7-4-5 9-4-9-4
Mortgage Point!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 15 Apr 2010, 22:18, 3 replies)

It's not a TV ad
But I don't care, so fuck you.

All around my uni student union are posters advertising the rape crisis hotline, bearing the slogan "Wake up to rape". I think this may be sending the wrong impression. I personally prefer to wake up to coffee.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 22:17, 3 replies)

A picture is worth a thousand words.


(Actually, I can sum it up in one word- BLLEEEUURRGH!)
( Wanderer, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 22:16, 1 reply)

Thorazine- for prompt control of senile agitation!
media.photobucket.com/image/thorazine%20ad/dbr_atl/thorazine.jpg

(It's big, so I won't hotlink it.)

And for when your patient lashes out at "them"-

www.divshare.com/img/5570567-3f1.jpg (Just open it and view. Worksafe.)
( Wanderer, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 22:14, Reply)

Hi!.....
I'm a washed up actor with a lot of fake tan. I haven't really done much since being in the Bill / Holby / London's Burning since the late 90s, so I'm a bit desperate for cash.

Because you know my face as a copper / medic / fireman though, I'm completely trustworthy. So if you've had an accident that was entirely your fault, you can believe me when I use my nice deep reassuring voice to say -

"It's ok to claim, you're not a stupid greedy cunt really. You should be allowed to claim against the local council / your workplace / the little old dear at the end of the street. It's not your fault you're a total fuck-knuckle with the intelligence of a glass of shit.

Just remember that even if you're being utterly dishonest in making this claim, there's no chance you'll get caught and there's no comeback like expensive legal fees to screw things up for you.

Besides chances are the victim, erm, I mean defendant will settle out of court as they know it'll be cheaper."

So remember people, where there's no blame, make a claim anyway.

Cunts.
(sugar_tits, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 22:08, 2 replies)

"Mama mia, that's a spicy meatball!"
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErgdUhZteqw

Try filming something like this today and you'll be wearing cement overshoes.
( Wanderer, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 22:05, Reply)

The Wunderboner!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrwEUDfab1k

I love this ad- the guy with the 70s mustache and mullet, the guy with the slicked-back church deacon hair, the fat loser who thinks his wife would really like one, the dueling banjos soundtrack... a true classic.

Probably the only boner that guy's wife had seen in decades.
( Wanderer, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 21:56, Reply)

"Barbara, you up?"
It was the mid 1970s, and Sucrets throat lozenges were advertised on TV nonstop. The guaranteed cure for every cold- aspirin and Sucrets.

The one that irritated me to no end and would invariably send me running to change the channel (in the days before remote controls) had this fat loser shaking his wife in the night. "Barbara, you up? Barbara, you up?"

"I'm up now..."

*whiny voice* "I don't think I can sleep. I'm coughing and my throat is sore."

*sighs and throws back covers* "All right, I'll get the aspirin and Sucrets."

*zoom in on whiny fat loser, wearing an expression like a brain-damaged pug* "Aspirin? And Sucrets?"

*advertising description of the effects of Sucrets*

*pan out from whiny loser, lying with his mouth open on the pillow while his wife plays solitaire on her lap* "Well, I'm glad that one of us can sleep..."

It always gave me the urge to rip his throat out.
( Wanderer, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 21:51, 2 replies)

And that little lass
in the Haribo ad.

'Sign the feckin fession...'

I like that one

www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7gzc342r0s
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 21:45, Reply)

ohh come on
the mofoing Go Compare advert.
compare the market = you're doing it right.
Go Compare = fuck off and die in a fire.

Seriously, I have to mute it or go compare what's on the other channels.

Jimmy carr (love or hate) did an awesome take on it www.youtube.com/watch?v=Euh9zWmASN4

EDIT: tip: mute for the first 20 seconds.
(tb2571989 dies at precisely, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 21:43, 2 replies)

The wimbledon diet Coke advert
fucking ace.

Link here
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 15 Apr 2010, 21:40, Reply)

UK adverts from the 90s that I've only ever seen once and wonder if I've actually just imagined them:
* The white-faced mime artist walking as if on a tightrope, contorting his mouth into a V-shape, with a contrived voiceover talking about how you'd be pleased with some deal or other. What gets me is how the ad agency thought a close up of a clown smiling was a good idea.
* The frantic Japanese washing powder commercial, involving throwing a bucket of mud over a model and watching her cry before shouting about how great the washing powder is. It's all done in Japanese and you don't really know what's going on. Was it a real commercial from Japan or done in UK?
* The ad for apple juice showing a model smiling rapturously as a shower of golden juice pours over her face. Idiots.

I'm sure I didn't imagine them, honest.
( Ysol ab abl blap, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 21:38, 2 replies)

Every Microsoft ad ever is arse r*pe
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnolmuFgW7w

shhhh tosser
(colonelc81 100% Nylon, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 21:37, Reply)

bugger
There was a amusing advert screened in NZ and oz a few years ago for the Toyota Hilux that managed to upset a few humorless puritans.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKY_OysWu3k
(welgar, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 21:36, 1 reply)

Wide wheels
Am I showing my age here?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqqZ28m8uCo
(Wilton Mitrowserz, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 21:17, 3 replies)

Fucking Orange Tango..
Best ad ever.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1jywlZG74o

Also, Apple Tango:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcgUb0pm6VI

Lest I forget, the Guiness ad was mint: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr8s17QokoY

Worst Ad I have ever seen:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrKaQRIXPNw
(wuckfit Dulce et decorum est Pro patria mori., Thu 15 Apr 2010, 21:12, 3 replies)

Here come the gii-iirrrlllllzzzzz....
Here come the gii-iirrrlllllzzzzz....
Here come the gii-iirrrlllllzzzzz....
Here come the gii-iirrrlllllzzzzz....
Here come the gii-iirrrlllllzzzzz....
Here come the gii-iirrrlllllzzzzz....

I will never ever ever go to Boots ever ever again.
Unless they start selling Eno's again.

Bastards..
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:56, Reply)

2 goodies,

1. Shellgrip - Shit scary drama in 30 seconds, includes Wagnerian music ghosts and impending death.

2. Pirelli Gripping stuff - Woman cuts her husbands brakes but due to his tires and awesomeness he survives. Just cool as Fook
(BigAndyBee, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:55, Reply)

All the Carling ones
With the bunch of "mates". I don't know what it is about them I can't stand, though it's probably something to do with the lads' mags-reading, townie bellends they use to portray a typical group of males.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:52, 1 reply)

That advert with the anthropomorphic mains plug,
argh! It's all WRONG! The pins are on upside-down!
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:50, Reply)

That one for a milkshake or similar drink
Why does the presumably male cow protagonist have udders?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:47, 1 reply)

Adverts on local radio can be good for laughs.
A few years back, this gem would often crop up early in the morning on Ridings FM (Wakefield area); as there seem to be no recordings of it online, I've paraphrased it from memory below. It was one of those very rare adverts that was brilliant and complete cack at the same time.

Haughty, slightly petulant young woman: I want all the latest appliances for my new kitchen, I want excellent after-sales service and I want them delivered quickly.
Put-upon husband: [sigh] You always want what you can't have, love.
Young woman: You obviously haven't been to Northern Domestics at Shaw Cross!

There was more, but at this point I usually stopped listening because anything after that golden line would only be a disappointment. Plus, quoting it out of context is a good way to get the last word in an argument.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:42, 2 replies)

Presently my favourite advert is for Betty Crocker's Devils Food Cake
www.tellyads.com/show_movie.php?filename=TA9751

OOOOOH I LOVE CAKE
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:40, Reply)

Those smug CreditExpert.com ones
"Its made with ice from the sea of tranquillity"

"That's on the moon"

Yes - I know it is on the moon and it is dryzabone up there.
(karnuvap, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:34, Reply)

Carling - South Pole
I love the pure optimism of it, the fact that if you're with your mates then you can't really go wrong. I especially like the guy at the end that claims "It's brightening up!"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jpULToQQgk

Other ads I like, off the top of my head...
The Hovis ad where the kid is travelling through various moments in British history.
The first Sony Bravia ad, with the Jose Gonzalez soundtrack
That advert for sausages where the guy is having a fight with the dog (and the dog whips him with a wet towel)
The Barclaycard ad where the bloke is watersliding through the city.

Ads I hate
Documentary ads where a member of the public is being interviewed. Worst of the bunch is that woman banging on about toothpaste: "Where's it going wrong? Nowhere!"

All Natwest adverts where they show the patronising twat staff trying to be nice to their punters. "Ooh, where you going on holiday? Anywhere nice?" "Cock off and give me my twatting money..."

The Be a Teacher ads. Could they be any more contrived?

That oven cleaner one that is so simple a man could do it. If they're trying to be 'ironic', they've failed.

Domestos: "some bacteria can even survive in lava!" Okay, maybe that's true but they're not going to survive on your fucking kitchen work surface are they? Yes, you keep Domestosing everywhere and erode your child's immune system...

Ooh, and while I think on, Charlie Brooker was right on the money with this little compilation: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ik7bDGQ4uO8. Though the woman snacking on pretzels is fit...

There are tons more but I'm off out now...
(Ghostlight, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:32, Reply)

"I said yer buy one, yer get one free!"
That advert was a partial success - I remember the slogan very well, but I'll be buggered if I can remember what it was advertising.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:31, 2 replies)

Sexy R&B
The worst advert I've ever seen is for this CD:

www.play.com/Music/CD/4-/14054125/Sexy-R-B/Product.html

It doesn't appear to be on youtube but it's still on the telly every now and then. It's basically a trio of wotsit-tanned slags sat in a tacky gold faux-leather bound nightclub gushing praise over the worst music ever created.

"Sexy is all about attitude and THIS album has it in buckets!"

Worst of all though is the slack-shirted afro-haired sleazeball who slouches around like he's in a mac advert and utters the blood boiling casual synopsis of the JLS tune playing in the background:

"It's just gorgeous looking people making great music!"

FUCK. OFF.
(Mr Eraserhead Why aren't you a lemon?, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:25, 1 reply)

Blackcurrant Tango
the best advert ever
www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGjizZCXetk
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:12, Reply)

pepsi or some suger free shite ad
i cannot bear those three frat boys who do some wacky pranks to get a job and high five each other after it goes well. The fuckwit who thought that one up should be beaten around the head. In fact the latest one I saw had them faking the end of the world and gets to have a quickie with a cute honey. Technically thats rape, she as she has been deceived to the situation they might as well put rohypnol in her pepsi and all had a turn.
I will be calling it rapist juice from now on
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:03, 1 reply)

Safestyle
A cross between Bill Bailey and the chuckle brothers

www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0-2n8JHc1M
(DaftenDirekt, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 20:01, 1 reply)