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This is genuine

I keep getting emails from this man about Cheesus . Please help me make him go away

(mr_mekon, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 13:58, archived)

You're a nonsense.

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mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 13:59, archived)

Noes I'm not

(mr_mekon, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

Yeses.

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mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:19, archived)

isn't this gary glitter?

famous nonce

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MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:27, archived)

Show us on the doll.

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mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:28, archived)

here, here, and here

oh yes, and here

(

MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:33, archived)

Start > Shutdown

problem solved

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The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 13:59, archived)

What a smug looking cunt

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Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 13:59, archived)

...

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Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:16, archived)

self righteous bastard

(asciifaceofbob bob bob bob bob bob bob bob, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:17, archived)

hahahaha

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Floppy Donkey crawled out of the ditch., Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:18, archived)

Hehe

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Barbarossa is not my real name, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:19, archived)

indeed!

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Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:20, archived)

Shopped pics only please....

Also, is that ArrangedLetters in 20 years?

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Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 13:59, archived)

He looks like Ginger Mr Magoo

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Floppy Donkey crawled out of the ditch., Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

needs more jaundice and other associated liver failure problems.

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arrangedletters, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:13, archived)

Arf!

too true @:D

(

Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:26, archived)

Is the question : "Who was way cool?"

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The Alchemist king of the needlessly complicated, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

He walked on the water

and swam on the land

(asciifaceofbob bob bob bob bob bob bob bob, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:06, archived)

If he wanted too, he could have turned wheat into marijuana, and sugar into cocaine.

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The Alchemist king of the needlessly complicated, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:11, archived)

No wonder there are so many Christians ;)

(asciifaceofbob bob bob bob bob bob bob bob, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:12, archived)

Vitamin pills into amphetamines.

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FeralCatMan Long ads need comments sections, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:18, archived)

Here it is :)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUrqaJZH-04

(asciifaceofbob bob bob bob bob bob bob bob, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:31, archived)

TOP track

King Missile is superb.

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FeralCatMan Long ads need comments sections, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:37, archived)

Eggplane the cheezyation...

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Floppy Donkey crawled out of the ditch., Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

I've got the Jehovah's Witnesses coming round every week at the moment.

They're alright. They give me books that have funny pictures in.

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:00, archived)

Put up a blood donation poster in your window

They stop coming round then

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Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:04, archived)

~~up a~~ ~~donation poster~~

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Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)

Heh heh heh

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FeralCatMan Long ads need comments sections, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:19, archived)

Where's the fun in that?

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:07, archived)

those pictures are awesome aren't they

almost makes me want to join their pointless DEATH CULT and give them ALL MY MONEY

which ultimately is all they want.

they just don't murder as many people as scientology.

lol :D

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discomeats This canoe, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:19, archived)

I don't think so.

Well, the organisation itself might be doing that, but the individual members have a genuine belief that they have a moral duty to try to save people's souls. Which is nice.

They've given me this one called "What does the Bible really teach?"
Page 13 features a truly awesome composition. I'd take a picture if I had a camera.

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:26, archived)

that's the sad part innit

moral belief of the footsoldiers

I'm sure the folks at the bottom of scientology really believe it all too

bottom line: they all want your stuff.

whether it's money, power, or maybe even they really want your soul.

They make well produced material, with high quality art and photography, and general editorial control.

but they still want you and your stuff :)

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discomeats This canoe, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:33, archived)

I honestly don't know the details of how the JW organisation is funded,

I'd gathered it was all voluntary contributions but no doubt there's some kind of pressure on members, subtle or otherwise. Really comparing them to Scientology is a bit much though, they who explicitly charge you absurd sums of money for nonsensical services.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:37, archived)

it's a matter of degree

I just don't like people coming to my door telling me god's will, like they have some special hotline directly to it, it's utterly arrogant.

I'm sure that these groups do good stuff in places, but I've no inclination towards any of them or their hubris.

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discomeats This canoe, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:44, archived)

they're entitled to their own faith and interpretation of the scripture,

and I don't mind them coming round to discuss it with me. Maybe they will tell me a few things I don't know, I'm not so arrogant as to think I have all the answers either.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:47, archived)

I don't think I know everything, I've never claimed to, and never will.

sorry that I'm so arrogant that I don't want people who know better than me about everything I don't understand because I'm too stupid and have to be told lecturing me about how I'm going to be in eternal damnation unless I do what they say I do.

(

discomeats This canoe, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 15:03, archived)

I've never had an experience like the one you describe.

Everyone has different knowledge and understanding and I see no harm in sharing it. You have to form your own opinions, of course, but there's no reason to be afraid of the idea that someone else's opinions might influence you in some way. The more different perspectives you can gather, the better, if you ask me.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 15:11, archived)

"a moral duty to try to save people's souls"?

They are acting out of fear and self-interest. They don't want to go to hell.
Witnesses believe there are a limited number of places available in heaven after the apocolypse. Places will be reserved for those who have committed good deeds, chief among which is spreading the message.
The irony is that for every successful conversion, there's greater competition for seats in heaven. In my opinion the best questions to ask Witnesses are: 1) how many people will be allowed into the heaven (the answer is 144,000 I think)... 2) Doesn't every person you convert decrease your chances of going there? ... 3) Your god's really done a number on you guys hasn't he?

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mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:35, archived)

I remember them coming around before 2000

ahhh that was fun

(

discomeats This canoe, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:38, archived)

They don't believe in hell.

Yes, 144,000 go to heaven, but after that's full up everyone else righteous gets to live on a future Paradise Earth after the judgment. And it's the first 144,000, so it's full already by their reckoning.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:39, archived)

So I guess the question is:

so all you can offer me is a second-class seat?

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mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:42, archived)

not really,

heaven sounds like a lot of hard work if you ask me, they're going to be the ones who are going to have to run the place.

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:44, archived)

Yea but probably everyone who goes to heaven can do magic

like making mops and buckets come to life, as prophesised by Walt Disney in The Book Of Fantasia.

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mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:48, archived)

they also become completely sexless beings

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:51, archived)

Yes

Fear of death is the key.
Sadly, believing these superstitions may actually increase the fear of death rather than relieving it.
It is a little like alcoholism, a failed attempt to block pain.

(

FeralCatMan Long ads need comments sections, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:41, archived)

Nail more or less on head.

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:48, archived)

Sadly

like alcoholics, they are terrified of admitting the problem.
Or facing the pain of sorting it out.

(

FeralCatMan Long ads need comments sections, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:52, archived)

I don't know if it's quite that simple,

but I'll admit it is their emphasis on selling the Everlasting Life in Paradise Earth for the Righteous is what concerns me most. If there's a reward for doing God's will, are you really doing it for God or for yourself?

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:57, archived)

It isn't that simple, nothing is.

Selling sounds like the key term here, a God franchise with merchandising rights?
I really don't know much about them specifically. However, using Occams razor, does a being that could create billions of galaxies really need a door to door sales force?
Does that (or any other coercive religion) seem realistic?
(I'm ignoring the cultural/historical contexts of major faiths - it's the interwebs)

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FeralCatMan Long ads need comments sections, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 15:05, archived)

I say selling, it's a loaded word,

which is why I hate it when people say I've got to "sell myself" to get a job... ugh...
We could get way too deep into theology/philosophy here, I don't personally see the need to go round people's doors like that but if free will is important God isn't going to "make" everyone believe, as simple as it might seem the world would become. If I, as a servant of God, believe it is right that such service should carry on, it makes sense to spread the idea around in some way or another.

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 15:17, archived)

We're nearly off the page here.

I still have yet to understand why an omnipotent being should need to have anyone believe in anything. If behaving well to other beings they have created is the issue why the need to pray.

(I'm enjoying this conversation)

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FeralCatMan Long ads need comments sections, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 15:27, archived)

Oh...

I'm enjoying it too, but alas I have to go to the shops. For now I'm going to cite Job 35:6-10, because I want to.
Gaz me if you want to continue this.

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 15:40, archived)

hi i'm jesus i dont endorse this

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Shada, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:03, archived)

red skin? goatee?

...have you tried reading the emails backwards?

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ms morbo lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)

The answer to the Jewish question in Europe?

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An Eagle in Your Mind, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:06, archived)

Heheheh

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mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:17, archived)

he has nothing to do with me

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Jesus!, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:07, archived)

Hahaha

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FeralCatMan Long ads need comments sections, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:49, archived)

(asciifaceofbob bob bob bob bob bob bob bob, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:10, archived)

haha this might do it

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:11, archived)

Actually fits his face better.

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FeralCatMan Long ads need comments sections, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:20, archived)

Well if Jesus is the answer what is the question?

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Bobby Bob Bob also available on http://jbobw.deviantart.com/, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:11, archived)

what is your name if your name is Jesus

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Shada, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:12, archived)

www.b3ta.com/board/9583246

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The Alchemist king of the needlessly complicated, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:13, archived)

"Which first century Jewish preacher became the central figure of the Christian faith?"

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:13, archived)

What made up clap-trap nonsense is used daily

by mentally challenged humans to justify obscence acts of sexual depravity, murder and coffee mornings?

(

Brandy_Bumwinkle, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:14, archived)

Hollyoaks

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:15, archived)

Death to the Hollyoakians! Victory to the glorious army of Home and Away!

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The Alchemist king of the needlessly complicated, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:18, archived)

If there's something strange in your neighbourhood,

who're you going to call?

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Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:14, archived)

Which guru had the best agent in the year 0?

(asciifaceofbob bob bob bob bob bob bob bob, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:14, archived)

there was no year 0.

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:16, archived)

1 then?

(asciifaceofbob bob bob bob bob bob bob bob, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:19, archived)

dunno

John the Baptist, maybe. Although he wouldn't have called himself a Guru because that's Sanskrit and he was a Hebrew.

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:23, archived)

but the Sanskrit word is currently used in our language to denote a teacher, specifically of a spiritual bent.

I also haven't the faintest idea what spiritual teacher is in Hebrew - Rabbi perhaps?

(asciifaceofbob bob bob bob bob bob bob bob, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:37, archived)

Yeah, Rabbi,

(Jesus's desciples refer to him as such in some verses) actually I think literally it just means teacher.

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:41, archived)

Pfft

It came after the year -1, tsk.

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Brandy_Bumwinkle, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:21, archived)

who can't bite his nails?

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prodigy69 My brain has too many tabs open, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:15, archived)

Who can't eat M&M's?

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mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:16, archived)

Who's the black private dick,

That's a sex machine to all the chicks?

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my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:17, archived)

gaaah, damn your eyes!

*wipes*

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Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:19, archived)

That'll teach you to put effort into your posts

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my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:20, archived)

You too, Great Architect.

I saw that

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my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:23, archived)

Who helps me wank when my wrist is tired?

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Brandy_Bumwinkle, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:18, archived)

Aw yeah:

Who's the black private dick
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
(Jesus!)
You're damn right

Who is the man
That would risk his neck for his brother man?
(Jesus!)
Can ya dig it?

Who's the cat that won't cop out
When there's danger all about
(Jesus!)
Right on

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Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:18, archived)

Piston

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mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:50, archived)

Actually, slightly more seriously:

"Who is the third who walks always beside you?"

I may not be religious, but I do like the thought.

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The Alchemist king of the needlessly complicated, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:24, archived)

Richard?

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Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:25, archived)

ah, yes,

you foretell a comic strip I was thinking of doing, in fact.

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:29, archived)

Did I miss something? All I asked was if you wanted a sandwich

(st-evo And thats why fat people goto disney land, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:14, archived)

He should be on all Yahoo answers

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mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:15, archived)

tell him "BITCH, JESUS GONNA KICK YO ASS"

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discomeats This canoe, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:16, archived)

If Jesus is the answer...

Is the question "How many beans make five?" ?

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J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:23, archived)

just one!

it's a trick question!

if one is REALLY jesus

hahahaha :D

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discomeats This canoe, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:25, archived)

How many moons are there in the sky?

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:29, archived)

Either..

None or many.

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Brandy_Bumwinkle, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:34, archived)

There are six.

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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:42, archived)

I was right!

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Brandy_Bumwinkle, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:44, archived)

Why am I looking at your dog?

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LordManley twitter.com/LordManley, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 16:02, archived)