This year I was woken up in kenya by colubus monkeys fighting outside my tent
spent the day walking with giraffes and antelopes, watched a solar eclipse and then had a birthday cake baked on a camp fire. A cake! On a fucking camp fire!

the worst was probably 1994 when I decided it would be hilarious to have one drink per year of my age with each one stronger than the last ... I was twenty three ... the doctor was very nice though and looked very much like comedian steven wright
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 14 Dec 2005, 7:44, Reply)

Do Ex's Birthdays count
My ex's 21st birthday, we were both working in Northern Ireland, her at the large international airport, me at the little City airport for the MOD. I managed to wing a couple of tickets for a weekend in the Isle of Man.
She came down from her place and I made her do a warmer and colder search around the room for her presents, each on getting better. then took her to the airport, where, knowing the staff I had arranged a surprise. I made sure I had the window seat, and after we took off, the captain made his normal speech, then told everyone that there was a young girl onboard celebrating her 21st birthday. The whole plane sang happy birthday, and the stewardess served up the big chocolate birthday cake I had smuggled aboard to everyone.

When we arrived at the hotel in Douglas there was a big bouquet of roses and a bottle of bubbly.
That night it turned from her birthday on 13th Feb to 14th Feb, Valentines day, so I gave her a gold heart locket on the stroke of midnight.

Must have done to much as she asked me to marry her the next day !

Best birthday present she gave me ? the decree absolute 4 years later to the day, slag.
( ratman, Wed 14 Dec 2005, 6:50, Reply)

My Birthday
Is on February 29th.



'Nuff said.
(DarthDonsbal, Wed 14 Dec 2005, 2:15, Reply)

bad.... and good
one of the worst birthdays i had was my 20th, my then GF wanted to drag me and her best mate to see INME in exeter. so i agreed because she was paying for me. once everything was going and the crowd was bouncing around i notice that i am the second oldest person in the room (my GF was older than me). next thing ive got this little scrote and his mate using my shoulders to give them boosts as the pogo'd up and down. not that bad you say... then it happened, one of the little bastards using me as a launch platform stumbles and drags me down with him, my ankle gives out an almighty crunch and i think ive broken it, luckily it was a real bad sprain which kept me limping around for 3 weeks. and i couldn't even get drunk cos of the underaged shites all over the place

the best birthday wasn't actually mine, it was my best mates. im one of the first people to say that you dont need drink to have a good time. however, on this occasion i threw all caution to the wind and decided to go for it. we started the evening by agreeing to drink the same. first up, a bottle of cherry brandy between us at his place and a game of drunken snap, every time you won you got a shot of jack daniels.
then the moment i realise im quite pissed... i spill a glass of vodka and orange down my face as i try to drink it. i go to his bathroom to wash up, then i stumble, fall over backwards and land in his bath, which was wet.
next we go to the local nightclub of choice, luckily my mate works on the door and let us in even though i am quite clearly worse for wear. at this point the night becomes a complete blur which involve me falling asleep, running to bogs to throw up black puck all over the cubicle and my hands and a vague memory of some random whore (i was assured this was the case) sucking my finger trying to pull me while i was oblivious to this.
i only know this much because one of our teetotal friends was taking pics of the shenanigans going on.
even though i forgot most of it i must admit that seeing a pic of me aspleep on the floor of the nightclub with 4 of my mates sat on my back mate me glad i didn't remember a lot cos the pics the next day made up for it.
also, birthday boy went home a few hours earlier than me cos im a fat B3tan and had a 5 stone weight advantage over him so the drink got to him a bit quicker.
(Hairy_Lee, Wed 14 Dec 2005, 0:36, Reply)

Apologies to my classmates...
It was the day before my 11th birthday. All my friends were invited to the best party ever at a Wacky Warehouse nearby. All of a sudden I was hoying up my guts all over. Even when there was nothing left, the spew kept a-spewing.

It took til the day of my birthday for the doctor to decide I had appendicitis. I was rushed into hospital and asked the usual questions like, can I take myself to the toilet and can I feed myself?? All the time I was thinking of the party I'd be missing. We had to 'postpone' it in the end, but the party was never re-held. Ever since then, my social life has never been the same... So if anyone still has their invites?

To add insult to injury, the day after I'd had my operation, my mum came to tell me she'd eaten the birthday cake in my absence... I promptly told her to leave, whilst I convalesced in agony.
( jonnyfatman, Wed 14 Dec 2005, 0:18, Reply)

Landmarks my arse !
18th Birthday.

Rarely do i ever organise parties or gatherings of people. But being my 18th i thought i'd try, so i invited loads of people from work (who's parties i'd attended).

How many turned up? None, fuggin' none !!!

Bar stewards the lot of them !

21st birthday.

Saving up for my 4 months in Israel, i worked an extra long shift making pistons for tractor engines !

HAH! Beat that !

23rd birthday was kinda cool.

Decide to go into town and actually treat myself to something "special". Few hours later i was £60 lighter and the proud owner of a ring through my cock ! (which looked fantastic). However i decided to go out drinking that night (despite being warned not to do so)

Now, i'll pause here as some of you guys may want to skip the rest of this story.

So i go out that night drinking, despite being warned not to knock the ring or drink any alcohol (at this point, the anisthetic (sp?) was still in effect).

Got home eventually very drunk and crawled into bed. Woke the next morning with a hangover, pull back the bed sheets and noticed that EVERYWHERE was red, my first thought "was i drinking red wine in bed last night??"........."SH*T!!!!", i jumped (literally !) out of bed and ran into the toilet, pulled down me pants to reveal a scene from Texas chainsaw massacre, i start washing myself, sink is now red and then.....then a lump of something looking suspisciously like flesh lands in the sink, my heart pounding so fast nearly breaks my ribs. Thankfully its just congealed blood and my pride and joy is still in working order.

Good birthday? You bet !
(Laxly, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 23:33, Reply)

For my 16th Birthday
My parents gave me half a birthday cake.

They'd bought it from some bakery but were too cheap to buy the whole cake so they only bought a half!


I didn't even get to cut my own cake :(
(quis, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 22:29, Reply)

Birthdays
Today just happens to be my birthday, and as far as presents within the family go, it's been the worst.

From parents, I have gotten- A pair of pants that don't fit, and a book. That I bought for myselt and then lost. Joy of joys.
(Fodqou, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 21:51, Reply)

January Birthday
Yeah, despite being born on Jan 24th I got the 'it's a christmas AND birthday gift' spiel as a kid too.

My son was born on Jan 26th. He will NEVER get that shit!!

Anyway, best birthday? One of the mid 20s ones, Walthamstow dogs, curry, beer. Sorted. I came out ninety odd quid up, pissed and fed. Didn't get laid though. Ah well. prob too pissed anyway. wahey!
(InfiniteZenMaster, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 21:41, Reply)

Birthday delights
I recall enjoying my ninth birthday the most, my loving parents set up the climbing frame in the back yard as a pirate ship, it was fancy dress, yup you guessed it, it was a pirate themed do. We all had grass fights and took turns to 'storm the galleon' topped it off with a pirate boat shaped cake, obviously its alot more fun in my head. my other fave was my 20th whilst travelling in Oz i got so drunk whilst working at a hostel i lost three days and managed to encourage the majority of the staff at the hostel to have a drunken three day strike. It was ace, but the hostel manager thought i was a cunt!
I AM!!!
(lankynyack, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 21:19, Reply)

I've never had an exciting birthday. It's my birthday tomorrow - honest. It's my wildest dream that I would get onto the "Best" page. Please do your bit to make this one memorable.
(khd, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 21:12, Reply)

All my birthdays
are fairly crap. I was due to be born on the auspicious day of Christmasness but managed to hold on until 3rd January. Obviously my mistake.

For the last 31 years I have been forced to be grateful for being given presents at Christmas, whilst being told "This is your Birthday present as well". That, and never having a Birthday cake. The theory was that there was no need to make another cake when we still had half a mountain of Crimbo cake to plough through.

Fucksocks.

There was the occasion when I put myself in hospital on my 19th Birthday and missed out on a theatre trip to London to see the mighty Philip Schofield in "Joseph"...I am not sure whether spending the night vomiting the lining from my stomach into a small cardboard dish was better, or worse...

First post! W/y/h and I would apologise for length...but I'm a girl. I'll apologise for width instead.
(Flangella, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 20:54, Reply)

Dunkindogdo
If you'd tried some of the experiences you so feebly mock, you might understand that whilst many are similar, they are so because so many of us have done equally daft things ourselves. This is a part of life, and these stories bring a smile to my face, as I remember similar experiences. This seems to be the idea of QOTW, not to belittle what others choose to share.
As I once heard said "Old enough to know better, young enough not to care!" - give it a go, you might even enjoy it..
(BeatsWork, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 18:30, Reply)

spent my 17th birthday
in a childrens ward having a hole drilled into my ankle in the morning

spent the rest of the day being high on morphine, which caused me to be terrified of some hideous spiky and multicoloured monster at the end of my bed.
Turned out it was just a basket of fruit with a pineapple at the peak but it was terrifying at the time.
(Calmallama Is keeping this short and sweet, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 17:00, Reply)

when my twin sister and i was ten
my rents hired a minibus for us and all our friends to go to the stepping stones in dovedale.

it was wicked.

one of my sisters mates got stuck in mud and cried.

we all had ice creams.

nothing has come close since. not even doing a runner from my drinks bill at cafe rouge in putney.
(magictorch, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 16:47, Reply)

dunkindogdo
The irony of course is just how "pathetic" that post made YOU sound! :-)
(Minty Hit, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 16:21, Reply)

My 6th birthday, and I was convinced I wanted a clown at my party, my parents protested for a while, but I convinced them. Damnit, I was turning 6 and there'd be hell to raise if I didn't get that clown.
So, my dad goes off and hires a clown. This guy was amazing, doing all the stuff a clown should ending with a daredevil ride off the roof in a wagon.

The next school day I was the coolest kid in class, and after my dad picked me up I overheard him talking with another parent. It turns out he was Ono the Clown. Not understanding that a dummy floor off my roof the previous Sunday, I thought he was actually a clown. I decided to watch him to see if he went to the circus instead of some sort of suit job. For weeks I looked through his stuff to find clown make up, juggling balls, or anything like that.




I found nothing.
(The If has remembered this site., Tue 13 Dec 2005, 16:20, Reply)

Pathetic
Best Birthday template:
Was with partner/friends/family/other mindless cretins, for birthday, for big night out, had temporary loss of bowel/bladder/other control, due to drink/drugs/other, which was very embarassing, and very humourous. Ran away for being a jackass whilst pissing in my pants.

Worst Birthday template:
Spent birthday, alone | dumped by partner/injured whilst drinking/taking drugs/infidelity, due to never having an original thought in my entire pointless life, as well as being a partially functioning semi-moron dependent on substance abuse for social skills. God I'm a cruel, capricious, selfish, cretin, and my friends/family are worse...but we couldn't help but laugh.

Ho de sodding ho.

(Copy for other b3ta questions)
(dunkindogdo, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 16:04, Reply)

having a psychotic stepdad helped -
My birthdays were always a little interesting...

My personal worst was when I was 11. I was, as usual, kicked out of the house first thing and told to go and find driftwood for the woodburner.

I went down to where I'd hidden a beaten up old crab pot I'd found that I'd been doing up for about 6 months. I used to love snorkelling, and was planning to use it to catch me some interesting critters to look at. Someone had used it to prop up their boat and crushed it. I was gutted. I went and sat staring out to sea contemplating suicide, which was nice. And when I got home, I was in trouble for not gathering enough driftwood, and made to prepare the dinner. No pressies, of course.

What a lovely childhood I had.

But my wife has made it her mission to make all my birthdays amazing now. Last year we spent a balmy day on Dartmoor with the kids, and this year we went to see "A Midsummer Nights Dream". Hurrah!
(teasus likes tea, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 15:48, Reply)

In a pub not that long ago...
I had my 18th. Friends and family gathered from all around to consume large amounts of alcohol and make a fuss over moi. As more and more family arrived I got more and more wasted until I got to the point where my legs weren't working and I wished my mouth hadn't have been. Unfortunately my friend took it upon himself to play Cilla Black and try and set me up with a lass he worked with because "she liked scruffs". I wasn't quite sure whether he was complimenting me on 5 o'clock shadow or taking the piss out of my tramp like appearence but I was too bevvied to care. In she came, looking radiant as ever and I spent the next three hours trying to get into her pants COMPLETELY ignoring the family. I knew she wasn't intrested in me at all and only had eyes for one of my mates (who does have a trampish quality about him, aswell). Any chance I did have of getting my end away was quickly scuppered by my mam intruding and sniffing my glass of coke to make sure there wasn't any vodka in because she didn't want me being sick in the house. This was made worse by the fact I had told everyone that it was a double vodka and coke and I was going to be "wankered" by the end of the night. The lass looked disgusted and spent the rest of the night trying not to talk to me, I just spent the rest of it looking down her top.

Thankfully, I was saved from being the most embarrasing drunk by one of my mates who chased my Grandad around the pub and around the carpark with an inflatable guitar knocking over peoples drinks and causing mayhem along the way. Happy days.

*POP* I think that's my cherry gone.
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 15:40, Reply)

Nothing too exciting really..
Worst might have been spent up in Dundee commissioning a system I'd written (it worked, hurrah) and spending the night by myself, in a hotel, with a book. Par-fscking-tay.. Alternatively one of the years in my twenties that I can't actually remember.

Not sure about the best, other than fun parties as a very young child, there have been a number of small but very pleasant restaurant based birthday events. Quite liked my 30th, after I'd got over the prior fortnight of 'oh shit I'm going to be 30', sister baked me a fab cake too.

Next year is going to be good.. There will be loads of friends I'm inviting, it's a Friday and partying somewhere will happen!
(EssY, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 15:37, Reply)

My 18th...
...was one of the worst, but also one of the best. Howso, I hear ye ask...

I had a university interview that very day. I live in Birmingham.

The University was in Bangor, North Wales.

Bad thing? I had to get up at six o'bloody clock in the morning! And be on a train by eight o'clock to be there for eleven in the morning! No beer yet...urgh...

Got there, had to wait half an hour beyond my supposed time because kids in front had pissed off/been stupid/ignorant/fill in as appropriate/.

The inbetween bit was the interview itself. I was at my blagging best (thank you Mr. Guerney!) Apparently my sister had timed the other interviews and then mine - I'd talked the hind leg off the Head of English for just over half an hour!

Best bit yet was the end of the interview: "Well...I'm very impressed..." quoth said Head of English, "And I think you'd be very welcome here. I think I can safely say that your UCAS score can be revised to one hundred and forty points."

140 POINTS! That's ONE A grade and a few stray points!!

Give that the original pre-interview requirement was 240 points, I was dead chuffed. :)

To celebrate, me and my sister went round Bangor and had about six pints between us and much merriment was beheld on the late train home to Brummagen.

And then there was the surrpise party ma had got together in my absence...bless her. :)
(FightingComet got Boost Power on, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 15:22, Reply)

Someone I know...
Was born on 17th June. Doesn't sound special, does it? Well in Germany it was a bank holiday.

So she could always have big parties the day before every year cos the very next day everyone had the day off. Always. For eternity.

Only it was a day to remember that Germany is separated by a wall. The wall went and the bank holiday as well. In the year she turned 18. It was a Sunday luckily.
( bierbelly, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 14:54, Reply)

best birthday period
my 26th, england won rugby world cup against the aussies int morning I can't remember the rest, excellent birthday!
(siege bison, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 14:46, Reply)

Most disappointing birthday
Age 22, my then girlfriend gives me a card, a polished pebble which apparently was my "birth stone" (WTF??) and a small, plastic teddy bear.

Then a few days later she dyed her hair ginger....
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 13 Dec 2005, 14:16, Reply)

Since the tender age of 10...
... i was wondering what my birthday in the year 2000 would be like.

In space?

On a hoverboard?

Would I get my personal robot?

Instead I got dumped by my gf of 7 years.

Thanks.

Although: I met my now wife on the very day. Which is cool.
( bierbelly, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 14:16, Reply)

it were poo
The worst was my last birthday. Which was my 27th. I work for a small company & that day I was in the office by myself. Now, I'm single and live alone as well. During the course of the day I didn't get a single phone call, text, or email from another person saying happy birthday. No cards, no prezzies. Nothing.

In fact, aside from grunting hello at my nextdoor neighbour I didn't even speak to another human being that day. I was also broke & out of weed so I couldn't even have a drink or a smoke when I got home. It was also a Monday. No great trauma or comedy, just a very miserable & lonely day. Boo!
(Lord of the Pies, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 13:33, Reply)

This year was my 25th birthday
and it was the best by far. I was on holiday in Oz with two friends and in Sydney at the time. We started the day off by climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge - absolutely amazing and I would recommend it to anyone going to Sydney. For the evening's entertainment we went to see Dirty Dancing the musical. Very girly I know but it was brilliant.
(smell that flaming shrew, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 12:56, Reply)

They were the same!!
Oddly enough, my best - and worst - birthday was my 24th...

Had dumped my ex for unspeakable cruelty (finally granting him the freedom he'd been acting as if he already had), but still bought him a huge painting of Kate Moss pole-dancing (or was it line-dancing...) for his birthday a couple of weeks previous to mine...

I opened his gift that morning to find two pairs of socks and a second-hand hairbrush.

With hair in it.

All from Ebay.

He still loved me apparently.

I then disappeared of to Alton Towers for the day with the housemate who'd been 'consoling' me since I moved in after the break-up (nudge, wink) and came home to have alcohol poured down my throat by half-naked housemates, and be 'consoled' a bit more :o)

Every cloud...
(spacecowgirl, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 11:58, Reply)

Best birthday
My favourite has to be my 40th when my boyfriend took me to the Lanesborough hotel in London for a very very expensive afternoon tea. The good bit about it, for me, was that the Lanesborough used to be St George's hospital which had a maternity ward some 40 years ago. I was born there.

They didn't remember me.
(BearWithLittleBrain, Tue 13 Dec 2005, 11:55, Reply)