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This is a question Cheating cheaty cheats

I'm rubbish at cheating. I was asked to help run a stall at a local fair. We sold squares on a treasure map for 10p a go, with the one closest to the "hidden treasure" winning stuff.

I told my sister where it was. I'd not really thought through how obvious this would be. I've kind of avoided cheating since, what have you cheated at? Confess all, it'll make you feel better.

(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:14)
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This question is now closed.

I used to cheat when playing monopoly with my family. I used to "borrow" money from the bank when no-one was paying attention.

If only you could do that in real life ...

(without getting sent down for 20 years!)

None of my family ever want to play games with me anymore :(
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 12:06, Reply)
piston broke
I do that too when playing cheat, put more cards down that you should but make sure the top ones are right so when people look they don't realise what you've done. This mostly works, unless you are the second person to put the cards down after someone's picked up and the person next to you is rubbish at lying! I got a whole deck of cards thrown at me for that one!
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 12:02, Reply)
The Ultimate Cheat

At a company I worked for my boss asked me to hack the system of the guy who was setting the questions for a company Treasure hunt/Quiz. This I duly did.

Armed with all of the questions and answers we then went into uber-cheat mode.

Went to the pubs people had to visit the night before the Treasure hunt and altered or removed the objects they were supposed to find.

Spent an afternoon before the Treasure Hunt gathering the various objects we were supposed to gather before the hunt had even started.

But my favourite was sabotaging another teams sculpture. One of the tasks you had to do was to build something out of drinks straws. Having the collective artistic abilities of a drunken Aardvark, the best we could come up with was a Bra made out of straws. On our travels we bumped into another team who had built this incredibly detailed giraffe. It was truly a work of art and made our effort look pathetic. My boss distracted the other team and while they weren't looking, I set fire to their giraffe.

I'm a bad man.....
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 11:55, Reply)
dirty cheating geek
I had a mate who used to (and maybe still does) cheat at dungeons and dragons.

It was utterly blatant. He'd roll the dice somewhere that you couldn't quite see them, declare "Yeah, I hit him," and pick them up before anyone could look, with an embarrassed expression.

Think about this for a mo - not only was he geeky enough to be playing D&D (as was I), he was cheating at it. There is no winner or loser in this game, it's a laugh, not a competition. So after retreating into a pretend world with his mates, he wants to be even more pretend by faking the randoms bits of the game that makes it exciting (as long as you find adding numbers up exciting, anyway...)

Cheating at D&D is like cheating at washing - it just makes people avoid you.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 11:53, Reply)
I am a journalist
I make regular expenses claims.

Of course, these are in no way relevant to this QotW.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 11:53, Reply)
I wouldn’t call it cheating, more using my intuition......
Many years ago whilst studying for my HNC I was in an exam, let’s call it 'Design Of Structural Elements' for arguments sake (and what it was). I felt the need to drop the kids off at the pool which means that you had to be escorted to the crap house by an invigilator to make sure you didn’t cheat, however, the invigilator said to me "make it quick, your old enough to be trusted".
HA, big mistake! Scoots straight past the Gary glitters, into the library and had a crafty look at the answer to a question I was struggling on! Woo yay to me, still no guilt to this day.
p.s. no, I didn’t shit myself either!
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 11:53, Reply)
I'm cheap.
you can have me for £2.50 and a pint.

oh, cheat; sorry.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 11:36, Reply)
A friend was getting divorced
and had all the papers sent to the estranged partner, but the git wouldn't sign them. He didn't actually refuse, he just 'forgot'. For a couple of months.

So she discreetly 'retrieved' them, forged his signature and sent them back, thus illegally entering his agreement to proceedings on his behalf.

Fast forward a few months. Friend is in Eastern Europe on a sabbatical. The final divorce papers come through in Britain and need signing by her, but she is not willing to have them sent on to Snowland in case they get lost.

So this time she gets her daughter to forge HER signature and is duly divorced, and gets satisfactorily drunk on Finnish vodka.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 11:35, Reply)
I cheated at family games of Tri-ominoes when quite young. I noticed that the back of the triple 5 had a mark on it.

My reign of triple 5 collection victories ended when I was stupid enough to pick it out three games in a row. My dad, trained in counter-insurgency warfare and questioning of terrorist suspects, somehow noticed the statistical anomaly and then the interrogation began...

After an hour of thorough questioning and sensory deprivation therapy (my older brother rattling an etch-a-sketch in my left ear) I admitted my wrongdoing*.

*All right, that last bit was made up.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 11:32, Reply)
I used to cheat people out of their money at cards, and was quite good at it. It never bothered me because in the best Del Trotter style I knew they were cheating as well.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 11:27, Reply)
playing pool against visually impaired people
Because me mate was very short-sighted (10% vision), I'd always toss a coin before playing pool against him and ask him heads or tails. Somehow he never actually realised he never won the coin-toss to break once for 2 years lol.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 11:27, Reply)
Up, C, Down, C, Left, C, Right.

Edit: Beaten by Minty but still.
*Eagerly awaits Sonic Rush*
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 11:23, Reply)
Once, on a long train journey
... my brother and I were playing Travel Guess Who. During a particuarly competitive round I felt a tap-tap-tapping on my foot under the table.

It was the fellow sitting to the immediate right of my brother. He had written the word 'GEORGE' on the top of the newspaper he was reading.

Not wanting to blow my cover, I made sure that I waited until I had to guess between a few to stay in the game, before saying 'Is it George?'

And it was.

This went on for the whole journey - must have been six or seven rounds and my brother never cottoned on. Even one time when I had to guess from six remaining characters.

I never saw my accomplice again.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 11:14, Reply)
I was informed that
the exam invigilators for my GCSEs and A-Levels didn't know what a graphics calculator was and you could happily store all your notes inside one with them being none the wiser.

Although I never partook in such filthy dirty cheating.

I once won a sack race where there was a big enough hole in the sack that my leg could fit through, thus allowing me to run at nearly full speed.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 11:08, Reply)
I am the arch cheat...
especially when playing cheat. You see the thing is, the idea of the game is to cheat, right? But no-one ever hit on the idea of putting more than the cards down that you say you are... and even then- if they think you are cheating, the only check the topmost cards- foolproof if ever, and a sure-fire way to win. As for proper cheating though... just the standard looking over people's shoulders in cards, or even the reflection in their eyeglasses. And then taking it from there. I'm also always putting in cheats on computer games- simply to make it more fun. For me there is nothing better than razzing around in the tank in GTA San Andreas... then again, not a good idea if you happen to be
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 11:06, Reply)
The story about Dr Sussbastard below
reminds me of a French teacher I had.

He had a complete set of hand signals for all the silent word endings that he used when doing dictation.

Feminine singular: cup left breast
Feminine plural: cup both breasts
etc etc.

He'd wander around the exam room whilst dictating and if he spotted a mistake, he'd re-read that sentence and bash you on the head with the book at the right moment.

My French O Level is a lie.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:55, Reply)
Dr Sussbastard
Not to name names, because I'd hate to slaughter the goose that lays the golden eggs, but a certain lecturer at a certain "sandstone" university has a delightfully cavalier attitude to such nonsense as "exams". Whereas younger, more diligent lecturers refuse to let you write on the same topic as your essay, mix up essay questions so they're not the same one year to the next and so on, Dr Sussbastard will not only let you write your essay, in-class presentation and exam all on the same topic (thus relieving you of the need to attend more than one lecture per semester), he has been known to actually read out the questions in class at the last lecture. That is, the actual, real exam questions.

Does it count as cheating if we get spoonfed?
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:47, Reply)
Cheating Jedi Style
I am going to cheat at this QOTW by using a Jedi mind trick.

*rolls eyes and concentrates*

You will click on “I like this!” now.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:46, Reply)
odd cheating
I had to cheat my way out of a lot trouble at work once.

I couldnt be bothered putting in my overtime requests to payroll so insted just got as many people as I thought I needed in.

A month later the personel manager is going ape shit and wants to see my completed overtime request form, as she doesnt have it and is going off on one so much I begin to worry she may discipline me!

I run back to my office, write one up, photocopy it on the copier with poor toner, rip the original up into very small pieces and go to my boss with the copy. Tell him the PM is a stupid cow and here is the evidence "this is a copy of the request I gave her 4 weeks ago, remember we talked about it?" "Er? yes, yes that's right. Well just give it to her then and tell her its her fault"

So off I trot hand it in with a smug grin and say "I handed it to the wages clerk ages ago. If she has lost it then it is not my problem. My boss had reviewed it"

So I get a 2 for 1 on my cheating. Personel manager gets the virtual Finger from me and the wages clerk gets a roasting for loosing the fictional request.

Oh and I cheated on my wife too! Mwhahahaha!
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:46, Reply)
I was friends with a massive cheater at school
but he got chucked out for eating gazelles behind the bike sheds.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:41, Reply)
I once cheated during a uni exam
it's like this, I was told that the exam was comming, and I was unsure what to do at first, then I had this brilliant idea, and I have never been caught.

First of all, I bought lots of books on the subject, quite a few in fact, and now here's the clever bit, I started to read them! Yes I actually read the books.

I discovered this technique is very effective for cheating at exams, the trick is to memorise as much about the subject as you can, and the answers will be there in your heaad when you need them!
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:40, Reply)
I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't tell lies, I don't swear and I certainly never cheat!

Off down the pub now for a hair of the dog and a quick fag. You cunts.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:37, Reply)
I often enter cheats for computer games.
I am going to rot in hell.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:34, Reply)
maths exam
Wrote all the formulas on my calculator in pencil on the metal bits. In the right light you could see them but a quick glance (by a passing examiner) and you couldnt see them.

Why schools make you learn formulas I'll never know, its the application of them thats important.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:32, Reply)

i never lie
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:32, Reply)
I lied - honest
I once posted a brilliant reply to a QOTW - so brilliant it was one of the finalists. Only trouble was, it wasn't true.
I made it up.
And I'm not telling you which one it was.
Neh heh heh.
I'm a lying cheating bastard.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:29, Reply)
Up C, Down C, Left C, Right C, A, B, C, Start

Nuff said!
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:24, Reply)
Not Me
But my younger brother, Chris the Thicky.

Now I've always been smarter than my younger brother Chris but the little sod is *way* better cheating than I was. Back in the mists of time we used to compete at Blockbusters (I'll have a "P" Bob) and every day I'd soundly thrash him.

And then came the week where we started playing for a pound a game. And to my astonishment, he started to thrash me. Not beat me. Not get a few more questions right than I did but absolutely cane me. As soon as Bob Holness started to ask the question, the answer would be tumbling from my terminally-stupid brothers lips.

This went on for a week and I was down a fiver before I sussed the little swine. He'd been taping the bloody episodes the day before and then memorising the answers before playing the taped episode back to me. I thought it was a live transmission as he'd also used a marker pen to black out the play LED on the video.

So who's the thicky now eh?
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:23, Reply)
I used to
edit duke nukem levels, and add "secret stashes" of weapons. They were useful, when I played a network game with my friend, as he did not know where to find them, and I always seemed to have plenty of ammo!

It was quite simple really, I used the build editor (ah, those were the days!) and edited each level. I would usually hide my room and put one of those "one-way" walls over the entrance, so that although the room was invisible, I could still see what was going on outside, I could even fire from in there, making it a good sniping position.

This went on for a few hours, until one of the times I was hiding in my secret room, when my friend came over and looked at my screen!!! He then found it! Can you believe it, he actually had the nerve to look at my screen! What a cheat.
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:23, Reply)
First post
but i cheated
(, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 10:23, Reply)

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