my colleague beside me has really stinky breath
He's a good 4 feet away and actually facing slightly away from me, what the fuck has he been eating to generate this cloud of oral miasmora?
Plague and onion crisps?
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:35, archived)

are you sure it's not your own breath you can smell?

( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:36, archived)

or the poo stripe under your nose?

(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:46, archived)

oooooooohh
they should make them in strip form
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:04, archived)

Look what I made sp@m (still perfecting it)
90nz0.com/photos.php

It grabs my photos from Flickr
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:32, archived)

*sticks on the fridge*

( St. Defenestration The REAL one, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 18:17, archived)

Why don't you ever spell code wrong?

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 18:26, archived)

cowd

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 18:26, archived)

I can't explain that one =/

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 18:27, archived)

The bare minimum someone should do in the morning is have a shower and brush their teeth.
Some people REALLY can't do this and it drives me nuts, the smelly fucking cunts.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:37, archived)

DAYS?!?

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:37, archived)

Days?

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:38, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/4128153
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:40, archived)

Aw man,
that's exactly the sort of person I'm on about.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:41, archived)

Shambles wins again
www.b3ta.com/talk/4128213
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:43, archived)

Shambles always wins.
Apart from when against JMG.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:49, archived)

I miss clairbear.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:53, archived)

you should aim better, then.
and it's people like you that can't spell her name that drove her away, you know.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:36, archived)

^What the Morty Bodger said

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:38, archived)

I have a bath on a night though
I don't have time to be getting showers in a morning
( Mrs Sp@m, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:39, archived)

You have kids to get ready etc, so it's ok.
Regular washing I mean, personally I can't wake up without a shower.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:40, archived)

I would actually prefer a bath in the morning
but living with other people and reliance on public transport has made me take showers instead.
( SuperMatt, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:44, archived)

i work with people who have smelly breath all day
to the extent that they are always brushing their teeth in the office. At some point somewhere in my office, you are guaranteed to find somebody brushing their teeth.
Its the food they eat, that is making their breath smell, and it also rots their teeth. You would think they would develop some intelligence to not eat that food.
( turb0t, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:40, archived)

Sigh. I knew I should've waited.
www.b3ta.com/talk/6474047
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:37, archived)

Madagascar is great film.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:38, archived)

This is the series on nickelodeon.
"The penguins from Madagascar".
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:38, archived)

i've seen the ending about 200 times
that's with no exaggeration

now the 'i like to move it, move it' song is likely to cause me to erupt into a psychotic rage
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:48, archived)

Are you in public right now?
Or with a group of people?
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:49, archived)

yeah, i'm at work
please note, seeing the lyrics written down will not induce the same effect and i'm not likely to watch a video
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:51, archived)

Damn.
Tomorrows papers won't be quite as interesting now...
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:52, archived)

that's got nothing to do with either this thread or the last one
and it's dull as fuck. Why are you telling us this? It isn't even amusing.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:42, archived)

It was something to say. Wasn't it.
And I couldn't be bothered to think up something else to post in this one seeing as how that post was only seconds old.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:44, archived)

what you do, right
is you wait for a moment. Just wait, until something pops into your head. BUT HOLD IT. Don't start typing yet. Think it through. Is it funny? Is it interesting? Are you sure? Ok, start typing.

Got it down? Cool, nice. WOAH WOAH WOAH KIDDO, hold the fucking horses, don't hit ENTER yet. Read it back. Really, read it again. Is it still funny? Did you spell all the words correctly? Are you sure? You're still fucking wrong, just hit the red X and fuck off, you prick.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:49, archived)

You're on fire today.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:49, archived)

Ha. Fuck off I'll do as I please.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:50, archived)

FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHTS TO BE DULL!
DOWN WITH ENTERTAINING INTERNET!
BAN JOKES AND INTERESTING STORIES!
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:05, archived)

Who wants to be entertaining all the time?
They soon become dull and tiresome.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:06, archived)

That Glued Eeel...
..he always makes me sigh 'Oh no, not another witty aside in another otherwise dull thread'.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:09, archived)

I'd rather be average with a few outbursts of wit than forcibly funny all the time so that nothing stands out.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:11, archived)

You're halfway there.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:12, archived)

Prezactly.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:14, archived)

This is why we get endless threads of people saying 'alright'.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:29, archived)

I don't take part in those.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:30, archived)

right. Ok.
you are aware that you've just said it's actually better to be shit than good, aren't you?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:13, archived)

I'm sure I used the word average.
Not shit.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:14, archived)

OK
You said it was better to be average than good, then. Same odds.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:16, archived)

I don't think he's thought it through MB.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:25, archived)

I'm not needy enough to be desperate to be known as funny.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:32, archived)

No, you're not funny enough to be known as funny.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:42, archived)

but you are just dull and tiresome anyway.
why not be entertaining occaisionally as well?
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:13, archived)

The same could be said about 95% of users on here.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:14, archived)

so, you are a sheep as well as dull and tiresome..
BAAAA! BAAA!
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:15, archived)

I love you.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:53, archived)

slut

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:16, archived)

I came to the party a little late here.
I'm just glad someone has already said what needed to be said. Not about Madagascar being a great film.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 18:03, archived)

And you've got a head like a lego man.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 18:04, archived)

or shyte and vinegar

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:37, archived)

It's always good to let people know when they stink
they may not know it themselves.
( SuperMatt, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:38, archived)

Should I sign up for a twitter account?

( magnum, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:45, archived)

Yeah, sure
I won't add you though.
( SuperMatt, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:46, archived)

cr3 might
that would make you hella cool.
( SuperMatt, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:46, archived)

+un

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:47, archived)

Oh well

( magnum, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:49, archived)

Do you have an interesting enough life to warrant it?

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:46, archived)

I was just going to add all the people I work with
and the other company we do a lot of work with and post really really dull stuff and see if anyone will take the bait and join in.
( magnum, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:47, archived)

this is irrelevant
a better question is, can you write entertainingly about the average things you do in everyday life, but also know how to recognise the things that are worth telling other people about

yours had more punch, i'll admit
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:53, archived)

I've never bothered with twitter.
I'm too boring and average.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:53, archived)

I just bought a new phone
now I can look at b3ta while having a shit slash wank
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:47, archived)

if it's a posh nokia
try tweets60 it's one of the best twitter apps i've used. and opera mini 5 beta
( hooker1uk Filth monger of the lowest degree!, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 18:20, archived)

blee blee twitter is shit, blee!
i really like it, i miss being able to check it from my phone.

don't add dull people, just add people you know who have good vocabularies and an interesting way of recording their lives and the odd famous funny person

then you can check in on it every so often and it'll make you smile
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:50, archived)

@rhcpaul I av jus bin 4 a rather spiffing glass of port

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:52, archived)

Ask him. I don't know.
I have now narrowed down my choice of my first tattoo to a few hundred. It's going to take me ages.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:49, archived)

Are they all of Gir?

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:52, archived)

Who?

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:54, archived)

GIR
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:57, archived)

Oh. No.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:58, archived)

what about something really cool like...
an anchor, or a butterfly?!

If i had a tattoo it'd have to be of something truly original, and of something that would definitely never change. The only thing i can think of right now would be to have a tattoo of the tattoo itself, which is essentially a paradox, and that would probably be REALLY like expensive.
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:54, archived)

Why the fuck would I want an anchor or butterfly?

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:54, archived)

lol

( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:55, archived)

To reflect your thirty years in the Navy, where you picked up all those hideous swear words.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:56, archived)

^this

( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:58, archived)

They're self taught.
Irish children learn swearing for the Leaving Cert, anyway.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:59, archived)

Ug Ug Ug Ug Ug Ug Ug *popeye faces*

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:03, archived)

Is this post some sort of attempt at irony
or are you just being a tit?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:12, archived)

you need inside-out ink for that

( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:34, archived)

What do you fancy?
Something girlie? Flowers/butterflies?
Writing?
Something tribal?
filigree?

More importantly where? Shoulders/hips/back/ankle or midriff and fine on girls. Arms and chest. IMO. are a bit shit.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:55, archived)

I don't really care what you think are fine on girls, I'll get what I want.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:58, archived)

This, hard, in the bum.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:59, archived)

I did point out that it was in my opinion.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:02, archived)

You're going to be one of those chain smoking stella drinking women with no teeth and a tattoo of a dolphin on her chest that looks like it was drawn by a 5 year old...
Aren't you?
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:01, archived)

Yeah, that's it. Nob.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:02, archived)

Lotus flowers are nice.
I can't really think of anything Cat-ish off the top of my head.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:05, archived)

paw-print.
but you can't have that because a) I've got one* and b) it's properly gay.


*it's not supposed to be a cat paw. but it is still gay.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:18, archived)

Guy I work with has a smart tattoo.
It's a small handprint in black and grey but it has a skull shaded into it. It would look fantastic if it wasn't years old.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:22, archived)

I have my own ideas, thanks.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:26, archived)

aaaahh forgot about dolphins
anchors and butterflies and dolphins and roses
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:03, archived)

I've never known anchors to be a girl orientated tattoo.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:07, archived)

I bet you've got bicep panthers

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:09, archived)

Nope.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:11, archived)

Thigh Leopards?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:12, archived)

Calf Cougars.
You were close though.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:15, archived)

i never mentioned girls, or girl orientation
this is something you have created in your own mind-universe. I am merely listing shit over-used tattoo themes and using apparently unperceivable sarcasm.
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:11, archived)

OMG I made up that I thought you were talking about girl tattoos to a girl.
Jesus calm down... You're not that hard done by.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:13, archived)

what do you fancy getting?

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:58, archived)

Some sort of cat design, I dunno yet.
Looking on deviantart at the moment.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:01, archived)

www.bme.com/tattoo/A90214/high/f0c0-cat-tattoo-first.jpg ?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:06, archived)

Oh god that's fucking horrendous.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:08, archived)

so yeah, get that one.
NO! in fact, I'll design you a tattoo :D

Some sort of flying sex pug, or maybe my face grinning inanly at your clopper on your thighs?

YEAH!!!!
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:14, archived)

I'm going to get designing the second idea ok?
yeah?
ok?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:24, archived)

I'M STARTING NOW......OK?!?!?
MY FACE....NEAR YOUR FANNY....ON YOUR LEGS....LOOKING A BIT BOSSEYED.....OK?!?!?!?!
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:29, archived)

aww man, this is looking soooo good.
I've got a face like I've just caught a mouth full of gale force fanny fog and I'm liking it, but still feeling a bit sick...
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:33, archived)

ESME!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Should I be hair tied back, smart or should I be sexy wildman hair down?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:39, archived)

Or should I just go full on wildman Down's?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:40, archived)

I can tell you're quiet with excitement

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:41, archived)

....I done a jizz on the sketchpaper
hope you don't mind.

I got excited by my own FACE.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:46, archived)

Pfft, sorry, I let you off on your own to see what would happen.
I think your hair should be down.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:46, archived)

Ah good, I was getting worried you didn't think it was a good idea
Man, this is going to be wicked. I'll hold your hand when you get it done . I might hold your feet a bit too.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:50, archived)

Em, okay.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:53, archived)

LOL

( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:12, archived)

Deviantart is ok for tattoos
it's a good idea to look for good artists near you though, and see what styles they work in. Then let them come up with an idea - unless you've got your heart set on a particular artist this is usually the best idea.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:22, archived)

You should get a little padlock that's been busted right open
right on your fanny :)
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:04, archived)

Pfft.
It's disintegrated at this stage.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:06, archived)

Or maybe some 1:1 ratio bumble bee wings on your back

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:07, archived)

1:1 ratio bumblebee wings
would be very small. Being as they are, the actual size of bumblebee wings. Kind of pointless ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:15, archived)

...that was the joke you ninny :)

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:18, archived)

OK.
it's been a long day, DG.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:21, archived)

*smooches*
i.cr3ation.co.uk/dl/s1/jpg/beewingsfunny.jpg
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:23, archived)

Score.
*cops a feel*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:37, archived)

I've got mine all drawn on a long-sleeved tshirt
it will be on my arm as soon as I can afford a few hundred moneys.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:09, archived)

Cool, that's a good idea.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:23, archived)

I wanted something I'd drawn myself
putting it on a shirt will do in the meantime, and means the artist will have a good idea of where it's supposed to be.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:27, archived)

You should have a Maffers post etched across your back.
Those are really interesting and hilarious and will definitely stand the test of time.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 18:24, archived)

I'd rather tattoo his mother's fanny on there.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 18:34, archived)

My colleague beside me
still stinks of smoke, almost an hour after going out for a cigarette.

He also seems to be really hungry, as he hasn't stopped chewing on his fingers since he got back from lunch.
(ricky_darkholer is blonde on the inside, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:56, archived)

Maybe he's been fingering a particularly tasty prostitute. Who knows, eh?

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:11, archived)

arf.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:16, archived)

He's baked.

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:32, archived)

Yeah, he's stoned.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:37, archived)