Ah, go on then.
Split up with my girlfriend of two odd years last year. Fair enough; she was going to uni in Australia, whilst I and the rest of her family were back in England. Seeing each other for only three or four months a year wouldn't have been great.

Would've been nice if we'd split up when she was back here in the summer, though, rather than near the start of my five week stay with her in Australia. Where I got to meet her 'not-quite-yet-but-blatantly-soon' next boyfriend. Six or so grand later...

Ah well. Can't complain, meant I could get with my new one. :)
( gone, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 19:11, Reply)

A mate of mine dumped his fiancee in a spectacular way
He wrote a letter saying that he got tired of her and sent it via FedEx. No call, no nothing. Just the FedEx driver.
( DisgruntledGoat, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 19:10, Reply)

well
i found out...by text...whislt at work...and sereving...picture the scene

me:That'll be 12.99 please..
*phone rings*
me : Sorry about this, i think this a emergency
customer : no problem
me : Colin...can you take over for a min...i need to have a sit down...

bear in mind that that week i'd not only lost my home but didnt get the job i so deperalty wanted..
edit : oh yes...a week before my birthday as well...and we were engaged.

Timeing=perfection
(Phil Febuggure, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 19:00, Reply)

Oooooh yes
I broke up with one girl for another. I was in the south of France and we finished, on good terms, at the train station. I then travelled by train, coach, and ferry back to the UK. I arrived back 36 hours later to find a letter from the new girl saying that she'd got back together with her ex and they were now engaged.

I got the penultimate laugh though. The next time I met up with the girl she lasted twelve hours before calling off the engagement.

The universe got the last laugh. It turns out that she was a raving lunatic and I was a deluded fool (by love).
( Matazone has new icons, but is keeping this one, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 19:00, Reply)

foreign affair
i met a very fit english girl in thailand and we ended up together for about a year back in england, saving money to go to india for a while together. her best mate was coming with us and was about to start uni so she was limited for time.

They left together while i saved a little more money for two months. she wrote loads, emailed, called all the time saying how much she missed me, so i was surprised when the first words to me on arrival in goa were "it's over".

nevertheless i stuck around for a while and shagged her a bit more, before shagging her best mate and coming back to england with her.
(globalloon, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 18:57, Reply)

I lost her. But I found Kenny Rogers
I was on the phone to her. And then for some reason, my granny comes to the door. I decided to put it on loudspeaker so I can still hear her. Granny comes in the door:

'Ian, let's not go out anymore'

Awkward silences all round.
(likesteviej, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 18:56, Reply)

Three words.
Other, guys, jam.

I still cry at night. *sniff*
(King In Crimson, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 18:46, Reply)

Dumped.
Well, to add my little story to this thread - I was dumped by my (ex) boyfriend via txt message from the girl he was cheating with's phone... oh and she wrote the message too. He'd been cheating on me for a few weeks and decided to dump me by the wonderful SMS. Fucking bastard.
( holygiblets, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 18:38, Reply)

tumour envy
when i was 14 i found out that i had a brain tumour, i told the girl i was with for 2 years and she freaked and went and shagged my brother, what a shit.
(dodgerdiver, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 18:32, Reply)

okay, so.
my best friend's boyfriend was like. uber. UBER hot.

unfortunately, my best friend's mother thought so too.

and her sister.

and her BROTHER. (i tell no lies)

needless to say, when she found out the relationship didn't last too long, and she moved. far away.
i laughed. am i a bad person?
(melancholica, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 18:26, Reply)

actually, here's a better one
The first girl I ever kissed, shall remain nameless but lets call her Donna Black
anyway, I phoned her up, and suggested that we go out somewhere. She said she couldn't because her mum had grounded her for smoking. That was fair enough so I said we'd sort something out when she wasn't grounded.
A few days later I found out (from a number of reliable sources) that she hadn't been grounded for smoking ("Oh no, I'd been lied to" thought I, somewhat melodramatically) She'd been grounded because her mum had found the packet for the morning after pill in her bedroom because she'd been shagging some dirty fucking spide in a dingy alleyway.

That kind of put a dampner on any further potential relationship.

Also, a couple of years later I found out that she had told several of her friends that I was gay.

A little harsh don't you think
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 18:11, Reply)

I wasnt technically in a relationship but this is worthy I think.
I had just started seeing a girl I had met in a bar one night. I saw her for the last time the very first Sunday night of the Easter holidays. After that I heard nothing for about a month despite constant calls and text messages. One Friday I got a text that said:

"I'm really sorry, Ive quit my job, left uni and moved home and bought a flat. I'm moving in with my ex-boyfriend. I leave tomorrow. I didn't mean it to happen like this."

She followed up with a message saying all the usual, you're a sweet guy and I'm sure it would have been good between us etc etc...

I have never known anyone make such an effort to avoid being with me.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 18:00, Reply)

A monumental messed up kitty
I was dating a single mother, who, for the first two months was a dream come true. She'd lost her house and had to move in with me, where I'd looked after her and taken on her two year old as my own.
After the honeymoon period was over, she decided she needed to make some friends, so we started taking it in turns baby sitting ... as it turned out, she'd gone round telling everyone I'd beaten her (in fact she'd been hitting me!! I still have photos from the last time, it was that bad ... just b4 I threw her out!) She'd been using me to babysit her son while she looked for a new bloke and while she was going on dates!!
(Zed Smith, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:57, Reply)

A friend of mine got off with this blonde girl at a party a few years back, let's call her debbie for no particular reason
So later in the evening, I said to him "so where's debbie then?" and he didn't know, she had run off suddenly.
A search ensued and after some time we found "debbie" and where was she?
She was in the bathroom slashing her wrists.

Well, my friends ego was somewhat dented, but we carted debbie off to the hospital, never to be seen again.

(although I'm pretty sure she didn't die, so I guess that's a happy ending)
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:54, Reply)

*painfull memories*
I was dumped by my school girl friend in the form of "Y O U R D U M P E D" being spelt on sperate pieces of paper and held up in the big widow of her tutor room I as walked past....

my reply?

"Thank F*ck For That"
( nowimboard shouted "Bring On The Trumpets!" at, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:50, Reply)

my first girlfriend (only one so far)...
...decided we should "take a break". it then became apparent that she wanted to try a relationship with the guy who she had been set up with to go to the prom with, since I couldn't take her (long distance, you see). fair enough, I don't consider myself the best catch. only thing is, the guy was the twattiest of twats ever to disgrace this planet. seriously... he listens to country music and worships George W Bush... it didn't take her long to realise he wasn't the guy for her! by the time she realised I might be the one for her after all, I had realised that she's not the one for me. I guess it will all work out for the best. at least I wrote a few good songs out of it. woo, depression.
(Mystery Woo Yay Boy, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:49, Reply)

Hoooooo BOY!
I was dumped by my first boyfriend because he'd slept with my best friend, who was drunk at the time.

Might not sound very spectacular, but we were all around twelve at the time.

Hooray for rednecks.
(GirnsieBabes- Ring baloney once! Ring baloney twice! Hey-ya, Kutztown sure is nice!, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:47, Reply)

Top bloke
Not spectacular, but my (ex) bf decided to dump me at Xmas. So, he bought me a present, and wrote on the tag "thought you might need this, as you're dumped".

The present? An 8" vibrator.

One of the better ways to be dumped, for sure!
(emma_fisi, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:39, Reply)

Happy Days
I got dumped / dumped her at T In the Park a few years back when she started showing pictures of her getting rodgered silly by a sailor to friends we met there.

Bitch

Oh well!
( Dugs - The artist formerly known as Dugsybaws, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:34, Reply)

Less a spectacular dumpage...
...and more a spectacularly disasterous relationship.
This girl had experienced some pretty awful things in her past so I was willing to forgive the niggly things like her mood swings, etc, but when she arranged to sleep with someone behind my back, threw a tantrum at me for daring to talk to a woman other than her, and then asked her mother's boyfriend to 'get his dick out for a feel' (note: the last one was while I was around 3 feet away) in the space of around a month it was the last straw. I came home never to return.

And since then, she's pursued a vendetta against me for nearly a year. Fun.
Utterly, utterly mad, and I'm glad to be out of it.
( Shegetz Chris Kamara's comedy moustache, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:32, Reply)

email, coward-bitch was still talking to me normally before i checked my mail
then i got a text from her the instant i replied to her email with something along the lines of "i was thinking exactly the same thing", sent to me by accident, asking her friend to set her up with one of my mates!

i only met her to get my mate and her mate together but we ended up getting drunk with them (two bottles of vodka when you haven't eaten for a day? heh)

but it was certainly for the best, she ended up going out with my best mate (one we tried to set-up) for a year, and sent him absolutely mad
( stevierar, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:31, Reply)

Shagged girl,
and she dumped me the next day then left school two weeks later. Thanks.
Then started she going out with the ugliest UGLIEST man alive, in comparison to whom Rob is positively angelic.
Thanks again. I have studiously blanked her ever since.
(Dinsdale v Spiny Norman, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:27, Reply)

I have a mate
who was dumped in a remarkable way (not quite spectacular but getting there). He was out but his mum let the girlfriend in to wait for him. Because he did not come home that day she got a full stack of post-it notes off his desk and wrote "You're dumped" on every one. She then stuck one on each item in his room and set off on her merry way. They remained up for at least a week.
( The Doctor Why is it big and why is there grass?, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:23, Reply)

2 weekends ago, lacking any sort of foresight
I decided to, for a laugh, take some acid with my ex (been together 2 years, split up 6 months ago), imagining a night of laughs and colours and funny patterns etc. Perhaps some goblins and fairies, who knows?

Problem was that we still really, really loved each other and after a couple of hours, the LSD, which was particularly strong, kicked in and we sort of merged into one being, creating an overwhelming energy of pure love. It was utter bliss and it was like nothing I'd ever experienced before.

She then takes this moment to suggest that we should not only get back together, but get married! Being the coward I am, I said no, and in fact it would probably be best if we never saw each other again. I seem to recall lots of tears after that.

Not quite dumping as such, but it feels good to release my lameness to the world!
(soma9766, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:12, Reply)

technology facillitating a breakup.
i got broken up with over Aol instant messenger. because he wanted to go out with some other girl. but she never dated him anyway. and he's been pining for me the past few years.

not very interesting. but it's the only breakup i have.

edit: it was also a week before my birthday, like almost on thanksgiving. i immediately fell in love with his friend, whom i am still dating 2 and a half years later.
(bonaroo, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:03, Reply)

I did dump one girl on valentines day ...
It was the first girl I had slept with _ever_ ... and she had been _flirting_ with my best mate ... sitting on his lap and stuff (I also walked in on her trying to convince him to shag her the night before) ... I'd really fallen for her, soppy git that I am; so I had to dump her ... she'd have made me miserable.
(Zed Smith, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:03, Reply)

lesbian adventures
After months of constantly (jokingly) trying to encourage my gf to have a threesome to explore her bisexual side, I was suddenly dumped with the usual "its just not working" type line.

A few months later she gave me a ring asking if one of my mates was gay, and when asking her why she said "oh I just saw him in a gay club in town". So I asked her why she was in there - I obviously encouraged the gay thing a bit too much because I'd been dumped for a butch lesbian. Shes still with her now, and "I turned a girl gay once" is always a brilliant line for awkward silences!
(skiddle, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:03, Reply)

Theatrically dumped.
Took my family to see my girlfriend's production of A Midsummer Nights Dream.

As we approached the ticket stand she saw us and ran towards me. My parents smiled approvingly with every bounce in her step, as did my grandparents.

Perhaps no-one expected her to bounce past us, wrap her arms around the lead actor and french kiss him - tongues flapping like two boxes of trawled trout being pressed together.

Explaining to Grandma that it wasn't actually part of the play was what hurt more.

"Then why did she do it?"

*sigh*
(microsaulxp, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:02, Reply)

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Bubbles, who are ye?
This is so exciting!
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:02, Reply)

Dumped by text message
"It's over. Come at 8 to put the kids to bed. There will be a bag packed for you."

And that's what happened. Divorced about 6 months later. Still miss her sometime, though. Meh.
(ChrisT, Thu 17 Jun 2004, 17:00, Reply)