Cat
My wife convinced me to get a kitten, so we did, a very cute black one. I'd asked for a male, as boys are best and once they're neutered they're no trouble. Within days of having the kitten at home, and stroking his lovely fluffy tummy, I noticed that 'he' had nipples, and not just two. So I called the vet to warn him.
Me: My male cat's got nipples so I'm worried he's actually female
Vet: Is that Mr Smale I'm talking to?
Me: Yes
Vet: I bet you've got nipples too.
Me: **embarassed that I could be so dim**
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 6 May 2010, 15:05, Reply)

On the subject of nipples,
I had a girlfriend once, not overly large in the breast department but nice anyway.
Now I'll be the first to admit I'm quite fond of breasts, (not the first on here obviously!) and had spent a couple of minutes playing with her nipples. (This was an unashamed "play" for what I thought was my benefit only)

The response was one I've wanted to hear again and again,

"Ooh, you really know how to turn me on"
"Wah?" I think was my reply.
She wasn't being sarcastic either, all I had to do was tweak, suck and pull and she was wet in an instant for the taking!
Why oh why isn't this the norm?
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:59, 8 replies)

Frosty the no.....man
I was about 9 or 10 and on my way to school when I saw the most supple delicate shapely pair of tits in front of me.

looking back it probably wasn't that great seeing as they were behind that shitty frosted glass but you could still see a hazy outline of pure breast.

I admit I did fantasize about them all day at school in-between gloating that I had seen a woman naked.

This lead to a bunch of us waiting near the foggy dreamland every morning for the best part of a week only for the boobs to appear along with a slightly overweight man shouting at us to stop standing outside his bathroom window.
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:58, 2 replies)

I ONCE SAW SOME BREASTS
I SAW THEM WHILST I WAS HAVING FULL-SEX WITH A GIRL.

Here's the story.

I was walking home briskly from school so I could get home in time to watch Newsround and paint my new Eldar Battlewraith when a car pulled up beside me. It was the biggest bully from school, Scott.

Scott did a fart out of the window and it made me drop my refresher bar on the floor and it got some grit on it otherwise I would have eaten it.

I was swollen and blistered with rage. I tried to chase them but they were too quick, even though I shouted KAME-HAME_HA as loud as I could and bunched my keys in my fist like a wolverine claw.

All was not lost, my best mate who was much older and really cool lived round the corner, I knocked on his door and explained my story.

We agreed that if we drove his Honda through the docks we could head off the bullies. We eventually cornered them and Billy (my mate) swerved the car in a doughnut in front of them like in GTA and we both jumped out.

Scottt was so scared that he abandoned his car and tried to run but I punched him with my Cestus of Jurassic Park keyrings and he was down.
His face smacked against Billy's car bonnet leaving the prefect imprint of ACCORD on his forehead and he evacuated his bowel with fear.

All 15 of the other bullies in the car scampered apart from one! It was Julie, the fittest girl in our school and the first one to have proper boobies.

Needless to say I got the last laugh as She came home with me to watch my VHS recording of Beverly Hills Cop IV but really she took her top off and put her hand in my trousers until my willy was sick and it made a stain that I showed everyone at school as EVIDENCE.

Cheers.
( WormuIus, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:56, 14 replies)

I have very sensitive nipples..
..and therefore generally don't like Senor Veranos playing with them. The only way I can describe the sensation when he does fiddle with them is that it makes my tits feel sick....

Hey-ho.
(Senora Veranos cannot and will not so ner..., Thu 6 May 2010, 14:51, 6 replies)

...or lack thereof
Back in 2001 I started a masters in History at uni, which I never finished, and shared quite a nice student house with three others, one of whom was my friend Max (nickname, her surname was Maxtead). She was quite pretty and a good laugh and we used to go out on the piss quite a lot.

One evening, rather fuelled up, we were both bemoaning the lack of action we'd had recently and hit on a plan where if neither of us copped off, we'd get it on. Of course, both knowing that we were onto a sure thing, neither of us made any effort whatsoever to look for someone else.

So we got home, had a kiss and undressed. She lay on the bed and I stared in disbelief. My gaze flitted to the, I now realised, hugely padded bra that lay like the most malicious of false advertising, mocking me from the bedroom floor. I looked back at her.

She was nineteen, and she looked very young, and slightly tomboyish. She was almost entirely flat chested, and the effect was completed by her being completely shaven. I thought to myself, this is so very, very wrong.

I'm very ashamed to say that my cock completely disagreed, but I felt extremely bad about it later. To be honest though, if I'd turned and walked out, that could have damaged the poor girl.

As it turned out, she went lesbian two weeks later, so maybe I did after all.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:50, 4 replies)

Enormous breasts - don't get it
I think it must - MUST be some kind of childhood/mother thing.

I just don't get it.

Don't get me wrong - I like breasts - I like big breasts, I like small breasts, I like breasts in general, but I do not get the whole "huge" thing, and "bigger is better".
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:49, 7 replies)

I have a pea that may fit the bill...
It was to be my dream moment.
Her name was Anna, and in sixth form she was without doubt the hottest of the hot. Long wavy blond hair, the most beautiful (huge) norks to die for/in.
I was a quiet nerdy type, (exacerbated by the new national health tortoiseshell specs I had recently acquired (thanks mum)) and finding myself in the lunch queue next to her was a (wet) dream come true.
Note; My specs were bifocals, and as any of you who have had to wear them will know, there is a blind spot where the two lenses meet. I tried the crappy small talk, but as per usual she feigned disinterest.
After the dinner lady slopped her wares on our trays it happened.

She dropped her knife.

Here was my moment. In a show of gallantry I could win her over. I balanced my own tray, bent down and picked up the cutlery. As I went to place it on her tray I looked in her eyes, those grateful blue eyes that would no doubt take me to heaven.

My sweaty shaking hand reached out as did my smile and my heart, and plunged the knife (sideways fortunately) into her ample cleavage. Her grateful smile dissipated along with any chance of me finding my breasty heaven. She went to sit at the cool table. I went into a stupor.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Personally
I dont get how women should have to feel obliged to cover them up.

I really dont get how seeing a nipple is considered rude - even though Everyone has them.

Its similar to being offended for seeing someones elbow.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:41, 12 replies)

S'pose being a raging bender don't help...
But they are boring!
(Mr.Cunt whacked his knob out in Asda on, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:39, 8 replies)

/talk, your time has come.
Make us proud.

Obviously, only truth will be tolerated, nothing cathartic or sad, no attention seeking or revenge stories and must completely chock full of funnies.

Aaaaaand.... go.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:33, 3 replies)

I have breasts

My boss gets on them - and not in the good way.

That is all.
(Senora Veranos cannot and will not so ner..., Thu 6 May 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Forgive me if I'm being a little too graphic, but...

PHWOOOOAR.

If you need me, I'll be awaiting a prompt *spang*ing...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:30, 9 replies)

Which attention whore will be first to post a pic of theirs?
or offer to in exchange for some internet validation?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 6 May 2010, 14:27, 7 replies)

Little and Large.
In high school there were two female teachers who epitomised the very extremes of breastage. On the one hand you had Mrs Tansley, the music teacher. Nicknamed flat baps on account of having absolutely nothing to show in that department, the irony was that she specialised in singing tutorage in her spare time. Thus, a generation of adolescent boys were denied the opportunity of getting the phrase ‘a great set of lungs’ into conversations about her singing voice, whilst elbowing each other and winking in an exaggerated fashion.

Then there was Miss Todd. Or Titty Todd, as she quickly became known. Huge norks on a frankly tiny frame; A G cup before G cups had even been invented, she commanded the attention of the boys in the maths class through virtue of being a living, breathing Viewmaster toy, except with only one picture. Not that the boys minded. She also spoke fluent Russian, a fact she let slip on the ferry back from the school trip to France in 1984, and only sought to make her an even bigger object of desire among the sweating, greasy bundles of hormones in the class. Big tits + weird foreign language = exotic, see?

She’s probably had them reduced now due to back pain or some such nonsense. The thought of the 'waste' tissue being committed to a hospital incinerator brings a tear to my eye.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 6 May 2010, 14:26, Reply)

breasts i like
- my girlfriend's
- Kelly Brooks
- yer mums LOL
(Hernandez Fiendish probably won't be here until at least, say, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:25, Reply)

I remember them well
Mrs RoF had magnificent breasts. They caused lust and envy in most people she met, and she absolutely loved it when I monkeyed around with them. It was her favoritist thing in the world. Then a few years ago she had to have them cut off. Boo. But she’s well and alive. Hooray.

Still, it’s a little odd thinking that if all goes to plan I’m going to go for the rest of my life without copping a feel.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 6 May 2010, 14:24, 5 replies)

I like breasts

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 6 May 2010, 14:22, 2 replies)

I have breasts.

( Bob Todd whee, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Unpleasent phrase.
Someone who I vaugely know of through other people recently had some form of breast augmentation. People where describing it to me and the phrase "then they sliced away her nipples to re-attach them" cropped up.

That phrase there floated around in my brain for a while, making me shudder a bit in horror every time I remember it. I'm not a squeamish person, I realy can't be in my line of work but damn, that phrase gets to me. I mean, I know basicaly nothing about plastic surgery, but what did they do? Where the nipples partialy sliced off and left to hang slightly to one side during the operation or where they removed and kept in storage for re-attachment later? Neither of these is particuarly palletable to my mind and I realy felt that I had to share some of those horrific mental images with as many people as possible. Maybe it's just me but the whole idea churns my stomoch.

Bit of a crap one this week realy. Can't think of much to say about breasts that hasn't been covered.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:20, 2 replies)

Dear B3ta,
I never thought your stories were true, until the other day when something amazing happened.

I am a real woman - I'm 23 with dark brown hair, and my friends tell me that I am very pretty and slim, with nice breasts. The other day when I was out shopping, I got into the elevator in Fortnum & Mason, and was going to the top floor.

The lift attendant was a boy of about my age, and he was really good-looking.

Suddenly the lift stopped between floors, and

(£10 for the rest. Gaz me for my for Paypal details)
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:20, 5 replies)

Weird.
I had a girlfriend who had inverted nipples.
No amount of tender coaxing, violent probing or even excessive sucking would bring them out.
Even ice cubes wouldn't work.
Weird.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 6 May 2010, 14:09, 1 reply)

Did anyone else see
the story in The Sun about how Labour might ban page 3? And how you should vote Tory to save all the page 3 girls from going on the dole? And they had a spread of all their page 3 girls topless?

No, no me neither.

But if I had, I'd be wondering exactly how much of an unemployment problem there is amongst pretty girls with huge baps who get them out for money.
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:04, 1 reply)

y'know when you hold a woman's breast,
and it's like... it's like a bag... of sand?
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:01, 4 replies)

I was playing in
a game of American Football a few years ago with some mates in London. I threw a pass to one of the girl playing and smacked her right on the (right hand side)boob. It wasn't my fault, they (her boobs) were big targets plus she could have easily caught it as it was a decent pass.

A few weeks ago it was my girlfriend's nan's 80th birthday and her family were throwing a party for her. I spent most of the evening trying to throw peanuts/bits of paper down the cleavage of my girlfriends sister. Her brother thought it was funny and joined in.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Dur
Tits, breasts, pillow lumps, two puppies in a sack wrestling?

Ok, I'm done for this week.
(Helo, Thu 6 May 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Click 'I like this' and I will GUARANTEE show you some breasts
[Breasts may be drawing/vectors]
( __, Thu 6 May 2010, 13:58, 1 reply)