My Dentist
Is a lanky cunt
(littlenipple hate's bad grammar, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 16:19, Reply)

Agreeing with Woodchopper
When i was a kid/teenager, i was taken to the dentist all the time, and he always found some work to do on me.

Since leaving home, i haven't been to the dentist for 15 years, and i only brush my teeth once a day.
My teeth are fine.

It's all a big scam.
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Thu 2 Nov 2006, 16:18, Reply)

Hazsard signs...
Went to dentist for normal checkup, only difference being this was my first checkup in about 4 years. I'm the sort of person who doesn't use medical services unless it's like life threatening or something, ya see.

Anyway.. decided as I'm a smoker, they could do with a polish.. go in, not a huge wait which was a pleasant surprise, sit in chair, he goes round with that pick thing they use ripping half my gums out in the process (I could taste blood,) then gets the polishing thingy out and starts going methodically from tooth to tooth round the mouth, as they do.

Gets about half way round.. *crack* .. "oh shit."

"What's wrong."

"Erm.. I'm afraid I just broke one of your teeth.. are you in any pain?"

The twunt managed to break a rather large chunk off the top/back of my front tooth.. luckily (ha!) it was only a small breakage thus I was not in any pain, nor even discomfort.

He gave it a filling (which fell off within a week,) apologised profusely, I left an unhappy bunny.. on the way out I decided to write down the tits name for use in a complaint - the sign on the door:

"Dr Hazsard"

Next time I'll be looking out for Hazsard signs.
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 16:17, Reply)

heir lip
When the news was broken to me I needed a full (barb wire style) brace at 12 years young I was pretty distraught. When I met my incompetant ortho-dontist I was even more gutted. He was about 5 ft tall drove a huge porsche and caused me lots of pain. Putting the brace on left my gums bleeding, subsequent removal (1 year) later also wrecked. He even fitted me with dual elastic bands thus making feeding impossible. The most off putting thing was his own deformity, he had a heir lip or something like that, I spent my days after school staring at his rogue mouth while he ripped my gums to shreds. I didn't go to the dentist for years after but have got back into it recently for the first time since. And the fool tw*tted me with the x-ray machine to add insult to injury.

I hope he's dead now...
(legion1978 "for we are many...", Thu 2 Nov 2006, 16:14, Reply)

Dribble, spit, drool
Wisdom teeth out = no problem, Painkillers wear off = problem. Cheek sewn to Jaw = bigger problem. Speech impediment and spitting/drooling over customers and stock in work (HMV as well)= mental home*





*Not really, but I did live next door to one, so that counts
(MonkeyFunker, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 16:12, Reply)

Oh shitting mother of God....
Sorry, this is really really long.


I've never ever had a fear of dentists until very recently... But first a run up to why this is...

Wavy lines ~~~~~~~~~


I was in the second year of Uni and realised there was a hole in my tooth, so figured I'd better go and get it sorted out. Having not visited the dentist for many a year, and being somewhat naive, I decided to go to the nearest dentist I could find. I went to Uni in New Cross, the nearest dentist being in Deptford. At this point, alarm bells should have been ringing but no. In I go, he has a bit of a poke around with those horrible plastic gloves and starts on the tooth. Numbed up? Check. Can you feel this? No. He starts drilling, and drilling, and drilling... I'm not thinking anything of this until PANG!!!! Something jars through the numbness making me shout out loud and sit bolt upright. He'd drilled into the nerve. To this day I've never felt pain like it. After he's filled the tooth, it takes a while to settle down, but after that it's fine.

More wavy lines ~~~~~

Now it's two years on, I'm in work (HMV of all places) and the tooth of destiny starts playing up. Eventually it gets so bad I take the day off and go and see an emergency dentist who has a look, says it's impacted wisdom teeth, gives me some codine (excellent stuff) and sends me on my way. It's still playing up though... a few more emergency dental appoinments later, the Dentist and St Guys and St Thomas's in London tells me I need a root canal, but she can only empty the cavity a bit and I should get my dentist to finish it off. Around this time, me and the missus move to Brighton. Find a new dentist, who has a look, doens't bother with X-Rays and says "That's just a filling, not a root canal". Does a filling, all good.

Last wavy lines, honest. ~~~~~~~~

A few months ago, two years on from the last episode, I start to feel the familiar pangs of tooth hurtage. I've learned by now, straight off to the expensive dentist, who refers me to somewhere else for a root canal. I go, and after three hours with my mouth open (nothing to hold it open mind, just willpower, he says he's got to stop there for the day and that there isn't one root canal in that tooth, there are FOUR. FOUR ROOT CANALS IN ONE BASTARDING TOOTH. Not only that, they're narrow, really narrow. Like "they should be on a 44 year old". I'm 24. As he finishes off for the day I try and close my mouth, before realising I can't open it again. After three hours, my jaw muscles have reacted and won't open again. Nothing he can do, see you two weeks.

Two weeks later, back I go, manage to open my mouth after FOUR cartridges of numbing stuff are injected (as opposed to the usual one - I'm obviously some kind of horse / human hybrid) I'm finally able to open my mouth again (to the sound of bone grinding against bone, I hope you never have to hear that sound inches away from your own ear).

After another three hours, he's done, but there's a bit of metal pointy thing in there that he won't be able to remove (i.e. it's in there for life) and I can't close my mouth without help. Once I get it closed, jaw locks up again, for another bastarding month and half.

And all becauseI went to the dentist in Deptford. I have cried a lot over this, not once in sorrow. I am now terrified of going back to have those impacted wisdom teeth I mentioned removed. It's in a few weeks. Help me B3tans, help me.

Length / girth / whatever, PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Thu 2 Nov 2006, 16:08, Reply)

My Brother
As a young teenager my brother needed lots of teeth removed and as a reward for being a very brave boy, my Mum agreed to buy him the new Guns n' Roses LP (viynl-woo!) of Appetite for Destruction, which he then swiftly gave away to his first girlfriend...only to find out a few years later that it was limited edition and worth a fair few quid. Numpty.
(NJ, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 16:05, Reply)

well planned
My current dentist on seeing me for the first time took a look at my x-ray and said she was referring me to the hospital to have my wisdom teeth out.

A letter came from the hospital telling me when my appointment was. It didn't mention anything useful like if it was a checkup or actually taking them out etc. So I phoned and was told to allow 20 mins for the appointment.

SO;

I took the morning off work.
Drove the 20 miles in traffic to the hospital.
Circled the car park until I found a space.
Put the minimum £3 in the meter for 2 hours parking!
Navigated the labyrinth of corridors that is Exeter hospital until I was at a ward about a mile from the entrance
Announced my arrival to receptionist (about 5 mins early) and waited
And waited and waited and waited... for 45 mins
When someone asked me if I'd been here before, I said no and was sent to get an x-ray
After walking to and finding the x-ray dept I then waited there...and waited and waited...
Until I was moved to another waiting area around the corner...and waited and waited
After 1 1/2 hours of x-ray waiting I had my x-ray (took 60 seconds).
Went back to original dept with my X-ray to find the place deserted! (They'd all pissed off for lunch!)
An hour later I was asked who I was waiting for!!!

Eventually I saw an annoying chinese lady dentist who looked at the x-ray and then looked in my mouth and finally said "Well I don't think we need to do anything about your teeth. I could take your wisdom teeth out if you particularly want but I cannot see any benefit to it!!!

Rather dismayed I left and went back to my car where I'd been parked for 4 hours on 2 hours of paid parking and had a parking fine on the windscreen!!!

Basically what I've learnt is, when the dental receptionist suggests a 20 minute appointment... allow 4 hours!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:57, Reply)

Having a tooth pulled...
when I was about 8. The procedure itself went well, anaesthetic worked fine etc, and the dentist gave me a bit of cotton wool type stuff to hold on top of the new gap in my teeth to soak up any excess blood. So off I went in to the waiting room, tongue holding this thing in place, and my dad starts sorting everything out with the receptionist. Suddenly, I feel some fluid in my mouth. I panic for a few seconds, before telling my dad that something wasn't right. Those few seconds turned out to be a mistake, however, as they had allowed my mouth to fill up with quite a large amount of blood, which all splashed out when I began to speak. I was rushed back in to the dentist's room past several shocked onlookers, trying my best to cup the blood dribbling off my chin with my hands. I have no idea what caused this reaction, but I did get some Lego for being brave, so it wasn't all bad :)
(Dowbocop, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:56, Reply)

erm...
My mates 1st ever visit to my his new dentist (after the old one retired) was a very interesting experience. As he was getting 2 teeth out, and was getting gas, I was driving him back home.
The new one was a rather nice young lady, and even better the dental nurse(s) were stunners... I suppose that was why I was not at all surprised when he came out of the treatment room sporting a rather large bulge in the front of his trousers, followed by a rather red faced nurse. He is far too shy to return.
( TBL I posted this on, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:46, Reply)

i have no fillings after 27 years, but...
i did chip and break my front tooth aged 11, and that's cost me. Oh god, has it cost me. That tooth alone has probably had some £2k spent on it, some paid for by the NHS, but most by me. yay.

my first dentist insisted on shoving up to three needles in my mouth at once, liked to test how my teeth were developing by hitting them with a little hammer (and yet still no fillings - he failed to break them) and slapping my legs if they dared to move. the freak.

there was a brief period where i was getting casts of my teeth done every few months, and my orthodontist, the twunt, used to try and fit the clearly man-sized dental casts into my tiny lady face. it totally put my jaw out, and has a trick joint even now, making a crazy clicking sound when i eat.

the same orthodondist was responsible for the braces i stopped wearing because every time i put them in the wires caused my mouth to bleed profusely. his reaction? 'oh, don't worry, that'll stop soon'. yes, presumably when i run out of those pesky gums, you gimp.

i also had impacted wisdom teeth - all of them. pain like you've never known. so why is it when you go to a dentist about these things, their first reaction is to stab at it with a pointy thing? which made me jump, so the guy spent ten minutes trying to extract said pointy thing from my gums. ow.

however, unlike some stories here already, a word to the wise - get those wisdom teeth removed under general, and mighty powerful drugs to follow. literally, didn't feel a thing. although i swear the nhs, instead of using those little petite cylinders of cotton wool to hold my mouth open, used tampons instead. they even had the little blue strings.

but my friend has the best one. at uni, one of her fillings fell out. she went to the nearest dentist, who filled it in. afterwards, he told her that he needed the details of her dentist at home. she asked why. turned out all the fillings, bridges and whatnot she'd had were either of a terrifyingly substandard quality, dangerous, or, most frequently, apprently completely unnecessary. in other words, she'd been satisfying her dentist's unnatural fetishes since the tender age of 8. he's been struck off...
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:45, Reply)

Good point, woodchopper
I didn't go to a dentist for seven years. When I finally did (forced to by wife) they told me there was nothing wrong with my teeth and that I should have another check-up in two years.

That cost me 25 quid.
(frankspencer, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:45, Reply)

A really bad torture tale
Edinburgh, spring 1996. My dentist told me I needed my wisdom teeth removed.

I pitched up at the dental hospital with my mum (who was going to drive me home). They injected me with a painkiller in my jaw, and gave me valium.

None of them worked. Instead I lay on the theatre table screaming and watching the blood spray out of my mouth as they drilled into my jaw bone. While the oh so nice nurses held me down. My mum almost fainted from hearing my screams.

It has later been explained to me that some people's nerves are wired up differently, and so the pain killer probably had no effect.

I haven't been to a dentist since. I get cold sweats just thinking about it. And you know what, my teeth are fine. No toothache, and all look reasonably ok. And the wife confirms that there are no bad odours.

Dentists, its all a scam. They look in your mouth and just see money. Just brush regularly and avoid too much sugar. Like me your teeth will be fine for decades.
(woodchopper likes chopping wood, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:42, Reply)

Drilling.
AAAAAAAARGH...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:39, Reply)

YTS trainee
As a young lad I went to the dentist with my Dad and regularly saw an elderly Jewish chap called Mr Green who was a pretty good dentist.

However on one visit he was on holiday and I needed a baby tooth out before beginning orthodontic treatment for a pair of Christopher Lee dracula fangs I had grown.

SO, instead I saw a "young fella" I hadn't seen before. By young I mean compared to the old grey haired gent I normally saw this guy had dark hair. I wasn't impressed and it hurt.

Next time I saw Mr Green he asked how it went with the other dentist?
"The YTS trainee?" I remarked "He was ok but he needs practice before he's a real dentist like you.".

Mr Green burst out laughing and left the room, he came back with company and said "Was this the YTS trainee you mentioned?"

Turns out he was "Mr Cohen", the senior partner and namesake of the private dental surgery I was in...

Fucksocks. Mr Green found it funny but I didn't dare see Mr Cohen again after Mr Green retired.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:32, Reply)

The FEAR
I went along to the dentists with my friend's 13 year old daughter and her mum as abit of morale support.

The girl has hated and feared the dentists since the age of around 10 and it took a large amount of persuasion, bribery and threatening to get her into the waiting room.
(I think the clever little sod managed to get new shoes and a new school-bag out of her mum.)

We're sitting in the waiting room and she says:
"What do they pull my tooth out with?"
Without thinking I say:
"A tractor."

Umm yeah... is her face supposed to be that colour? Luckily her mum saw the funny side and I had to redeem myself by loading 13 year olds mp3 player with a shit-load of mp3's.
Took me 5 hours. Damn you Zen and your crap software.
(tylrdiablos, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:30, Reply)

I was my own dentist.
When I was in year 8/9, and was getting a load of new teeth (very reasonable prices, aha!) I had to endure the annoyance of loose, wobbly teeth.

But no, not I! I'm a grammar school student, I thought, I dont have to put with this shit like the other morons.

So I got an assload of bonjela, shoved it onto my gums around my loose teeth, and got a pair of pliers.

I removed three of my teeth that way.
(castaboras the time at the beep will be, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:26, Reply)

I'm
a trouser dentist.
(nappy rash, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:25, Reply)

Haggling over the price
I recently managed to get signed up with an NHS dentist. I had the first check up of about 3 years and unsurprisingly needed a filling.

On the day of the filling I thought I'd best double check that I was getting a white one.
"A white one? Well they take longer, you should have booked a longer appointment!".

Like I know how long a filling takes? Also if this polish lady really was a dentist surely she could spot that ALL my existing fillings are white so I might want this one to be white?

Then I'm told the NHS won't pay for white fillings... It'll cost me £65.

I'm a bit of a miser with money....
"What if I don't have the anaesthetic?"
Down to £50.
"Surely it's only a small filling? You'll save time compared to a big one..."

Deal done at £40.

Who needs anaesthetic when you're staring down the cleavage of a 25 year old blonde dentist?
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:22, Reply)

Dentist's finger
I was having a few teeth taken out and my mouth had been aneasthetised. A few minutes into the procedure, the dentist began to shout:

Open your jaw! You're biting me!
Ggg g ggh! [No I'm not!]
OPEN YOUR JAW! You are biting my finger!
GGH G GGH! [No I'm not!]

Of course, I couldn't feel a thing because of the anaesthetic, and the full force of my jaw was clamped down on his finger. In the end, he had to prise my mouth open with his other hand and bandage the wounded finger.

But not before he brandished the digit in my face: a livid and empurpled sausage imprinted with a flawless imprint of my molars and incisors.

He later became a priest.
(frankspencer, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:22, Reply)

Ouch
Being the suave and sophisticated young lady that I is, I once partly removed one of my front teeth, by running up a slide in a children's playground and failing to notice the iron bar situated at the top. CRACK! Lots of blood ensued followed by a trip to my dentist, Mr Salmon, who had to file my broken tooth off. Still look stoopid to this day. Fucksocks.
(NJ, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:19, Reply)

Here's one reason I haven't been going to my local dentist recently

( chthonic, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:18, Reply)

Old golfer
A prior dentist of mine became increasingly weird, which on reflection I put down to the fact he was 75 years old...

He would spend the morning of the 2 days a week he chose to work going over the appointment list of who he was supposed to see that week and cross out the names of anyone he didn't fancy seeing. Thus leaving the receptionist to phone and make last minute cancellations.

After one unpleasant drilling session my mouth felt drier than an arabs arse so I attempted to ask for a drink of water by miming the universal hand gesture of drinking from a cup.
"A drink?" says my dentist.
I nod enthusiastically.
"Well it's a bit early in the day but I suppose I could manage a quick one." he replies.

Can you believe it, the old sod thought I wanted to take him to the pub! Like I'd have money left after supporting his golf playing, jaguar driving lifestyle!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:15, Reply)

Do orthodontists count?
My current dentist likes to ask me questions whith his hands in my mouth. My old dentist was called Mrs Man.

My orthodontist however... She decided I needed braces so told my dentist to rip five of my nice good teeth out. Looking back, I really did need them. So I went through a year and a halfs worth or pain, ending up with rips in my cheek which are still here now as tiny lumps and dips only to be told it hadn't worked so I had to do it all again!

A year and a half later I emerge looking no different, but without any more rips.

Thing is though, my teeth would be straight if she didn't talk so much. She spent the majority of the time I was there talking to my mum with her face turned away from me.

She also had long fingernails that she didn't clean, and she spat when she talked. My mouth was open. I'll let you deduce from that the reason I hated going so much.
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:13, Reply)

Also
one time I had a baby tooth out with a local anaesthetic. It hurt so badly that I was screaming and blacked out. The dentist just thought I was a silly girl making a fuss. :(
(hottwist, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:09, Reply)

Meat tongue
Charming posh dentist removed all four of my widsom teeth under general anaesthetic last April.

To add insult to the fact that I looked like a hamster that had been punched and was dribbling blood, in the process he damaged my lingual nerve - I still can't feel the side of my tongue, no temperature, no taste, and I keep biting the ruddy thing.

Rubbish. :(
(hottwist, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:06, Reply)

i'm utterly petrified of the dentist
and havent been in years, although the gf is nagging me to go 'to be on the safe side'

:S
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 14:56, Reply)

I forced myself awake..
.. while under gas (as a kid) having some teeth pulled.

All I could see was a big black ocean and the dentist and assistant looked to be sat on the horizon.. was very strange I tell thee...
( Signify, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 14:56, Reply)

first again
Whooooo

First two weeks running.

I must be really bored at work.

My dentist is Mr Patel. Great bloke.

edit : fuck sox !!!!!!!! second!!

I LIKE THIS !
(sparticus, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 14:52, Reply)

am i first?
am i?


EDIT: I am I am,

i hate the dentist, god damn Train tracks braces for a year after 5 teeth out!

damn you!!!!

*shakes fist*
(bectoria, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 14:52, Reply)