Toploader
Dancing in The Moonlight is just a truly horrendous song. And the guy looks like that curly haired, lisping wanker from Jonathan Creek.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:19, 4 replies)

Babylon Zoo
I mean really... What the fuck were they about?!
The only good bit was the Levis ad sample and the rest was a load of space age hippy tosh.

With dreadful lyrics.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:13, 5 replies)

AntiProduct
That's the UK punk band "AntiProduct", not to be confused with the hyphenated hardcore punk band "Anti-Product" of American origin.

I've seen them twice, once supporting The Wildhearts in London and again at an Ozzfest up at Donnington.

They're truly awful. The music is terrible, they put on bad shows both times and they wear glow in the dark make-up.

At the London gig the singer flopped his tallywhacker out and pissed on a speaker. They can't even be edgy properly, it just put everyone in mind of Neil from The Young Ones.

Pheeeooooh! They stink.
( Dervel OTBC, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 14:54, 2 replies)

Scooch.
The poor mans Steps.

*hides*
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 14:38, 1 reply)

Bob Fucking Geldof
Can't belive this hasn't been done.

Anyone his crimes include dining out on, I don't like mondays, for way to long. Live aid but that has been covered well by someone already. Oh and his daughter annoys me, zero talent seems to give her way too much exposure.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 14:18, 6 replies)

'Inter MeNan'.....
My younger brother's band circa 1992.

'Inter MeNan' were the Punk/Metal band equivalent of one of those deluded, mentally unstable and ultimately talentless fat Northern kids you get turning up in the audition stages of the X-Factor.
They saw themselves as spiritual peers of Nirvana, Guns & Roses, Metallica etc but were in reality a bunch of scruffy estate kids with Argos instruments, an attitude problem the size of a small industrialised country -and an overblown ego to match.
Somehow they managed to convince our school to let them play a series of concerts during lunch breaks-ostensibly to raise money for charity (they had the nerve to charge 20p entrance)and, due to that sort of thing never having happened before at school, there was quite a buzz about the big 'event'.
However the big event turned into a predictable farce when on striding confidently onstage and attempting to recreate Metallica's masterpiece 'Enter Sandman' their assembled fellow students discovered that InterMeNan weren't the 'new Ayatollahs of Rock n Rolla'-as their childishly written posters proclaimed and in fact couldn't keep time.... or really play any chords......or sing.
Much cat calling and piss taking ensued resulting in a sizeable scuffle and my brother head butting someone & breaking their nose....
However-not to be put off by the ridicule and a couple of lengthy suspensions from school, the band decided to re-group and perform a 'comeback' at our local youth club..a bad enough idea on its own but by this time the band had discovered the work of the Macc Lads and were intent on emulating their newly found idols musical 'direction'. On the day of the comeback the band got as far as announcing 'this is a new song you poofs..its called Coons go to Wog Town' before the PA was switched off, chairs were thrown, windows broken and the police were called. And that was that for Inter MeNan

If they'd been deluded enough to actually record something it'd probably be on sale in twats shops like Urban Outfitters, where smirking posho hipsters could ironically buy their CDs and then (hopefully) never play them.
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Oasis
Not only the most god-awful meat and two vegetables dad rock imaginable, but somehow they poisoned the whole British music scene in the 1990s. I'm pretty sure it was Mr. Agreeable in the Meloday Maker who said that The Beautiful South were "the dead pigeon in the cold water tank of British pop", a wonderful description of the toxicity and corrupting nature of some bands.

Also Julie Burchill used to really like Oasis. QED.
( electric_goat, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Metallica.
I'm a fan of alot of heavier stuff, got into metal through Black Sabbath and the like, but never, ever got why these chumps were so revered. Terrible lyrics, horrible vocals, just cheese.

Oh and Lars Ulrich.

People may now kill me.
(myriad, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 13:33, 10 replies)

The Red Hot Chilli Peppers
(after they stopped taking Teh Massive Drugs)

To go from an album like Blood Sugar Sex Magic which was like having at least one penis inserted in every possible orifice, and then...wtf?
I mean: 'Californication'?....ha......ha.
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 13:29, 8 replies)

I saw "Chicks on Speed" once at Hyde Park
They were supporting Red Hot Chilli Peppers and James Brown.

To set the scene it was a hot as fuck day, they were on 2 hours late and people were generally sick of waiting.

Also it was EXPENSIVE for a ticket. Then this mish mosh of crap came on.

Their slogan? "WE DONT PLAY GUITARS" yes congrats... but erm...

It was like someone entered a freestyle art contest and wasnt quite upto the standard of Red Hot Chilli Peppers or JAMES FREAKING BROWN

Anyway heres a movie i took of them by the 2nd song. I still laugh to this day

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bL4mcPXYP0
(Hoppkins, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 13:26, 7 replies)

Will gates

Gareth Young

Girl Zone

Boys aloud

They're all shit!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 13:21, 4 replies)

the script
useless twats with no testicles..
screetching on about some woman who left them..

she left cause theyre all twats.. no amount of standing around moping will make her come back, why can they not just shut up about it..

theyre shit now, they were shit when they released their 1st album..and theyll remain shit in the future..

the should be called "the shits"..
(wankymcwankwank Eels, tobacconists, hovercraft and bouncy bouncy., Wed 5 Jan 2011, 12:50, Reply)

Jo Wiley...
Does she count?

SMUG SMUG SMUG SMUG FUCKING DIE. There's simply NO WAY she likes all these bands she pretends to love and isn't she like 80 now or something?

Fuck off ungracefully.
(TheManofScience, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 12:44, 7 replies)

My favourite ever band review:

"For forty minutes straight they set your balls on fire and watch as your writhe in pain while they laugh and perform unnecessary surgery on the rest of your body."

And this was a GOOD review - 5 stars

It was for The White Mice. Never heard (of) them, myself.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 12:43, 1 reply)

On the first page...
...there's a story about an open mic night at the Talking Heads bar in Southampton. Funny enough, my 'worst band' were a band we were the support act for a couple of years ago at said bar.

Godsized

I know there are people out there who love these guys. Fair enough to you. However, having met them in person/played with them, I can confidently say that they are utter felch-badgers.

To start with, every band, including them, was supposed to have a 15 minute sound check slot. They not only showed up late, but took 45 frakking minutes to minutely adjust their instruments that only dogs with good hearing could notice. The end result of this? We got a half-a-song sound check before we were told to stop, meaning we couldnt hear each other through the monitors at all during our set.

Before all that, our drummer had called and spoken to their drummer beforehand, to arrange a kit share. To those not musically inclined out there, for smaller gigs with a number of bands on, typically all the bands will use a drum kit from one band, changing only minor bits such as say, a snare drum, or symbols. Godsized had agreed to do this for everyone - huzzah say we. When they show up, they basically say 'no. our drummer has set his kit up correctly. no one is touching it now', meaning all the other acts (us included) had to frantically search for a new drum kit an hour before the gig (luckily found one to use).

Thirdly - completely unprofessional. In fact, the MOST unprofessional band I've had the displeasure of working with. On these kind of nights, the bands will always intermingle, share a few pints and laughs, watch each others acts (for the most part) and make a good night of it. Not Godsized. They refused to talk to anyone, and sat in a corner, scowling at anyone who wasn't them. They just thought they were the puppy's privates. We'd played with some bigger acts, such as Electric Eel Shock, who were fucking ace guys, chanting to your songs from the side of the stage.

Finally, the music. My. Sweet. Zombie. Jesus. It wasn't just that they wanted to be Zakk Wylde/Black Label Society musically. That was painfully obvious in the 'every-tune-sounds-the-same' kind of way. No, they went the whole hog - long blonde hair and beards, all playing Zakk Wylde signature buzzsaw Gibson's. All Marshall stacks. Even the singer/lead guitarist was doing his best Zakk impression.

Mind you, for comical value, facking brilliant - the lead singer would put on his most americanised ZW accent during his vocals, but when talking to the crowd he was brummier than the river Rea. Bloody classic. That and when they played, everyone but one drunk middle aged tramp who'd wandered in for warmth had left by the end.

Length? 10 minutes of badly played, pinch-harmonic filled wah guitar solos too long
(Brighton RAWK at the tone, the time will be:, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 12:24, 7 replies)

Any band whose main songwriting talent mainly consists of the same word(s)... over and over
Travis being the perfect example... Turn, turn, turn, turn

Don't know who sang "She's so loverly" but they're shit too

and that other band... "Are we human? or are we dancers?" what a stupid fucking question with a crap melody
(Darkpie 3.243F6A8885A308D31319, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 12:01, 3 replies)

John Barnes?
Not quite the rapper we hoped he would be?
(markthatiscalledmark, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 11:38, 1 reply)

Talking Heads
Go to Iraq, have your heads removed, and lets see if you can make any more shit music. cunts.
(DantheMan69, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Vampire Weekend
Don't think I've seen anyone mention them here so far, but I can't be the only one who dislikes them.

The singer's voice is really grating, the tune, if you can call it that, seems to be pretty much the same on every track I've heard, with the seemingly obligatory plinky-plunky guitar bit in the middle, which sounds like it's played by a nine year old practicing for their grade three exam. Amazingly though, it seems that Radio 1 think they're the best thing since sliced bread and laud them as musical geniuses. I just want to hit them in their faces. Hard.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 10:21, 5 replies)

Prior to meeting Chuck Norris,
'The Black-Eyed Peas' were simply known as 'The Peas'.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 10:04, 1 reply)

There's a lot of aggression here.
Along with (dare I say) a bit of musical snobbery. How about this- is anyone brave enough to name a favourite artist/group? And then people can say in the replies why they don't like them?

I'll start- Frank Turner, and Gogol Bordello are two of my favourites.

Flame on.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 5 Jan 2011, 9:17, 34 replies)

To all the covers playing pub bands.
I do not want to hear 'Wishing Well' or 'Alright Now' by Free or 'Can't get Enough' by Bad Company ever again.
These songs are tired and need to go to bed.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 9:01, 3 replies)

I'm not searching thru 14 pages
But I fucking hate The Beatles.

Mop Top scouse wankers, What would it take for a Beatles reunion? 2 more bullets
(Speshal, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 5:24, 19 replies)

Oh God,
I just remembered going to Edinb3ta many, many moons ago and going to Whistle Binkys (I think thats what is was called) and seeing a guy do the most horribly inappropriate acoustic renditions of songs.

I'm all for stripping back songs to play on your own with acoustic backing but some songs you just shouldn't try and do.

Hence why this one chap was looking out at about 20 drunken B3tans pissing their sides laughing as he screamed "FUCK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!!", to what can only be described as lovely acoustic accompaniment.

If Mystery Bob is around, he'll remember what I'm talking about.
( PMGT -Bacon., Wed 5 Jan 2011, 5:16, Reply)

Those who can't do teach.
Those who can't teach write for the NME.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 4:21, 1 reply)

The Lost Prophets
Swanny bellends.
(Surfeit, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 3:32, Reply)

Elvis Presley
Made some good records pre 1958, a lot of shit films until 1968, recorded a couple of good songs, then a load of shit songs and died a sad, fat, drug addled constipated joke on the khazi with a concrete turd like a torpedo stretching his flabbly brown star, so he resembled a particularly unpleasent babies rattle.

Not the King of Rock'n'Roll at all.

As MOD sang 'Elvis is Dead, thank God
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 3:12, 2 replies)

Merkin 'emo/punk' bands
Like A Simple plan.

Whining driibles of shite, moaning about how crappy thier lives are with $4000 of Paul Reed Smith guitar draped over thier bony shoulders, trying not to get blown into the crowd by their Mesa Boogie Triple Rectifier stacks.

Carry your own gear and you may grow a bicep.

Fuck off and Die you cunts
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 2:58, Reply)

The Style Council
Loved the Jam, right up my street when I was 13, so along comes the new band by Mr Paul 'Angry and energetic' Weller, and its a load of cunts in blazers with the get up and go of a sloth on barbiturates. Fucksake.

Glad he hit some form later on, but Jesus Christ, what were you thinking Weller?
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 2:51, 2 replies)

Dexy's Midnight Runners ARE ACE
I've been racking my brains since this question started last week, and failed to think of anyone that really, really deserves both barrels.
After all, there is a lot of shit out there, so hard to really pick one.

But the comment about student nights and Whigfield reminded me of my own student disco night hell... Come on Eileen. Along with the 'dance' that went with it. I hated it then, I hate it now, I will hate it to the end of time.

To rye ay? Fuck you Kevin Rowland, Fuck you.

I forgot about this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ao9p3ou7-U

Before the days of wardrobe malfunctions (and no, Kev's dungaree 'n neckerchief look doesn't strictly count), you'd have background malfunctions. Any band that would still take the stage despite such a massive misuderstanding still not being fixed - is alright with me.

Gaga wouldn't do it. Go Kev!
( DeadEyeDick, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 1:14, 6 replies)