Bring back Shambolic
It's only been a few days, but this is all very boring.
(Andrew Avetoom, Sun 28 Sep 2014, 22:43, 186 replies)

^This.
We'll have to see if the dog-fingerers will let him back in. He might have to bring along a sacrificial puppy, probably wrapped in gaffer tape.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sun 28 Sep 2014, 22:45, closed)

If you miss him that much just say something mean about him on the internet
he'll be round your house within 24 hours
(Dr. Psychotic lost it on, Sun 28 Sep 2014, 22:55, closed)

^ This.
(immadme, Sun 28 Sep 2014, 23:24, closed)

YES BUT DON'T YOU SEE IT'S BORING BECAUSE EVERYONE LEFT DUE TO HIS BULLYING

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 28 Sep 2014, 23:29, closed)

I had noticed he'd gone a bit mental in recent weeks
normally it's just textbook trolling, and he's a great proponent of the art I enjoy reading. But there's been a few times recently when he seemed genuinely upset, which was unusual for him. People like Albert are weird fantasists blathering their lies to satisfy some neurosis or other, but you're never going to permanently win against them on internet messageboards. All you can do is mock them and not take it too seriously. I think Shambo started taking it all too seriously. He needs to play to his strengths
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 0:58, closed)

^Very much this.
His signature dark humour has been conspicuously absent from his increasingly frenetic trolling lately, and I think the flamewar with Albert is genuinely getting to him. Dude, take a holiday or something. Take the afternoon off, sit in the garden with a book and a pint and get it all out of your system.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 6:45, closed)

Don't blame me for his catastrophic meltdown.

The signs have always been there...he's a washed-up wannabe academic, eking out a living in the arse-end of Stoke.

All he really had in life was the burning desire to prove me wrong and he just could not take it when he failed - so he had a most enjoyable online meltdown, where even Fatty Fairholme took him to school.

The poor sod has goaded many into an online breakdown - but his own, when it came, made all the others look sane in comparison!
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 9:30, closed)

Hang on.
Are you saying you're not a creepy fantasist?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 9:49, closed)

I've truly been out-creeped here. Did you see what Dr.S posted?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:33, closed)

No, the mods took it down whilst I wasn't obsessively trawling this site.
Good to hear that you are still a creepy weirdo, though. It's good to find something to rely upon.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:52, closed)

Gaz screencaps plz

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:53, closed)

can we at least have a brief synopsis?

( rofl harris, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:17, closed)

I'm not sure we'd be able to find anyone capable of giving a dispassionate, impartial account of the facts.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:21, closed)

MODS!
Sorry, forgot that the mods only log in once every 7 1/2 years. What are the odds that the last time they bothered was just in time for for the Shambles meltdown
(Dr Doctor Can't you see I'm burning burning?, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 15:35, closed)

Fathelme posted a copy of gazzes received by Dr.S - which were replaced in seconds by a mod-edit agreeing how disturbing and mentally unhinged they were, and that they'd been deleted for our own protection.

As I recall, it was a nasty threat to Fatty's family. But then again I only saw it for a matter of seconds.

Like I said - I've been well out-creeped.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 13:06, closed)

Hahaha. This is amazing.
You've run out of stuff to make up about your real life so now you're making stuff up about your online life.
(well that went better than expected, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 19:38, closed)

I'm not blaming you, Albert.
He's always been the master of his own reactions up to now, which is why it surprised me all the more when he became obsessed with his own game.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 10:21, closed)

exactly. the right sort of reaction would be to mock him as an obvious compulsive liar in a thread, the kind of bloke who feels the need to invent holidays, and that would be end of it
there's little to be gained by taking it further. It's not like Albert is the type to have any sort of honest self awareness or shame, creepy fantasists seldom do, so you're not going to provoke him into anything. The smart move would have been just to move on and wait for the next batch of self-aggrandising falsehoods, instead of working yourself into a lather and crossing that line.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 10:51, closed)

A great proponent of the art?
He's just a dickhead. Nobody gives a shit about anything he says, it's just irritating.

And if you think he's not still here, posting 18 hours a day, you're not paying attention.

He's not a troll, he's just a flamer.
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 10:42, closed)

speak for yourself.
I've read a lot of dreadful anecdotes and obvious lies improved by his calling of their bullshit, and in recent years the back-and-forth is often more entertaining than the weeks output. He can be a bit confronting, but B3ta isn't really the place for little delicate flowers looking for affirmation, and never has been. I still tell an ancedote if I have one, week in and week out, and it's never bothered me. I tend to think of him as like Waldorf from the muppet show. A site needs a Waldorf
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:02, closed)

I like this.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:13, closed)

I agree.

He was on occasion quite funny. But he didn't like it up him and when Slob Fathouse gave it back - he flipped.

Don't fret. His sock puppet will be here any minute. If it isn't already...
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:30, closed)

^this
he's a cunt, but a funny cunt.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:46, closed)

Replies to replies to win
^
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:17, closed)

Depends on your definition of delicate wallflowers.
In practice, that's about 90% of the people who used to post here.

Most of the rest is just bickering with the flamers. There's very little new content, and when there is half the time our little flamer thinks it's necessary to harass the poster into giving up and going somewhere else.

Is that a good thing? No, not really. Does that matter? Nope, not even slightly.

They have lamed this place to death. One day, nobody will bother.
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:47, closed)

Christ you are really really TEDIOUS

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 13:20, closed)

^upset

(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 13:33, closed)

Nah.
You are a just a tedious cunt.
(immadme, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:58, closed)

he's right though
Its why, while I persistently criticise the flamers (it is a better and more apt description than trolls, so I will adopt it going forward), I also always ignore2 them first so as not to get into a bicker-debate with them.

I joined this site after a long period of reading the old QOTWs. Just as the quality represented there started to collapse into an internecine war. I still have hopes we can go back to actually sharing funny stories as a majority of postings. Fingers crossed.
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 18:16, closed)

but he is not right and neither are you. you are imagining the past as being somehow different, it wasn't.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 18:42, closed)

If I am genuinely incorrect...
... then I'd appreciate being shown how so

All the old QOTWs are still accessible. I've read the lot. Before a certain point they dont have any in-sequence replies, meaning either a database migration has been done badly or the board lacked the functionality at some point, and I dont know which. However many recent ones seem complete in every detail

Have the mods been going back in time and cleaning it up for standards? was it more actively modded back in the day? or am I right?
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 19:16, closed)

you are suffering from cognitive dissonance and adding to the crying of serial none productive troll hardly helps

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 19:27, closed)

I have a lot of respect for you but you have failed to prove your point here and it shouldnt be that hard to do so if you are right.
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 19:55, closed)

I will not prove but I will not agree to the one track logic that 'flamers' or trolls ruined qotw.
I blame (?) all the other social media mediums for the decline in volume of posts and numbers visiting the site. As to the general sense of humour.

And then I shit myself
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 20:07, closed)

lol :-)
Thanks - that makes more sense
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 20:12, closed)

The flamers didn't ruin QOTW.
They ruined the talk board, then ruined QOTW.

They're now ruining top tips.

It's pretty obvious. The cretinous wittering that /talk consists of is boring. You spotted QOTW was a lot more interesting, so started here. Problem is, you're all fucking morons, and QOTW became more of the same.

Then you spotted top tips was pretty funny, and thought you;d perk it up with gems like "make sure you mention suicide, attempted suicides and death of loved ones no matter what the qotw subject matter.
This will prove to all readers that you are very much a weepy mess and probably from Australia."

I mean, why would anyone read that and not want to join in?

So, just the main board left to fuck up, and you can call the job done.
(username failed moderation, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 10:10, closed)

Oh man, whatever you do don't look at bugs and features requests
You do NOT want to see what those bastards have been doing there
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 10:14, closed)

Correct

(username failed moderation, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 10:18, closed)

Christ you are really really TEDIOUS!!!!!!!!!!

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 10:46, closed)

Woah, leave #bafr out of this please.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 11:29, closed)

Christ you are really really TEDIOUS

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 10:46, closed)

When
it first started, QOTW wasn't set up for replies. Some users reckon that was the beginning of the end.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 19:30, closed)

The board lacked the functionality
Initially, it wasn't possible to reply.
( rofl harris, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 13:15, closed)

you know, the solution to there not being enough good anecdotes is to write good anecdotes
not to fill up these boards with constant whining. It's not really a substitute.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 13:59, closed)

What for?
I used to do it, but when every time you do you just get a lot of static from these idiots, it becomes pointless.

Too late for that, this place is ruined. I only stay because it annoys the puppies.
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:09, closed)

Christ you are really really TEDIOUS

(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:37, closed)

there you go again...

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:40, closed)

haha.
Don't do a Shambo on us and get all upset because people aren't doing what you're telling them to do. It just makes you look like a furious little bitch, and people will laugh at you.

Right, Shambo?
(username failed moderation, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 14:49, closed)

You've failed at internet you stupid prick

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:04, closed)

^Still upset.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:53, closed)

I know.
Furious.

It's just too ghastly.
(username failed moderation, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 14:45, closed)

Are you saying that your anecdotes don't have any point
unless you have a captive audience who will agree that you're awesome?

If you had the courage of your convictions you would post your anecdotes regardless and not let someone random on the internet bother you. Instead, 95% of your output is bitching about trolls in a whiny way.

No, the trolling is not the epitome of wit, but in general it comprises fire-and-forget comments which are at least sometimes funny. Those who mocked you will have done so casually, barely interested in your existence beyond the luls of that moment. However your whiny bitching is always dull, but more to the point is *meaningful*. Arguably, if you've stayed here beyond your own threshold of tolerance simply to annoy the trolls, then you've got more spite and bile inside you than your enemies have ever had.

FFS wax and feather your back.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 15:34, closed)

I'm not bothered by people mocking me, but when they
bring their pointless prattling to every single thread, it just becomes pointless to get involved.

Most of the time, it's not mocking anyway. A lot of it of it is stuff like whatever has just popped into dr queefs head, whether it makes any sense or not.

These posters simply have no filters. They never question whether they should post something, they just do it.

Hence Shambo manages to rack up 100,000+ posts one one account. It's simply impossible for him to create such an avalanche of posts and not have 99% of it be absolute drivel.

Anyway, if my whining annoys you, ignore me. Don't whine about me whining, that's just stupid.
(username failed moderation, Wed 1 Oct 2014, 14:14, closed)

You still think someone values your opinion. Why do you waste your time with these futile, long winded comebacks.
No one gives a flying fuck about you or your opinions. Obviously I do but just so I can remind you that you are a tedious prick. A really really tedious prick.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 1 Oct 2014, 16:17, closed)

Stop reading it then.
It clearly bothers you, I'd have thought the best thing is to ignore me.

You know, don't feed the trolls and all that?
(username failed moderation, Thu 2 Oct 2014, 9:15, closed)

...
...and it hasn't occurred to you that maybe you should do the same with the trolls posts?
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 2 Oct 2014, 17:32, closed)

Why?
It doesn't bother me.

These aren't trolls, they're just dicks. Me posting seems to piss them off, so I'll carry on doing it until one of us gets banned.

Oh, wait. Shambo already got banned. Until I get banned then.

Plus, wind your neck in, you can ignore it as well if you choose to.
(username failed moderation, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 9:12, closed)

It doesn't bother you so much you reply. So not bothered, really not bothered.
TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS TEDIOUS

LOL
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 10:17, closed)

Get a thesaurus
Your over use of the word tedious is tiresome.

Your replies to username are dull.
( jagwap, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 3:36, closed)

He's doing it deliberately.
He thinks it's funny or something.
(username failed moderation, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 9:13, closed)

He's doing it deliberately.
He thinks it's funny or something
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 10:22, closed)

I also agree.
We've crossed words on occasion but it's never bothered me. I can see why people might get upset but if you're that touchy, go elsewhere.

He does recently seem to have excelled himself in the quest for the last word, though. I hope he's OK. Can't imagine how the loss of something so central to his life might affect him. Maybe his head exploded like the guy in Scanners.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:14, closed)

He's on the very edge of a spectacular meltdown at the moment.
Even by his standards he is being obsessive.
(username failed moderation, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 14:45, closed)

says the tedious flaming troll

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:56, closed)

Look, I know you need to answer every single thing
I post, but can you try and perk it up a bit? Just calling me tedious is, um, a bit tedious.

For the record, I gave up trying to be entertaining a long time ago, so you're only stating the obvious anyway.
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:42, closed)

no shit

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:44, closed)

Right, no shit.
Is that it?
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 12:48, closed)

It was actually pretty funny.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:30, closed)

It probably was the first time it was posted.
But I suppose you're like my 4 year old, who can watch 15 episodes of Peppa Pig at a time. You don't really care about what's being said.

Let's be clear here, the only reason I'm posting is because it seems to irritate you.
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:34, closed)

LOL Down's syndrome

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:40, closed)

Edgy.

(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 16:20, closed)

All you post is about how you are irritated and upset. Does your village have to send out many search parties for you?

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:46, closed)

Why are you so bothered?
You seem to be unable to stop yourself from furiously jumping on everything I post, despite the fact that a) I am nowhere near irritated or upset becuase b) I have said several times, including at least twice today, that I'm just posting to irritate you.

It seems I'm getting much more out of this than you are, but you probably have lower standards than I do - any response is OK for you. It's attention, right?

Keep dancing little puppet.
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 16:20, closed)

Well, I'm convinced.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 16:58, closed)

convinced a retard
(username failed moderation, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 17:20, closed)

Get you

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 17:50, closed)

Superlols

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 17:06, closed)

I never got to put my willy in him :(

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:29, closed)

Never fear:
If you put your willy in a sock, you can make your very own sock puppet.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:42, closed)

I was wondering why Albert deleted a thread above I was having with him
perhaps when I said that him "taking advantage of Shambo's absence to spread lies about him would really be in character" hit too close to the mark?
He is an odd fellow, that Albert, and not entirely pleasant
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:08, closed)

no idea who you are, soz.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:40, closed)

Is this the point we discover they're one and the same guy?
It'd certainly make tracking someone's holiday location a lot easier.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:46, closed)

That would arguably be the ultimate troll.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 14:49, closed)

mind=blown.

(immadme, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 16:00, closed)

part of me is curious as to what sort of pathology drives a person such as yourself
but the wiser part of my brain is saying "It's best not to get involved" like making the mistake of looking at the crazy person on the train in the eyes and then they come over and start raving at you.
Perhaps that's where shambles made his mistake, he had to know
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:02, closed)

You just don't have the intensity, wit or desperation of Shambo.

So at this time, I'll not be offering you the job of Stalker but I will keep your details on file and if a suitable opportunity turns up, I'll get in touch.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:14, closed)

and I've little wish to be either, albert. I seldom get involved in this sort of stuff
I generally try and avoid getting tangled with creepy fantasists. Still, you obviously cared enough about our little thread to delete it. I genenerally consider thread deletion, especialy for vanity, one of the worse breaches of etiquette on b3ta as it wastes a lot of other peoples words. If shambles is Waldorf, I tend to picture you as Cartman from south park, both malevolant and unapologetically lacking in self-awareness
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:38, closed)

Anyone who gets owned by Sob Carehome, pizzaoven or no pizzaoven shouldn't bother with the internet ever again.

(Your name: Board Sig:, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:36, closed)

You oftern crop up in support of Rob Felchinggnomes, are you his carer?

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 15:47, closed)

A confused Australian loner prompted Shambles to have a breakdown in a puddle of his own tears on a Saturday morning when he should have been watching curious george with his kids. What's not to like?

(Your name: Board Sig:, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 16:02, closed)

A confused Australian loner prompted Shambles to have a breakdown in a puddle of his own tears on a Saturday morning when he should have been watching curious george with his kids. What's not to like? yes
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 29 Sep 2014, 18:30, closed)

tres bon

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 19:29, closed)

with his kids
(username failed moderation, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 14:56, closed)

No. Don't.
Because he's a cunt.
He, and others in his little self obsessed wank circle, have worked hard to turn a small but amusing section of the internet into a pockmarked wasteland inhabited only by the most rabidly vicious proponents of the "I fucked your mum you tedious prick" school of humour.

So far, as in the rest of their lives, they've failed.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 16:59, closed)

You should go and stone some transgender people to really get it off your chest.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 17:13, closed)

Hmm...
I don't think that would help very much.

Unless they were members of Ukip or something.
Then I'd get that lovely rosy feeling of a job well done.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 11:27, closed)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 29 Sep 2014, 17:38, closed)

Aw, bless!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 17:48, closed)

I'm really enjoying the also-rans-of-upsetness.
Clearly this guy is nowhere near the medals table, but I like an open competition where everyone can join in.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 13:06, closed)

So.
The circle jerk is making you feel better ?
Lots of good self esteem props, and self validation.

Good for you. Keep it up.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Wed 1 Oct 2014, 11:01, closed)

You're definitely through to the last 16.
You could be a seed for next week.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 12:36, closed)

This thread ROCKS!

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 17:52, closed)

lovely innit

(well that went better than expected, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 19:15, closed)

Well this is just great.
Nothing ever happens here. Ever. It's always the same, week in, week out. I take a little while off to look after my kids, the new baby having arrived Dukes of Hazzard style on the 4th and put the missus up on bricks, and all the excitement and drama happens at once.

Maybe I'm what's been keeping it boring :/

(seriously, what the fuck is going on?)
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 22:26, closed)

Dr. Shambolic didn't post for about 48 hours
Everybody fell to pieces.

He's the only thing keeping this place alive.
(well that went better than expected, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 22:43, closed)

Shamnbo had an Internet breakdown
after getting very upset online
( rofl harris, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 22:46, closed)

Doctor Shambolic kept losing arguments to a schizophrenic delusional loner residing in Australia. Enraged that in spite of his numerous degrees from flakey universities, three bed semi in dullsville and a pizza oven he kept getting bested online.
In puddles of tears he spent literally days of his life with trembling hands walloping his poor keyboard tracking down the last details of his vaunted foe. Now fully detached from reality he somehow imagined that by publishing this very important information online he thought he'd finally win whatever argument he imagined that he was having with another mental man.

He became even more upset when repeatedly banned. Like a punchdrunk fighter he keeps coming back under different accounts convinced that he'll finally win the argument and become Adam of Greyskull once more.
(Your name: Board Sig:, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 22:52, closed)

Is it really so upsetting for you that this stuff is so easy for me?

(well that went better than expected, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 22:56, closed)

Yes, you definitely appear frighteningly mental without any prompting or help. Well done you. That's what the third party moderator felt when banning you yet again.
Go home to your kids mate, they need their real dad back now, more than ever.
(Your name: Board Sig:, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:00, closed)

they've been in bed for three hours and I'm back from the pub
b3ta.com/talk/7769202
(well that went better than expected, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:01, closed)

Yeah so banned mate. By the mods. For being a creepy creepy creeepster.

(Your name: Board Sig:, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:05, closed)

yerr ... he must be gutted ... bet he won't show his face round here any more

(well that went better than expected, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:08, closed)

What is actually wrong with you?

( rofl harris, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:01, closed)

type 1 diabetes and a nagging rotator cuff injury in my right shoulder
thanks for asking
(well that went better than expected, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:02, closed)

I'm shocked that your own body hates you and wants you to die as quickly as possible.

(Your name: Board Sig:, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:04, closed)

hahayeah good one

(well that went better than expected, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:06, closed)

Oh, my mistake. Here was me having you down as a genetic failure.

(Your name: Board Sig:, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:14, closed)

oh man ... this is really upsetting stuff ... why oh why did I give you the ammunition to say such hurtful things?!?
oh yeah ... that's right ... because you're incredibly thick and easily manipulated
(well that went better than expected, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:19, closed)

So
You are having a breakdown then. This is so confusing.
( rofl harris, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:26, closed)

You've certainly manipulated me alright. I've fallen right into your hands and you've bested another vaunted foe online again.
You won't have to keep coming back here to have the last word. Again. You've won mate. *taps head*
(Your name: Board Sig:, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:26, closed)

I think because you've responded
Then he's won, because he wanted you to respond, or something, and anything you say, is because he engineered it and we're all idiots. I think.
( rofl harris, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:30, closed)

We're all his marionettes. There's a middle aged buffoon stalker in a dismal Cambridge semi controlling my every action.

(Your name: Board Sig:, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:38, closed)

So... a long-running subplot unexpectedly escalated to the series-ending finale, wherein The Dr was struck down by a tenacious foe, only to immediately regenerate as a "25 stone white american redneckish woman"? Meanwhile, a previously unabashed villain has also regenerated into a TTTing antihero?

Is this Dr Skagra Tribute Week?
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:11, closed)

If not it should be
Worship me, sweeties!!!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:48, closed)

Being as you appear to be remaking the entire board in your image, I'd like to point out that I've always stuck up for your "Death of a Facilties Support Unit" story retelling of a genuine anecdote from one of your many incarnations.

So leave me alone, yeah? We're cool.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:53, closed)

I'm not remaking anything sweetie
It's others wishing me death in fires and shit.

My lovely sweetiez!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 29 Sep 2014, 23:58, closed)

If you could die in a pile of burning shit,
I think we'd all be most appreciative.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 10:55, closed)

My toaster caught fire this morning
So your dreams almost came true sweetie!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 19:03, closed)

why would a time traveller need a toaster?
Anywhere in the universe has had a fire in or near it at some point. Just send the bread to that time and bring it back 3 minutes later. Or rather sooner if the fire was a star
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 19:14, closed)

My TARDIS is broken sweetie
That's why I am trapped here with all you....

...sweeties...

Sweetie!

HTH
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 19:25, closed)

*puts hand up* Ooh! I know, I know!!
It's because it's* NOT a time traveller. It's just a sad, lonely, pervy, weird, teenage** Dr Who fan with too much time on its hands, and a lack of imagination caused by lack of real human interaction?

What do I win?

*because it's now pretending to be female. Jeez.

**God I hope it's teenage - it would be horrendous if it was older
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 19:28, closed)

OK, you dont like Skagra, getting that....
I actually find him/her moderately amusing. I dont care what age he or she is, or in fact what age any of you are. His previous incarnation was pretty much my ideal Dr.Who / Malcolm Tucker hybrid. The current one is odd to say the least but there's genuine creativity in Skagra's postings

And I like that even when she comes up with a deeply odd and somewhat disturbing offering like this weeks magnum opus.
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 19:37, closed)

Thanks sweetie
XXX
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 19:54, closed)

^Words fail me

(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 19:59, closed)

Apparently not
sadly!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 20:01, closed)

I think the done thing is to say
'Upset Online'

ha ha!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 19:54, closed)

Close, but the 'done thing' is to start a fire and die in it

(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 20:00, closed)

My toaster etc
Come on pudding brains, is fire all you got?!


XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 20:01, closed)

No, but I am enjoying these SHORT AND TO THE POINT* replies
*hint: You're usually long-winded and boring as shit
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 20:04, closed)

Thanks sweetie
Special kisses 4or U

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX XX
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 20:05, closed)

Awwww that's sweet, but wouldn't you be better spending this time fixing your TARDIS?*
*Or quitting pretending and getting a life**
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 20:09, closed)

My... my God... YOU'RE RIGHT!
I'm going to STOP pretending to be this Doctor Skagra character, and start living a normal life - the life of who I really am, Cedric Hooper of 25 Meopham Gardens, Hackney Wick.

Time to put all this 'Time Lord' stuff behind me - and - and - be... A MAN!!!

Nah not reely.

I AM DOCTOR SKAGRA

My breasts are small, but pert.

AND I AM A TIME LADY.

Deal.

Sweetie X
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 20:13, closed)

Ah, so close!
I nearly managed to drag you back from the brink then and in to reality.

Hey ho - nothing left now but to up the meds.
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 20:15, closed)

Of course you did dear.
Ha ha

I bet you googled that address!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 20:21, closed)

No
Why would I? I don't care about what you have to say.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (because you forgot the kisses)
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 20:22, closed)

The feeling
is mutual.

MWAH!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 20:23, closed)

This is the shittest subthread I have ever started.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 21:05, closed)

Yay!
Another shatisfied cunstomer!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 21:47, closed)

It's been wall-to-wall grumpiness. I'm not racist against Gallifreyans or owt.

Have you regenerated into Sean Connery?
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 21:55, closed)

No...
still the sexy antwoman with raven hair and small (but pert) tits.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 22:11, closed)

To quote the time-travelling spin-doctor
Its been omnishambolic
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Wed 1 Oct 2014, 21:03, closed)