Father of an ex-friend
I never actually saw it, but they swear he has, tattooed inside the palm of his hand
"Thanks for the change cunt".

And apparently still finds it hilarious, 15 years on.

Charmed. Though this is the same guy who went out drunk one night, came home with a tattoo on his arm of his wife and kids facing the grim reaper...and DIDN'T either regret it, or understand their horrified reactions in the morning.

*as for myself, 2 ears, trying to get the right tatt design together, one ear cuff taken out when it stubbornly pissed blood every time I took it out, and a nose piercing that healed up every single time I took/knocked it out, even for 2 seconds. Oh, and it was done by a hairdresser with a piercing GUN because I didn't know any better and thought it would be handy since a friend was getting an earring done and I was there anyway.

Oh, and I'm gonna get a nipple done soon-ish. If this gets on the favourites board, I'll post a pic when its done. Promise.
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Thu 7 Dec 2006, 6:38, Reply)

boring...
I had my ears and top ear cartilige done. Neither healed.

The end.
(lei, Thu 7 Dec 2006, 5:25, Reply)

jugular reminds me...
After you have your tongue pierced, and are still wearing the "extra-long" stud they give you to accomodate the resultant swelling, a good food to avoid is Spaghetti-Os. Or really anything lots of little O-shaped bits.
( madrabbit is fully prepared, Thu 7 Dec 2006, 4:51, Reply)

And another thing!
I really should have read the other posts first, they're bringing all sorts of memories to the fore.
Mate of mine's dad (ala crumb foot below) has a tattoo on his arm that he had done about 40 years ago.
Recently the aforementioned mate asked his dad the question he'd been pondering his entire life: "What made you get a pigeon tattoo? Is it an English thing?"
"IT'S AN EAGLE!!! IT'S SITTING ON A SKULL!!! LOOK! IT'S AN EAG... Oh hang on, it does look like a pigeon doesn't it. Damn."
( difficultchild, Thu 7 Dec 2006, 1:17, Reply)

Hang on, I remember something!
Just read a previous post about pregnant chavettes and despite the fact I had thought a chavette was some kind of car, I got the picture and it reminded me of this idiot American girl I met years ago while she was "backpacking around Australia"*
She had a tattoo below her belly button of a woman in a lotus position with her hands upraised "so that when I'm pregnant one day the earth mother can help hold my burden."
Ran into someone who knew her years later who told me with great delight that when the twit had eventually fallen pregnant, the Earth mother had other plans.
One arms stretched out about twice as long as the other, the side of her head ballooned and the lotus position wound up looking like a cheap Bangkok strip show stunt.
And apparently it didn't return to normal after she gave birth so now she has some strange picture that looks like a cross between the Elephant man, Mr Fantastic of the Fantastic 4 and a Thai hooker about to shoot a basketball out of her arse. Yay!
* This girl's version of backpacking was to arrive in Australia with an equally dippy friend, buy a Kombi van and then drive from Sheraton hotel to Sheraton hotel where she had, through her Sheraton executive father, secured free suites at every location. Roughing it indeed.
( difficultchild, Thu 7 Dec 2006, 1:12, Reply)

Finally!
Being averse to pain, I've managed to avoid situations where uneccesary needles are stuck in me for any reason so I had nothing to contribute to this question... until yesterday when I was at a lunch and asked where a colleague was.
"Oh Eleanor? She can't come to many events since she had her ears pierced, had a bizarre reaction and is now allergic to metal. Can't wear it or touch it without a reaction. Any metal."
Apparently while rare, this can happen and is, as you can imagine, very bloody annoying.
( difficultchild, Thu 7 Dec 2006, 1:04, Reply)

Just In Time! A new piercing gone horribly wrong.
I just got back from walking the dog. In the course of the walk I stepped on a nail. It went through my foot. So, I had to hobble home, then pull it out. It'd be interesting to put a bar through it, but I think I'll leave it as is for now. Paaain.
(Fodqou, Thu 7 Dec 2006, 0:16, Reply)

I only have my ears done.
But the second set had to have one done twice because the clasp didn't click on right. Which is boring, so have a story I read in a teenie magazine years ago - it went something like this:

"A couple of years ago I was mad on Take That and one day I scratched ROBBIE WILLIAMS into my arm with a compass and filled it with ink thinking it would make a tattoo. It went septic and I had to go to the hospital to get some tablets to get the swelling down. It's still there and I can't stand him now."

I just love the image of some girl who's probably about 25 by now wandering around with "ROBBIE WILLIAMS" tattooed on her arm in wobbly letters.
( Maladicta, Thu 7 Dec 2006, 0:00, Reply)

I have no piercings.
But I am wanking right now.
In my garden.
Centre.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 22:28, Reply)

Not "A Good Thing"
Inspired by Mrs Legless

Up Merry Hil a few weeks back, full of Chavs and Chavettes. A few Chavettes were expecting Chavlings and were proudly displayng their "bumps", sticking out under their crop tops. Said Chavettes had BIG tatts on their stomachs, which were all stretch-marked and one had actually gone black.
I retched and laughged and laughed and laughed at the pikey twunts.
(kitescreech still here, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 21:43, Reply)

my friend christian
got drunk and bit down REALLY hard on his tongue piercing

he so far hasn't eaten solid, warm food in two weeks and has chipped (ruined as well) three of his molars


ow
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 21:31, Reply)

My girlriend's dad
has a few tattoos, but there is one (set) I haven't seen. Namely, a pair of eyes on his arsecheeks. God only knows why, apparently it's a party trick when he gets completely hammered. I don't think it's really that tricky to pull your pants down though.
(THIRTY-TWO - Sputnik -, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 19:26, Reply)

Is that a MOUSE?!
Well i do have a few peircings but not enough to comment on, but my dad on the other hand has about 8 tatoos.

Well my dad had them done bout 25-30 years ago and he is 50 now so you can imagine they have faded a bit. He had one of a panthers head on his arm. He was teaching in a class when one of his students noticed his tats. They looked at the panther then at my dad and shouted
"why have you got a tatoo of a mouses head?"

My dad's a 6ft 6" bloke with a beard!
( squiddylyd Once you pop you can't stop!, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 19:16, Reply)

piercing stuff
woo my first addition to this ace site.. a rubbish addition tho..

I had my lip pierced, for quite a while, then i grew up.. but, the piercing has left this slit in my tongue, and my gums have grown a bit more than they should have.
Also.. i had an ear piercing that went proper nasty, and the woman at the piercing place had to cut the ring off (it was made of rubbish thin metal) and then pop a massive bubble of puss on the back of my ear, while spraying anasthetic on it! proper proper hurt, and it smelt a bit wrong.
Also.. about a year ago i got with my girlfriend, and i had my nipple piercing in.. just when we were about to get down to the fun stuff, i took my top off and she ordered me (literally) to take it out, otherwise she'd leave.. now, she's a mental b*tch but i took it out.. and haven't looked back since.
(binarymilk Rossz csillag alatt született, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 17:38, Reply)

A friend of a friend...
...has what is apparently known as a 'triangle piercing'. A google image search will reveal all, but let's just call it an 'intimate piercing'. Only a fairly low percentage of girls have got the anatomy required to have one, with regards to size.

Anyway, this friend of a friend doesn't know that I know that she's got this piercing. And she works on the checkout in a supermarket. Cue me filling my basket with Toblerones, Doritoes and Dairylea, and anything else vaguely triangular. I don't think she twigged at the time, but she's not spoken to me since.
(gmo, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 16:34, Reply)

Brain Piercing (kind of)
Not really a body mod by choice, but more one of necessity. But still one that provokes funny reactions sometimes.

When I was 18, just as I was about to sit my A-Levels, I wound up in hospital as they finally discovered the reason I was having trouble doing such challenging things as standing up and talking without severe head pain and being violently ill, was not in fact migraines, but something more. Cue three and a half weeks of various things being done to my head in hospital to ease the pressure within. The first one basically involved doctors drilling a hole through my skull to drain out the fluid (I still wish there was a video I could watch of this). This didn't actually work, but has to this day (four years later) left me with a big dent on the right hand side of my head.

You can't see it, but you can sure as hell feel it, as one poor hairdresser found out as she cried out "Oh my God, have I just done that?" whilst washing my hair about a year afterwards. I also figured an interesting way to introduce myself in Fresher's Week would be to mention said dent in head, which didn't really result in people remembering my name, but did result in lots of people touching my head and going "oooh" or "ergh", and me getting weird looks.

The bit at the back of my head is kind of the piercing bit. It's a pipe which goes into my brain and runs down my neck and into my stomach (technically called a shunt), therefore keeping me alive, and as I have also discovered, preventing me getting hangover headaches (yay for bonus side effects). This also resulted in my insistance that people "feel the pipe that runs down my neck" in the bar. There's no wonder I get funny looks sometimes.

But, hey, I'm assured the staples in my head looked really cool before they were removed, apparently just like Frankenstein. And well, I'm still here, and with crazy scars to boot, so I can't complain.
(Picotee, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 16:24, Reply)

Getting some fish and chips one night...
...and was chatting to the girl behind the counter. She was about 18, and had a pierced lip, tongue and ears, and a couple of tattoos. We were comparing notes, like you do, and I asked if she had anything else done.
"No" she replied "I want to get my nipple done but my Dad would kill me".

When I got back to my car, it hit me: how on Earth would her Dad know? Did he strip search her every night?

Still, could have been worse - she could have said it was her clit she wanted done.
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 16:21, Reply)

My Brother and his bestest mate.
Well. My brother and his missus are livign in here-ford-shire and have a Mate called Tom. Not sure how they met, but Tom and hi missus are cracking people... and n'ere a better friend could i wish for my brother.

When I first met Tom, my brother said "Yeah, best mates AND we've got the same Tattoo."

Now.. being that brother is a mature 30-yearold chap with absoloutly NO tattoos that i was aware of, this stumped me a little.

It was then that i was reminded of the time I'd stabberd my brother's hand with a pencil.. many many MANY moons ago (I still don't remember doign it) and had left a resultant black spot in the palm of his hand... It appeasrs as though Tom had suffered a similar fate. .and he too had the weeny black palm-spot.

Awesome. Matching tats and no cost. :)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Wed 6 Dec 2006, 16:18, Reply)

Are you choking?
Well, here it is. Something I've let lie for a good long while now.

When I was 17, I was going out with a girl called Kate. This was around the time I'd got my first piercing (but never went mad - only 2 holes and 2 tatts) - and also had a wholly unhealthy fascination with pierced girls.

And Kate had piercings. Lots of piercings. Including one in her tongue.

One day, Kate had a party. It was a typical college party, lots of booze and cheap alcopops - and yours truly was wandering around in something of a stupour. My hand was grabbed, and I was pulled in to a room by Kate.

Kissing ensued.

I noticed the presence of something alien in my mouth. "No problemo" thinks I "it's a tongue stud!". The alien presence slides down my tongue. This is not cool. In my panic to get away, it slips back and I start choking on the damn thing.

I burst out of the room - blue of face and open of fly - fighting for breath as my trachea closed around the offending blockage. After much back slapping, I choked it up.

I lay panting on the floor, holding it in my hand. The object, that is, not my penis.

You've got it. The bitch had tried to choke me (albeit inadvertently) with a loose tongue stud.

Girth? I think it was about 1.8mm.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 15:41, Reply)

Anesthetic
My ex-girlfriend used to have many piercings notably two in her tongue.

She had to have a general anesthetic when she went to have her wisdom teeth out. The anesthetist didn't like tongue piercings as they can come loose when the put a tube down your throat.

Cue the ex coming round from the anesthetic, first mumbled words to me were "can oo put my tonguethsuds back in"

Cue 5 minutes of me trying to bolt together 2 bars in a mouth repidly filling with blood and gunk. Thank fuck she was still partially unconcious.

Nasty.
(Speshal, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 14:40, Reply)

no so much a mod...but
a friend of mine had the tendency to bite me mid-way through conversations. so i have 3 scars on my hand, 1 on my shoulder and the other 2 on my leg

this was a few years ago and i still have the marks

anyway....beats a tattoo, at least mine were done by a friend, who i knew brushed her teeth. loads of blood at the time tho....
(mcspannered yes m'lord, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 14:39, Reply)

Thrillseeker liquor-store hold ups
Some people look good with tattoos, especially if they are fairly well done and the wearer is fit and healthy. What they look like when both the tattoo (and the wearer) have faded is less good.

I've always been tempted but never found the 'right' design that I want stuck on me until death, laser surgery or cheesegrater do us part. If I had anything it would probably be the Caddeus as it's a symbol I respect but still never seen a perfect one of those. A few years back my younger sister (who is so *safe* it's untrue - the sort of person that keeps Daniel Beddingfield in employment. 10 years ago it would have been Simply Red, Bleeeeucchh!!) got a tattoo done. That's when I realised there's no point getting a tattoo because it's now almost a mark of stale, boring conformity.

Although I fully expect to wake up drunk one day with a 'Born to Lose' tat on my arm.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Wed 6 Dec 2006, 13:37, Reply)

Accidents and incidents
As an addition to my previous post, some of my favourite accidents include:
1) On realising my new scrotum piercing was giving my jip and having to endure a 10 hour coach journey, I painted said nads with what I believed to be antiseptic solution. Shortly thereafter an extreme burning sensation alerted me to check the label of the bottle (I was by this time on board National Express's finest) and I realised I had in fact used a much stronger solution for sterilising jewellery, resulting in two black circular scabs forming. Cleared up the infection though. This is probably in a previous QOTW.
2) Got my cheeks pierced. Piercings almost healed when I headed with my friends to a bothy (Scottish crofters cottage, 1 mile from nearest road, 2 miles from nearest building) for a weekend of druggy madness... as you do. In the filth the healing reversed and my body rejected the jewellery, which involved two 8mm discs burrowing outwards through my cheeks. This left me with SuperDimples, so I had them redone and am still wearing them to this day.
3) Pierced my own left nipple and belly button - still wearing both. Took my about 45 mins in each case. My friend commented on the nipple piercing that it looked like I was in the "most pain he'd ever seen". I disagreed, personally. He's now a fireman so I don't think I still hold the record. Still, it takes a lot to get a needle through a bit of your body...
4) My missus has a seemingly magnetic attraction to new tatts/ piercings whenever she slaps / strokes / scratches / rubs me. If it's sore, she makes it worse. Not intentionally, as far as I know...
5) One person who I once let tattoo me (his work was shit and is now covered!) later spent two long stays in mental hospital. The first time he had a whole high street closed down for a Saturday's trading by pointing a gun from an upper-storey window. The second time he doused himself in petrol and threatened to light himself and throw himself off a block of flats, in full view of his wife and kids. And they still let him out to tattoo the unsuspecting.
6) Not me, but one person I know who works in the industry told me about a chavvy guy who got a tattoo which was supposed to read something like "May God give me the serenity to accept what I cannot change" and came out as "May God give me the serennity to except what I cannot change" (sic). Irony meters were duly sent off the scale. The shop where it happened compensated him to the tune of £2K, gave him a free cover-up and changed their policy to ensure that everyone who wanted script tattooing onto them had to sign off the correct spelling. You might have thought he'd have said something at the time though...

Eat my length; lick my girth!
(keeferreefer, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 13:18, Reply)

My mods
By any standards I am heavily tattooed and pierced. I have a total of 33 piercings currently and have had and lost a further 18. I also have 18 tattoos, including several cover-ups - 8 tattoos have been worn and covered at various times. I am currently healing my most recent piece which was completed on Monday - a half-sleeve cover-up of 3 tattoos on my left upper arm. I would make the following recommendations regarding what I have learnt:
1) Never have flash tattoos (i.e. selecting a piece from the catalogue)
2) Never, ever put up with any kind of dodgy hygiene. Always watch your tattooist at work on someone else first. They should sterilise everything in an autoclave, unwrap each needle from a new packet, wear latex gloves throughout and change these EVERY time they touch any surface which is not covered with fresh clingfilm other than your skin and their tattoo gun. The barrel of the tattoo gun shoudl be freshly sterilised in an autoclave immediately before they use it on you. Piercers should also observe the same rules with respect to gloves and use a fresh needle straight out of a packet.
3) Do your research on your tattooist - make sure you have seen an extensive portfolio of their work, meet them and make sure they're not a c0ck and never choose a tattooist based on price - generally you get what you pay for and a great tattoo is priceless. Good work should feature lines of even thickness and blocks of colour should not be patchy.
4) For the best work available in the UK to my mind, use Into You tattoo
www.into-you.co.uk/tattooing.php.

Length / girth increased massively once I welded a Nissan Micra to it...
(keeferreefer, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 12:27, Reply)

Only a pierced ear but I nearly crashed my car
My right earring, very large silver hoop managed to loop through my jumper as I turned to the right, making it impossible to turn my head to the left....It was so firmly caught up I couldn't free it one handed, I needed to stop.
The one time you need a red traffic light and was there one? Nope. 3 miles of greens and me driving like Gladstone Small.
(Siouxfan I'm not staring at you, I am just short sighted, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 12:06, Reply)

I once branded my friend
He was sitting in my house drinking a cup of tea when I removed a cattle branding iron from my home furnace. The iron was white hot when I plunged it into his chest. It burned through his shirt and melted his skin with a sizzle. Quick as a flash, I tossed a mug full of ink at the wound, causing an immediate tattoo.

Well, we laughed so much! I am released from prison in March
(frankspencer, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 10:23, Reply)

Never......
Have your tongue pierced then eat a ferrero rocher.
(Jugular, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 10:06, Reply)

ahh high school
A pal of mine in high school decided a snow day was a wonderful occasion to have his penis pierced. so when we were back in school the next day, i was greeted with a, "hey pokey guess what i got pierced *glances down, then at me, then down again*" "oh god no" "yeah I did."

He sat in front of me in my broadcasting class and wouldn't shut up about his, ahem, piercing. the bell rang for lunch and he quickly stood up to leave and his face went bright red and he turned to me with a very meek, "caught...in...the...zipper."

At this point I laughed and walked out leaving him and the rather amused teacher.

Also, a quick tip on body mods, don't ever agree to pierce your friend's nipple if he's about 8 inches taller and is about 75 pounds of muscle heavier than you. Especially if he has a short temper.
(Pokey, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 4:09, Reply)

I once gave my friend a smiley
You know, when you light your lighter for a while so it gets hot then press it on your hand for a few seconds? Except it was a Zippo. And it was alight for a good long while. And it was on his hand for about 30 seconds. He still has the scar, about 2 and a half years on
( Styxx hates when people talk in the third person, Wed 6 Dec 2006, 2:15, Reply)