged bananas, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 13:59, Reply)

oh, several...
physics teacher, who plugged himself into a power pack to demonstrate that it wouldn't do him any harm. Also, was fond of giving people lines as punishment. on on occassion, one boy in my class in year 7 got his ear pulled by the boy next to him, and the boy next to the ear-puller started laughing. so they all got lines. one got 'i must not pull other people's ears', another got 'i must not let my ears be pulled', and the laughing boy got 'when you sup with the devil, use a long spoon'.

had a chemistry teacher who retired just before i left, who would set fire to the gas taps.

one teacher was banned for drink-driving, we think. he used to always be seen drinking tango, in the days of the black bottles, but we knew better. also, he used to drive across the playground from his department to the canteen at lunchtimes, to save himself the walk. I saw him one lunchtime, laughing with a non existant person about how he'd just got out of his car.

and a male PE teacher (of course) was rumoured to be having an affair with a sixth-form girl. they were very pally all the time, and we all suspected it and used to wind him up mercilessly. rumour has it they got together properly after she left school.

had a biology teacher too who lived with his dad, he recently retired. owned a small-holding with cows on it too for a hobby, but had a wonderful collection of animals in the biology lab and if punishment were needed it would be a fine which went in the animal fund.

history teacher didn't turn up one day because he'd gone on a day-trip to Auschwitz.

oh, and this man. check out these poses, but a top bloke and a great teacher. he even took us on a sailing trip :)




( mr_wicksy is.... old., Fri 11 Nov 2005, 13:50, Reply)

For those who know
Adams' Grammar in Newport. Full of teachers who were several electrons short of a noble gas structure, but two stand out:

"rodney" Jones, our sixth form tutor and occasional history teacher. Once strolled into registration 10 minutes late, walked up to the front and annouced "boys, boys. Everyone is looking for land of the golden fuck, but let me tell you, it doesn't exist" and walked out again.

"flash" newton, GCSE biology lesson ... "Boys, it says here I have to teach you about the dangers of smoking. Well I can't be arsed, so you read pages 112-115 while I fuck off and have a fag"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 13:48, Reply)

CDT teacher who i forget his name
had one of those deathtrap low, bum an inch off the ground bycycle things.

he made it himself with a fiberglass aerodynamic shell.

painted to look like a giant banana.
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 13:36, Reply)

UVHS (cumbria) late 80's
will try to be short..
teaching staff basically 50% evangelical christians, kids about 1% the same, 99% anything but. being a goth/punk, pagan RPGer made myself and my mates the enemy. eee, it was fun :)

frau harrison. evil german teacher. drove her mad, "worst class EVER" left to teach at the insipid public school down the road.

Minto. if hitler escaped the bunker it was him. famed for shouting "You boy!" at a hall of 350 students and everyone freezing. even the girls.

Mr Carling. obligatory perv. was sure he was doing at least one of my class. we were 13. Yellow Beetle. says it all.

Mr Lister. Labour MP, kinda cool, backed the quest to get askate park for which he shall be forever welcome in heaven.

Mr Beaumont. Big, shouty, tired of it all. when we were called in for writing on our desk in green ink it turned out he was colour blind and couldnt see our writing but could see the name of the guy who dropped us in it. fluke as we were well on our way to double secret probation.

Mr. Lang. RE. Buddhist, loved tom leher and carried a coffin shaped eukalely (i can't spell ok). rocked. he's mean to be near me now but doesn't rmember me. :(

the burser. no name, just famous for doing nothing and letting his dog foul the rugby pitch. the rugby boys loved him. was nearly killed till the teacher (of rugby) reigned his soldiers in :)

Mr Dickonson. best Head teacher ever. on retirement was replaced by Dower. name and nature, who was sent in to sort the school out and failed hehe. sent anyone home with dyed hair till it grew out. those girls who had permanently dyed hair got a free holiday till someone pointed it out.

many more, including the sexy french teacher who by way of doubling my lines everytime i forgot my homework diary ended up in defeat as i hit 8 million lines.

Mr Btsn (want to avoid sueing). coniston, cumbria. he is destined for hell. evil evil fucker. won't go into it but his son edned up doing himself in. no one was suprised. we have a pact (6 members so far) that we shall dance on his grave when he finally dies. i cannot emphasize how hated he is.

special mentions to the UVHS art and eglish depts for being sound, helpful and generally as pissed off with the monkeys they were lumbered with as us. especially mr. pinches who put up a comic strip i did about anohter of the god-botherers and his hyperactive, ridiculous behaviour in the staff room. (i only found out after looking for it, panicing and making the whole "i bet somene put it up in the staffroom" joke. eep.)

i actually really like a lot of my teachers but about three made my life hell. they shall suffer (once i'm a millionaire and all powerful :)
(unlawful odour i dunno..., Fri 11 Nov 2005, 13:29, Reply)

Sweaty sweaty teacher.
One french lesson, or regular teacher was off sick, so we had a guy from elsewhere teach us. I remember nothing about the lesson but his uncontrolable sweating. He came into the lesson with a dry shirt, and within 10 minutes, he had a soaking wet patch about 10cm by 10cm on his chest. Throughout the lesson, this grew and grew, merging with others that had sprung up until his whole shirt was dripping. It really did look like someone had thrown a bucket of water over him. Eew!
(matthyaouw, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 13:25, Reply)

Errr.. basically please!
I can never hear those words again in the same light after biology. Mr Powell managed to somehow use the word please in every sentence. "Please could you look at this asstape please" He couldnt say the word acetate. Also we think he had whooped up a bollock due to his large adam's apple. When we covered whooping cough he couldn't work out why we laughed!
(samurai_penguin, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 13:21, Reply)

Lets see....let's name names.... at secondary school
Mr Tibbs
Rather....large stomached P.E. teacher who had previously been my older sister's tutor, who was actually a rather nice bloke at times, but seemed to cross this off anyones thoughts when he would demand the kids to 'get their kits off' in the showers and watch constantly, wiping the steam from his glasses occasionally.

Mrs Lodge, R.E.
Hated absolutely profusely by every living soul in the school, to the extent that when we'd ask the 'nicer' teachers about their thoughts of her, they'd blush and say 'no comment'. Mrs Lodge was evil. VERY evil. She had no concept of teaching, just how to shout the living hell at people. I would wind her up massively by staring out the window, watching a can blow accross the playground and when she asked why, I would comment that it was "just.....so.. amazing". Didn't go down well.

She had her own little portakabin style classroom hut, which she would never seem to leave. She was hated so much that she had a brick thrown through her window with a note attached, plus reguarly recieved death threats. Deserved it, too.

Geography Teacher
Used to think it was a real TREAT for us to watch Dantés Peak, EVERY xmas time. I did learn to love it based on the fact that the old granny in the acid scene is fucking hilarious.

IT Teacher
Was an IT teacher by proxy, but seemingly not by skills. Used to teach off worksheets and being the only techie *techie* there, I would reguarly have to advise him how open up applications. Seriously. I spent the GCSE final project running my own web business in class and did the project in 8 hours on a sunday afternoon. He gave me an A* for it because he "didn't understand any of it, but it looked good".

Mr Ash, English
Absolute LEGEND of a teacher. Gave me his email address when I left, but I mislayed it. Absolutely obsessed by books, films (especially, bizarrely, westerns) and was an ex-bbc researcher who had unlimited anecdotes from every walk of life. Realising I hated all the work we were given, he made it his mission to find me books I'd enjoy. The kind of teacher you'd get pissed with on a friday night if you found him in a club.

Some young supply woman
Not particuarly fit, but I made an absolute habit of imagining she was just so I could talk to her for the entire lesson so I didn't have to do any work. Was quite sucessful most of the time, too.

History teacher
Amazingly passionate teacher who, I'm sure failed at teaching me anything I was meant to know as I failed miserably at getting any sort of good marks in history. Was too soft to give any of us detentions, and if she did, we'd go to her room and smile sweetly and she'd let us off every single time. Used to discuss music with my mate after she spotted pearl jam written on his pencil case.

Mr Green
Design and Technology teacher who was the most picky, precise, camp guy you could ever imagine, who had endless faith in me to a disturbing degree.

Mr Aires
Taught me through my GCSE years and let me do a final project that was way above the GCSE stations (everyone made tiny wooden boxes... i made........a swivel chair with egonomic back...) and would spend hours of lunch times helping out. Had amazing anecdotes about his 'time in industry' and was apparently a co-creator of the technology behind 'finger trap' toys - they were originally used for ship cargo.

Some old woman, cooking
Used to very very very phallously (spg?) rub flour up and down the rolling pin (she had... quite a ....technique...), always sending the class into fits of laughter whilst she tried to figure out why.

Mr Jackson, Headteacher
Total 'darling' cockwanking welsh twat who was a smarmy cunt and imposed stupid rules which he thought would succeed to control various problems. Very much like tony blair.

Mr Curry, Music
Had hair which was conditioned beautifully and would flail about. Was SO passionate music and would, a bit disturbingly, recruit young boys (including me, who he LOVED THE SINGING VOICE of. never worked out why) for his 'modern choir'. We got to sing supergrass songs.

We actually had some pretty cool teachers at that school........but most were utter shite.

Oh and in primary school I had a teacher who had M.S. and so couldnt move much, and used to get wound up by this little shit of a kid... so would smack him with her walking stick. Ace.
( FinestLittleSpace, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 13:20, Reply)

weird teachers
Ah!! the little red haired hunchback nun at Virgo Fidelis who used 'blessed' as a swearword, eg, "if you don't put that blessed thing away, I'll give yous a detention, so I will!"
(cherrypie, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 13:04, Reply)

My Old Science teacher
Was not only a dirty pervert and not only a man that thought washing trousers (at least once) was a compleate waste of time but a man that insisted that a nuclear fission powered Lead Zeppelin could be constructed, flown and maintained. It started as a joke in the first ever lesson when he boldly stated that "With science your wildest dreams can come true!"

"Hixon what are you thinking about right now!"

"Led Zeppelin sir" I replied

From that day day on the man wouldn't shut the hell up about what he called his "special project". Four cocking hours a week for four shitting years......... I got a D because of that twunt!

The strange thing is, i always thought shagging Phillipa Price from 9F after class was his "special project"

ya lives and learns.......or not as it would seem.
(C.J Hixon L.I.P, The drinking man's shipping forecast., Fri 11 Nov 2005, 13:03, Reply)

Mithter Mith
Mithter Mith - a man with a lithp. A fantathtic englith teacher; uthed to lock the kidth in the cupboard if they mithbehaved. looked a bit of a paedo really. twunt.

Kids can be so cruel =O)
(beer_molester, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 12:48, Reply)

An R.E. Teacher. Let's just call him, oh, say, Mr Seal...
... because that is his real name.

Mr Seal was a Quaker (I resist obvious gag here) who was passionately religious. So much so he gave my friend Luke detention for listening to Chris Rea's eco-warning album The Road To Hell. (Deserved because it's shite not, as believed, a satanic rock album).

In another shining example of greatness he threw a wooden desk over and pointed at a small swastika sketched underneath and bellowed "this is how it starts!" Scary, I admit. More scary is how much time he must have spent looking underneath empty desks while we were out.

He also had a mysterious clear glass pot containing what one could only have assumed was glue on his desk. He never used it. It's volume slowly increased, to much speculation.

Mr Seal was a good man. A good teacher. Decent and true. His knee-clenched rocking on his chair while we read our text books could be excused for these reasons.

The story really takes a twist though when, as a thirty year old, I bumped into a former teacher. Having asked after Mr Seal the following TABLOID SHOCKER was revealed:

Mr Seal was not asexual, as widely believed. In fact, a nun who frequently came in to talk about 'The Calling' with pupils had mysteriously fallen pregnant several years ago. Mr Seal promptly mysteriously married her. They now live happily as Man and Wife with a baby between them and a little bit of Jesus' unique brand of love in there too.

The man knocked up a nun. If I could go back in time - I'd stand on my desk and salute him. "Oh Captain, my Captain."
(Error 404 - Username Unknown, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 12:38, Reply)

well: Mr Gleeson
only a few,

my current R.E. teacher, and form techer, lets say he's a bit...strange - just a few of the lessons he's taught us:

we're all going to die from mobile phones,

he has a small house

the best camoflage is to wear normal clothes

we are the worst yr 9 class he's ever taught

another form is the worst year 9 form he's ever taught, and so on in that fasion

he once applied for a job on a farm and trod on a chicken.

Next up we have Dr Ling
(irish)

she stole her doctorate from her dead husband and called herself Dr. Ling

My best mates old english teacher

Couldn't stand harry potter

was dieing of 'cancer' (she had a mental breakdown)

My maths teacher in year 8: Mr Cooke

he just couldn't control us, one guy jumped out of the window, went back into the door, and he didn't even notice

he gave us lines

never did homework/work/anything vaguely mathematical

was very religious

my brothers' form history pshe and deputy head teacher once showed him Gay Porn in a lesson, accidentally, but the really funny thing was that he had just run back to his house to get 'an educational video' he later went to the madhouse

I apologise to no man!!!!
(ameoba photographer for hire, cheap, see profile, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 12:38, Reply)

Miss Dicken
was mad as a box of frogs. She was inflicted on the impressionable young minds of me and my classmates at primary school.

I'm still haunted by her cropped bright orange hair, thin lips that she scribbled over with shocking pink lipstick and green plastic framed glasses that she peered through straight into your soul...

She had the voice of a crow and would draw her shrivelled face into terrifying expressions as she referred to individual kids as "ye child of little brain". This was my particular favourite Miss Dicken-ism, although she had several for which she was really well known.

This lady was a Roald Dahl nightmare personified, but for some reason she seemed to like me and screeched at the class one day "that girl's going to go far"... Which just goes to show how batty she really was!
(spacecowgirl, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 12:33, Reply)

The PE Teachers
As I cast my mind back I can't think of a normal PE teacher in any school I've been in. They all seemed not quite right in the head in some way or another.

Mr M, a little, ginger, wrinkly PE teacher, would loudly exhort us to wash under our foreskins in the after PE shower. He would also join us, naked, in the showers in order to check that everyone had showered, bellowing as he did so that there was "nothing more natural than being naked". He would occasionaly comment on the endowment or quantities of pubic hair of anyone who got to close him.

Mr J, was welsh, unbelievably thick set, had an enormous unibrow and if he wasn't running around the playing field, he wore a permanent expression of confused irritation, as if the world was too complicated for him. If you were no good at cricket he made you stand as far away the action as possible so you "didn't get in way of the action", and if you sat down or started talking to someone he'd yell incoherently at you until you stopped doing it.
(supermeerkat, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 12:31, Reply)

A chemistry teacher called Mr. Jenkins.
A large Welsh man with strange eyebrows. Up until one incident, I thought he was fairly normal. The incident in question was a friend and I having the hilarious idea of putting superglue on his chair before one lesson. Having administered said adhesive, we got back in line with the rest of the class. He called us in, told us to sit down and then did so himself. If you've ever gotten superglue on your skin, you'll know it heats and stings a bit. He must have felt this sensation as it seeped through his trousers - he didn't say a word. But he did sit perfectly still all lesson. We were expecting some sort of hilarous trouser-removing episode, but no. Not a word. After the lesson my friend and I were utterly perplexed, and left. After lunch, I went back to see if there was any kerfuffle - no, there he was, still sat perfectly still in his chair, playing with a globe-shaped pencil sharpener. What a head case.
(The Secret 7000 ...join us. www.secret7000.co.uk, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 12:19, Reply)

Oh so many...
Weird teachers from my school included Mr Holloway, a slightly eccentric music teacher who'd regularly take out a marker to write on the board and pop it back into his shirt pocket - minus its lid.

The look of engrossed awe and excitement on the faces of my class was not to be attributed to his fascinating teaching style (as he thought), but to the ink stain spreading slowly and beautifully across his chest as he continued, and our wondering how long he could remain oblivious...

Of course, our reverie would be interrupted when he realised with a squeal (and various expletives) that he had ruined yet another shirt and would return home to an ear-bashing from his lovely wife. This happened just about every week, I couldn't hazard a guess at how many shirts he went through over the course of my five years there...
(spacecowgirl, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 12:16, Reply)

Mad Lying Old Bitch

My primary school teacher told us that tin was the most expensive metal in the world. Apparently, all the miners in Cornwall would find loads of gold whilst looking for tin, and would throw it away because it was worth nothing. She also thought digital watches were 'evil' and would confiscate anybody's who replied "10:45" instead of "quarter to eleven" when she asked what the time was. She'd tell us every day that her favourite meal was eggs and chips, and her favourite programme was countdown. And she literally used to foam at the mouth when she got angry.

She used to scare me shitless.
(geegee, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 12:15, Reply)

Unjustified Chuff-On
I've remembered another one, one of the geography teachers who never really taught my classes and whose name escapes me.

Anyway, he had this sideline of writing puzzle books along 'decipher the anagram' lines. He showed us a couple during a lesson that he covered for another, and they were proper published books with his name on - the genuine article.

The wierd part is that the bit he was chuffed with most of all was the fact that he'd given Limahl (of Kajagoogoo, er fame) his name, it being an anagram of his real name (whatever that was). Limahl had approached him and everything, apparently.

Granted, there's a faint possibility that he was full of shit on the Limahl part but he was proud of it nonetheless. Either way, there are better things to be proud of - for example, my own fairly crap claim to fame is that I saw Rod, Jane and Freddy leaving a restaurant in my hometown when I was a kid, and even that's better than being responsible for Limahl's name :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 12:05, Reply)

Pervy PE Teachers
Are all P.E teachers nonces? Ours, Mr Mitchell, to check that all the boys had had showers after PE, would come round to see see if your towel was wet. Rather than just picking it up though, he would rub his face in it. So we used to wipe our arses on our towels. Serves him right, fucking nonce.
(jakes, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 12:04, Reply)

Sedbergh again
"Dr C". you say Mr "A bit manchester"? That must be Dr Catlow... Yup... he was definately unhinged. Always in Tweed, Always with yellow handkerchief poking out of his jacket pocket, and a pipe in his hand...

We had a housemaster, Major C. An Ex Red-Berret, and well respected.

He'd use military terms around the house, "Gennlemen, you're getting up at 0600 hours for ablutions, and then we'll quick-time it to the summit of the hill and back to ground Zero before breakfast"

his response to the RAF doing low-flying exercises through the vally was better... He'd stop half way though a serious bollocking as a tornado plane went over, and his eyes would mist over as eh said "There goes 20 million pounds worth of hardware gentlemen"

His inititals where PVC, earning him the name Captain Plastic, or Prick (the way he wrote PVC made it look like "Pric")

Teh headmaster at the time, Mr Biddy Baxter wrote to the RAF to complain. This was during the gulf war (Version 1), and the RAF were playing hard. After the complaint was processed, planes came over noticably lower, and lit thier after-burners for the 2 seconds that they passed over the school. Windows shook, and lads grinned. Priceless. :o)

Prick was replaced by a biology teacher.. known as "Pecker" for his comedy nose, or "Bean", in light of his invoulantary yet highly accurate portrayal of Mr Bean.

Who Else...

Ed.. "Mad" Ed. An English teacher of bizarre mental state. He would dive under the desks and crawl to a lad who'd got his shoelaces undone, tie them for him whilst grovelling on the floor, and then pay the lad a pound for the privalege of being allowed to do so.
He also paid somone a quid for holding the door for him.

Wavey Davey, and his wife, "Mrs Sex": Art teachers. Both ageing Hippies, and MR Davey was simply the biggest Arse to have walked the planet. The bearded twat.

Mr Dowse... Latin? A mix between the fat controller and mr Toad, this guy regularly shouted "I HATE little Boys" Otherwsie a good laugh apparently.

Doc Rip: Biology Teacher: a Strange lad.. had a dog that was affectionatly known as "Kick-Start", so christened because of a nerve defect that caused the back right leg to hang mid air, and randomly kick. Rumour had it that the nerve damage was caused by rectal abuse.. Obviously not true... but amusing for us lads.

Dr Hugh Symmonds... Maths teacher. Nothing strange about this guy apart rom his amazing abilities as a fell-runner. He's writting a book called "running high" and holds a few records I think.. worth looking up.

oooh.. Stewie Manger. He wrote the GCSE english papers for the UK... and yes. You're probably picturing him correctly. Each time there was a school concert where staff attempted to show off thier Skills, Stewie the short-ass would sing "dirty old town" by the pogues. If anyone in the world owns a black crushed-velvet berét, It's him.

I'd forgotten Mickey Raw's Screw-Kicks. Outstanding, and entirely True!! :D
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 11 Nov 2005, 12:03, Reply)

MISTER POOOOWWWWWLLLLLLL
I used to have a very camp maths teacher called mr Powell, I made it my mission to piss him off. this included:

Pulling out pubes and putting them in the cover of his calculator then giving it back to him

Commando crawling out of the door before the lesson had ended to go home early

Jumping out of the (ground floor) window to go home early

Everyone in the class moving their desk forward a few inches at a time every time he turned his back on the class so he was surrounded

Seeing him late at night on the street and shouting in the HELLO DAVE style MISTER POWWWWWWELLLL!

Flicking ink all over him every time he walked past.

Hiding the chairs from his classroom in the store cupboard down the hall

He did used to look at boys in a very disturbing way, and when he heard a few people talking about going swimming he got a bit, well, excited.

HE DESERVED IT GOD DAMMIT!!!
(Jimmy Large Is huffing Jenkem on, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 11:54, Reply)

How many perv's
We had a selection of evil pervs as teachers at our school - three were sacked for improper behavior in 18 months, one science teacher who had a penchant for young boys and 2 Art teachers ( the whole department)that were dismissed for fixing the results of certain students who gave them 'favors' hohohoho dodgy feckin nonses.....
(silencio ....Fetch the Big Net...., Fri 11 Nov 2005, 11:49, Reply)

Mr Brittas...
This is fo'real.

The guy that wrote The Brittas Empire used to be a teacher at my school. A pretty run of the mill mixed state comp in leafy Berkshire.

Since leaving the school to become a comic writer he has returned for numerous events and makes no effort to hide the fact that he based the Mr Brittas character on a physics teacher at our school called Mr Barnes.

Mr Barnes taught me A level physics (the hardest a level known to man). It probably didn't help that this guy would have us in stitches all lesson, without even trying. He collects mining gas lamps, and has his own bar in his basement where he proudly displays all these. I remember he realised there wasn't a word for a collection of gas mining lamps, so he created the word "imflammatory", which he was very proud of.

He would always wear a suit at school, and without fail have a matching hankerchief to his socks.

Another anecdote i remember is when he invited the new headmaster around for 'an informal introductory' dinner one evening (Mr Barnes was deputy), to which the headmaster turned up in classic smart casual attire to find Mr Barnes open the door in a full tuxedo.
(oller, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 11:48, Reply)

Two of a kind
We had two very strange teachers, both in very peculiar, both very different.

Mr. X., no, let's call him Mr. Fenton, used to come into the changing rooms after P.E. and towel down certain boys who he took a liking to. I mean, who hadn't dried themselves sufficiently! I remember everyone being scared when he came on the prowl.

Then there was Mr. John, who used to have a little radio with him in English, and listen, alternately, to the Pink Panther Theme, by Henry Mancini, and the latest race he had money on. He was eventually expelled for embezzling funds from the film club.

And people wonder why I'm a little warped...
(Rotten_Cointreau is a proper scientician, Fri 11 Nov 2005, 11:28, Reply)