Not my anecdote, but...
Last year I went to a debate where one of the speakers was the entertainment editor (or something) of the BBC. Someone whose self-perceived importance massively outweighed her real importance anyway (I asked for her autograph just because I felt sorry for her, and she signed her name right over the top of John from Big Brother's!). Sitting in the Mitre pub in Cambridge afterwards, I asked Tom what he had been talking to her about all evening. "Well," he says, "she was asking me what programmes I watched on TV, so I said Neighbors, and then I realised I could ask her something that has been on my mind for a while."

"What was that?"

"Whether Harold from Neighbors is a cunt"

"What???"

"Oh, well, my friend Steve went to see a panto last year and the guy who plays Harold was in it. So Steve queues up backstage after the panto to get Harold's autograph, and Harold is signing away at some kid's programme when someone shouts from the back 'why are you so fat?'. And Harold stops and looks up, and he says 'because every time I shag your mother she gives me a biscuit'.

"I just don't believe that someone who was in the salvation army, even if only fictiously, would say that".

But apparently the BBC woman said that Harold is a nice guy.
(Richard_O'Richard, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 23:46, Reply)

D-List Fun
I managed to insult Emma B at a Student Radio award night, whilst being extremely drunk. She definitely had some sort of come back, but since it was Emma B I didn't give a shit.

Everyone else gets all the fun though - my girlfriend managed to slag off the girl from the OC in a club in LA the other week. And my dad got told to fuck off by Jimi Hendrix live on stage once. And who do I get? Emma-fucking-B.

I've been rude to Jamie Oliver too, but who hasn't.
(danshome, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 23:45, Reply)

Rood 2 a Celeb
I Mooned Lyndon Baines Johnson in Sydney...1967 I think it was.
He was driven past in an huge, dark Limmo.
I bolted immediately after.
I felt pretty good about that !
(BORIS_BUGGEROFF, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 23:38, Reply)

That twunt off of gladiators. Ace or something he was called.
He came to our school to promote sport and fitness or crap like that. Anyway, to cut a story short, when everyone was getting their photo taken with him, I called him a twat. He laughed.

He really is a twat, anyway.
(King In Crimson, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 23:38, Reply)

Craig Charles
A friend of mine referred to him as a smeghead upon meeting him...Bet he'd never heard that one before.
(Cheesecake Like a cake...But cheese, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 23:28, Reply)

Before they were properly famous
Blazing squad came to play in our school hall and we smashed up their van.

We keyed all the paintwork and broke one of the back windows with a stone. Then when they were leaving we shouted at them to "fuck off" as they were "shit bastards"

Our form teacher didnt seem to mind actually, but that might've been because we were bigger than him.
(nN, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 23:21, Reply)

Frank Bough
My family and I had gone to play football in the park and I had parked my car too close to the Thames.It was on the same day as the Oxford Cambridge boat race.I was stood on the roof of my submerged car and Frank and a film crew floated past in a dinghy.
I was really really pissed off the drive back home to Newcastle would now be impossible.
He was laughing at the misfortune of drivers who had been caught in the unseasonally high tides.
I caught the boat rope and called him a nonce and a pervert and threatened to break his back the nappy wearing freak.
Sorry Frank didnt mean it, are we still mates?
(Carpetmuncher, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 23:08, Reply)

Douglas Hurd and Eddie Grundy
First, kudos to my friend Dan who once shoved Eddie Grundy (The Archers) out of the way at a signing in HMV, so eager he was to get at this week's new releases.
I used to commentate at horse shows in a little box in the middle of the field and inform the mums and dads in the car park how their little darlings were progressing around the cross country course. I used to swing a lot on my swivel chair as the course was all around me and I didn't notice a bloke had come and sat ont he steps of the cabin. I whizzed round to see behind me and my booted foot clouted this guy in the head. I then realised it was ex-Foreign Minister Douglas Hurd and the fact that I had just been commentating on a girl called Jessica Hurd seemed to confirm this. He mumbled a bit, put his glasses back on and ambled off.
(gibletwarrior, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 23:00, Reply)

I've know Alicia Silverstone for years - from when she was 12.
We stayed in touch, and now I've moved here to the US we get together from time to time.
A few years ago she had one of her birthday parties at a petting zoo (she's a staunch vegan) and some girl in heels stood on my sandalled foot.
"Fucking watch it, idiot" I said.
"Sorry" said Juliette Lewis.

Then there was the time at her 21st birthday party some drunk bloke comes up and starts trying to grope me. I told him to fuck off. He said "Do you know who I am?" I didn't have any idea who he was so said no. Turned out to be Stephen Dorff right before he got famouser than he was then.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 22:52, Reply)

status quo
the ex drummer from status quo came to our school i had know idea who he was but my father in all his wisdom said he was a cunt because he didnt sign him an autograph so he told me to make his visit living hell so every time he tried to speak me and my friend were gonna cough or sneezed really loud but the first time we did it the head teacher sent us out and we got a weeks detention and i blame status quo
(gagagaz, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 22:50, Reply)

OK, here goes...
Coked up and out on the piss in Camden about 7 years ago after a big festival I'd been working at, I arrived with my mates in some bar and eventually wandered towards the bar in a booze and marching powder haze to get myself a cool, refreshing bottle of Brown Ale.

Some lass is stood next to me at the bar and says hello and starts going on about some gay event she's been to and then asks me a load of stuff about my day, saying she knows a few of the d-list rock 'stars' I'd been around all afternoon. Not giving a toss, I made my excuses and went back to the table to sup in peace. On her way out, the girl says goodbye and I just go 'yeah', thinking I'm all cool and my mate starts laughing and calling me a stupid bastard for not being nicer.

The girl was Kate Moss.

I bloody love Kate Moss as well :( I always try to be polite these days just in case the beer goggles deny me another a-list blowjob potentialty.

Also I've called Neil Hannon from Divine Comedy a shortarsed prick, challenged Ian Brown to an ill-advised fight on midlands commercial radio (Karate black belt vocalist Ian Brown wasn't listening, thankfully) and screamed bloody murder right into Kula Shaker asshat Crispian Mill's face. Because he's a cunt. Lastly, I followed 'Corrie's Toyah' who's dead pretty in real life around Hulme Asda not knowing she was a telly person.

Not bad for a first post in living memory.
(governmentyard, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 22:45, Reply)

not really me but my mate
Theres a program on CBBC called cavegirls and theres this really fine one in it. Anyway last sunday she came into the pub i normally drink at, anyway i goes up to her and say "hey your that girl off tv, and i said hi im ross", and she said "hi my names lucinda". Anyway as we leave shes out the front on her mobile and i said, "see ya later cavegirl" and my mate max goes "see ya later little miss fine ass". I guess its not that funny now that im sober...
(Valo, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 22:45, Reply)

When Dogstar Played at Glastonbury....
...my mate Graham was the first to start the tirade of rotten veg thrown at him, and his Lemon/missile that hit Keanu Reeves' Bass, the photo of which made into 'The Sun' the following day... We were proud...

Both of us chanting 'Mp3, Mp3!' and singing Guns n Roses songs at the front of the Moshpit at Mettalica at Leeds 2003, infont of 50/50 split of amused/pissed off mettalica fans was quite a hoot too. I was absolutely twatted on Beer and Pills at the time, him, half a litre of whisky
(littlestanjunior, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 22:35, Reply)

I lost my virginity in Camilla's house....
when i was younger i went to one of those posh brat balls, where loads of 15 year old posh totty gather to drink vodka and snog each others brains out.
after a fairly succesful evening, i managed to lose the friends i had arrived with, and in a drunken state started to chat to a group of young lads who had cigarettes (very cool for 15 year olds at the time) hoping i could scab one to look 'cool'. They invited me to an after-party at their house.
so a quick taxi ride later, we turned up at this mansion in kensington. very dapper and really very impressive. to cut a long story short, i got friendly with one of the young girls, and we decided to head up to one of the many bedrooms of the not-so humble mansion. so...stumbling about in the dark, we found a room with a huge four poster bed and prodeeded to do the naughty thing (in a very drunken and awkward fashion). Not bad for a first encounter!

even more awkward was the scene the next morning when no other than camilla parker-bowles walks in to the room and proceeds to berate me and my partner for 'spoiling the sheets' and defiling her fathers death bed.
i left, apologising profusely, hoping to dear God that she hadn't noticed the used condom in the side drawer.
( meak is going to inherit the earth, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 22:13, Reply)

At a wild bird sanctuary in Gloucestershire
Really loud annoying laughing and posh type whooping from directly behind me.

"Who the fuck is that annoying twat?" [Turns around]

Bam, Christopher Biggins is standing about a foot behind me. And he ain't looking so happy now.
( bowdie, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 22:09, Reply)

Drink fuelled is the best rudeness?
Dunno if he counts as a celebrity in comparison to popstars and the like but...

In 2002, me and a mate went to see 'And you will know us by the trail of dead' in manchester. So, we decided to spend most of the day drinking before it. I was 17 at the time, so alcohol tolerance was not its best.

Anyway, on the last song, Conrad did a bit of the old crowd surfing (a band member, for those who dont know). I noticed he was wearing slip on shoes. I was drunk, so naturally i tried to steal it. i managed to get the shoe off him, but then went into a tug of war with another fan over it. Eventually i managed to distract the fan by kicking his balls. But my shirt was being pulled on, so i got distracted too. "Get off my fucking shirt," i yelled, only to have Conrad say in some whiney american voice "its my shoe." (i didnt know it was him pulling the shirt though, makes sense)Then some other git took the shoe, could have been a roadie but that part seems very blurry.

But my T-shirt neck was half way down my stomach afterwards.
( ThunderThrust, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 22:02, Reply)

When I was a nipper (about ten)
Tory MP and Tarzan impersonator Michael Hestletine accosted me in the main street of St Helens, stuck a sticker on me and asked if I was going to vote for him when I grew up. "No!" I said, took off the sticker and threw it on the ground. Aaah, them were the days....

Jazz singer George Mellie once asked me to move my bicycle and my carcase, both of which were blocking the train doorway. As he was exceptionally polite I didn't tell him to push it up his arse.
( Vulthoom, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 22:01, Reply)

no, two sugars!
when i was a young lad, maggie thatcher came to our school to open the new science building. somehow i got to talking with her and somehow the conversation turned to drinking tea. turns out shes very argumentative over how to make the best cup of tea... i however learned to just smile and nod
(chrismuzz, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 21:48, Reply)

julian clary
"Hi Julian. I like your suit, it's very nice. Can I bum a fag off you please?"

He gave me a cigarette.
( GTA, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 21:36, Reply)

My dad called Vic Reeves a "blind twat"
when he asked us if we had seen his daughter who was hiding behind a tree.
Rory McGrath pinched my friend's bum and she called him a "cheeky cunt". He didn't seem that bothered, but then pretty much everyone in Cambridge has insulted him in some way, it's what brings us together as a community.
(BadKittyDirtyKitty, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 21:36, Reply)

When me and my friend
went to the BBC to be in the audience of "The Saturday Show" we met Darius - who was wearing a v nice pair of converse boots, so we decided to ask him for them...unsurprisingly he said no...so we called him a knob v loudly infornt of several eight year olds...
(P-nut Obsessive Compulsive Green Day Disorder..., Wed 14 Apr 2004, 21:33, Reply)

When I was about 2
I was on a flight to Ireland, and being a right little shit, was jumping around and pulling the hair of the man on the seat in front of me.

Who as it happened, as my Mum later found out, was a certain Barry McGuigan. World Boxing Association featherweight world champion at the time. Ha.
Apparently he was slightly irked.
(Willboy:, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 21:27, Reply)

Fred "The Weather" Talbot from GMTV
Many years ago, a group of close associates and I were drinking outside a pub in Manchester, Fred was filming a piece to camera on a bridge over the canal directly adjacent to our boozathon. As he turned to walk back to his car we all shouted to attract his attention. Fred duly came bounding across the road to greet his adoring fans only to be stopped in his tracks at the realisation that we had prepared a large banner crudely fashioned from a tablecloth bearing the highly offensive but undoubtedly true slogan "Fuck Off Fred! You Talentless Twat!! Oh how we laughed.... etc & so on..
(philwillybobs, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 21:21, Reply)

i once heared terry prattchet tell a small kid to fuck off!
i know its not quite right for the question - but - i was at a book signing and this little kid walked up to old TP and asked him how much his pen was. being the missreble old git he is he told him to fuck off, then told me he went to the Acme school of etiquette.

on a different not i'm always rude to my mate matt, who was a minor celebrity at home - he one a load of wheelchair races. we nick-named the local paper the matt mag as it always had his face in it somewhere.
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 21:13, Reply)

When I was 5 or so
my dad got me very excited by saying that one of the Goodies were coming round for tea. For some reason, our next door neighbours at the time were good friends with Tim Brooke-Taylor - and having heard that he was paying them a visit, my dad invited him round ("My young son's a huge fan of the Goodies"...etc. etc.) At the appointed hour TBT arrived and my mum sat him down with a cup and called me in from the next room. I saw who it was, burst into tears and ran away, shouting "He's the wrong one! I wanted the funny one with the beard!". I have no idea what my folks talked about after that, but he didn't stay very long.
( Cromagnon Don't waste my motherfucking time!, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 21:08, Reply)

It's Wac-a-day, no School today, so what you gonna do?
Whilst working for a now defunct major ISP, one of the guys on the phones near me got a call from Mr. Saturday himself, Timmy Mallett.

Timmy was having none of this subordinate and demanded to speak to a Supervisor. The agent duly transferred him (or so he thought) and took the opportunity to mention to his colleague what a "Arrogant little Prick" Mr Mallett was, at which point he realised he'd not transferred him at all but said it right into his lughole.

Obvioulsy being the king of kids TV rudeness, Timmy took this all in his stride and yelled at our CS Manager demaning free connectivity and a state of the art 28.8k Modem.

He got them, but not a bonk on the head.
(kna has forgotten everything., Wed 14 Apr 2004, 21:06, Reply)

Anyone remember pop wannabe Kavanagh?
Well, I met him in the utv green room at the peak of his fame (he'd had a couple of hits) and I told him "listen mate you want to get yourself a hat"
"a hat?" he said
"yes, a great big hat, like abraham licoln, with lights on. Otherwise you're going nowhere"

Of course, he didn't listen to me, he remained hatless.
Where is he now? feck knows.

I also told wolf from gladiator that he smelt funny
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 21:01, Reply)

we whent
to a collage trip to the twat modern so see some stuff (for those who care donald judd)
on the way the bus pulled up to a red car on a red light (Coincidence i think not!!)
any hoo i turned around to amuze myself by looking at cars on my right hand side and i saw with great joy Matthew kelly (stars in there arse blokey) i thought to my self
"this is only going to happen once in my life
i need to take hold of this moment with both hands" so i quickly jumped off my seat dropped my trousers and kaks in one swift movement and gave Matthew kelly a prime view of my hairy asshole pressed up agaist a bus window , oh the joy, the bus driver bolloxed me but i felt warm inside and my bum cheeks were cold
(waikiki, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 20:58, Reply)

I got John Cuasck to flip me off
That's about it. He hangs out periodically in the main bar area (Rush/Division) in Chicago and we saw him, and since we were fairly liquored up, we shouted "CUSACK!!!!!" all night long along with "Man, you FUCKIN' ROCKED in 'Pushing Tin'" and other crap movies he was in. He eventually gave us the finger.
( DisgruntledGoat, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 20:58, Reply)

Once
while in a petrol station, I was walking towards the shop to pay for it and my mind was on the complicated actions of opening my wallet when I almost knocked over this scruffy bloke walking through the door coming out.Not giving it any thought about the poor sod I almost floored,I walked upto the til and then it dawned on me and I had to ask the cashier..
`was that..?`
`yeap that was griff rhys jones`
He didnt look happy as i looked out the window as he got in a car with his wife looking fed up and loads of screaming kids in the back...not exactly annoying but it would of been fun to have knocked him over if for anything but the big read!
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 20:57, Reply)