Cheating little shit....
I was pretty good at French at school, but when the answers to a test come your way, what do you do!? Do you scrawl the answers all over your fucking arm and read them at your leisure through the cuff gap in your shirt sleeve? Damn right you do...

I used fountain pen ink and armed myself with one of those ink eraser pens and craftily removed the evidence as I finished the test. I got a rather impressive 100%. Sweet.

So there I am later that evening, showing off like a cunt to my overjoyed parents. Then it happened... My Dad says to me "What's that on your arm?" and I stare in absolute horror at the answers which have miraculously reappeared.

Cue a lifetime of mistrust and snide remarks at every test I do... Looking back, I would have rather been caught wanking a goat into my dead Gran's mouth.
(tinpixel, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 19:28, Reply)

Cub Scouts
Several moons ago, I was the "Sixer" for the Greens in my local Cub Scout group. For those who don't know, this means I was a senior, responsible member of the troop (the Bear to the younger cubs if you like.) During the annual "Balsa Build" competition (contestants are given six pieces of Balsa wood and told to make something. The best creations win a packet of sweets for their creators), I declined to enter, thinking it would be far easier to simply steal a packet of sweets from the leader's car. Of course, being the Green's Sixer, I assumed I would get away with this and that no one would "grass me up", due to the respect I commanded amongst the other boys. Unfotunately for me, me brother turned me in. This resulted in a hasty flight from the scout hut. Upon returning home, I ran straight upstairs to the bog where I locked myself and proceeded to be "busy". Little did I know, the Leader had pursuided me home and demanded to speak with me, no doubt to give me a good grilling and to possibly remove my Sixer badge.

I stayed in that toilet for two hours. My attempt to cheat the system had ended in that toilet, with my trousers around my ankles.
(Barbara, they're stealing our towels!, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 19:03, Reply)

My sister has never played an honest game of Monopoly - EVER!
That is all
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 19:02, Reply)

God handed me the ability to cheat
Let me set the scene, it was a hot Mexican summer's day in 1986. I was playing a game of footy with my mates, against the rival gang.

It was 0-0 at half time, but we thought we had the upperhand over the rivals. Then in the 50th minute a ball came into the box, far too high for a short arsed midget like myself to get on the end off it, especially with the keeper being a foot or so bigger than me. But lo and behold God told me "too cheat". I jumped up high and punched the ball over the keeper, luckily Mr Magoo was the ref. and i got away with it bang 1-0 to us.

We ended up winning the game 2-1

However I would like to let you know that as a cheater, I didn't always prosper. In 1994 I got caught cheating with drugs, after my eyes nearly popped out of my head after scoring a goal.
(Ka-Tingey www.myspace.com/paultingey weekly updated funnies, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 18:30, Reply)

I can remember one...
I was in the 2nd year juniors, so 8 or 9. Had a tables test in the afternoon and really wasn't up for it at all. Thus I feined a minor illness and got the secretary to call the old dear to pick me up. She was not impressed to say the least. Took me back to her work where I was berated for a short while. She then wrote down all the tables I had to do that afternoon and made me sit and learn them, before taking me back to school. Sweet thinks I, now I have the answers. Test commence and I've got this bit of paper on my chair and keep coughing/yawning/stretching after every question to scope the correct calculatory result. Unbeknownst to my idiotic childlike brain, my teacher could quite clearly see the bit of paper on my chair...so the rest unfolds with a mind numbing inevitability....and a further major bollocking from the old dear. It would seem cheating does not pay...
( D3xt3r Don't take any guff from these fucking swine...., Thu 17 Nov 2005, 18:29, Reply)

thank you interweb!
thanks to google and copy and paste - i am now nearing the end of a degree!

awesome!
( northernwifeb3ta is going to Dubai in December :D for "work", Thu 17 Nov 2005, 18:28, Reply)

I never revised for spanish vocab tests
and my mate who I sat next to was pretty good at it, so I used to be able to get away with copying his answers, which is ok if you get full marks, which he tended to (it wasn't all that taxing). Mind you I did manage to make it ever so slightly obvious that I had copied one week, when I managed to copy so mucgh that I wrote his name on top of my answers!
(wibbler, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 17:52, Reply)

I used to cheat at pool
When the other player was concentrating on playing a shot I'd swipe one of the balls off the table and put in my pocket. I once managed to remove 3 before the other player noticed on the 4th.
I also used to roll them closer to the pockets...

I was crap at pool though so I felt this was justified in terms of evening up the game.
(conuil, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 17:27, Reply)

cheating is bad
When I was about seven I traced a picture of a rabbit out of a book then told my whole family I had drawn it freehand. The terrible thing is I actually got the idea out of a book I read at school titled "Cheating is Bad" which told the story of a girl who did the same thing...only she didn't get away with it like I did. Loser.
(mrmistoffeles, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 17:23, Reply)

calgacus is cheating
calgacus is cheating - god sounds nothing like james mason ... actually sounds like chris reekie ...
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 16:57, Reply)

FinestLittleSpace
To be fair thats not really cheating is it, thats just writing lyrics on an exam paper
(Psi12321, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 16:46, Reply)

Minesweep for idiots
In my old workplace, there used to be a back-office PC for stocktaking/faxes etc. One of the guys who worked there was a right drybread called Ian, who was the target of so many jokes it was almost a gypsy curse. This time it was Minesweep on the old computer. He managed to beat the Beginner High Score and was proud, with bragging stories etc being told as if it meant anything whatsoever to us. But it did mean something to him. So...

When he wasn't looking I edited the winmine.ini file in the Windows directory so that when he read the high-scores again he was greeted with;

Beginner : 4 seconds : Ian is
Intermediate: 8 seconds : a complete
Expert : 32 seconds : Cuntpipe

He wasn't impressed.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 16:33, Reply)

It was third grade, and I was awful at spelling. So I keep the list partway sticking out of my little flip-top desk. Teacher read the words, I'd shoot a look over my shoulder, and I copy the word from the list, then the list slides back into the desk. Worked until I look over my shoulder, slide out the list and find she was standng in front of me.
(The If has remembered this site., Thu 17 Nov 2005, 16:25, Reply)

I was staring at this for ages...
Then I remembered a rather good one.... when I did my GCSEs I was bored in every single exam, itching to leave school...... my English creative writing GCSE exam therefore involved me 'describing the room [I was] you're in', but finding this a bit... well, boring, I challenged myself to use as many Bad Religion song lyrics as I could in the essay. In 2 A4 pages of writing (and I write quite big and scrawly), I managed 25 different lines of lyrics. Not sure how much of the meaningful writing of the essay was actually mine in the end *chortle*.

Got an A*, too :-).

Also had an economics teacher who (I WILL NOT NAME) would mark our coursework (which is only meant to be handed in and marked ONCE) over and over again until it got a decent mark. Most of the class either failed or got VERY low marks at the end of the year when it came to exams. Pratt.
( FinestLittleSpace, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 16:11, Reply)

Does Cheating.....
....on your wife count?



(Look, I was only an accessory, I kept the evidence to prove it.
Tee hee hee.)
(Monica Lewinski, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 16:01, Reply)

Fascinating rarity for sale:
"TEH UPLAOD COEDZ" - author unknown, possibly R. Lord.
14 volumes, not counting the index and the commentaries. I have them all.
I'll sell them, too - £1,250 o.n.o. for the lot, cash only please.
Any takers? There's a special discount if you click 'I Like This!' and produce the receipt when you pay.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 15:53, Reply)

It looked like cheating
Mrs C and myself were taking part in a quiz. The question was one of those things where you have to describe something and your team and the opposition try to guess it first. La Calgacus was on my team. It was my turn.

Me: He talks a bit like James Mason
Team A: Huh?
Team B: James Mason?
Team C: "Candle in the Wind" by Elton John (Team C was pissed)
Mrs Calgacus: God
Me: "God" is correct

Just on the same wavelength.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 15:47, Reply)

Remember this? The ultimate cheat for teenagers in 1984
Poke 35899,0

Then theres this cheat
(Wrecked Tums, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 15:43, Reply)

Eye test
I memorised the letters beforehand
(loquis, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 15:43, Reply)

I've often pretended
to have some sort of long-standing girlfriend, so I could rent nice houses decreed by God to be inhabited by "professional couples" only. Invariably, the non-existence absence of said girlfriend at the viewing could be explained by her being away on business, and her complete absence when it came to moving in could be explained by her having had an affair with a similarly imaginary random bloke all along. My not inconsiderable skill at lying coupled with having scrupulous landlords has paid off quite nicely so far.

The only disadvantage to this technique (apart from having to pay twice the rent and it being completely unconvincing in my case) is that if you do it repeatedly, you'll be screwed if the landlords' union get their hands on you; it's also highly illegal to impersonate other people on a contract (even if they're fictitious), so if I get caught, you ain't seen me - right?
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 15:41, Reply)

Up yours Lloyds of London
Cheated on my Lloyds of London Introductory exam that I needed to pass within 3 years of working for one of there crappy syndicates to work in certain areas of the business.

Found it very hard going to revise as it got in the way of my drinking but was lucky enough to sit by some egghead who knew all the answers(multiple choice).

Pat on the back from the syndicate I worked for. Little did they know that I thought them all a bunch of stuck up public school boys whose idea of a break would no doubt be to adjourn to the mens toilets to bot each other down the glory hole. Cunts.
(If it could happen to me like that i'd shit my pants, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 15:34, Reply)

One of the few times I've ever cheated
was here.
( Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Thu 17 Nov 2005, 15:31, Reply)

riedacher_bertram
Daaaamnnnn yooouuu!

to your very soul

and I already knew it was coming...

damn my infernal low concentration skills.
(cherry B, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 15:25, Reply)

I've cheated lots, thanks Gazbag for reminding me of an early one
I changed the sticker on a Tamiya USS Enterprise from £99.95 to £14.95, this was in a shop run by a bunch of evil old ladies (any one remember Pope and Smiths in Chelmsford?).

Cheated on most exams, you can fit quite a lot in a clear biro, they magnify everything!

Only regret cheating on one thing, the wife before we were married. It's a bloody awful thing to do and I couldn't look at her for days afterwards. Luckily it wasn't anything serious just a bit of tongue action in the pub.
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 15:24, Reply)

I cheated the democratic election system… twice!
And 295,734,134 people still haven't found out!

Yeeehaaa!
(Minty Hit, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 15:18, Reply)

I've cheated on lots of things...
tests, essays, girl friends, card games. But I'm a wonderful person really.
(lankymike, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 15:16, Reply)

devious scamp
Luckily I had a smart mate at school, she was there to copy off when I couldn't spell animal in primary school right through till high school when on some other test I was so engrossed in copying everything she wrote, I also filled out her name at the top of the sheet. Damn this blonde hair for sucking all the intellgence from my brain.

While not being very good at spelling I was quite good at being devious to get a sugar fix. My mum was always quite stingey when it came to letting us snack on goodies when I was a kid. So I used to take advantage of my short height to walk undetected past the bench and into the pantry nab a bunch of biscuits and shove them down my cabbage patch kids undies so if discovered in the kitchen they wouldn't find anything on me. I also used to during dinner go into the kitchen run the tap as if I was getting a glass of water then fill my glass with sprite. I can't believe I used to get away with that one!
(toffee pop, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 15:09, Reply)

High School poetry contest
I once copied out the lyrics to that crap 90's song, "Life is a Highway" by some guy, and entered it in the class poetry competition.

Our english teacher was well impressed, started asking questions relating to my top-class take on life.

I would have won too, until my twunts of mates started singing the chorus.
POP
(timbrooketaylor, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 14:51, Reply)

No cake for the impuritay
This person wasn't called Pookie by any chance, was he?? Famous for it down our way - we even christened a roll that no-one ever saw the result of a 'Pookie-Roll' (that is, er, when we were also geeky enought to be RPG-ing!)
Lovely bloke otherwise, and probably a B3tan as well knowing him, so if he reads this - apologies for busting you!
(AlohasRyk, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 14:39, Reply)

riedacher_bertram
That is class! I was so impressed I was going to click "I Like This". I am so stupid!
(stusut79, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 14:39, Reply)