Recent
I will be releasing a book soon of "Tiger Woods' odd crushes", available at every good book store...

Current (ish) is Cully from Midsomer murders - It's that innocent face. And that she's blonde of course....
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 9:09, Reply)

As we're talking about cartoon characters...
Captain Mendoza from "The Mysterious Cities of Gold" (remember that?) gives me the horn. The way he always has a half-smile confidentally playing about his lips, set in amazingly chiselled features...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 8:56, Reply)

Zzzzz
One of the sleepy lasses off that commuter video from the newsletter is a bit of all right.
(archroy Get down wi' yer bad self., Thu 5 Oct 2006, 8:14, Reply)

....strangely.....
....I have a thing for guys in masks.

Or, even better, motorbike helmets. The extra leather and throbbing bike are nice too.

Excuse me, I have to go lie down for a minute....
(emma_fisi, Thu 5 Oct 2006, 3:58, Reply)

Oh God, Did I Really...?
Knew I was (mostly) gay from an early age and was attracted by hairy men. Knocked one out over a copy of the Radio 1 diary in about 1977 - Noel Edmonds, the Bee Gees and (HORRORS!!)Dave Lee Travis all had their chests out in it. Even worse I was in the bathroom where were staying with Posh Friends Of The Family supposedly having a poo.

Oh and Benny from ABBA when he was skinny in 1975.

And both PC Plum and Archie from Balamory.

Ainsley Harriot.

Please make it stop!!
(singingringingtree Living in the past., Wed 4 Oct 2006, 23:47, Reply)

shame
Pam Ferris - as Ma Larkin in the darling buds of may...

coat
(BadgerPirate, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 22:36, Reply)

woooo
Emma Bolton in Grange Hill
she is just so damn cute.....
(Zuffle farts silently in lifts then leaves the warm aroma, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 22:28, Reply)

My ex-husband, of Olympic-standard ugliness, halitosis and B.O.,
somehow managed to engender a crush in a 15 year-old girl. He happily took advantage, notwithstanding the fact that he was her teacher and so liable for a hefty sentence if caught.

Caught he was, and is now serving two years.

He made the tabloids. I hope his mother's proud.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 22:11, Reply)

I'm having one right now...
...thankfully, nobody will recognise me who might be able to guess the names.

I play World of Warcraft, and until recently, was unemployed and engaged. Both the engagement to the fat, paranoid, vindictive obnoxius cow that is my now ex-fiancee and my lack of job (and cash)were depressing me. The only respite I could find was in talking to my guild mates and other friends on WoW. We would quite often be chatting until 1-2 am, often later, both through text based chat and group VoIP applications. One night, my Guild Leader came online and was very upset - she'd had a row with her partner, and he'd told her that if they split he'd take her daughter away from her. We go chatting, and I calmed her down, and both went to bed feeling good that we'd chatted to someone about our problems who wasn't connected with them.
We started chatting on a more regular basis, and began talking about things that were very close to us, and began to chat about sex. I'm not 100% sure what happened, but a few days later I was on the phone to her, talking very dirty words to her while she frigged herself off down the phone, very vocally. Unfortunatly, we both have quite a big crush on each other now, and it's not one that we can let out - she is 33 (i'm 20, not really a problem though), she's been engaged to her partener for 9 years and has been with him for even longer, and they have an 8 year old daughter. I was going to call it off, and I will have to stop this soon before I destroy their relationship... but earlier today I found myself in the city of her residence (not taking the risk that someone will read this and guess), shagging her brains out in the back of her car. I am a bad man.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 21:45, Reply)

One of many missed opportunities
In my previous awful life as a market researcher, I had to conduct focus groups. There was a girl in one of them who was definitely making eyes at me, offering to help me change the tape in my tape recorder (if that's not code, I don't know what is), giving 'helpful' answers, lingering a bit at the end. Sadly, she was at the group with her loud and boisterous mate, whom I didn't fancy at all, so I let the opportunity slip. (In any case, it would have been unprofessional - that's my excuse.)

A few months later this babe turned up on telly - she was an actress and had been given the job of being the Face of Boots (the chemist) on their TV ads.

Vicki, if you're reading this - we connected... But I'm afraid I'm now married and a father, so the moment's gone. I just want you to know it meant a lot to me, even though you're probably not reading this and if you are you're either laughing or going "ewwww".

Oh, and I even remember the date of the group - September 10th, 2001...

I could leave my phone number at the bottom, but that really would be unprofessional.
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 21:01, Reply)

English teacher
An old school friend of mine delcared his undying love to our english teacher in year 7, ironically called Hooker.

She avoided him as much as she could for about 6 months.
(tranmerefan, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 20:52, Reply)

Alex Mac
.... stunner!
((((InfraSound))) SUNN0))) > YOU!, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 19:31, Reply)

I could write a book.
Aged roughly 12 I decided that Alan Davies, in his guise as Jonathan Creek, was the Best Thing Ever. Nine months of getting it ripped out of me in school later (you know who you are...) I couldn't stand the sight of him. I still swear and throw things at the telly whenever his ugly mug appears.

Unfortunately I then decided I found my history teacher, who was very obviously involved with one of the English staff, attractive. He looked like an aged David Duchovny. More ripping later, I just stopped admitting things to people.

These days, it's all about Axl Rose (as he was in 1987, when I was two), and Dylan from Neighbours.
( Maladicta, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 19:15, Reply)

Done me mate's sister a few years ago (before Mrs Jeccy)
Was a bit more akward as I worked with largely-built-brick-outhouse mate, but he didn't twat me. Not even after finding out that 4 months later she was pregnant, but it wasn't mine.

In the back-office of the pub we used to work in, he jokingly said "Sure it's not yours Jeccy?"

"Nah," I say,"she can't get pregnant through her throat."

How I didn't get a kick-in is beyond me.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 17:33, Reply)

Come into my TARDIS little girl...
My first crush was on Peter Davidson as Doctor Who. I was about 4 or 5 (early starter) and had a beige fluffy dressing gown that I felt looked exactly like his jacket on the show (even though it didn't) and wore it every time the show came on, and lots of time in between. I would apparently put a leaf of some sort into the pocket to add authenticity.

My taste did not improve with age and I later in my teenage years became obsessed with Mr C from The Shamen - I don't know whether it was his controversial lyrics, slicked down peroxide hair or spastic dance moves which did it for me, but there you go. I like to think I'm normal now. But I'm not.

My best friend had her first crush on the white stormtroopers from Star Wars. She wasn't particular about which one though, which would've made her chances of pulling far easier had the objects of her lust not been fictional robot people.
( hanabanana, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 17:18, Reply)

When I was 14
I was madly in love with the poet Byron, who was inappropriately 186 years older than me. And dead too, of course.
Something to do with the whole mad, bad and dangerous to know thing.
(Superene, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 17:17, Reply)

Surly
Can't believe noone's mentioned, Anne from Neighbours - Billy Kennedy's long term girlfriend.

My god, it was bad enough when she was in her school uniform but the moment she started wearing a boiler suit tied around her waist, my groin almost exploded.

Not strictly inappropriate as I was the same age as the actress at the time. That's my excuse anyway.
(Wolfspur, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 17:00, Reply)

Not too bad
lucy from my parents are aliens, but only in the most recent series, maybe it was just the lack of mel and the fact that the actress turned 16, but suddenly she was much more noticeable
(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 16:58, Reply)

Rowan Atkinson
In Blackadder II. It must be the shorts and the goatee that do it.
(Picotee, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 16:48, Reply)

Electra complex anyone?
Noel Edmonds, Donald Sutherland, Richard Branson, Charles Dance

Maybe not so inappropriate on their own (except Noel Edmonds) but they are all at least 20 years older than me and look a bit like my dad :(
( Derek.T.Wonderllama, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 16:23, Reply)

my many fantasy sperm donor recipients include....
Stacey out of Eastenders (she got a durty mouth)
That Fiona woman off GMTV even though she only talks about cancer and handicapped kids (that would have to put you off your stroke)
Peaches Geldof (droooooool!)
Sarah Smart (the very definition of sweet and innocent)
Ari Up of the Slits as she is now (ultimate older woman thang - and she has super massive dreads which is a huge bonus for me)
Grace Jones (utterly terrifying, utterly mental, just could be the best shag on earth)
Pron star Allie Sin aka Naughty Nati
Amanda Redman (ultra MILF, plus the idea of her and Sarah Smart doing an mother/daughter combo in a rudey reprisal of their roles in At Home With The Braithwaites is enough to make my pants fly off - chuck in Julie Graham from the same series and I'm in hog heaven)
Alia Shawcat from Arrested Development (the hot cousin)
Plus the usual assortment of mates, teachers, mates gfs, cousins etc. A mixture of the much-too-old, barely-legal and wildly inappropriate, then...just like everyone else!
(keeferreefer, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 16:10, Reply)

why?
that lanky goggle-eyed freak, stephen merchant.
( gypsy turnips, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 16:08, Reply)

A tree
Incidentally my crush also gave me my first ever erection. Probably not so strange but inappropriate as you will see.


Most young boys probably had some strange feelings towards She-Ra from He-man and I was no exception. However, it was not her Blonde hair, mini skirt or long boots that turned me on, oh no. I was sitting watching an episode with her in when she had some strange curse/spell placed on her. The lower half of her then turned into a tree, roots and all. For some reason this turned me on incredibly, this half woman/ half tree being on the screen in cartoon format gave me my first ever boner.

I've never felt the need to have sex with a tree since but maybe I should give it a go, maybe it'll be just as good as She-ra!
(BratislavaBanana, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 16:08, Reply)

Ohh many a crush of the inappropriate variety ...
mostly from high school, and seeing as i carried on at the 6th form and im still there i still get to see most of them which relights the fire once in a while.
There was my y10 & 11 German teacher who i actually thought i was in love with, used to make up excuses to walk past the language rooms to get a glimpse of her. My form room was right next door to her form aswell so i got to start the day with a 5 second glimpse of her, ooohh .... Oh and she lived near me and because i knew the number plate of her car i would look out for it on my way home, rather disturbing now i think about it. Got pissed at the leavers do and told her how much i loved her ... doesnt really look me in the eye anymore.
My y10 & 11 science teacher, and utter babe! He's a 6ft skinhead with a big round belly and about 30 years old but i still fancy him like mad! Still see him now and harrass him at every possible opportunity.
My 6th form geography teacher. About 40 years old with whispy grey hair and about 4ft tall but thers just something about him that makes me all warm down there. In fact i have geography with him tomorrow, looking forward to discussing his volcanic magma exploding all over my plate boundary ...
(SexualCarrots, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 16:01, Reply)

Wedded blisters
Marriage is supposed to be a soul-draining and sex-free wasteland of long-forgotten hotness, right? Not so. I spent this morning's train journey with my hand clamped between Mrs Frankspencer's thighs and when I got to work I went to the lavs to knock one out while thinking of her in her new La Senza underwear.

It's 'cos I love her.
(frankspencer, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 15:56, Reply)

Long time ago
I'd just started pre school, I was about 5 or 6 or something. There was this pretty girl who's name I've since forgetten and she was older than me - she was the first girl I got a kiss from. Not a funny story, but I think of her often.

Anyhoo

Primary school - my English teacher was the most evil, psychopathic woman you've ever met. I went to a school run by nuns and the school believed whole heartedly in hitting the kids for the slightest reason - this seemed to extend to the normal teachers too, including this one.

(My story has a point really!)

The teacher who will remain nameless (Mrs Blythe) had 2 daughters, one of whom (Elizabeth I think) was blonde, beautiful, about 11 or 12 and was just as mean - but I was 7 and had an inexplicable crush on her, despite the fact that she was a mean bully.

Perhaps that's why I like dominating blondes???
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 15:49, Reply)

Oh and now...
My ex's housemate. The girl, not the gay bloke. Can't talk in her presence, it's great. Just like being 9 again.* Also, since my ex and I are still marvellously good friends, it's utterly doomed (and not just because she's a super-hot PhD in the prime of life and I'm an overweight waster). Hurrah for built-in excuses with every inappropriate crush...

*I was an early starter, like.
(Mumm-ra, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 15:48, Reply)

Well
Having been pretty much ladied up for most of my post-pubescent life, I have rarely needed to focus on crushes for very long. However, following the demise of my last relationship in March, three months on single rations left me in a gibbering state of fancying absolutely every woman I passed. Old, young, fit, ugly, stupid, brilliant, whoever she was I wanted it hard. The merest suggestion that there might be breasts involved was enough to send me literally dizzy with excitement. Finally arranged a quick fumble with substantially older lady (34, which weren't bad when I was just turned 23) and am now back to having standards so high I'll never get laid again. Hurray!
(Mumm-ra, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 15:44, Reply)

first ever crush
Debbie McGee.

Oh, and Disney Girls, in order:

Esmerelda
Princess Jasmine
The Little Mermaid

I'd do any one of them. Totally innapropriate.
(weirzbowski, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 15:17, Reply)

My mate's little sister
...is so teeny that when I first saw her, I thought (immediately after "Crickey! Totty!") "No! Bad Impuritay! Underage!!!!"

But she wasn't.

So we did.
Repeatedly.

And she's bloody great at it too.

_{Oh, and Admiral Ozzel is Mr Bronson from Grange Hill you twit.}
( no cake for the impuritay Patrick Stewart hasn't aged since, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 15:14, Reply)