Cheats
I'm a lawyer.

Job done.
(Mediaslut, Wed 23 Nov 2005, 13:48, Reply)

Drugs? Cheating???
I also did Science Double Award. I did it while on something called 'acid'. Taking a break from shooting a bow and arrow into crowds, I was cheating in exams, fiendishly copying a friends text book.

Thing is I had the text book upside down. I was slightly worse for wear, having done a purple microdot, the second strongest type of acid availible to 15 year olds in Milton Keynes at the time.

Every bit of text I wrote, and every picture I copied I copied perfeclty. Upside down.

(Edit: Still passed though. Double B. Get in.)
(That Boy Joe, Wed 23 Nov 2005, 13:03, Reply)

INsurance cheating
When 18 - wanted a new pair of skis. Went to a store, photographed myself with a new pair of skis and some boots. Went home, smashed window in garage and jammed a screwdriver into the lock on the door. Reported a theft to the police and tried to claim insurance...assesor comes for a visit. Notes policy only valid for three weeks before said theft, looks around our house and wonders how a student with not a lot of income and no receipts for gear stolen could afford $1,500 of ski equipment - he asks me outright whether I have done this to get some new skis from the insurance company....I could only turn bright red and nod....bad at lying (then, not now) and bad at cheating.

I got away with it though....
(essbeenz there done that, Wed 23 Nov 2005, 13:01, Reply)

Earth, v1.1(C)verylongtimeago
I believe that on the sea bed of the deepest part of the deepest ocean there rests the keyboard God wrote the world with. I intend to hit the tilda key and activate the console (which will, naturally, cover half the sky).

Why? Quite simple.
-God mode
-Infinite money
-idkfa
-Spawn NPC [Liv Tyler] x1, grid reference [my house]
(Cheesecake Like a cake...But cheese, Wed 23 Nov 2005, 11:46, Reply)

GCSE or not GCSE
When I was at school we had to do Dual Award Science which if passed gave you two whole GCSEs.

I was fairly rubbish at Science and truth be known, school all together.

Anyway, we all had to submit coursework for each Science subject but only our best grade from any of our three bits of coursework went towards our final mark. Being the complete slacker that I was I handed in none for any of these subjects.

My luck however was in on the day that we were to submit our Physics coursework. Our usual teacher was on temporary leave due to stress. So when his incompetent stand-in collected the coursework he noticed that one piece did not have a name on it. Seizing my opportunity I claimed it as my own and duly received 89% for my Dual Award Science GCSE coursework!
Overall I ended up with a 'CC' grade, but also managed to scrape another three 'C' grades (see what an amazing academic I was) which enabled me to continue on to A-Levels.

I did find out who’s coursework I had claimed a number of years on and fortunately because of the policy of your best coursework mark being applied he managed 70% in Chemistry... but obviously he did know what he was talking about so pulled out a 'BB' in Dual Science.

Morale of the story, cheat when you can and you too can escape being branded a mong, well until you let everyone know that you're really just a spawney spaz.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Wed 23 Nov 2005, 10:06, Reply)

cheating the old surf control
We have surf control at work , which is meant to block non-work related sites. I don't know how it works but if you add a full stop to the end of the address -so www.b3ta.com. it cheats the surf control..

Do any techies know how this works?
(uptonogood, Wed 23 Nov 2005, 10:02, Reply)

I wanted to take latin in HS...
...but ended up being forced to take Spanish by my parents. Apparently they thought it'd be useful since I live in Texas.

Anyway, the teacher was big on busywork, which I obviously couldn't be bothered to do. Thing was, you were supposed to put it in a big pile of work next to the door when you were done at the end of the period. Of course, we weren't her first class, so every day I'd walk in, grab a paper off the top of the pile and copy it back at my desk, then slip it back in the middle somewhere. Mine went on the top. Tada.

Exams were worse. We had lunch in the middle of the period, and she was usually gone in the few minutes before class started, so I'd grab a copy of the exam off her desk and shove it in my bag, along with my textbook. I'd use the book to do the entire test at lunch, marking the proper answers off on a bit of scrap paper in a code. One dot for A, two for B...etc. I usually didn't have time to find them all, so I never got a perfect score.

Got a B in the class, though.
(inevitable_doom, Wed 23 Nov 2005, 5:56, Reply)

Spot the difference
My mum wanted to enter a spot the difference compo to win tips on knitting (or some such) so I scanned the two images in and using layers in PSP faded them in and out making the differences immediately apparent. I destroyed what could have provided minutes of fun in the urge to be the best.
( sock more tea vicar?, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 23:57, Reply)

I cheated in this QOTW
by making this answer up.
(Slurpy The Frog, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 22:30, Reply)

Tears and summer holidays
My parents were strict when I was younger. They shouted at me when I was 14 for getting B's and C's on my report (there were some A's too!).

I got a right telling off for that. Summer was ruined for me. I was guilt-tripped into not going out or having any sort of fun - Constantly reminded that I was a failure and unless I put more effort in next year my life would go down the drain.

Damn, it irritates me now thinking about how awful I felt that summer. Anyway I sure as hell wasn't going to get into the same situation the following holiday, and was more determined than ever to hand over a report gleaming with A's. So what was the next thing I did when I returned back to the delights of education the following September?


.
.
.



Went to the local PC store and I bought a scanner. Not one report after was left un-doctored. A healthy mixture of A's and A/B's were presented to my parents, hot off the press.

The following holidays were fun again, and the extra pocket money for succeeding soon covered the cost of the the scanner. The rest bought me new SNES games which provided hours of smug fun. Lush.
(NickXX, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 21:30, Reply)

Not cheating but a good scam
When i was at secondery school, there was a lot of canabis being bought and sold.Being a bit of a miser, i refused to buy it but i did prey on the unwitting retards who wanted it. At home i found some herbal tea bags. (can you see where this is going) i put about 3 of the tea bags` contents into a re sealable bag and sold it to a 'weed expert' at school for £2. I thought after I sold it I would get caught so decided that it was the 1st and last time. Tuesday rolls around and up comes my expert. readying myself for a beating I tryed to talk my way out of it. What came next knocked me for 6!! "can i have some more of that gear?" "it was quality" i proceded to sell him tescos own lemon and ginsing tea for £2 for 2 tea bags. Even when i was collered by the fuz (teachers) i maintained my innocence by stating that the chap was a little stressed and needed to unwind. they did not see that and suspended me for a week. The jokes on them, i spent a week of sleeping in till 11 and watching watercolour challenge.
(cornsmuggler, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 20:48, Reply)

Is it cheating? Or just feminine wiles?
Not myself, but a lovely young lady who I know from uni.

She's an excellent laugh, pretty, and smiley, and an owner of the largest natural breasts I've ever seen. If these boys ever get any bigger, they may just pull some small asteroids into their orbit. She's also very proud of them; not for nothing does she own tops which cling tightly (and who wouldn't to those boys?) with dramatically plunging necklines. Men who are determined not to look at them are usually subjected to a determined cough and a deliberate rearranging of her décolleté.

Now, back to the QOTW.
If you were student who'd studied hard* all year, diligently attenting classes* and handing in all your coursework on time* but found in the end of year exam (which decided whether you were allowed to do the honours course or not) that all your knowledge of chemistry had suddenly fled your head, what would you do?

[*might not be true]

Would you, sitting close to the front of the exam hall, lock eyes with the lecturer moderating the exam?
Would you be glad of your FF cups?
Would you slowly begin rubbing them?
Would you gently lick your lips and trail your fingers across your curves?
Would you keep this up for an hour, before sauntering up and handing in your paper to the quivering old boy?

She got an A.
(greenycrimson I stole the from pyschotherapist, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 18:35, Reply)

Cheating Sisters.
My big sister and I used to play Scalextrix. When she wasn't winning, she would stop her car under the bridge and announce that her driver was having lunch. What a bastard!
She's very nice now though.
( Whythebigpaws?, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 16:28, Reply)

Cheating
I got fed up of all this 'courting' and 'making an effort' lark so used rohypnol instead

Job done!
(Keyser Soze, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 16:22, Reply)

I only properly cheated once at university... the other times were just fudges!
Anyway... in my first year all the physicists/mathematicians/combined studies students all had to take the same maths techniques module. Not only was it reasonably difficult, but it was also complete bollocks! Although I went to most of the lectures I never paid attention (it was never noticed due to the large class size) which meant the coursework was nie on impossible.

The whole years problem sets all had to be in at the end of the spring term, so it was inevitable that some cheating would go on. I copied mine from a mate on my course, who copied his from his housemate a mathematician, who copied his from his course mate, who in turn copied his from the clever guy on the course! Now I’m no idiot, so I deliberately made a few mistakes (complete with wrong working) so not to get a really good mark. I got 84% in the end, which coupled with my solo effort in the exam of 37% gave me an average of 49% which I believe was a third... Nice work!
(The Duke of Pontefract, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 15:28, Reply)

Melbourne Cup
In Australia there is a very famous horse race called the Melbourne Cup raced the first Tuesday of every November.

Now for a bit of fun work places, pubs and school children all alike run something called a sweep. Each person pays a certain amount say $2 and pulls a horse out of a hat.

Me being a devious bugger at school used to create these Sweeps and run around selling the tickets for a set sum.

The prizes usually added up to the whole pot being divided into 1st,2nd and 3rd. I used to give say $20 in prizes under the total :)

I also used to give my mates the favourites.

"Long time listener, first time caller!!"
(Slatts If you cant remember it didnt happen, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 15:21, Reply)

A harsh life I lead
Never cheated since my primary school spelling tests. I used to write out the words on a very small piece of paper. As my handwriting was appalling, no one could read the note other than me even if they had found it. I’m not dyslexic, just crap at spelling.

I have been cheated on though, by my Ex’s, of which I had been going out with for at least 18 months. The first got engaged to my (then) best mate, before telling me. The second got married before letting me know. At least my third ex decided that she no longer liked sleeping with men, having tried four of my female friends before dumping me. (could have invited me to watch, but she didn’t) The fourth just slept with her boss and then dumped me on Christmas Eve. But at least she was my cousin. (shared great-grandparents, so not quite incest)
And my shrink wonders why I have emotional problems approaching women?

Before you assume I’m weird, I did cure a lesbian once.*

*not my words, but it fits
(gristy Twice as a rabbit, but oh, how a reputation sticks, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 14:41, Reply)

GCSE in fictional P0RN.
Taking my seat in the exam hall, it was June 2001. I suddenly realised that I had done no revision for my English Literature exam. "F*cksocks" I said, "How can I possibly get a good grade now?"

Well, listen up kids, I presumed that it was more than likely to be a male marking my paper and what do males like more than anything else in the whole entire world? P0rn.

I felt that I had nothing to lose. So I wrote a lovely spine tingling erotica story on the off chance that my judgement was correct.

I got an A, so I presume I judged right.

*This is 100% fact*

(I am aware that this is not strictly cheating, but I'm guessing that my examiner cheated on his wife with Handy McHand and in my world that constitutes as a form cheating therefore this story is not only brilliant but also relevant)
(Spoil Me please, oh, please, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 14:31, Reply)

Grade 8
My best friend in grade 8 was a real dimbulb. He spent the earlier half of the year believing he was Captain Kirk, he spent the end of the year believing he was Darth Vader, and he spent the time in between those thinking he was WWF wrestlers Ric Flair and Lex Luthor, alternately. I was the smartest kid in the class, and it was good having a dumb guy twice my size around I could manipulate into doing anything. I taught him a bunch of Ukrainian swears and told him they were Klingon greetings. I had the entire school saying "Tih durnay Lord Vader" (you stupid) and he thought, well...

Anyway, the cheating part. As you can tell I was pretty abusive to him...once I pulled his chair out while he was sitting down, and he knocked his head really hard, and another time he was rough in a football match so I sacked him, and of course the time I stole his porn magazines and blamed his dad (luckily his dad was later caught stealing other skin mags from him).

So I offered to make it up to him by doing his homework assignment. It was a simple two-page fill-in-the-blank assignment we had to complete weekly. The thing wasn't for grades but it was basically a guide for us to study by so we learn all the material. I was feeling charitable, so I answered almost every single question wrong. I believe he got around 4/20.

We marked them in class, with the teacher reading out the answers and the students marking their own assignments. My friend was shooting eye-daggers at me from across the classroom. To make up for it, I offered to do next week's assignment.

I once again answered it all wrong. He was even angrier than last week. So I offered to do next week's assignment. The cycle was finally broken because he was home sick on the day we marked the third assignment.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 13:51, Reply)

Ruth Kelly a B3tan ?
Perhaps if she spent a little less time on the internot then the schools wouldn't be in such a mess.
uk.news.yahoo.com/22112005/325/students-plagiarising-internet-essays-report.html

Please remove all posts referring to stealing essays, they seem to have wised up.
(I'M JACK MEADOWS, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 12:30, Reply)

Not Myself....
...but when this callcentre I work in first opened, the management could not analyse the stats for the teams correctly (actually, they couldn't at all). So some teams would start they're shift at say 2pm, and deliberately sit about 100 yards apart so that it was difficult to see if everyone was in. Some clever bastards would come in, sign in for 1/2 an hour then go on a fag break. For 6 hours. Then come back and work the last hour off, completely un-noticed by anyone. Well at least for 6 months, until someone noticed and fired their asses lol.

Another guy who used to be on my team was a legend. He'd put someone on hold as soon as the call would come in, then sit there playing java games on the internet until he got bored with it, or the customer would hang up. What he said was that the customer would only hear a change of hold music, then would either get bored and hang up or stay there for as long as half an hour. He done this for months until again he got caught and fired. He was more upset by the fact that he almost beat his high-score on java kickups, rather than being made unemployed :) Straight afterwards, he sent our team a leaving e-mail from his house, stating that how some people get fired and break down crying, for him it was the 1st time the chips in KFC tasted nice :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 12:24, Reply)

From exams to present day
I completely made up the "results" to the practical part of my GCSE Psychology exam. I feel so dirty.

I used to do Economics at A-Level which I was completely useless at, but the lad who sat next to me was equally as useless. When we had to write essays he just used to make up the names of economists to quote. That worked for quite a while.

I must have caught that from him at university, as I got caught out for plagiarism once – only thing was that I hadn’t copied from a book. I’d made up the author and name of the book I "took" quotes and information from. It really was all my own work – honest!

I cheat at work every day. They think I’m actually working when I just sit playing games or looking on the interworldweb. I occasionally do a bit of work, for about an hour a day, so I guess I’m cheating them out of my wages. Never mind, I’ll get over that one.

I beginning to think my whole life has been a cheat…
(Bertie Dastard Wax on, wax off, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 12:05, Reply)

maths project conundrum
1993 - gcses - made up about 30 percent of the mark or sumfink.

i told my lovley techer he had lost it after i 'left it on his desk right before half term holidays started'. so i spent two weeks looking in a store cupboard (skiving - woo) for a project i never actually did. nothing. diddly squat. nada.

for some reason he believed me, and i got an average mark for it.

I got a C overall after the exam, but bear in mind i would have failed GCSE maths without that barefaced shamless lie

my work ethic has yet to improve. but to be honest, i doubt the mark would have affected my current quality of life, so meh.
(magictorch, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 11:52, Reply)

Money cheats...
Hotblack - To be fair he doesn't say where the note was from so you never know...

Onto my story (oddly enough about a £100 note). Being Scottish and living in Scotland this pissed me off more now I read about the non-English ton-note and forgeries, but here you go.

On my 17th birthday I got a load of cash from my rellies and so was rightly very chuffed. Dad says go down to the bank and bung it in so you don't lose it. So off I goes and pays it in at my tiny 2-person building society office and whilst there I see this guy paying in some cash in £100 notes. As up til then I had never held fifty never mind a hundred I say to the teller I'd like to withdraw a £100 note. So off she goes into the cash drawer (shows how long ago this was!) and I am furnished with a crispy £100. Cushty. I head off to the shops to spend my filthy lucre on playstation games and general other shit. When I get to the counter at Byres Road Woolies there is much humming and hahing over this note and I am handed it back saying it was a fake! Fuckers! Off I go to the bank and hand it back, getting my original money back but they went after the guy who was paying in the £100 notes!
( Normanator Bad case of trapped wind since, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 11:25, Reply)

£100.00
Scotland does print 100 quid notes....
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_banknotes

not that i believe the story tho....
( wierdo was bored @, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 9:40, Reply)

bank of england are cheats/it's a greggs thing
all three scottish clearing banks have £100 notes ... bank of england doesn't ... this is because of the inferior staff quality in greggs the baker shops south of the border where cheats attempt to pay for a cheese pastie with a large denomination note and create 'mental stress' for the staff (eliciting incorrect change to their advantage) ... north of the border, even the average staff member at greggs can "check ten", "check twenty" or even "check a hundred" while simultaneously putting three yumyums in a bag and getting ready to say "and is there anything else i can get you?"

so i think the sainsbury's £100 story is cheating
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Tue 22 Nov 2005, 9:40, Reply)

Greyhounds
I work with racing greyhounds for one of the big tracks in the country. Now the sport isn't completely bent but you do get the odd cheat and trick played here and there. Just hold the dogs up or a slight bit of over feeding normally does the trick. Then when the time is right and the trainer feels it will be a big price we back it at nice sized odds normally around 5-1. We had an absloute stinger tonight. We knew it was time to get on because we thought the dog was a lump of shit, but the trainer came over and is taking extra care of the dog. Lump on time!10-1 we got too! Who are we cheating? Well I'll say only the bookies. But they deserve it. The Slags.

Apologies for it being unfunny, but at least it's true
(spirograph, Mon 21 Nov 2005, 23:51, Reply)