mustn't forget this
early last year, i had to go offline for a while for financial reasons(couldn't afford to pay the cable bill). within 5 minutes of announcing my departure on /board, several lovely people had gazzed me offering support and money. i didn't accept the money, but i was very touched by the offers.
thank you all, you lovely buggers!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 17:38, Reply)

Nothing to do with the early time on this site
But I was at a houseparty in leeds once, talking to some random friend of a friend of a friend, you know the type. It got onto the subject of the embarassing things children do and he told an anecdote about a friend of his strawberry flavoured condoms.

The same one I had recently submitted to QotW and had published in the newsletter. At least it wasn't a magazine plaigarising me.

But, that said, don't upvote this. Or he'll see.
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 17:26, Reply)

8 years
And I never really got over The Fear.
( chilledunit, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 17:25, 2 replies)

Happy Birthday B3ta (you know, if you change the 3 to an 'e', it'll say Beta...
I joined some years ago at the insistence of a friend who wouldn't stop saying hummus, spent many days not bothering - took one look and fell in love. I've spent far too long here, lurking to such an extent that I now teach lurking at university. That is a lie. Teaching at university that is. not the lurking bit.
Much has changed in my life (for example I am no longer *toobusytoothinkofone* as a justifiable username - I have loads of time, I just need the creativity and/or originality...) I am still terribly rubbish at Photoshop, but now I'm incredibly skilled at stifling laughs in a crowded office.
Thank you B3ta for being there - and one hell of a community that has over the years made me laugh and I wee'd myself and occasionally shed a small tear at some heart rending stories - I may never post again, but I reckon I'll always be around and I hope to Hull that you lot will be too...
(toobusytoothinkofone, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 17:00, Reply)

Too many times to mention
I've found myself in hysterics at the QOTW drunk on a friday night at Uni. Users like Cyriak and their regular contributions make me wish I could contribute more, but I'm always a few days too late for the photoshop comps - like thinking up a hilarious retort to a devastating insult a few minutes after receiving it.
I also failed my ICT A-level owing to the ridiculous amount of hours spent during 2003 lurking on the boards. Totally worth it.
Also the kind inclusion of the Santacon notice last December - then reading the next week's newsletter where attending Santacon had changed another b3tan's perception of the combination of Xmas + Alcohol, cheered me up no end. I'll no doubt be writing to the Ginger Fuhrer again this December.
(5ifty0, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 16:49, Reply)

It appears I've missed nearly 90%.....
can't remember how I got to the homepage but my first thought was 'might be worth a peek, you never know'. Totally worth it. People I know tell me about stuff they've found and I can look mildly smug as I tell them I've seen/heard/read it already and they're confused as to how I manage it. It's always to be found on here! which is why I find it so damn hard to post stuff. (1 link, yay me) I was so bothered that I would get GC bashed and I didn't even know what that meant! But I'm content to lurk, like stuff, comment, see war waged in thread format and just generally waste a lot of time. Thanks B3ta and happy birthday, my favourite site by a very long way.
( NooShmoo It's a fantazmagorical pile of ultra bollocks, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 16:44, Reply)

failure to communicate
rollingcabbage, who's now mostly a lurker, is a good friend of mine. he was forever quoting weird stuff i didn't understand and making odd jokes that only he seemed to find funny. it got quite annoying after a while.
eventually, he told me about this place as it's where most of his weird sayings and jokes originated. i had a look, mostly to try to get some insight into what he was blathering on about, but it backfired. i was hooked.
more than 4 years later, i spend more time here than any sane person should. on the plus side, i know what rollingcabbage is talking about now and we can team up to confuse our other friends :D
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 16:32, 2 replies)

Introduced to b3ta by a friend at school (who now goes by the username Mr. Ons)
b3ta taught me to use Photoshop (badly), the art of creative swearing, and the correct way to draw a CDC. Not to mention making sure I see all the best links and videos before they trickle round the rest of the interwebs.

7 years, 9 months and 23 days later, plus a couple of meetups, and I'm still reading regularly, still posting irregularly and still chasing that elusive FP.

So many great memories (meme-ories?): the infamous Virgin challenge, the night of a thousand limes, the magnet film thread. And too many brilliant images to mention.
( the wub - guide onion for the blind, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Private Eye
gave B3ta a mention a few years back when Tesco first had a flounce about the image challenge (I think). '..a group of internet nerds..' was how The Eye described B3ta. Best memory? Just the many times I have had tears running down my face reading some of the threads on Board. Plenty of talented bastards on there. Links is usually good. Talk? 2 out of 3 and all that...
(hiraeth SPACE £19.99. I say yer buy one yer get one free, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 16:23, Reply)

So, who remembers the infamous Virgin 'look what happens when you say yes' incident?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:59, 14 replies)

Buggered if I can remember how I stumbled across b3ta.com
But somehow I did, sometime in 2003.

I lurked for a few months, too lazy to bother registering and just having fun looking at all the pictures.

I finally took the plunge and registered when I had an idea for a picture for the weekly compo. More importantly, an idea I could actually realise in Paint.

Since then, I've met some lovely people, learnt how to do a bit of photoshopping, had lots of laughs and won a PSP (which I still use daily) for taking the piss out of Virgin Money.

Getting my first fp was simultaneously very surprising and very gratifying. And the first time I got emailed a picture I'd put on b3ta was also very odd.
( Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:57, Reply)

A love letter to B3ta...
Dear B3ta,

Over the 8 years, 8 months and 25 days I've been here I've seen unimaginable talent, total bollocks and the silliest bunch of people on the internet all banding together to fight the cause of promoting creativity. I've not made any 'actual friends' on here, after all I've only ever met 3 lurker's and I was the one who pointed them here.

In real life this place has caused previous girlfriends to ask me to stop talking about you, and to make matters easier, I now refer to you as 'my website'. We've had up's and down's, I still reel a little when /Talk and /Board have bitchy moments because that was never what B3ta was about but in general, there are still a many, many people here who never fail[ed] to make me smile;

Valin, Bobsworth, Prodigy69, Emvee, KillerKitti, HappyToast, barryheadwound, bilbobaileybarneybobs, Ninj, maiden, Thor_sonofodin, Smash Monkey, Mstandot, Kovacs, Fresh Water Mole, Donkey Gums, DTH, and of course Jeremy the annoying horse. I suppose Rob as well! Just to name a few, along with all the greats that don't need named, you know who you are.

Thanks for wasting my time since 2002, I don't know what I'd do without you, keep up the good work people.

Woo, Yay and Hoopla x



/edit if your name isn't here it's cos I can't be arsed to write them all!
( SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it..., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:46, 3 replies)

I found the site when the creationism challenge was picked up by Butterflies and Wheels.
I followed the link, and within a few weeks had an account of my own and was posting much too often.

A little while later, I discovered that I had a fan in Rachelswipe. Blimey! QotW aristocracy liked what I did! She told me that she wasn't aristocracy. She was royalty.

I also seem to have a fan in the editor of FHM, who stole my "I killed my Grandfather" story.

In January 2008, I went to my first bash, when BGB invited me to her house. Pooflake, Captain Placid, Jessie, PKM, The Resident Loon, Chickenlady, and PJM were all there. I'd been a member for about 4 months at that point; I couldn't quite believe that this place would be so friendly so quickly. Never normally a particularly sociable person, I now go to all the bashes I can. One of the Mancbashes was responsible for the worst hangover I have ever suffered. Three years down the line, it's still not cleared entirely.

I've made The Goat cry (maybe) and Mabazaritchie angry. I've made some great friends and a couple of enemies. I'd like to think I've made some people laugh; many people have made me laugh. Some have been supportive when I've needed it in a way that noone would expect from internet strangers (for which I am immensely grateful); others have made me want to punch a kitten. A couple has managed both.

I'm genuinely proud to have met people via b3ta whose paths would never have crossed mine otherwise; and there're others that I'd love to meet. I've even introduced some people to members of my family (to mutual incomprehension).

And through all that, I've never had an FP, and I've never had a QotW answer make it into the newsletter.

I don't know why I bother.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:41, 7 replies)

I joined seven and a half years ago.
Back then one of my favorite sites was Memepool. (It still exists, but has been inactive for about three years now.) They had a link that said something like "Punk kittens ROCK!" that took me to rathergood.com and kittens playing "Fell In Love With A Girl". I explored Joel's site and found references to b3ta, so I looked it up.

Over the past seven years I've gotten to be quite familiar with British culture and slang, far more so than people I know who have lived over there or even gone so far as to marry someone from there. I get called an Anglophile, which amuses me greatly as it's really not accurate- I only know about British things because I want to understand the jokes made on this site, not because I wish I were British myself. But what the hell...

Through this site I've made a number of friendships, told some cathartic tales of myself, met some amazing people and had drinks with them. And of course I have to admit that I had a relationship that was a bit public that ended on a bad note. I still apologize for that.

For good or bad, b3ta has been a pretty important chunk of my life online and offline. I've written a lot of tales in here, laughed like hell at the tales of others, frequented the main board a bit even though I have no Photoshop skills, and generally wasted a lot of time in here. Just one question...

Where are teh upload codez?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:35, Reply)

Hm. Looking at the profile, must have found b3ta when I was about 17, but can't remember quite how, just that I started photoshopping and my sense of humour took a swandive into the sewer. Thanks to this site, my greatest regret of university is not taking part in one of Tom Scott's daft project videos while there, Thursday will alwys be QOTW Day, and 3 Pubes Per Ball is a rule set in stone in my mind.

So I'll raise my CDC flag high and maybe surface from lurking again for the start of the next 10 years.


( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:33, Reply)

Apparently I am 7 years and 9 months old.
My brother introduced me to b3ta and the first person I met was Kaol. We'd arranged to meet at Russell Square tube station for lunch. 'I'll be wearing a Radiohead t-shirt,' he said.

I stood there for 15 minutes, wondering if he was going to stand me up. But then, dear god, a shambles of a man lumbered out of the tube station. He was short and round and wearing the t-shirt described above; he had an angry-virgin expression on his face and I doubted he had ever actually engaged in much IRL conversation.

'Shit,' I thought. 'Hello Internet.' I stood in dread as he monged across the road...and straight past me! 'Hurrah!' I thought. 'Saved!'

My joy was brief - the 'real' Kaol turned up shortly afterwards.
( thealternativefact, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:21, 4 replies)

I joined following my brother introducing the site to me under the moniker Pistolbitch
but got bored telling men I was also a man and not interested in their greasy advances, so I changed to the less succinct but totally sexier name I have now, I went to the 1st anniversary bash, had lots of fun posting gifs and pictures on what was the friendliest place on the web; that changed as the site got inevitably more popular and I slowly migrated via 4rthur to talk which is one of the least friendly places on the internet.

I think a special memory was when /board (the only one at the time) invaded some guy's personal website (in which he reviewed a washing machine and spoke fondly of his new female lodger) his name was Andrew Washington I think, he even gave an interview.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:02, Reply)

I remember it when it was weirdly yellow coloured
Or at least I hope I do, or I would be imagining that and that'd be distressing. Pretty sure it wasn't much more than a link to a yahoo group.

I remember the furtive bear stealing a fluffy penguin for the first time. I remember dogs in snoods. I remember a picture of a tennis player kissing a trophy which appeared to be a glass cock. I remember a zillion people all posting the same image. I remember the flood of traffic when the newsletter pointed its gaze at tinywindowsgames.com (Now defunct) which led to a hong kong museum paying me $50 to put tiny space invaders in some sort of gallery. That was cool. B3ta was the direct cause of me dicking around with a wide array of web technologies. Without b3ta, I would not know perl, PHP, flash or MySQL. I'd certainly be a lot shittier at photoshop than I am now.

I remember the spiderman who would make you gay, and 'introducing monday' ("Ha ha ha, we've got your name..."). And the dark day when the board ruined the life (Or at least the website) of some guy called Andrew somethingorother.

Because of b3ta, I was once interviewed by a broadsheet newspaper (Scotland on Sunday, I think) on the subject of websites that allow people to shirk of work in the office. I was one of three interviewed and used an alias. For some reason, I pretended to be 2 of those people, which seemed weirdly to be a b3ta thing to do.

I remember when the image challenge only had one winner, and each week had its own judge picked from the board. Back then you had a chance of winning or being FP'd just by virtue of producing lots of images. I managed both and all mine were shit.

I remember making a clone messageboard on dynofoo.com which became a sort of unofficial backup board when b3ta went down. It had coloured edges on the left of posts to show you what was new. I like to fantasise that b3ta copied that from me.

Can't actually remember how I found the site actually. It was almost certainly from some sort of flash thing. Or perhaps some sort of quiz based on transgender ladymen.

Being miles from London, I never met any of the people behind the curious little aliases. I do, however, still have a b3ta tee shirt. I wore it to work recently and it spawned a conversation about animated gifs.

Sorry about the line breaks.

Potatoswap. Ovenready. Happy birthday, b3ta.. Woo! Yay!
( izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:51, 5 replies)

A mate told me about b3ta
when we were in the pub, saying that there was a website full of daft pictures and puns that I would like. Up until then I didn't have anyone to share a love of ducks wearing hats and gif optimisation with so finding all the incredibly bored, incredibly creative people on the board was a revelation! I've made so many good friends from this place and I never would have moved to London if the b3ta bashes hadn't been so much fun.

Hats off to b4ta and the magic donkey for all the hard work they put in to keeping it all going. Woo and yay!
( rogan, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:51, Reply)

Patrick Moore plays the Xylophone
Perhaps one of the greatest things that ever came out of B3ta

Well played Weebl & Rob!

IT IS HERE

Oh, and When come back, bring pie
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:42, 1 reply)

I stumbled upon b3ta sometime back in 2002
I ran a Danish language satirical website with some friends around 2000. Not the biggest thing in the world but occasionally we got linked to from the great yonder. The web server would list these and I would follow the referral URLs back for fun. Actually I think this led me to a some site that linked to b3ta. This site immediately struck my sense of humour and I came back once in a while for some time.

Our own site soon died due to inactivity. Technically, it's still up in the air but it has not been updated since 2003-ish.

Around 2005, I guess, I found myself in an office, screen facing the wall and a drawing tablet that I had brought from home for ergonomical reasons. I hadn't used the tablet a lot at home but now I suddenly found myself in a position where I could draw inane stuff without my boss minding (as a software developer this was not a part of my job description). I took up the challenge and entered one of the image competitions and was well received. I've since posted on and off as time permitted, winning the occasional competition and the occasional front page display. I've also submitted my share of incomprehensible and not-so-funny-anyway images that are best forgotten. Either way, I use b3ta as a way to sharpen my sense of what other people think is funny. And I always appreciated the candidness of the comments.

The b3ta newsletter has also been influential in my life in the sense that it has always made me the one at the office that is able to pull YouTube links for all occasions. This is a bit like having a very geeky superpower.

Apart from that, I've rarely used the board for conversations. But I enjoy the images and how anything is game for a cheap laugh.

Happy birthday, b3ta!
(spinoza, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:40, Reply)

The first thing I remember?
That fucking singing fish. A class mate showed it to me in all it's glory, and I simply deleted everything after the .com in the adress bar (my computer skills were unrivaled back in the day), and I've checked in regularly ever since, breaking through the layer of lurkers to post somethng only a couple of years back.
I still enjoy the gayshift for it's crapness, and at times I miss the late night asians. I dislike people who don't read the faq and people who seem to be dicks for no reason touting the spirit of b3ta, but somehow it all evens out.
Thanks b3ta:) talented bastards who aren't all cunts, which is nice.
(Haz, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:38, Reply)

It's all Scaryduck's fault
I was reading his blog (probably reached through a link on the beeb news site) and people kept talking about b3ta in the comments. Lurked for a long time before signing up (I wasn't even married, it was a few days before my wedding) - the challenge that week was 'remove a letter from a movie title'. I attempted a very poor shop of ET without the T, hosted it somewhere crap, it redexed no matter what I did so I ran and relurked and didn't post again for six months or so.

B3ta has made me laugh, cry and get drunk. It's made me stand in the shower with a t-shirt on while my husband took pictures, which he then allowed me to post. It's made me pass out in a restaurant in Earl's Court, dragged me back to my room and removed my top. It's made me eat goatse cake. It's made me LOVE horses, and forced me to buy shares in purveyors of Mind Bleach.

I've met people I would never otherwise have spent time with, some of them special in a lovely way, others just plain 'special'.

The best bit? Every single person on here is sexy. Except you. Yeah, you. You know who you are.
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:36, 2 replies)

I found B3ta
because my brother bought the joke-book. After reading through it, I decided a wee while later to check out the site, before finally gathering the courage to sign up. After that...

Sadly neither my brother nor I can actually find the book any more.
( Awk Industries is actually a helic- NO, STAY BACK SHARK!, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:30, Reply)

Ooh 9 years 6 months and I think I haven't posted since 2006
I joined after Vulga told me to have a look - lurked until the first birthday bash and then went full ranty.

I still have loads of B3tan friends despite not being on the board in aaages and have many a good/mental story from various bashes and meetups.
Thank you all - you know who you are :)
Must try and meet up with you sometime soon, has been too long!
( Darkedge, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:19, 1 reply)

b3ta has been a constant
for most of my adult life. A constant what exactly, I couldn't possibly say. But it's reassuring to always be able to come back.

Earlier this year I married another b3tan. Our parents were confused about why we insisted on having a Domo cuddly toy into the pictures. Some things you just can't explain.
( Batsgirl, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:18, Reply)

sick_boy Calendars were a particular highlight
His everyday images were pretty special as well.

(Anyone got the MP calendar? the original link is long dead)
( Ulic hissing slightly, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:07, Reply)

what is this b3ta?
and is it Atari compatible? Happy Birthday b3ta. Found you in Metro way back when. Met some fun people on board and in the flesh. I gave you my babies, then I left you for a few years, but came back again to whore my music stuff. I'm 102 you know.
( Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:06, Reply)

After my parents died in a chimpanzee, I was raised by a plane crash.
Not knowing any better, I immediately became the assistant manager of the Berlin branch of Vatican Bank, dealing mainly with mortgages, car loans and prostate cancer.
After a couple of years of this I got promoted to Admiral of the Fleet, after my disco-influenced reggae single reached number 3 in the New York Times bestseller list. One morning, on the way to work, which was in space, I discovered the secret of the mysterious code buried within the pages of The Lion,The Witch and The Wardrobe. No, I won't explain it to you, as you're too stupid to understand.
Anyway, that Jamie Oliver owed me a tenner from a bet we made about how long it takes to escape from something, but he won't pay up.
Enough about me, what the fuck is wrong with your hair?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:49, Reply)

I'd been aware of the site for a while
as Legless used to send me the odd link. Then I thought I'd sign up as a means of keeping in touch with him after he buggered off to Upside Down land, mainly because he's shit at answering his emails.

Unfortunately, the time of my joining seemed to coincide with a glut of QOTW themes that I seemed to be able to have a story for, so the next 18 months or so were spent in a frenzy of typing and recalling more anecdotes. 'Coffee Arse' remains, I think, one of my favourites, mainly for the 'bloik factor'. I've also nearly ruptured something more times than I care to remember reading other members contributions, usually in the office. Thanks guys.

I attended my first bash in London whilst on a business trip, and haven't looked back. I've met some glorious people that I'm now glad to call friends IRL, and me and the missus even coordinated our wedding so that we could spend our honeymoon weekend at the great Edinbash of 2009. I don't think I stopped grinning inanely all weekend, both at the being newly hitched, and the riotous company. It was a wrench to leave the place.

Fond memories.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:46, 3 replies)