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When the egg sandwich you planned is halted by mouldy bread and a stinking egg
you know it was never meant to be.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr Gear the gay-maker, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:18, archived)
Don't be silly
Go to the shop!
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:18, archived)
gutted

(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:19, archived)
I like egg sandwiches but the smell when opening the offending guffwedge is almost off putting.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:19, archived)
guffwedge?
an amazing description of an egg sarnie if I ever read one
(Goatse not a comedy account, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:32, archived)
Haha, gutted.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:20, archived)
Eggs are just fucking wrong.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:20, archived)
controversial

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:21, archived)
I only like them in cakes or other cooking.
On their own they're gross.
(I helped save b3ta! Bats, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:23, archived)
ugh, cakes?

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:23, archived)
you like battenburg

(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:24, archived)
shut up,
I'm being needlessly controversial.

It's the marzipan that makes it, I reckon. The sponge I could take or leave. Unless I've eaten the marzipan. You can't get a slice of battenberg and just eat the marzipan, that would be rude.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:26, archived)
Battenburg is the generic choice for granny's everywhere.
It's about as imaginative as chocolate digestive.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:29, archived)
I think that's most of its appeal,
it's such a wonderfully twee cliche.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:30, archived)
what's Jean-Luc Picard's favourite cake?
Battenborg.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:48, archived)
I'd have thought that would be his least favourite.
Waiter: What sort of pastry would you prefer, Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise: Make it choux.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:50, archived)
oh the borg outside are frightful
while inside is so delightful
as the warp drive starts to glow
make it so make it so make it so
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:50, archived)
Engorge!

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:53, archived)
Eventually, when I meet a girl special enough...
... I'm going to sit with her in a posh resturant (maybe TGI Fridays), get Patrick Swaizy to walk up to us, point his finger, and go 'engage', then I'll bring out the ring and say "Wanna make it so?".

The ring will have LEDs built in.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:54, archived)
Patrick Swaizy?
What?
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:58, archived)
Ohh, Patrick Stewart.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:02, archived)
just as well I'm here,
you could have made a right fool of yourself in front of the girl of your dreams.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:03, archived)
*Phones up Patrick Swaizy*
Patrick.... yeah', yeah', fine. Listen, you know that thing... well... slight problem. Yeah', sorry mate.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:05, archived)
they're used to bind the mix together.
or your cake would crumble
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:25, archived)
My cake can fuck off,
crumble or no.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:27, archived)
When you think of them as hen periods or foetues, then I can see why you take this view
but from a protein, taste and packaging point of view, they were MEANT to be eaten.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr Gear the gay-maker, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:23, archived)
yeah, by the growing chick,
but, you know, losers weepers.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:24, archived)
Nah, I have no problem with that aspect, seeing as they're neither.
I just can't stand the taste or smell.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:25, archived)
They are kind of a hen period
As it's an unfertilised egg
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:38, archived)
God I wish I could go home for a while.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:24, archived)
Hang yourself, then you'll get the day off

(I helped save b3ta! Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:26, archived)
I'm off sick anyway.
I want to go home to Irelandland.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:26, archived)
You could always steal my face, go to Leeds and use my free return flight with Jet2 to go to Dublin and back

(I helped save b3ta! Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:28, archived)
Fucking hell the ferry is expensive nowadays.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:29, archived)
And those longs months at sea can have a strange effect on a chap.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:32, archived)
I'm looking at the Stena Line website,
and it seems you can't get a ticket for a single person, you have to take a car.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:34, archived)
I'm loking at Irish Ferries, you can be a foot passenger on there.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:37, archived)
I don't know why you can't be a foot passenger anywhere,
it's not like you have to sit in your car the whole time.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:38, archived)
Yeah, that's retarded.
Not everyone has a car.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:48, archived)
I'd have taken you as I should have been going to the North West 200
this weekend. But I'm not now, so I can't.
(I helped save b3ta! L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Thu 7 May 2009, 12:55, archived)
Not on their pricelist either.
www.irishferries.com/fares-offers-ireland-from-britain.asp
unless I'm missing something...

Could get a motorbike ticket, and just pretend to have one.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:42, archived)
You'd have to make motorbike noises.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:43, archived)
that's the idea.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:46, archived)
Yeah, the first option is foot passenger.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:48, archived)
Yup £25

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:48, archived)
Ooh, that's not a bad price.
I'd have to get to Pembroke, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:50, archived)
you can get a coach, that goes on the ferry (presumably)
from £15.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:55, archived)
Maybe it's an amphibian bus.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:56, archived)
oh,
you have to put a date in.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:52, archived)
Yep.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:52, archived)
stick it in a cup

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:21, archived)
and then what?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:21, archived)
fuck it & eat it

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:22, archived)
Eww, having sex with food and then eating it, is unhygienic.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:24, archived)
I bet you´ve munched on some chef´s special sauce in your time

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:51, archived)
Uh oh
Catastrophe!
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:21, archived)
two slices of bread
loads of butter
one big fat egg
what does it make?
mr gear's smelly kitchen
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:22, archived)
Yay Lawnmower Deth!

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:52, archived)
haha
wounded

*Dr. House*
18 year old female presents with tight chest, difficulty breathing and occasional sharp pain when she inhales. Go
(I helped save b3ta! weaver., Thu 7 May 2009, 12:23, archived)
Cushings.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:25, archived)
Sounds like a bad case of attention seekingitus!

(I helped save b3ta! Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:25, archived)
doesn't sound good.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:25, archived)
Really?
It's ticking all the boxes for me.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:27, archived)
apparently she gets it every so often
just this time it's gone on for longer
(I helped save b3ta! weaver., Thu 7 May 2009, 12:32, archived)
Bra too tight.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:25, archived)
Pervy lezza

(I helped save b3ta! Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:25, archived)
lupus

(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:25, archived)
it's never lupus

(I helped save b3ta! weaver., Thu 7 May 2009, 12:26, archived)
tit stones
like kidney stones,

but tits different.
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:27, archived)
I hear mykey's misses has tits like two bags of gravel.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:28, archived)
But out in the shed they some really sexy bags of gravel, so it all balances out.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:33, archived)
If he buries her face up, he'll have somewhere to park his bike.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:36, archived)
pics or GTFO
surely?
(Goatse not a comedy account, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:27, archived)
:P
b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=71696
(I helped save b3ta! weaver., Thu 7 May 2009, 12:31, archived)
*internet stalks*

(Goatse not a comedy account, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:33, archived)
*adds to the list*
along with bobson and ty&gn, and someone who used the worst ever chat up line on her :D
(I helped save b3ta! weaver., Thu 7 May 2009, 12:34, archived)
What?

(I helped save b3ta! Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:35, archived)
nevermind

(I helped save b3ta! weaver., Thu 7 May 2009, 12:37, archived)
I thought you said female?

(I helped save b3ta! Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:33, archived)
Is there a reason you're linking to that profile?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:37, archived)
i know her
o**l*ne
(I helped save b3ta! weaver., Thu 7 May 2009, 12:40, archived)
she's the one im talking about
the 18 year old, it just happens that she signed up
(I helped save b3ta! weaver., Thu 7 May 2009, 12:45, archived)
I'm so confused =((((
Did she show you her intertits or something?
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:48, archived)
alas no :(
she's ill, right, i make a post about it, then i link to her profile when Goatse asks for pics
(I helped save b3ta! weaver., Thu 7 May 2009, 12:52, archived)
okey dokey.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:55, archived)
I like how you included yourself.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:47, archived)
I know him the most.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:51, archived)
Are you listing people you know offline?

(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:47, archived)

people you know offline

he's being shockingly sardonic today. i think he's been led astray by bad people again
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:49, archived)
Uh oh
Always trying to play with the bigger boys, it's not good for him.
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:54, archived)
Check her shoes.

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:33, archived)
I am genuinely sorry to hear th

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:25, archived)
I want a sponge bath.
I can't be bothered to shower but I need a wash. I need a gimpy slave to sort this out.
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:28, archived)
Isn't Wormulus gimpy enough?

(I helped save b3ta! Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:29, archived)
ermmm nope

He dumped me a while ago!
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:56, archived)

dumped me a while ago 's an idiot
(I helped save b3ta! L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Thu 7 May 2009, 12:58, archived)
*Voulenteers*

(I helped save b3ta! Mr Gear the gay-maker, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:30, archived)
I genuinely feel for you,
when this happens, I just go and get one from the bakers.
(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:37, archived)
Oh MAN ! I'm....i'm..... I'm really sorry for you.
Here, take a seat, would you like a cup of tea? I've heard of some down-right rotten things to happen to a person, but that's just nasty. Are you going to be all right? Do you have someone you can call? No, no, here, take my phone, call up your parents. It's times like these that familys come together, they'll understand. They love you, they always will. It's ok mate, you let it out big fella. Here, I won't bellittle you by saying I know your pain, or use clichés like "It'll get easier in time", but life has a funny way of working itself out.

Here, have my sandwich, I didn't want it anyway, had a big breakfast. Would you like some MAN THE FUCK UP with that?
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:41, archived)
MY IRONYOMETER IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!

(I helped save b3ta! Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:42, archived)
QUICK ! *splashes some attention over you*
There we go, much better.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 12:43, archived)