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# I'm not even going to make an attempt on this one...
I reckon some of the better shoppers here could have a huge amount of fun with this:

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cornwall/7005929.stm

A man brandishing a knife slashed himself across the throat in a Cornish town's Woolworths store.

Maybe they'd run out of his favourite Pic N Mix?
(I helped save b3ta! shadyron, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:12, archived)
# excuse me
I think you're looking for Homebase.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:13, archived)
# Shame thery got no L plate
Due to a lack of noobs this week I have not had the chance to get someone to try my new hat out.




Prolly bindun but not by me :)
(I helped save b3ta! XLVII .uk, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:14, archived)
# haha
nicely
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:15, archived)
# Did you deliberately leave the L off?
EDIT: Oh FFS! Sorry
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:15, archived)
# haha!
I thought, I'll wait before pointing it out :D
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:16, archived)
# *offers coffee*
*and a wake-up massage*
(Pachey, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:16, archived)
# 'ning Pachey.
I feel really sleepy this morning

*crosses fingers*
(I helped save b3ta! Aphex The Mink Snackless, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:18, archived)
# tart!
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:19, archived)
# and?
(I helped save b3ta! Aphex The Mink Snackless, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:24, archived)
# cream!
with a wee bit of icing sugar!
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:25, archived)
# Don't get too excited
A 'wake up massage' is just me punching you in the arm shouting 'wake up!'
(Pachey, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:22, archived)
# hahaha
(I helped save b3ta! Debbilgrrrrl is kinda back, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:23, archived)
# office lollage
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:23, archived)
# that'd feel right nice
what with you being borrower sized and all
(I helped save b3ta! Aphex The Mink Snackless, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:24, archived)
# Ha ha ha
*scuttles back under floorboards*
(Pachey, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:29, archived)
# OK...
I'm awake now!
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:30, archived)
# The L
Is already there if they are a noob
Silly
:)
(I helped save b3ta! XLVII .uk, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:16, archived)
# it's to sit on top of an L plate
diddy
(I helped save b3ta! Aphex The Mink Snackless, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:17, archived)
# piss off
what's the opposite of n00b?
(I helped save b3ta! Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:13, archived)
# Jack the Kitten...
...started out as a "Prices Slashed" Woolworths gag, but it went, erm, wrong.

Anyway, where's your pic?
(I helped save b3ta! Doctor When May your wife shat and chipper, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:13, archived)
# anyway..

b3ta.com/board/7634127
(I helped save b3ta! prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:13, archived)
# Kirk's nob FTW
*glee-glooms*
(I helped save b3ta! Debbilgrrrrl is kinda back, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:14, archived)
# she cannae take much more Cap'n
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:17, archived)
# aces
that is all of the woo
(Cluck needs a holiday, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:20, archived)
# Jim, I think I can detect a few Klingons
(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:30, archived)
# Apparently there's a cure for cancer now
Someone please make a hilarious picture of this for me.

Because I'm a cunt.

ta.
(I helped save b3ta! Debbilgrrrrl is kinda back, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:13, archived)
# haha
dont be so hard on yersel darlin.

you had a listen yet? *spams*
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:14, archived)
# What kind of music is it?
I need informations before going to the trouble of clicking.
(Pachey, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:17, archived)
# acoustic guitar, with me singing. that's all.
there's a bit of choice language so best not listen to it out loud at work.

(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:18, archived)
# We don't have a NSFW policy at my workplace
So I will switch off Radio 3 and listen to it now.
(Pachey, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:19, archived)
# :D cheers
but it is really rude.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:22, archived)
# I'm the boss though
:)

[edit] Verdict: Despite having a prejudice against most music written since 1960 I quite liked it. It gets better as it goes on and the sweary bits are funny. Also, you have a really nice voice.
(Pachey, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:25, archived)
# heh
ok :D

Edit: thanks a lot. I have prejudice against most music written since 1980.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:26, archived)
# Your song is still in my head
Which means it's catchy too. Good work!
(Pachey, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:34, archived)
# God
that was actually really rather ace! What a lovely gravelly voice you have, and what an amusing yet po-mo-poignant little number.

Genuinely impressed. :D
(I helped save b3ta! Debbilgrrrrl is kinda back, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:22, archived)
# :D ooh, thanks
what does po-mo mean?
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:23, archived)
# post-modern, dahhhhling
cos I thought you were being quite knowing and ironic and stuff
(I helped save b3ta! Debbilgrrrrl is kinda back, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:24, archived)
# ah, thanks
you are a charming lady.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:26, archived)
# I find it insists upon itself
*love to go around London saying that*
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:36, archived)
# but what does that actually mean?
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:38, archived)
# nothing - it means nothing
it's just the best way to sound like you know what you're talking about.

BUT don't over use it or you'll look like a fool!

here's how it works. Find something you really really don't understand but a load of artwank types are drooling over. Give it a moment to make it look like you're thinking and then say 'blah blah blah ...it insists upon itself'

You will be bedding high class arty farty trust fund girls well into your 80s.
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:47, archived)
# which through the same process solves all of your energy and transport problems
and is a perpetual motion device.

... oh - wait - right. Perpetual motion. BAD SCIENCE!
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:15, archived)
# apparently
hit salted water with the correct frequency of radio wave and it splits the bond between the hydrogen and oxygen atoms and makes a combustible fuel which produces water as a by product... hmmmm
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:18, archived)
# *spends rest of day slapping a bowl of seawater*
(I helped save b3ta! Debbilgrrrrl is kinda back, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:22, archived)
# no - point Radio 2 at it
see what happens
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:26, archived)
# *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*
nah, I'm enjoying this
(I helped save b3ta! Debbilgrrrrl is kinda back, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:28, archived)
# We are not your Tattyshop whores
And I was a little dissappointed to find that he didn't slash himself accidentaly during the course of a robbery...
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:14, archived)
# No - I know you're not
my bitches, but I thought I'd be kind and give you some nice material to play with. Jeebus. Try and do someone a favour, eh?

Give me a few minutes...
*goes to find decent source images*
(I helped save b3ta! shadyron, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:16, archived)
# no you're missing the point
you post IMAGES in a new thread that you have made, not just your recent thoughts on a story you find funny. If you want to do something like you just did, it's best to do it in someone elses thread, so you're not just starting a thread full of abuse like this one.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:21, archived)
# Ah, that seems fair enough
Does this make me a bit less FAIL? Apologies for lack of hummus - it was a bit of a rush job to try and show that I'm not a complete noob - just dropped the ball a bit.


(I helped save b3ta! shadyron, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:31, archived)
# woo
yay
nice shop
(I helped save b3ta! Jamnog Sardines in her eyebrows, lobsters up and down, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:33, archived)
# Oddly
It was quite difficult finding a decent source image for Woolworths, hence it took me a while longer than usual to produce that poor(ish) effort.
(I helped save b3ta! shadyron, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:34, archived)
# 89k?
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:39, archived)
# Mmm
Got it down to 56k which is (isn't it?) a bit more reasonable, but less than that and I'm really cropping the background or getting awful artefacting. I've taken out layers and sRGB data which shaved off another couple of k.

*goes off to find lemony's optimisation crib*
(I helped save b3ta! shadyron, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:43, archived)
# it's still a bit big
(I helped save b3ta! Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:39, archived)
# Oh noes!



Make it 50K, put a speech bubble on saying "THIS IS YOUTUBE MATERIAL", and you're on to a winnar :)
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:37, archived)
# Done
Well - almost. 56k. I think I need to read the B3ta guide to optimisation again because it's all dripped out of my brane.
(I helped save b3ta! shadyron, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:41, archived)
# *abuses*
(I helped save b3ta! Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:33, archived)
# perhaps they weren't stocking the new JML home suicide kit he'd seen advertised on the TV
an innovation in shuffling off this mortal coil at only £9.99. Yes, that's right, only £9.99
(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:15, archived)
# fcuk
have I started selling home suicide kits now?

My friends find it eternally amusing that shite products are sold under the same name as my initials. Yes, ah ha ha ha ha ha. Cunts.
(Cluck needs a holiday, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:26, archived)
# I think that's really sad
He must have been suffering terribly to kill himself in that way.

So I'll don't think I'll shop that BBC story, but thank you for your suggestion.
(Pachey, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:16, archived)
#
www.whatareweyourphotoshoppingbitches.com
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:16, archived)
# Yeh...
Now i dissapear to college!

*smoke bomb*

*is'nt here any more*
(I helped save b3ta! Cae1, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:17, archived)
#
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:18, archived)
# This is not helping me with my headache
at all ;)
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:26, archived)
# Sorry, a bit further to the left?
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:27, archived)
# ouch!
thassdaspot!
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:30, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:19, archived)
# Oh dear
(I helped save b3ta! Weetobix, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:19, archived)
# Poor kittehn :(
(I helped save b3ta! Cae1, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:20, archived)
# aaaaahahahahahhahahahahhahahhhhahahaha!!
(I helped save b3ta! Lizzy_Bee is a mac user now, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:53, archived)
# without being rude as I assume many posts will be,
I suggest you avoid posting a link to a news story as a new thread. It pushes other art off the board and antagonises a lot of people.
Either post the link on the Links page or as a reply to an existing thread.
:)
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:19, archived)
# for future reference.
if you find something like this amusing and think that it has some comedic shoppery mileage, dump it in an existing thread as a reply, don't make it too obvious you want it brought to life pictorially, someone may well pick it up and run with it.
(I helped save b3ta! god save the queen making another unremarkable comeback, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:19, archived)
# Here's my quick and dirty effort
(linked due to largness)

clicky clicky
(I helped save b3ta! RiffRaff lurking like a lurky thing, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:19, archived)
# nearly.
(I helped save b3ta! god save the queen making another unremarkable comeback, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:21, archived)
# heh
Sadly, I couldn't be arsed to disguise the URL this time.
(I helped save b3ta! RiffRaff lurking like a lurky thing, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:24, archived)
# Almost
I had a horrible feeling I was about to be goatse'd. I'll still give that a hats off.
(I helped save b3ta! shadyron, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:24, archived)
# i would never be so cruel.
(I helped save b3ta! RiffRaff lurking like a lurky thing, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:29, archived)
# hmm took me a while but i think i have done what you asked
:D here you go nice man
(I helped save b3ta! Jamnog Sardines in her eyebrows, lobsters up and down, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:22, archived)
# you're old enough to know better.
when I heard this on the radio this morning, not yet awake, I assumed it was some sort of hypnopompic hallucination.
(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:25, archived)
# Am I allowed
To use that as an answer for the QOTW this week?
(I helped save b3ta! shadyron, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:35, archived)
# feel free

(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 10:53, archived)