Parents are nice...
Mine call me "Ju" or "Juju" now, but until fairly recently they called me "Jabba". Apparently I was a dead ringer for Jabba the Hutt when I was born.

They used to call my Brother (and still do, in moments of forgetfulness) "Gribbly". Because he used to dribble a lot. And "E.T.", because he looked like the alien with a face like a friendly turd when he was born.

Nice people.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:54, Reply)

Well,
At school there was a kid in my year who some people called Kidney Head because, apparently, his head was shaped like a kidney. Not that i could see the resemblance myself.

There was also The Running Man, a very geeky younger kid who always seemed to be running everywhere. And a kid we called Egg, because he was partiularly rotund and stocky.

And a guy called Doggy, because of it's similarity to his first name (hint: Magic Roundabout)

Here at Uni, we have The Power, because he shares his name with the darts player of the same nickname. It's particularly ironic.

Also at school, we had a kid with big, plastic-framed geeky glasses. And he was called Joe. Logical step forward is of course Joe 90...

The best/worst, however you decide to look at it, is Desperado. This nickname was given to a kid in our year, who also lives in my town so we got the same bus. He had a 'habit' of becoming a bit obsessed with girls he fancied, and trying as hard as he could to impress them. He really fancied a girl on the bus, and me and my mate formulated a plan for him to use to impress her. The plan went thus:

We would say loudly "where's [name]?" and he would come down the bus stairs then commando roll off the bottom one to make him look cool. He was right up for this, but me and my mate knew he'd look absolutely ridiculous. However, we hadn't prepared for what actually happend...

We asked where he was, and heard him walking down the stairs. But the bus braked sharply and threw him down the stairs so he fell out in a heap instead of the super-slick shoulder roll. Then, clearly winded, he stands up and forms his hands into the childish gun shape. Everybody laughed at him, he'd made even more of a fool of himself than we could have ever imagined. So we called him Desperado (from desperate and bandit, basically).
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Thu 18 May 2006, 16:54, Reply)

How harsh can kids be?!..
There was a lovely girl at my school, who happened to be somewhat lacking in the looks department and was often reffered to as "looking like she'd been run over by a truck".

Her nickname: "Trucky"
( smello, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:54, Reply)

Hope this isn't libellous
Gaby Lench was known as Scabby Stench.
She was actually quite pretty and fragrant.
( MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:51, Reply)

Pooh Pants
Jonathan ****** was called Pooh Pants, because he, er, poohed his pants in class once.
He was 12.
( MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:50, Reply)

Yeah, cheers Dad.
Melanie = Smellyknees.

How we laughed.
( weebear1974 discovering the joy of cat rape since, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:49, Reply)

Our yearbook this year...
We had a list of the best nicknames,some being:

Shedhead (For a kid with a big square head)

Lethal Bizzle (for a rather vicious special needs kid

Meadophile (For a guy whose second name is Mead. I asked why the 'phile' bit but apparently i didnt wanna know..)
(Miharu, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:48, Reply)

multicultural
A friend of mine was dubbed MacBuddhaYidKid on account of the fact that one of his parents was Scottish, he was a hippy, and he was Jewish.
Very creative I thought, but my friend cried (after two days of constant repitition)
( MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:47, Reply)

Simple is best
....like...just adding an extra letter onto the name some where.

Mr Kirk - Kirky
Mr West - Westy
Miss Marks - Marksy
Mr Jones - Bones or bonesy

The new boyfriend told me of being called Brussell Sprout (his names Russell). Even tho he tells me it made him cry as a child...it makes me cry with laughter when he mentions it!
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Thu 18 May 2006, 16:47, Reply)

The Ball
One lad at my school was a subject of tireless bullying due to his red hair and obesity.

One day the rotund fucker was sitting on the middle of the back seat of the bus when it had to stop suddenly. The bus was going downhill at the time and the sudden stop meant that the poor git was propelled out of his seat and rolled the whole way down the bus. From that day forward he was known as "Ball"
(Thebigfella, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:46, Reply)

The girl at my school...
...who everyone called ATARI due to her brother catching her in the act with said controller.
( teknikl, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:46, Reply)

See if you can guess my most prominent physical characteristic(s)
Jugs
Melons
JulesJugs
JizzyJugs
Joobs (a word made from "Jules" and "Boobs")
The Two (if they were looking at my breasts)
The Three (if they took into account the fact that I also have a personality)
Jubblies
The Crown Jewels (geddit?!)
Baps
Flaps (for no other reason than it rhymes with "baps")
Hooters
Zookers (short for "bazookers")
Jumbos

You get the gist.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:45, Reply)

Out to Squidboot....
Huwgal Bewgal Richard the Third was a good 'un (not one of mine tho).

"Every one hundred years I must kill you with my hook" was his catchphrase. Odd.

Mine was Barney. Inspired (not cos I'm like a pink dinosaur...I hope)

Others included
(ruttiger, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:45, Reply)

Logger
Three junior schools filtered into our high school.

Week one was spent checking out the fit birds who came from the other schools, hearing the dirty rumours about said birds, and watching the slack jawed retards clash to determine who was the hardest in the school.

We met a lad on our first day who was introduced as Logger.Initially he seemed more popular than most of the council estate white trash I schooled with, as alot of his junior school mates seemed at pains to introduce him to the rest of the school.

In hindsight, I ought to have been suspicious, this was, after all, the eighties, "john's not mad" was still fresh in our pre adolescent minds, and " joey deacon" was still the insult de jour.

The reason they were so anxious to introduce him was that, Logger, had pleaded with them not to perpetuate his nickname. A nickname he earned, aged 5, first week at school, when he shit himself.

It didn't end here, every time a new kid turned up at school, during his orientation someone made sure logger's secret was passed on.

At sixth form same thing happened. He left half way through sixth form.

Finally, logger got his first job, at a branch of the Nat West 11 miles from our home town. I can only presume he thought it would be a fresh start, where people would refer to him by his christened name! Sadly, no, someone during school lunch hour got on a bus travelled 11 miles walked up to the fittest female trainee bank clerk and said, " excuse me do you know XXXXX XXXXX?, you do? well aged 5 he shit himself, and since then he's been called logger, can you carry on the good work?" she agreed, and still to this day, aged 32 he's still referred to as Logger.
(g0atboy, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:45, Reply)

Just couldn't help herself...
A girl I know was caught with her fingers in her panties during a french lesson.

I dubbed her GoldFinger, and she thusly came to be known as this for many a year.

Surprisingly, we became friends. Maybe she liked the name?

(The fact that she sat on the front row of the class didn't seem to deter her either, a friend of mine who sat next to her informed me that she craftily pulled her arm inside her jumper.)
(God_of_the_mind, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:43, Reply)

sorry, but....
I know you're not meant to get into a debate over other people's entries, but Grandmasdterfluffles, what the hell does:
"He was your typical airhead trumpet player" mean? Do you live in a very special part of the country where the number of trumpeters per capita has reached epidemic proportions?
I'm forty and I don't think I've ever met one in real life....ever!
( MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:42, Reply)

Dont know many nicknames that stick...
But my older brothers been called Stiffy since he was about 10...if theres a story I dont wanna know it...
(Pigmash, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:42, Reply)

At college...
one of the more "socially challenged" lads was a horribly thin and pale reclusive type who had a habit of wearing his black hoodies with the hood up.

He was blessed with the nickname Skeletor.
(Mr Eraserhead Why aren't you a lemon?, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:40, Reply)

Berkshire School kids names
Some that i remember :

Flub ( as in disney movie ) Fat Lazy Ugly Bastard

Half Egg ( A one of a twin )

Jimmy Hill ( Big Chin )

Casper ( Friendly ghost [Pale Skin])

Jasper ( As in Carrot [Red Hair])

Wee Story:

A girl at the school was giving a boy a hand job , but gave up after 3 hours . And ever since every one sang ( to the tune of no woman no cry) " 3 Hours no show "
(maverickmonster, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:40, Reply)

This poor bastard I went to school with...
had a huge acne problem. One of those situations where they basically had a face that was covered with red, disgusting acne. To further twist the knife of his dermatological problem, he was given the nickname "Red Dot."
(Nickface, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:39, Reply)

Nicknames
A lad at our school had the surname Slattery. He got so drunk on a school trip once that he didnt make it to the loo on time and pooed himself.

He was hence forth known as.. Shattery

The genius- i could be a Sun copywriter me.....
(Keyser Soze, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:39, Reply)

And Another

Just remembered this one. I used to work with a really short engineer who was called "Dances".

Short for "Dances With Voles"

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:38, Reply)

I was E.T.
My PE teacher started calling me that. The film wasn't even released when he started, so I had the whole of the hype period, and the film itself to get that name really stuck in. I'm sure there's some teaching rule about not picking on your pupils... I think I put my hand up with my finger sticking out when he called the register, or maybe he was just a bullying, self-important, balding wanker who wanted to think he was still attractive to under-age girls.

Anyway, I was E.T. for many years after this. I went along with it, 'cause you can't let a stupid thing like that get you down. The cheerful upshot of this was that when I broke my mate's wrist playing British Bulldog [that's fighting with some rules, for the Merkins reading this], he announced to the teacher:
"E.T. tripped me up!" which was met with some derision.
( no cake for the impuritay Patrick Stewart hasn't aged since, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:36, Reply)

In school
there was a fat kid known to everyone as Ballon Plage. Particularly stupid bloke in my brothers work known as Wedge, because the longer he goes on the thicker he gets. Another there known as Balloon because he continually uses the phrase 'don't let me down boys'.
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:36, Reply)

A Few From My Village



Landlord of my local pub is known as Fester as he's a dead-ringer for Uncle Fester from the Addams Family. He used to have a barman who was known as Thing.

We've also a chap in the village called "Mick The Bastard". He's *always* referred to by his full name - Mick The Bastard.

Story has it that he was arrested and hauled up before the judge. The clerk of the court read the charges out and then asked:

"Can you confirm that you are Mick McNamara of blah-blah-blah?" asked the clerk.

"No" says Mick
"What?" says the judge
"I'm Mick "The Bastard" McNamara. I had my name changed by deed poll last week"

As he wasn't the person named on the charge sheet they had to let him go and re-arrest him in his new name and set a new court date.

He turns up in court and the Clerk says:

"Are you Mick "The Bastard" McNamara of blah-blah-blah?"
"No" says Mick. "I'm Mick McNamara - I had my name changed back last week by deed poll"

So they had to let him go again. They got him eventually though.

I've never examined the details of this story closely to see if it is actually possible to annoy the justice system by doing this. I liked the story too much to let a mere thing like truth get in the way...

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:35, Reply)

Nicknames - the horror!
A spotty/moley chap at school got it worst than me, and I'm ginger!

Moley, Patrick Moore, Star Chart, walking talking afterbirth. Poor cunt.

used to sing to the tune of David Bowies "starman":

'there's a star chart,
playing with his friends,
Patrick Moore is coming,
the fun it never ends'

then there was the kid with big unclean front teeth. Scatman John was in the charts so he was christened 'Plaque Man' and him and his mates 'the goof troop'.

The best ones were reserved for a special few:

Greasy Geek - he was!
Thin Lips - had a mouth like a cunt
Big Fat Aussie - and it pissed him right off
Umpa Loompa - apparently walked like one

No apologies for... (oh go fuck yourselves)
(carlspick profile? Dunne, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:31, Reply)

Rubber Johny
Being called 'Johnson', as what happened when you were at school and the birth of your nick name "shorten it and stick a 'y' on the end" so i ended up with 'Johny' - Much hilarity ensued when class mates would shout "Can i borrow your rubber, Johny"

You see, the confusion is, what they ACTUALLY wanted to borrow was my eraser - but it sounds like they're asking for a CONDOM! ahhhhh how i laughed. for the whole of my school life. years and years. Wear thin? about as thin as Gary Glitters excuses for dodging the old firing squad. twunts. It got better in secondary school, i put on weight and was simply 'pie'. Ho-Hum.

Still, a lad at my primary school, did a little poo at the back of class once - He was forever named 'Compo' as in short for 'compost heap' and also after the character from much loved 'Last of the summer wine" - cause he was 'was a scruffy little begger' as the teacher called him that fateful day.... infact, he's now 31 - and still gets called Compo - i suspect.

kids eh?

Nevermind the joey deacons
(TheManofScience, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:29, Reply)

Back at school..
... I was FM.

It was short for 'Fat and miserable'. That was actually the main reason I only applied for Universities a few hundred miles away from home (lest the nickname should follow me. Which it didn't. Yet).
(bedsitmartyr : Doctor of Bottles, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:29, Reply)

Just wrong.
One of my friends is a rather large, blonde bloke. (think albino and your almost there)

For some very unknown reason, his nickname became 'cameltoe'. Very wrong must i add.

Yet the naive git didnt know what it meant. He'd walk around the pub shouting "Ah ha! The cameltoe has just beaten you!", jumping up and down and pointing. He'd not realise that almost the entire pub would be looking at him.

My how i'd hate to lose against cameltoe, just for the signature dance.

(We've told him what it means now, but still he thinks its a great nickname and still decides to call himself it regliously)
(insanegl0ss saw the grass on the pitch..., Thu 18 May 2006, 16:28, Reply)

Try a 'first', 'middle' and 'last' nickname.
When taking the following elements into consideration:

1. I had (and still have) long hair and resembled Isaac from Hanson.
2. I had a very short temper.
3. My surname is Lovick.
4. Everything was "gay".
... The following nickname was bestowed unto me.

Isaac Rage LoveGays.

Thanks guys.

EDIT: A mate of mine just read this post. He said, "I would have called you LovesDick." The next few years I feel will be tough...
(God_of_the_mind, Thu 18 May 2006, 16:28, Reply)