BinDun?
People who cannot formulate a proper argument. This does not meaning having a row with Daz a discusive argument means listening to the other persons viewpoint and countering should you feel the need to.



Second post... its getting longer.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:10, Reply)

took, take, brought, bring... brung
I used to live with a girl who would chastise me for saying I'd bring things: "I'll bring the wine" or "I'll bring the cake".

"No Cannonfodder", she'd say, "You'll take the wine and the cake that's the proper English".

See also brought and took.

Eventually I stopped letting her have any of the things I'd brought.
(cannonfodder fodder for cannons on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:05, 3 replies)

"guys"
One of my colleagues was told off by a customer when he asked "what can i get you guys" apparantly that is not correct decorum when speaking to customers (we're a cafe not a five star restaurant)

Although another friend was told by his friends "not to speak that poncy southern language". when he asked them "what's up guys?"

So i guess using the word "guys" falls some
where inbetween.
(ewe, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:02, Reply)

This has probably...
...been mentioned by now (12 pages...already? I haven't had a chance to read them all yet, but we seem to think a lot of things are common)

But...please, for the love of all that is holy and good...

...it's 'Aitch'.

Got that? 'Aitch'

It may be hard to get your tiny little brain round, but the letter H is not, never has been and never will be pronounced ‘Haitch’ and saying it that way makes you sound like the chavviest of chavvy Croyden pramfaced WKD drinking morons.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:01, 15 replies)

My neighbours of yesteryear
I used to hear the odd snippet:

They were going on holiday to Germany so, wanting to impress everyone in the street, they were practicing their German in the back garden. They got as far as "jah" and "nein".

Trying to recreate Fat Darren's favourite dish of Steak and Ale Pie, I heard the mother ask the daughter "what is ale?".

They also had windchimes in their garden.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:59, 4 replies)

Afters
It comes 'after' your main meal but people call it 'pudding', 'sweet', or, God forbid, 'dessert'. Give me good old common afters anyday, preferably Artic Roll.
(Boog! Fire! Fire! The fair's on fire!, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:55, 2 replies)

How about?
If you have a "smart" tracksuit.
(Chad, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:46, Reply)

This


...as well as being a fuck-off waste of money that could have benefited numerous charities had the donors really 'cared'...
Oh, and Books of Condolence in so far as they're set up for national tragedies ( A friend's brother got killed 2 weeks back and a book set up locally, that's fine )
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:44, 1 reply)

I really don't have a problem with 'common'
What gets me is working class people doing a Hyacinth Bouquet.

Had a great example of this last christmas, where, after six years, we finally managed to get my Mum to meet Lady Scaramanga's family.

Watching these two working class titans of motherhood attempting to 'out-posh' each other was disturbing at first, then hilarious, then tedious.
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:35, Reply)

I know, I know…I’m turning into Benny Hill…

For last week’s QotW, I subjected you all to a bash at poetry. Some of you gluttons for punishment lovely B3tans were kind enough to say you enjoyed my efforts and asked for more…

Be careful what you wish for in future!...

Chavesty

Half scouser, Half cockney, Half brummie
Just a 16 year old ‘yummy mummy’
She was ‘one of the lads’
With 3 kids from 9 dads
And 6 more on their way in her tummy

With her love bites (or slag rash) on show
Her fake bling and her fake tan aglow
Her whole life is a farce
But the 'tatt' on her arse
Shows the local boys which way to go

Overweight, overdosed, oversexed
Only speaks in the language of text
With a wink of an eye
She will blow you till dry
& For a Big Mac she’ll whip off her kex.

Thinks she knows ‘everyfink’ about style
From a permanent state of denial
Her ambition and goal
Is to sign on the dole
And a guest spot on Jeremy Kyle

As she waddles she turns the air stale
She’s a slag on a biblical scale
She's got ‘no time’ to wash
She makes muck look quite posh
And she's shaped like a small humpback whale

Things like ‘Innit’, and ‘Wotcha’ are slurred
She treats ‘LOL’ like it’s really a word
Her vocab is obscene
'Like...Ya Know wot I mean?’
And she smells like a freshly dropped turd

But no more for her council flat den,
And the tracksuits, and armies of men
Cos this common young bitch
Is soon going to be rich
She’ll be starring in Big Brother 10!

.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:29, 12 replies)

De-badged BMW 3 series and Mercedes C Class
Because they're too ashamed to admit they could only afford the "poverty spec" model with the weedy engines and trim levels akin to a 1970s British Leyland bus.

Glaringly obvious by the lack of alloy wheels, and sporting "pretend alloy wheel" wheel trims or steel rims.

Quit trying to be "considerably richer than thou", and buy a normal marque of car that is better value for money with a better trim level.

"Bonus points" for being in Silver.
(Panteneman Isn't entirely sure why he bothered on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:27, 9 replies)

my neighbour
I was going to write something snobby about the mum of my best mate when I was growing up, but then I had a change of heart, so I'm going to pay a small tribute to her shining beacon of commoness in an otherwise middle-class childhood:

1. She made home-made chips, in a chip pan on the hob. She served them with sausage and egg, on trays, so we could eat in front of the TV.
2. She kept us kids well topped-up with Vimto cordial
3. She believed in 'Elevenses' - basically an excuse to sit down and eat Kit-Kats, Gold Bars, Club biscuits, Penguins or whatever chocolaty treat she had stashed in the cupboards that week.
4. She approved whole-heartedly of Girls Worlds, Sylvanian Families and, most importantly, Barbie! Her two daughters had every kind of Barbie PLUS the Barbie house, Barbie horse and carriage, Barbie car etc.
5. She was an enthusiastic watcher of the soaps; Coronation Street, Eastenders, Brookside, and the golden chalice for 8-year-old girls......Neighbours. She would even call us in from the garden when Neighbours was starting.

All small stuff, but stuff I never got at home, where I had to watch Newsround and Blue Peter then turn the TV off, chips were a birthday treat, I had to eat healthy foods (read over-boiled veg) washed down with Robinson's cordial while sat at the dinner table, and Barbie was banned. So, Stacey's Mum, I salute you!
(G-Lo, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:26, 6 replies)

Names
Some weird and common names mentioned so far, but for me the one that stands out in memory was 3 years ago when I was an apprentice in my previous company of employment, as there was a chap there called (I kid thee not) 'Rocket Shoulders' who was late 50's/early 60's and always had a pipe in his mouth. Legend.
(One_Winged_Angel Ich Dien, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:26, Reply)

Plumbers...
In recent months I haven’t had any stories that fit with the qotw and I was going to post this in off topic last week but think it may just fit for this weeks question…huzzah.

A few years ago a mate of mine dropped out of his nine-to-five drudgery sacked off the North East and set about reinforcing Northern stereotypes in London in his new life as a plumber. Not an easy decision for him to make – but he’s to be commended for having the balls to start afresh.

Al – for that be his name – was called out to a flat in St John’s Wood – home to some of the most expensive properties in the world, apparently it’s a rather splendid place. The flat in question had a concierge service and when Al asked for lady of the flat the concierge quipped “best of luck mate”. Al thinks this is odd but he and his boss get their tools and head upstairs.

They are greeted at the door by an immaculately turned out lady, early 50s and clearly worth a few quid –she’s pleasant enough and shows the two lads to the kitchen where the problem seems to reside and they get to work. Please note: this isn’t supposed to sound like the start to a piss poor porno. Starting in the cupboards under the kitchen sink Al’s boss is trying to reach through toward the room next door where his Al is. At this point they can actually see each other – peering through a wall cavity – both are lying on their fronts trying to fix whatever the problem is.

Suddenly Al’s boss starts pulling faces and mouthing what are clearly expletives – the sort that just aren’t heard round these parts on a regular basis. Al is confused and asks his boss what’s going on but gets no response just more mouthing and a bit of shuffling and writhing. Thinking he’s either stuck or just taking the piss Al goes back to the kitchen to see what the fuck is going on. In the kitchen he’s greeted by an odd sight – the lady of the house is standing on his boss’ back doing the dishes. When asked “what the fuck are you doing?” she calmly responds “nearly finished” and with that hops off the plumber as if absolutely nothing unusual has happened. Both lads are simply stunned that someone could be so rude or just so far up themselves as to be physically above other people. Extraordinarily, they decide its probably better to just finish the job so they don’t have to come back – although Al is nearly sick with laughter for the rest of the day.

So that’s it really. Plumbers - so common you can stand on them to make them work.
(i anglepoise, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:23, 3 replies)

My Nannas
I have two nan's (well, one we call "Grandma", one "nan"). They are opposite ends of the spectrum.

Posh nan has an incredibly posh name: Audrey Smyth-Henderson (not actually name to protect the guilty, but very similar).

Scruffy nan (as we call her) has an incredibly scruff name: Doris Smith.

Posh nan never swears. Scruffy nan swears enough to make a sailor blush. Posh nan bakes cakes and homemade pies, etc. Scruffy nan goes down t' chippy.

An anecdote about scruffy nan. Once, at Bingo (where else?) an old codger tried to "get down me pants". What did she tell him? She told him to "shove it up his arse and make a teapot handle with it". She then told everyone she knew about it, and she once showed a policeman her arse.

Yep. I have some very mixed genes and it's no wonder my parents are divorced.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:22, 2 replies)

People calling themselves "Working class"
when they're long-term dole-scroungers. That really gets my goat.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:22, 5 replies)

Refusing to breastfeed
because of a fear of boob saggage and 'being too tied to the baby'. Argh. I am in no way referring to the people who cannot breastfeed for practical or medical reasons. I am referring only to the vain and ignorant girls who choose not to breastfeed because they worry it will make their tits turn into womble noses.

Yes, just deny your baby the chance of the best start in life; deny them the health benefits such as increased protection against infections, obesity and asthma; deny them the best food for early brain development. All because you're too bloody vain and selfish to allow your boobelahs to be used in the way nature intended.

And worst of all, deny your man the opportunity to witness your astounding skills in manual breast milk expression as you squirt him from 6 feet away, making machine gun noises as you do so. His nob can't eject his population porridge like that and it's the closest you'll ever come to spluffing on his face. Why deny yourself that joy?
( gypsy turnips, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:21, 20 replies)

This is wrong but not that common
"Thunk", as in, "I'll have to have a thunk about it" or "What's your thunkin' on that, then?"

and "Sheeps" - I always say "sheeps" to confuse English learners.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:16, 1 reply)

Eating.
Not the general act of eating, but that of chewing with your mouth open, loudly.

This is perfectly acceptable if you are a caveman or my dog, but I don't want to see it from fellow members of society.

I just don't understand why people have to eat loudly with their jaws flapping about in the wind so we can all view the contents of their gobs.

I was brung up proper and told from an early age that your mouth always stays closed when you are chewing. To do any different would be quite disgusting.

Don't even get me started on chewing gum....that's even worse. The amount of people I see every day chewing gum loudly, mouths open....argh! I want to hit them in the face with a spade, then they'll appreciate the days when they used to have fully functioning jaws.
(brainwrong, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:15, 6 replies)

An old friend............
Wasn't common but his parents were but in that kind of "We know we are common so we are going to try really hard to make people think we aren't but people just think we are even more common" way

They were called Bernard and Daphne and came from a lower middle class background but now they were older decided that their names would be pronounced "Burn-hard and Darfanny" they called their three children Barnaby, Alicia and Berenice.

She made Barnaby leave our band when we were about 15 because we wouldn't tell her what the lyrics to Nirvana's Polly meant.

She spoke like she had a silver enema up her ass but just came across as very common and trying to hard not to be.
( Peej, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:13, 1 reply)

Morrisons
Mother and daughter, mum in pink track suit, pretend Ug boots, you can picture it, daughter must be 5 or 6 in the seat bit of the shopping trolley, with a dirty face (not washed you pervs). Daughter is attempting to chew her way into the kilo tray of value mince in the trolley.

Mum: "Dinnae" (We're in Edinburgh by the way)
Child: "How?"
Mum: "Just dinnae!"

Okay. First of all. When your child asks "How?" (a delightfully aggressive response used in this part of the world, usually meaning "why" or "what", in fact any other question than "how"), perhaps if you explained a REASON then you wouldn't, as I suspect from the tone of your voice, have to have the same conversation EVERY time you go shopping. So tell the delightful little cherub, that

a) Its not cooked and might make you ill

and b), and this is the clincher

b) ITS NOT F*CKING YOURS YET, BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T PAID FOR IT, YOU THIEVING TINKS!

Unfortunately all too common, I suspect.
( paulieg La, la, la, not listening, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:12, 6 replies)

Commonality
I think that this is a very difficult question to answer. One’s perception of any object, concept, or by extension, a word, is now seen through several filters that have taken decades to build up. There are an innumerable amount of factors that are automagically taken into consideration by our minds.

I have a pencil in front of me on my desk. It has the name of the company that made it printed on the side. It also had an eraser on the end of it.

Now to me, I find this ‘common’. This is because when I was in school, Stuart Jones, who smelt of bread and wore thick black plastic NHS specs which had been partially repaired by duct tape, had one. I remember this because I have a distinct memory of his habit of pushing up his glasses with the eraser end during classes. I also remember that the cool kids used to tease him because of this. I have no idea why; as I was too busy trying to chat up the girls who sat at the back, but I was aware of it.

So Stuart Jones was ‘the poor kid’ of the class and the general perception was Stuart’s parents probably weren’t as well off as other people’s parents in the class, but that had nothing to do with the fact that he had a cheap pencil with a rubber on the end as half the class probably did including me. It was merely an invitation to tease by the cool kids.

But then and now, in my mind, I uncontrollably associate Stuart with that style of pencil and being ‘common’, however irrational it may be. In a way, Stuart is represented in my mind by that pencil and nothing else. I have gone ten years without thinking about him, and only now when I sit here to write this has he sprung up, only because I have this pencil in front of me.

So Stuart only exists in my mind as a pencil. I am sure that he has his own life, and has done worthy things with it. To me, he is a pencil.

Does such a thing as being ‘common’ exist, or is it a concept invented by us as a way to process vestigial memories?
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:10, 1 reply)

I enjoy being common
Especially at work dos, meetings, important conference calls etc. It makes me smile when everyone else is using 'corpspeak' (thought grenade, blue-sky thinking, you know all that office bingo fodder) and I turn around and say, 'You know what, I'm not accepting that document because it's tat. I'm not going to approve it because it's been written by a mong and I'm angry that you've even wasted my time presenting it to me.' Helps of course that I have a broad Essex accent (innit guv) with a bit of Manc thrown in...

The best bit, I think, was when I turned up to work in a huge, beaten-up Leyland DAF van - with no paperwork on it obviously :-) - that looked as if someone had literally beaten their way out of the back doors, probably while tied up. I bought it from the gypsies. Looked cracking lined up next to my colleague's Audis and BMWs. Who was waiting for me in the car park? Half the people I was supposed to be presenting to - customers and colleagues alike - who were outside having a crafty fag. I wasn't embarrassed, but they were. Common? Facking right guvnor. LOVE IT.
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:10, 2 replies)

things that are common in my life that i hate
1. People calling me English.I'm Scottish.
2. People calling me a sad alcoholic because i occasionally drink on my own.I drink alone because you don't like what i drink ffs
3. People who leave notes saying Please clean up your mess,it's not fair on the cleaners
4. People telling me I'm ungrateful / OR telling me i'm a neurotic.I KNOW.
5. People taking up smoking and then blaming me for starting them off.
6. waking up at 3am and worrying about what the ducks are planning.
7. Legs.
8. People who post on b3ta and thinking this makes them cool and urbane.
9. Nathan Barley types.
10. People forgetting my birthday.
11. Half-assed EMOs.Worse than full-fat EMOs.
12. etc.etc.etc.

apps f/r lng/th
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:09, 3 replies)

Filthy toilet habits
I would have thought that a relatively small group of professional people, i.e. scientists for the most part, would not be grotty enough to abuse toilet facilities.

But frequently I go upstairs here for my daily sedentary contemplation and find one if not both traps uninhabitable because of faecal residues all over the place.

OK, we all deposit skidmarks on the bowl from time to time. But most folk use the supplied brush to clean them off.

But quite regularly I'll go in to find brown smears, or worse, on the rim, the seat and even the floor. Who among my colleagues is rough enough to do that sort of thing? I wish I knew.

I would expect even public toilets to be cleaner than that.

/rant
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:09, 2 replies)

Up here in Liverpool...
There seems to be a trend amongst people of... well, all ages, really, to use the term "thrun" when they mean "threw" or "thrown".

Example: "So 'ow did you gerrin to 'is khaar then Kev"

"Fuckin' thrun a brickhh frew the winder likhhe"

It's not that I'm being snobbish at all, I mean the meaning they're trying to convey is obvious, so whatever works, I suppose. But it is awfully common, in the literal sense of the word. And I have no idea where the christ it's come from, I didn't hear it til at least the end of the 90s. Almost as if somebody flipped a dialect switch.
(No offenc - not to be confused with no_offenc, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:04, Reply)

English people!
Hear me out on this one before you call me a 'tosser'. This isn't some Irish - English type jab but more a cultural observation. I'm a big fan of English music and arts but have been dismayed to see over time, English culture has gone like this:

- Lets conquer the world for King/Queen and country.
- Lets show those Gerrys a thing or two eh? Tally ho.
- Peace and love man.
- I refuse to work down that coal mine mam.
- His friends call him Ebeneezer Goode (*edit* I have been informed The Shamen are Scottish. Insert 'I get knocked down, but I get up again' instead)
- Lets ruin everyones holiday to Spain by being really loud and shouting out things like 'innit' and 'sumfink' while wearing pajamas. By the way... anyone for a stabbing?

Irish aren't much better but at least our 'alcoholism' overrides out chav population in the eyes of the world. At the moment chav = English person. Sorry. You'd want to do a bit of PR!


For those interested, Irish history:

- English occupation
- Freedom! Lets have a fight.
- Drunk
- Lets have another fight up north
- Drunk
- We're rich!!
- Argh... what happened? We're poor.
- Drunk.
(preach, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:02, 28 replies)

I crowbar this one into a lot of QOTWs
The use of 'myself' rather than 'I' or 'me' in an attempt to sound educated. You don't sound educated; you're just wrong.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:02, 1 reply)

people who use MSN abbreviations where they're really not needed
ffs!
(jothemofo, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:02, 2 replies)

Never mind pissing in the bath...

What about pissing in the sink?

Now that's what i call common...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:02, 4 replies)