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So what questions should be asked on the citizen test as a true measure of Britishness?
'Who does Ian Rush say that you won't even be good enough to play for if you don't drink lots of milk?'
'How much is 10 Lambert & Butler?'
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:27, archived)
How to walk across a pebble beach without looking like a Secret Lemonade Drinker

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:29, archived)
pffft!

(I helped save b3ta! h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:47, archived)
ACCRINGTON STANLEY?

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:29, archived)
WHO ARE THEY?

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:32, archived)
EXACTLY

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:37, archived)
"Is it Murray's year this year?"

(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:29, archived)
What's an acceptable amount of time to bite your tongue and refrain from complaining for?

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)
Twenty minutes?

(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:56, archived)
How to order a kabab when drunk and stylishly drop it on the floor and shirt before you've eaten it

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)
How do you spell Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch?

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)
i dont know :(

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:49, archived)
Is the correct answer.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:53, archived)
List the full set of ingredients for an English breakfast

(I helped save b3ta! Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)
A choice of two questions
Use the space below to sum up the offside rule

Or

Pinpoint on this diagram where the Silly Mid Off stands

That'll sort the wheat from the chaff
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:30, archived)
Name all of the Spice Girls.
Who is alwayz in are harts?

a) Babby P
b) Jane Goodie
c) Princess Di
d) Micheal Jackson
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:31, archived)
e) All of the above.

(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:57, archived)
ahaha
SURELY you haven't really seen someone write her name as jane?
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:09, archived)
´Going on holiday anywhere good this year?´

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:31, archived)
as them if they like xkcd, if thy say yes then drag them outside and shoot them twice in the back of the head

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:32, archived)
Ther should be a Stiff Upper Lip test
and a No Talking to Strangers on the Underground test
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:32, archived)
I fail the second test if I´ve been drinking

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:33, archived)
I once explained to a woman how my hairbrush was better than hers because mine had a rubber handle, thus making it a 'Sports Brush' and I gave her a hair combing race.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:37, archived)
And an orderly queuing test
In fact there should be 2 of these, one of them will be a trick when they are asked to queue at a bar.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:37, archived)
and then the women should use the Low Top manouver to get served first.

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:38, archived)
and the short cute girl wiggling through the crowd manouevre to get to the bar in the first place.
if your eyes look them beseechingly enough in the elbow, they always let you through, FACT.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:53, archived)
Short people are creepy
I think they have some sort of mind control powers, how else would tall people know they are behind them :S
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:57, archived)
it's true!
us shorties have unexpected bar powers.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:03, archived)
I KNEW IT
You could make your own TV series, like if Heroes collided head-on with Cheers
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:04, archived)
"Oi no kids in the ba...oh sorry...erm, please, take my place...erm"

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:04, archived)
I love how stupid that is.
Pubs and queues are THE two most British things, but the normal rules of queueing do not apply in pubs.
It must be immensely difficult for foreigners to even get served.
(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:59, archived)
Demonstrate the tut, rolled eyes and folded arms formation to an effective purpose.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:32, archived)
Describe how you'd use casual racism in a curry house to make the waiter feel uncomfortable and spit in your bhuna

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:33, archived)
You've also got to talk about the weather for a solid hour to your next door neighbour

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:34, archived)
But finish your sentence with, 'But can't complain, eh?'

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:35, archived)
'Cheerio!'

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:38, archived)
Would you describe yourself as slightly arrogant towards people from other countries who do not speak english?
Do you think that lager is an okay drink, but no substitute for proper beer?

Can you engage a stranger with a pleasant conversation about the weather, after your eyes meet due to a shared social situation?
(thediscokingpin, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:34, archived)
How do you prounce "No' bein' funny or nuffin'..."

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:34, archived)
"Would you like a cup of tea?"

(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:35, archived)
If you encounter a bear what is the best course of action?
a) make yourself as large as possible
b) hit it with a stick
c) there are no bears here, you must be in another country, why are you even taking this test. Go on, piss off.
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:35, archived)
"Did you spill my pint?"

(I helped save b3ta! FoldsFive, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:35, archived)
What is the correct pronunciation of the word 'scone'?

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:36, archived)
I'm with SexFace.
Rhymes with cone not gone.
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:44, archived)
Rhymes with "gone." Anyone who's done 90 seconds of research on it can tell you that.

(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:00, archived)
What the fuck are you staring at?

(I helped save b3ta! Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:36, archived)
Bonus points for:
DO YOU FUCKING WANT SOME?
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:39, archived)
How do you break up potential fisticuffs?
A: Please cease with this provocation
B: I understand your point of view & whilst I cannot agree, I do not wish to provoke any antagonism
C: Leave it Darren, e aint fuckin werf it
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:41, archived)
How d'you do?

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:39, archived)
Q. What's yellow and made up of many pages?

(I helped save b3ta! executiverocker only wears C&A, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:40, archived)
Jade Goody's biography
after I've pissed all over it
(I helped save b3ta! Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:43, archived)
I can't imagine it having many pages.

(I helped save b3ta! executiverocker only wears C&A, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:45, archived)
Can any sentence beginning "I'm not racist but..." be anything other than racist?

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:41, archived)
Yer.
"I'm not racist but can you pass the salt please."
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:43, archived)
Woah, steady on there, Adolf.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:45, archived)
Isn't it hot? It's too hot isn't it? I do hope it rains soon, do you?

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:43, archived)
Oh I do hope so too. It so needs it. We need a thunderstorm. Oh look, there it goes now.
Fucking rain.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:44, archived)
if you have fish for dinner do you drink red wine or white?
It was good enough for james bond to try and kill a man because he got it wrong
(I helped save b3ta! VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:45, archived)
Is it white wine?
Do I get to live?
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:46, archived)
How do you do the Shake n' Vac dance?

(I helped save b3ta! h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:47, archived)

For mash get, what?
My goodness! My... what?
Washing machines live longer with, what?
You can't get quicker than a, what?
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:47, archived)
Jizz
jizz
jizz
jizzer
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:56, archived)
I think the entire test should be
'Draw a line to match the actor/actress to the correct classic British sit-com'
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:52, archived)
are you starting?

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:57, archived)
are you asking?

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:05, archived)
10 Lambert = £2.70 (in my shop they do)
most of my poorer customers choose JPS Blue at £2.12 a pack
(I helped save b3ta! h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 6 Jul 2009, 15:59, archived)
Fuck me. in my shop it's £3.40 for 10 Marlboro lights

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:07, archived)
haha, I just took the fucking thing
I got 12/24 :(
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 16:04, archived)