Rather off-topic, but...
The Undertones.

Not for any musical reason, which is why it's off topic -- they were pretty good. But because every time Feargal Sharkey appears on TV, banging on about how piracy is stealing the milk from the tits of musicians' babies' mothers, I start screaming at the TV that "You used to be a Punk, you sell-out nouveau-establishment bastard!". And then I have to go and download a pirate copy of an Undertones track, just to make a point.

And because he's the second ugliest man in pop.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:35, 3 replies)

The Smiths.
A great, inventive pop guitarist, solid rhythm section brown showered over by a bloke who really should get some sunshine, red meat and that shit out of his hair wanking on about daffodills and how rubbish living in Manchester is.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:04, 12 replies)

Courtesty of the Webcomic Diesel Sweeties - Musical Elitism
Linked to comic:



(but hosted on Bstards to avoid nicking their badwidth)
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:02, 2 replies)

This
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1upZz3a-7iM

Actually screw it, they're brilliant.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 11:52, 1 reply)

Dogmarket
Remember? I've been trying to forget since the 80s
( Lord Lucan's Possum fell out of a tree and landed in your hair on, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 11:37, Reply)

There is a place in hell for....
....any of those cunts who have been on the X factor, Pop Idol, Pop Idol the Rivals, Pop Idol USA or Pop Idol in fucking Armenia.

Simon Cowell is going to spend eternity listening to the sound of Will Youngs tongue, rimming his anus. With a tongue made from broken glass and safety pins. cunt.
(DantheMan69, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 11:37, 1 reply)

There's seven of us.
We all "play" the ukulele.
We are shit.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 6 Jan 2011, 11:11, 7 replies)

I don't like reggae
Oh no. I fucking loathe it...

I also can't stand the Beatles, which as someone who grew up within car-stealing distance of Liverpool makes me a heretic and means I should be burned at the stake. Still.

So imagine my joy, my rapture, that whilst having a pre-Christmas pint with the people from work, my local, a pub more comfortable with low level background trip-hop decides to play a whole album of reggae style Beatles covers.

I was reduced to whimpering in the corner, begging my colleague to reassure me that I hadn't actually just died and woken up in my own personal hell.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 11:01, 1 reply)

Spot the difference.
Imagine a man with these characteristics:
1) He is in a band - and those who claim to be in the know insist that he has a vitally important role in said band, even though
2) he can't actually play any instruments, and
3) he spends gigs wandering around the stage looking dazed (assuming, of course, that
4) he turns up at all), which condition is perhaps attributable to
5) his drug intake.

Now, here's the challenge: am I talking about Richey Edwards, or Bez?

ALSO: This is my 800th story on QoTW. Blimey.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 10:13, 5 replies)

I just posted this as a reply, but then it seemed to be better as a question
Right then, I'll just squeeze this in before the end.

Everyone moaning about how The Beatles / Coldplay / Cast / The Cure / The Smiths / Oasis / Pendulum / Gerry and the Pacemakers / whoever else are shit:

Post a link to some music you wrote and performed or recorded. Go on, let's see how good you are. What have you got?
(gordonjcp, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 9:49, 27 replies)

Coldplay will always be number one on my shitlist.
Just because Chris Martin is in it.

He is the Walter the Softie of the music industry. Saving children, raising money, writing bland and shitty songs and generally being a self worshipping cunt.

Fuck him, fuck his curly hair.

Fuck the fact he named his kids Apple and Moses.

Dweezil and Moon Unit Zappa probably even think the names are downright daft.

...

#2 on my shitlist is Muse, who seem to be afraid to do anything different with their music ever since Absolution.

Innovate or make more money?

Well, Bellamy could probably do with a new swimming pool...
( Flowers the little boy that santa claus forgot, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 9:26, 5 replies)

Myself
I have to nominate the band I played in, which I will not name due to extreme embarrassment.

At our first gig our drummer drank too much and dropped his sticks. 3 times. After that he had spare sets of sticks all over his kit.

Our second gig we played our set so fast we had to repeat it to fill the time.

After that we played at a place with a drum platform. The lead singer thought it would be a great idea to start the set by leaping off, but as he did he kicked the drum set, which collapsed.

Then there was the time I forgot what key the song was in, and started off playing a 4th away from everyone else until I caught on.

For our first big gig we were the support band to someone reasonably well known, playing on an outdoor stage in a field at night. It was so cold we could hardly play and our lead singer wore gloves and a cardigan. Not really the image we wanted to portray. The lights were on us so we couldn't see the audience, except the front row which looked packed. The the lights turned around and we could see that the audience was one row of our mates, with everyone else busy buying hot dogs and ignoring us.

We never did hit the big time.
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 9:14, Reply)

I'm in a band. we're a three-piece.
our guitarist has no hands, I'm reduced to humdrumming, and the singer misplaced his lips on the ill-fated '02 tour of Scotland.

still, we played Glasto last year and, according to Edith (You Stupid Woman) Bowman, "Absolutely nailed it."
( nightbuffalo needs more duct tape, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 2:41, 1 reply)

Bit late but flip it

Joy Division - Wasn't that thing with the lead singer just a publicity stunt that went a little bit too far? If it wasn't for Paul Morley blowing smoke up their arses they would have remained a footnote on the Manchester music scene and as for the songs 'Love Will Tear Us Apart'? Oh I've been in a bad relationship so let's have a whine about it over a bland musical backdrop. 'Transmission'? Nobody will play our records except John Peel, whine, whine, moan, moan.

Soft Cell - Northern soul tribute act. Look at us being edgy by releasing Sex Dwarf! Marc, no-one gives a shit about it, go back to Tainted Love why don't you?

Gary Numan - Let's see, there's the dull, droning, dreary track, the one that dreary, dull and droning and the one that's droning, dreary and dull. Get back to me when you wrote a second tune.

Hayzee Fantayzee - Look, I'm very sorry that 'Welcome to the Monkeyhouse' wasn't a hit, it's a brilliant track that deserved a much better fate but to get your revenge with this shite is a bit much. Two anorexics spew out aural wankery with lyrics that make nursery rhymes look like quantum physics in comparison. "Shiny shiny bad times behind me, Shiny shiny sha-na-na-na. Fuck right off.

Depeche Mode - Four young men with their heads stuck up their collective arseholes become three middle-aged men with their heads stuck up their collective arseholes.

Siouxsie and the Banshees - Look at me! I'm wearing a Nazi armband, aren't I daring! When she gets pulled up for doing that shit she has a moan about it. Nowadays it's: Look at me, please look at me! Even though I now look like the goth version of Cherie Blair please look at me as it stops you asking why the music is duff. As for music, a series of dull thudding bass lines as if to compensate for the fact that the bassist has trouble playing more than a couple of chords while the guitarist is still struggling to learn his first. The drummer is hitting his kit randomly as if making a noise is good enough while singer caterwauls about Hong Kong Garden or whatever her favourite Chinese restaurant is.

Better stop there before going onto the triumvirate of teenage student wankery that is Smiths/Cure/Morrissey and brassing myself off even further.
(Chuckman, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 0:20, 10 replies)

Alicia Keys
Two reasons;
1) She's somehow been bestowed the title of Legendary Singer-Songwriter, worshipped by fans who praise her 'real music' (the dullest of all musics), awarded a metric crap-tonne of tuppenny-hapenny gongs, with a 3CD 'Platinum Collection' under her belt, despite having about three boring songs to her name. And one of them was a bloody rip-off of We Are the Champions.
2) That fuck-dismal New York song. Holy shitpies, what a steaming pile. Nice enough as a sample in someone else's song, but pull it out and inspect the whole thing, and it's like seeing what goes into sausages. Considering she's supposed to be a proper singer-songwriterzzzzzz, she does a bloody good impression of a seven year-old writing a song about What I Done On My Holidays.

Let's take a closer look at her lyrical genius;

Grew up in a town, that is famous as a place of movie scenes
Yes. New York appears in a lot of films. Good spot.

Noise is always loud / There are sirens all around
Hey, you know something? She's right! I saw one of those movies once, and there WAS a lot of noise! And it was all around! Especially the sirens. All over the bloody shop, those sirens.

If I could make it here / I could make it anywhere / That’s what they say
Ooh, that's a clever line, that! If you could make it there, you could make it anywhere. Yes, that's got a ring to- Hang on, Who's 'they'? Oh yes - The writers of 'New York, New York', a song about New York. Still, don't worry. Leave it in, I'm sure nobody remembers it. Got any other astute observations that other people have made? Are the cops not that smart?

New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of
Now THAT is good. Because when you think about it, New York is a lot like a jungle that's made of concrete. That's a great metaphor, I can see it taking off. And you're right, it is the place where dreams are made of... Of... Made of what? Did your pen run out then?

There’s nothing you can’t do
Really? I'm fairly sure they frown upon dog-bumming.

Hail a gypsy cab / Takes me down from Harlem to the Brooklyn Bridge
Fascinating. I once took the A1 up past Newark, then onto the A57 through Worksop then up to Sheffield, where I had a bit of trouble with the ring-road and had to make a dodgy U-turn in the middle of town to get - Oh, wait! I've just realised, running through a route you once took in excruciating detail is actually incredibly boring, and not the sort of thing you usually find passing for lyrics. Sorry.

Hear it for New York, New York, New York
Struggling?

Imagine my surprise when, during that legal tussle a few months ago (between this 'song' and the far superior Newport video), it was revealed that there were actually about seven writers responsible for the above dreck. Yes, it took more people to write that pony than it does to land a plane.

Christ's balls.
(costas, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 23:59, 4 replies)

QOTW
2 suggestions:

1. Ultravox. My then girlfriend won tickets to meet them; for the following couple of weeks all I heard was the band names and how great their music was. That was 20 years ago and i hate them to this day.

2. Spice Girls. Serious one this; they claimed girl power as a reason to go along with the same old tired shit we'd heard for christ knows how long and substituted ability for getting their tits out. At the same time Alanis Morrissette and Cheryl Crow were getting recognised and showing them up for what they were; a manufactured group of crap performers. I hate the spice girls with a passion for making teenagers think image is a substitute for ability
(DustyD, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 22:46, 1 reply)

maria raven
my cousin "treated" me to a meatloaf concert in manchester last year. maria raven was his opening act.
never in all my life have i heard such depressing, dismal caterwauling. i was almost ready to bite through my own wrists in an attempt to avoid her singing by committing suicide.
i realise that they had to make meatloaf sound good by comparison, but i swear there were people who never made it out of there alive.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 19:13, Reply)

Ghost Dance
Remember Gary Marx? I faked being swedish press to get into Marquee Moon for free and watch this ex sisters of mercy dude launch his new group (and an EP I think).

It was the most horrible drivel my ears have been subject to to date. At least live.
(macroscian (1 like), Wed 5 Jan 2011, 18:59, 2 replies)

Warren Zevon
For dying.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 18:38, Reply)

Daphne and Celeste
Who had bottles of piss thrown at them at Leeds festival.

U.G.L.Y!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 18:11, 11 replies)

Scooter
Entertaining 13 year old chavs for generations.
Highlights include their version of Walking in Memphis (Im Raving Im Raving) and cover of Billy idols Rebel Yell.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 18:11, 9 replies)

Glenn Medeiros
Nothing gonna change my love for you do do do do do how much I love you *boke*

Could a skilled interwebber find the clip from juke box jury where his single gets slated to the ground, only for the panel to realise he is the guest "star" and die of embarrassment when he walks on. Car crash TV at its best, could only find the slating bit not the bit where walks in and Jools Holland is, for once, stuck for words....Cheers

I think this may have single handedly ended his career. Ha!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 17:56, Reply)

and while Im at it
Im still waiting to hear if its illegal to Kill N'Dubz....
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 17:42, 1 reply)

Bands that are popular because they are different or some tosh
Now, let me be straight on this - different sounds Im all for, but not if its shoite.

My grief is mostly with the bands like Arctic Monkeys and Franz Ferdinand. When they first came out EVERYONE was sayign how awesome they were. When in fact they werent.



Both bands just had there own sound. Which is fair enough apart from the fact it sounded like someone had made a guitar out of a tennis racket and someone banged a cereal box. Which isnt music.

You cant Dance to it, you cant tap your feet to it, its uneven, unbalanced, poor quality Pap.

Fair enough - Arctic Monkeys have some clever lyrics, but so too does Robbie williams and - well, the less said eh?

Trouble is, I find these bands out when i go to a bar or club Ive been going to for years, I enjoy their music, but all of a sudden I turn up one day - and theyre playing what in effect is 'Trend music'. Nothing more than a mucical version of those Sunglasses kids wear that actually are like venetion blinds. Which is nothing more than Dressed up Tat.

The bar from that day on seems foreign, whilst the Kids turn up singing the lyrics.

Im getting old :(
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 17:39, 3 replies)

U2
How can music so crap fill so many stadiums around the globe? What kind of moron calls themselves The Edge? U2's success just baffles me. And people listen to Bono speak as if he's some kind of Buddha. Come on, I've heard less vacuous platitudes from the mouths of stoned seventeen-year-olds! Random internet sample of Bono's divine wisdom:

The less you know, the more you believe.
Bono

To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.
Bono

U2 is an original species... there are colours and feelings and emotional terrain that we occupy that is ours and ours alone.
Bono

We thought that we had the answers, it was the questions we had wrong.
Bono

I need to be bitch-slapped with my own severed genitalia.
Bono
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 17:07, 16 replies)

Sandi Fucking Thom
"I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair"

Fuck right off.
(superkitty is neither super nor a kitty, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:59, 7 replies)

The answer is simple, my friends:
SAGAPO

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWDU9ZWMoEw
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:38, 3 replies)

*deep breath* Nine Inch Nails
I've been putting off this confession ever since the QOTW went up but like a murderer wracked by guilt and unable to sleep at night, I need to get it off my chest. I CANNOT STAND NINE INCH NAILS AND TRENT REZNOR IS A COLOSSAL MUNCHKIN. There. There, I said it. *breathe*breathe*

He's just so damned clever and by God he makes sure you know it. He hammers it into you like Adam West fighting the Riddler. POW! He plays all those instruments himself you know! ZOT! He designed the logo himself too! KA-THWAP! Did you know he wrote 'Hurt' for Johnny Cash?

And his army of fans never stop either. Ohhh he's so EDGY and CHALLENGING and HE MADE INDUSTIAL MUSIC ACCESSIBLE TO THE MASSES.

Hey, Mr Reznor. You want to be edgy? How about confessing that you've said what little you had to say, you have nothing new, and you're going to shut up now FOREVER. Now, THAT would be maximum edgy. But you won't, will you?
(Rise and Fall of the Atomic Cabbage Haven't you heard of suspension of disbelief?, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:26, 6 replies)

Ahem
For my eternal shame I will admit that I once appeared as part of a band on a national singing competition on the TV. I don’t want to go into it too much as the situation was pretty embarrassing but let me just say that we were on the TV, got through a few preliminary stages and were voted off before the public got the chance to vote for us (Thank God).

The group I was were due to appear last out of the acts and we opted to sing something we had written ourselves as we wanted to look original and to be honest we came off pretty decent, our song went down well with the audience and we thought that we might have been in with a chance especially compared to some of the other acts. Some were way too theatrical, others a little too cheesy one of the bands had a racist entry blasting the UK and then there was the band that I now class as the worst I have seen in my entire life.

I can’t for the life of me remember the band name but they were horrid, they looked sloppy, unprepared and in my opinion the lyrics they had written may have been good with a decent bit of backing music but instead it was a musical disaster and sounded like they were playing the same sodding note over and over again.

Turns out my opinion was not the same as the judges and they, the shittest of the entries managed to get through. I now know that I am going to hell as I laughed my ass off when they failed to pick up any points at the Eurovision final- I may have forgot to mention before but they were priests. I think that the blokes voting for it to get through to the final stages must have had a thing for horses.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Wed 5 Jan 2011, 15:19, 6 replies)