Pink Floyd
I'm going out on a limb here but i'm not getting why 'Floyd' fans can spend hours wibbling on about how great they were. There are a couple of nice tunes, sure, but I don't understand the adoration nor why I'm considered a musical retard if I don't utterly love them or can quote every song on every album they've ever done. There does seem to be a lot of very self indulgent guitar twanging going on that might appeal to a 15 year old wanking into a sock. I quite liked Keith Floyd but can't make the topic stretch over a 5 hour pub session nor can I close my eyes and wave my zippo whenever he comes on the telly. Whilst I'm on I don't really like The Beatles either.
(gavgriff, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 15:04, 4 replies)

Lily Cole.
How is she considered attractive?
She looks like one of those weird china dolls that some equally weird people collect.


*Edit* How has this QOTW turned into things people hate rather than things they don't see an attraction in?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:57, 5 replies)

Cum
It gets right on my tits.

I am a man.
(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:50, 2 replies)

Funfunfun
These B3ta meet ups must be a right fucking barrel of laughs. And short judging by the number of people who hate dance music/clubs. Time please! Oh that was last orders in the worlds quietest pub. Anyone up for Fabric? No? Hmmmm.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:49, 4 replies)

Stephen Gately - bindun (ha)?
plus the whole Jan Mohr saga and the latest Ofcom scandal - even Charlie much-beloved-of-b3tans Brooker has chimed in on it.

Who cares?

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:48, Reply)

Moyles
He should be bummed to death by some angry rhinos, decapitated, and his fat head placed near the bins in the BBC canteen for people to stuff old receipts and leftover food into. Cunt.
(El Foxerino, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:47, 3 replies)

"Chillax"
I'm sure many of you are in agreement that the conjoinment of two otherwise fairly innocent words to make something foul that could only of come from the tagline for "CHAV - The Movie" (Directed by Michael Bay starring Michael Carroll and tonnes of exploding Special Brew)and while were on the subject, fucking fluorescent clothing, Twitter and baggy beanie hats :|
(Boiled_Tater is not the messiah, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:25, 7 replies)

TV 'arsehole' personalities
The entire nation seems to love watching all these things where an ordinary person sets themselves up to be bullied and degraded by some arrogant twat who thinks he or she's perfect.

The numerous cooking shows with arrogant chefs
The numerous dancing competitions (currently the big hit)
X-Factor and the like
Dragons Den
The Apprentice
The Weakest Link (the one that started it all, although ironically it seems more tongue in cheek these days)

Why is everyone so fascinated with watching someone being bullied, often to the point of tears, on live television?
( Cloudane, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:12, 3 replies)

Self-checkout machines.
The amount of times I have nearly screamed FUCKSHITTYWANKYFUCKMONG at the self-checkout machines in Sainsbury's is immense. They have to have so many staff on duty to help people when the mongmachines start flidding around that they might as well just have kept the original checkouts in place.

The smug, self-satisfied voice won't let you put the items in the bagging area on their own. You have to use a bag. But what's this? You've put your rucksack (easier to carry, better for the environment) in the bagging area, and start filling it. Except "there's an unexpected item in the bagging area", and you can't do anything unless you remove the bag, and replace it. And it happens again. And again. Until one is so shaking with rage and frustration that the people in the queue are backing away from you nervously, a red mist has descended in front of your eyes, and you are ready to tear the machine apart, bit by bit, to reach the smug android voice and KILL IT.

I prefer to join the long queue for the actual manned checkout desk, rather than go for the invitingly empty self-checkout option. It's better for my blood-pressure.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:12, 17 replies)

Dance music
I don't understand why otherwise rational people decide that going to a dark room and flailing about wildly to music that goes unsk-unsk-unsk is enjoyable. I _like_ music. I like having a drink and a dance sometimes. But dancing to 'dance' music is like playing one of those silly pianos where the keys light up in the order you are meant to press them. There's just nothing to it!

And people who can distinguish between 1,700 different types of 'dance' music ("See, this is light-techno-ambient-trance-house. Oh, you can't tell the difference?")

Seriously, the entire genre is a joke perpetrated by pale white guys with laptops in bedrooms with a few samples and an absurd electronic beat.
(gdp, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:12, 5 replies)

Grahhhhh
“Have you seen Claire? The girl who’s looking after next door for the next two weeks yet Mon?” Asked the wife last night while I was attempting to finish another level on Bioshock
“Yup, what about her?” Came my reply.
“Don’t you think she’s attractive?” Came said the missus “She’s gorgeous, I would bed her if I was that way inclined”
I just made a non committal grunt and returned to caving a blokes head in with a wrench.
“You can see the attraction in her, god you are weird” muttered my wife, allowing me to finish my game in peace

The truth of the matter is Claire is nice, drop dead gorgeous in fact and a number of blokes on the street are falling over themselves to speak to her, I just can’t look at her without remembering the situation when I met her on Saturday night.

It was a typically dull night , the Bison household was brought to a standstill by the glorified karaoke competition that’s called the X Factor (The wife watches the show and if I make no complaints I get a chance to watch my programs midweek and also spend some time playing on the PS3 thats plugged into the only TV we have). Anywhoo I spend the next hour or so doing a few odd jobs downstairs cleaning the kitched, fixing the curtain rail back onto the wall due to an earlier incident with Bison Jnr 1 etc etc and I realise that I have to take out the rubbish. Dressed in my scruufy shirt and boxer shorts I realise that I have the option of either 1) Go back upstairs, rummage round and find a pair of jeans to wear for a whole 2 minute trip to the bins out front or 2) nip out as quick as possible and hopefully no one will notice.

I reasoned that as I live in Barnsley half the street would be either out wasting this weeks dole money on beer or sat in watching the inane drivel of Simon Cowell and co. How I now wish I had been sensible.

I ran down the path to the bin, dropped the rubbish off ,made a fast about turn and walked back to the house. It was on this trip back I saw Claire. She was sat outside next doors front door watching me while taking a quick ciggie break outside. Bugger.

“Hi, I’m Claire I’m looking after the house while B and M are away for a fortnight” She said, stubbing her cancer stick out on a nearby wall
“Hi , I’m Mon and I have to go inside” came my sheepish reply
“I know, its getting cold and I can see your cock too” Claire replied coolly
“Umm, bye” I said as I ran into the house......If I lived in a porno film that would have turned out differently

So my wife may think I don’t understand the attraction of next doors neighbour but really I just have a vision of me sat outside in a pair of ripped Batman pants every time I see her. No suitable chat up lines will work with her now she’s seen me like that.

I’m looking forward to my neighbours coming back.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:12, 7 replies)

Madeline McCann
Am I the only person annoyed by the whole Madeline McCann saga? Why is it that people everywhere went crazy when one child went missing?

Sure it's a tragedy and the parents must be gutted but c'mon, she's not the only child in the world that's gone missing. Just because the parents could afford to go on a European tour and convince every major network station to broadcast an appeal doesn't make their situation any more important than if some 8 y/o kid went missing from a primary school.

Unless they're from Glasgow, in which case they don't count.
( Fat Fred too weird to live, too rare to die, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:05, 8 replies)

Smoking - I just don't get it
****Warning - lack of funnies**** Please move along if you are looking for an amusing post.

As the title suggests I genuinely do not understand why people smoke. They cost loads of money, make you smell, you have to stand out in the cold to do it and, best of all, every packet has a great big sign on it saying that they are going to make you die.

Imagine this scenario, it is the 1960's and at a board meeting of a big tobacco company. One chap pipes up (scuse the pun) and says that in 40 years, there will be conclusive proof that smoking kills, they will cost near-on £6 a packet, advertising will be banned and every packet must have a notice telling you that they are going to kill you, yet they will sell more than they do now. They would think he was a mentalist.

I have life insurance through my company and I get to see the costs per person on the policy. If you are a smoker your premiums literally double, not go up slightly but double. Now these insurance guys do not do that because they hate smoking, it is because they are statistically much more likely to pay out if you smoke. They just work on numbers.

It is something that is a little close to my heart (enough with the puns) as every single male on my dad's side of my family, since my great grandad, has had a heart attack before the age of sixty (45 in my grandad's case) and all were heavy smokers.

My brother is a perfect case in point. He is approaching 40, has 2 small kids, is fully aware of the family history, yet still smokes and has done so for many years. I know it is addictive and shite but I still genuinely cannot see how he can still smoke. It is utterly beyond me. In fact I'm the only one in my entire family who doesn't smoke. Crazy fools.

Anyway, it is obviously clear that I am one of those annoying anti-smokers but it is the one thing that people do that I find the hardest to comprehend.

As for those people who argue against the smoking ban, don't get me fecking started!
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:59, 9 replies)

Wax
It really gets on my wick
(Swampy69, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:50, 1 reply)

Hallowe'en
How the promotion of it has expanded exponentially over the last few years. Looking at the merchandising alone, it seems to be the biggest commercial endeavour after Xmas. Actually, I think it happened after Wal-Mart took over Asda. That would explain it a lot, and every other supermarket chain is being a me-too.

I never even saw a pumpkin in a shop until maybe 10 years ago. When I was a kid, I hollowed out a swede (the root vegetable, not Ulrika Johnson), and knocked on a few doors.

There was a short rhyme:
we're witches of halloween woo-oo
the ugliest you've ever see woo-oo

but I didn't know it at the time and so would say "Halloweeeen". After three door of no interest, I realised it was all a crock, went home and dug out my Lego.

Kids come to the door with "Trick or treat", with their shop-bought costumes and the associated paraphenalia. People are having parties. Who had Halloween parties 15 years ago? And even if you did, where would get the stuff to deck the house out with?

We've been invited to a Halloween party on the 24th Oct FFS. What makes it worse, is that it's a child-free party too, so they can't even use the excuse that "it's fun for the kids". I don't particularly want to go anyway because I won't know anyone (Mrs SLVA's work-mates). And I don't like being pressured into dressing up either, and I'll be ostracised if I don't.

Yes, you'll say "It's only a bit of fun, cheer up you miserable cunt." I don't need to be sold an excuse to have a party. A party of different cliques that wouldn't normally mingle except at this sort of event.

We, along with our oldest friends from college, meet up in the pub once every 3 months or so. We have a great time. We don't get dressed up or do it because it's a certain time of year.

Edit: Feel free to counter my argument with Christmas.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:43, 2 replies)

Jordan
Thats it
(Bored In Work, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:43, 4 replies)

This was the very phrase used...
....the day Elvis Costello had to get his band to write down their order for the bar and they asked for 8 shots of sherry, nothing more, nothing less..
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:37, 1 reply)

Please
End this qotw now....
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:26, Reply)

Magnets
I can't see the attraction...
(Keezer1977, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:22, 1 reply)

People who over use the words 'like' 'well' and the phrase 'you what I mean' and the inverted commas hand jesture
I was like OK. But he was like well well like pissed off. But I was like (bunny ears hand jesture) listening, you know what I mean, I was like (bunny ears hand jesture again) trying.

When I hear people speaking like that it makes me want to scream - What you have said means nothing, can you hear me, nothing.

And that is why I'm not allowed to travel on buses anymore.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:17, 2 replies)

Hair
what a pain in the arse hair is.

Hair care must be one of the biggest industries in the world. Women have been lumbered with it for years, and now it seems men are being sucked in, too.
Don't do it, guys! Resist the pull of advertising!

As a lady of a certain age, with a respectable occupation, I can't just have a Phil Mitchell, much as I'd like to.

I did that as a student and wore a woolly hat all winter. Bliss, except when the weather warmed up and the naked noggin was seen, at which point I was mistaken for a cancer victim.

These days I do my best to keep it short and tidy, dyed in those fashionable streaks that mark me out as actually greying but still desperately trendy, and I wish it'd all fall THE FECK out.

Though of course, in a healthy way.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:13, 5 replies)

Earl Grey
Its just not my cup of tea!

Swampy
(Swampy69, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:11, Reply)

Ah yes. Here's one that really fucking winds me up.
I'm a very patient driver. I don't honk people, I don't sit 1cm from the bumper of L-platers and I especially don't suffer from road rage.

However, people who are shit at driving wind me up. The sort of people who won't go through a gap between the kerb and a turning car despite having at least two feet on either side. The people who stop every two seconds when they're reversing because they can't quite work out how the steering wheel relates to the direction of travel. The sort of people who still regularly stall the engine despite having been driving the same car for over 10 years. The ones who sit in the middle lane and then turn left without checking their mirrors or indicating.

Oh, and not women either. Approximately 50% of these plonkers are male.

I don't mind people being cautious - caution is good, it reduces accidents. But when you just physically can't handle the information coming into your brain - that's where you get a problem.

What the fuck is wrong with them? Driving is not difficult. If you can't do it, get a smaller car, or just, erm, don't bother.
(Flap Burger hasn't really got a burger made of flaps, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 13:06, 3 replies)

I really don't have any time
for poetry that doesn't rhyme.
As everybody surely knows,
If it doesn't rhyme, it's just writing [edit:] prose.
(Mystery_Machine, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:59, 1 reply)

Local radio
Plagued with shit adverts for carpets and conservatories. Twatish DJ's who fail to amuse with their tawdry and vacuous spoutings. One of my local stations is radio Aire in Leeds. Past homes to Chris Moyles and James Whale.

Say No More!

P.S when I was about 15 a friend and I rang James Whale up live on radio and called him a bald bastard. He called us children and hung up. Damn him, we were teenagers (how insulting.)
( p4c_m4n There, I said it!, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:53, 3 replies)

The monarchy
Leaving aside for the moment how ridiculous it is that we have a head of state who gets this sumptuous life of luxury just because of whose vagina they squeezed through.

What I really fail to grasp is the adoration. How I'm expected to give this person deference and respect that's utterly unearned. How crowds of people stand for hours, cheering and waving, in the hope of getting a glimpse of the undemocratic anachronism that is our royal family. They stand there in the rain, looks of joyous and fervent adoration on their vapid, cow-like faces.

The French had the right idea.
(thefuckestuppest cheapened this, on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:52, 13 replies)

Porn
I see the attraction of porn. What I don't understand is why some people feel the need to accrue hundreds if not thousands of images/videos. Even setting up a slideshow of images, you're not going to get through many before you lose interest.

Surely, you'd only need your favourites and bin the rest.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:52, 9 replies)

Eels
Some people rave on and on about them. I was actually in Jamie Oliver's restaurant the other week, and he was standing in the kitchen practically frothing at the mouth because the particular eel he'd just personally cooked was apparently the best-tasting specimen anybody was likely to come across in their entire life. Even though I wasn't interested in having it, I was pretty curious to see how he'd prepared it, so stood up and starting walking over, but so many people had the same idea, crowding round the counter, that in the end I couldn't see the bigged eel.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:45, 1 reply)

I agree with most of the examples raised so far
and the key issue here, the thing that winds me up into incoherent rage, is this notion going around among the masses that if enough people like something, everyone else in the world is automatically banned from disliking it, and admitting your dislike or even indifference of it makes you some sort of miserable Oscar the Grouch-like figure.

The most obvious example is Christmas, which involves far too much sitting around for my liking ("But you've got to stay in the living room and make endless small talk with Great Aunt Julie for hours on end, it's Christmas!") but there's also football, which becomes almost a form of torture for non-fans around World Cup time, and a lot of today's comedy ("But Horne and Corden are hilarious, how can you not like them?") and music ("No, it's not a depressing song, you just don't get it.").

Earlier this year I was even scolded by friends because I couldn't be bothered to arrange a big night out for my birthday. Apparently these days if it's your birthday you've got to have some form of huge celebration, whather you consider it 'just a day like any other' or not.
St Patrick's Day is the same. "Let's all go and stand in a tiny pub, packed with people in stupid hats and get off our faces! Why? Because it's St Patrick's Day!" Plus I can't stand the taste of Guinness.

And don't even get me started on Twilight. "The book's much better then the film!" (as are many things) "You'd like it if you read it!" (Really? Are you sure?)
Plus I'm sick of hearing all my female friends gushing about how "Robert Pattinson's sooooooooooooooo fit!" which I'm sure is a compelling reason for them to idolise the film, but as a heterosexual male I couldn't give a shit how wonderful he looks.


Well, that was a fun little rant. I won't apologise for length because apparently that's what all the kids are into these days.
(Uncle Comrade, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 12:44, 1 reply)