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This is a question Bullies

My mum told me to stand up to bullies. So I did, and got wedgied every day for a month. I hated my boss.

Suggested by Mariam67

(, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:27)
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Not very funny.
and probably long. So if you're not in the mood for long and not funny - don't bother reading. Don't bitch - don't complain - just properly don't read it.


When I was a wee Vampyrekitten, only 7 or 8 years old, was when it first started. I was one of the "bright" kids who got to read the "big kids" books and thus was horribly unpopular because of it. I could read before I started school and some of the other kids didn't like that.
I was excluded from games and parties (which, while completely insignificant now - meant a huge deal back then. I'd hear everybody talking about Mollie's birthday and all the fun games they got to play and how Sam won a teddy bear etc, all the while being looked sideways and laughed at), pushed around and generally ignored.
I remember one particularly notable incident where we had show and tell and when I got up for my turn everybody laughed at my very loved and scruffed Humphrey (who has graced this QTOW before) and called me a baby. Then another boy (I think his name was seth?) kicked me in the back when I sat down, just because he could and he didn't like Humphrey.

I did what all "babies" do - I cried. I couldn't understand why they didn't like me so much. I was incredibly shy as a kid, had glasses, so naturally got called four eyes and such but I just couldn't grasp why they hated me so much. I never spoke much unless people spoke to me first, never hit anyone, never called anyone names, never did anything to anybody.

I moved a few years later, down from multicultural Melbourne where last names like mine weren't fussed over, to monocultural Warrnambool. It was cold. It was wet.
I was nine and still wearing glasses. I had a woggy name. I was pale and Dutch and I liked pickles and cheese in bread for lunch (still do!).
My shit of a brother decided to introduce a few of the choicier "nicknames" I'd had up in Melbourne into the school population to make himself look cool.
So it all began again, getting nastier and more vicious as I moved up through school. I began swimming - and I was pretty good at it. I began playing soccer - and I kicked the boys butts. I began playing netball and I was okay at it. But in every sport I tried to play - they already had their friendship groups - and they made it abundantly clear how much they *didn't* need me and how much I wasn't *wanted* around.
In my final year of primary school, I was still the oddball. I still had glasses, read stacks of books, ate woggy food. I was relentlessly bullied every single day by three girls who were determined to make me miserable. When I started growing breasts, they called me a whore. When I got pimples they called me pizza face. Nerd. Geek. Dictionary. Fugly. Freak. It. Every single day. I was asked if I'd ever picked anyone up, if I'd ever let a guy fuck me for money.

One day I cracked. I'd been in tears the whole day because people kept stealing my book, snapping my bra strap, calling me names, passing notes about me around the whole class and then "accidentally" showing them to me. When the end of the day came I slammed my chair on top of the table, except I gave it a little too much force and it went flying off the other side and hit one of my main antagonists in the back of the leg. And I didn't even say sorry. I just said "fuck you" and walked out, bawling.

Highschool was pretty much the same.
Went there, incredibly shy, in the accelerated program but even there I wasn't accepted. People still bullied me - my "best friend" (who has also been mentioned here before), bullied me to the point where I was pretending to be sick so I didn't have to come to school. We had a fight which culminated in her getting her 16 year old friends to threaten to kill me, bash me, break my nose etc etc.
I didn't cope very well. At the time I was also really struggling with my sexuality and the double stress just made me spiral down into depression. I did some very stupid things to myself.
I stopped playing sport because people on my own teams were looking for excuses to bash me up (from memory I suffered several blood noses, many dead arms/legs, quite a few net/basket/volley/soccer balls/hockey pucks to the face). I eventually refused to participate in sport classes altogether. I think I participated in maybe three classes in the last 4 years of high school.

Last year I was friends with a girl called Sheridan. I have no problems in naming her because, quite frankly, she is a bitch. We had maths together and became close friends. She was the first person I came out to. She threw it in my face.
One day we were friends - the next we were nothing. She hated me. She spread rumours about me, wouldn't let me talk to mutual friends, constantly belittled me if I tried to talk to her about it, completely did a 180 degree turn. I was confused and hurt and horribly gutted. She was pretty much the only friend I had - and on a single whim - a single, stupid, petty whim, she decided she hated me - literally over night.

Over the years I was systematically and deliberately bullied and bullied and bullied. I was their chosen victim. You know how there's always that one kid - that one person who is too shy to stand up for themselves, too scared to say anything, thus leading that one kid to be the vent for *everybody's* spleen?

I was that kid.
I was that kid and it still affects me. I am too shy to talk to people I don't know because I don't want them to judge me. I am too shy to say "Hey how's it going?" to somebody I want to get to know because I'm afraid they don't want to talk to me. I can't string a sentence together properly in front of people I don't know - because I get that nervous.

I don't wear glasses any more - I don't eat woggy foods - but I still get bullied. Every Day.
And I cope with it now. Don't say anything, don't react, just try to put it all behind me. I ignore the stares, the whispers, the outright bitchy comments.

But it still doesn't make it hurt any less.
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:00, 31 replies)

Not really sure what else to say. I've been bullied too, but never to this extent.

The fact that you've been able to come out the other side as intelligent, funny and brave as you are is a testament to your inner strength.

I look back on my time, and all I can do is laugh, because if I do anything else, I'll just get hot & bothered all over again.

Just realise that there are people out there that care for you, and even though they've not met you, think that you're a fantastic girl.

Alternatively, want me and Spike to come break their legs?
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:05, closed)
Still never mind.

(, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:07, closed)
I feel for you - I got more than my fair share of it at school too, and it's bloody hard to shake off the results (to this day, when I hear a group of people laughing I immediately think they're laughing at me... for a second at least). Keep strong, understand that you're better than small-town homophobic scum, and (as Dan Savage recommends) move to a big city and make friends with real people. xx
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:23, closed)
Just revel in the knowledge that you're better than them and always will be.
And what is woggy?
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:27, closed)
She's a racist! fight her!
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:28, closed)
is an australian term for anyone who is greek, dutch, italian or from that general area.
Basically anyone who isn't white who isn't Indian, Asian, Afrikann, South American or Native to Aus.
I'm white but I'm a wog just cos of my name. Gotta love Australia's "Openmindedness" and "multiculturalism".
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:36, closed)
I can't help wishing my name was "Woggy". Not when I was a child, but now.

"Hi whats your name?"
"Don't be so fucking rude. Now what's your name?"
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:54, closed)
Football (Soccer)
Used to be called 'Wog Ball' here because of it's ethnic roots. True story.

And I'll buy you a comfort beer (or 7?) at the Melbourne Bash :O)
(, Thu 14 May 2009, 4:09, closed)
Jesus shitting H Christ VC
You're a strong person if you manage to put up with that. Consider this- you will be doing far better than any of them, come the time.

In short, one of the guys who bullied me is permanently mullered on heroin, another died in a car crash, the rest are all married to Sharon Matthews lookalikes and wondering where their life went.

Us? We've got the world at our feet and it's ours to play in. The geek will inherit the Earth.
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:34, closed)
I didn't.
Gave up three separate times. The only reason I'm still here is because I failed/got caught.
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:37, closed)
Then that's good that you are still alive.
Trust me. It does and will get better, and soon.
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:39, closed)
is there anyone on this board that you wont try and sleep with?

(, Thu 14 May 2009, 5:57, closed)
*hugs again*

i was a kid who in primary school had adhd, glasses, and was ginger.
in secondary school a big nose was added to that collection,
in 6th form i somehow lost the ginger hair naturally,
now im at university i've lost the glasses and clamped down on the adhd :)

i may have to write a piece for this qotw, though i'd rather not try and recall everything :D
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:40, closed)
wish i could write a reply that made sense, bbl
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 14:44, closed)
That's all kinds of horrible. The only thing I can say is that from what I've seen of ya, you seem to be a good person, so congratulations on that and all. And the shyness thing? That does go away, mostly. After a while. And it will genuinely be a lot better once you get away from it all.
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 15:35, closed)
now I feel like crying
I know it sounds like a cliché, but things will get better, I went through a somewhat similar experience as you, although with probably less pain as I didn't have to deal with some of what you have faced.

Once you get away from local school and small towns a whole world can open up. If you go to uni, try to pick one where there are people with similar interests. At least in the states, there are a lot of women's support groups in universities where people will open their arms to you instead of what you have faced before. It won't be easy, but it will be better and get easier as time goes by. Your posts show you to be an incredibly smart, interesting, irreverent, inventive, and sensitive person with a huge amount to offer the world.

Would it be possible to go to school in a different, possibly more open country or at least a more liberal city if there is such a thing in Australia? Don’t give up, you have too much to offer.
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 18:34, closed)
How you got through it I will never know.
How you're getting through it, I will never know.

All I could think after that was "fuck me".

However. You're escaping them soon. You're coming to a place they can never touch you. You have more than they ever will.
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 19:04, closed)
To be honest, every time you remember this, it does hurt just as much as it ever did
but after a while you start to think about it less and less.

In my whole life I never had more than one friend at a time, and I don't think I would ever have classed any of them as true, lifelong friends.

Even after I left university and started to thrive in the real world, I was still ridiculously shy and had no social skills whatsoever.

Then I met mr b3th on the internet, and decided this was the man I needed to be with. We met up at a 'bash' and I was very close to letting him get away. Desperation led me to courage I didn't know I had, and I ended up moving all the way across the country to be with him.

Since then, I have become almost unrecognisable to those who knew me at school. Even though I am the same person inside, I have an inner peace and confidence that helps me stand up for myself in almost any situation. I think I have even come to terms with things enough to let it go, and I *never* thought I would be able to do that. I know someone who didn't, and she will forever be right there at that point in her life, never getting past the fear and hatred. I didn't want that to be me.

However, I am still paralysed with fear whenever I see a group of teenagers 'hanging out' - if I hear them laugh, I can almost feel my bladder loosening a little. I just *know* they are laughing at me - I guess that visceral response will never leave me.

I also find it very hard to talk to people I don't know, being convinced their first response will be hostile. People take my reticence for aloofness and don't talk to me, because they think I don't want to be disturbed. What I have discovered, though, is that if I smile and act as if I am interested in people, they are all very happy to talk to me. After being bullied and outcast all my life, I think I can now say there are actually only two people I know who dislike me, and they can both fuck right off.


I now have lifelong friends, the majority of whom I met on the Internet, which is where you find all the best people. There are very few absolute cunts on here, and the thing I've found about b3tans is that they are mostly lovely and accepting, and if you let them, would love to be your friends.

So there.
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 19:32, closed)
that sucks, just keep plugging away and fuck em all when you are gone.

there isn't a huge amount I can say to try and make you feel better apart from maybe 559 plus a key to a door in the post
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:17, closed)
Warrnambool is a shithole.
I moved there when I was seven. I was bullied through school (primary and high school both), but was lucky enough to have some very good friends to help me through it. It is fucking depressing to hear that the general climate of endemic racism, abuse and ignorace hasn't changed.

You have my sympathies, and my best wishes. Get the fuck out, as soon as you can.
(, Wed 13 May 2009, 22:22, closed)
* clickyhugs *
You've shown strength just by surviving!

Like everyone's said, you're just stuck in a small town with a small town mentality. Once you move on and have more control of your life, you'll move elsewhere and find people to be a lot less judgemental.

Have you considered taking up a martial art? Not as a means of developing the skills to take revenge, but as means of building confidence and venting frustration in a positive and controlled manner? If worried about being bullied in the martial arts class itself, go to a class with an instructor that successfully enforces discipline in class (you can tell if the instructor does not enforce discipline if everyone else is messing around in the class).

And finally, remember the QOTW motto: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
(, Thu 14 May 2009, 0:22, closed)
You must've been a right little weirdo.
Still, every school year needs their own 'Jesus' so to speak. Well done on playing that role with only lifelong confidence issues and mental scarring to show for it.
(, Thu 14 May 2009, 0:54, closed)
If you could find the courage
to show half the spark, maturity and eloquence in real life that you display on this board, you'd make them understand.

Good on you for being so strong.
(, Thu 14 May 2009, 7:58, closed)
Not entirely sure what to say,
but just wanted to say that there really a light at the end of the tunnel.

Personally, I was bullied all the way through Primary and Secondary School, was an outsider at 6th Form, had few friends at College, and made very few 'real' friends whilst at Uni.

The bullying led me to the brink, and I too was caught/failed, and in fact was later diagnosed as Manic Depressive.

However, now I have an amazing group of people around me who I know love me and appreciate me (mainly because I've met so many false cunts in the past I make sure people are real before becoming friends with them) I've had a very successful job for the last two years, and I've finally plucked up the courage to go travelling, even though I'm leaving it all behind because I've realised the only thing that REALLY matters is how you feel about yourself.

So, whilst the bullying sucks and you understandably hate it, keep your chin up and respect yourself, cos noone else's opinion is half as important as yours.
(, Thu 14 May 2009, 11:47, closed)
And I thought I had a shit time at school...
there really aren't words. I think if I'd been through what you've been through I would probably have done a Columbine. (Not that I'm recommending it as a course of action despite how much it sounds like those fuckers deserve it..)
I hope it gets better for you. *huggles*
(, Thu 14 May 2009, 12:06, closed)
Only just tracked through the QotW and read this
Christ that sucks.

BUT, you, the Vampyrecat I kinda know just over t'interweb, are clearly intelligent, eloquent, LOVELY, and one of the hardest things to find in the world - you're a genuinely nice person.

Screw them. They lose. So what you haven't and may never get one over on them - they'll NEVER be able to get the same honesty in relationships, same depth of emotion with another human being... at least not until they change who they are.

And more than that - you're popular on your merits, not because of who you know, what you look like, or how hard you punch. We like you coz of you, and there is no greater honour!

Oh, and you'll never forget, but after 16 years, I'd say it really isn't as raw as it was. Hope it's the same for you.

*hugs* and *banned cups of internet tea and cake*
(, Thu 14 May 2009, 23:16, closed)
I was that kid too....
The bit that really struck a chord with me was:
"I am too shy to talk to people I don't know because I don't want them to judge me. I am too shy to say "Hey how's it going?" to somebody I want to get to know because I'm afraid they don't want to talk to me. I can't string a sentence together properly in front of people I don't know - because I get that nervous."
I was - and still am, to an extent - exactly the same. I was bullied daily from about the age of 5 to the age of 15, and it wasn't until I was almost 18 that I actually got to know anyone at college because I was so shy and withdrawn. The sad thing is that in retrospect, people WERE reaching out to me but I was too shy and afraid to realise it.

BUT - I got better. I found friends who were worthwhile, and I am much better now. I can talk to people! And so can you, or else you wouldn't be here. In summary (my writing is a bit dissociated as this is all important enough for me to just write, not think over what to write beforehand) you are lovely, charming and eloquent, and you'll get through it with a little help from your friends. I did :)
(, Sat 16 May 2009, 14:59, closed)
Oh sweetie :(
I knew you had it tough but I didn't know it was this bad. I will make a concerted effort to make it to a bash when you're in the UK and buy you a pint :) *hugs*
(, Sat 16 May 2009, 18:18, closed)
Sounds terribly familiar
Though I was lucky because I got in to a "gifted and talented" program in highschool so ended up in a class full of geeks and weirdos like me :)
However, I still have trust issues and I don't tend to stay "friends" with people very long. I have trouble believing they actually like my company and that I'm not just being annoying. This leads me to not inviting them to do things and only reacting to their invitations, which leads them to think I don't like them...

Anyway, just another "you're not alone" type response. And don't worry - it does get better. My advice is to go to a big uni in a big city away from everyone you know :)
(Or skip the country - I'm on the other side of the world now and loving it!)
(, Mon 18 May 2009, 4:23, closed)
How horrible!!
There's nothing I can say that hasn't been said already, all I can do is echo some of the sentiments. The fact you've put up with all that and are still here to tell the tale shows that you are a very strong person. You're better than they are and they know it, which is why they've done what they can to put to you down. The sweetest revenge you'll have is knowing that you will never become like them.

Chin up, stay strong!
(, Mon 18 May 2009, 10:05, closed)
^^all of thises^^
Does that work? Ah, ye knows what I mean!

Vampirekitteh, you are a lovely person indeed, and those cunts will die of quimrot. That is all I can say.

Now have a big hug!
(, Mon 18 May 2009, 22:28, closed)

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