My dentist cried
when she saw the state of the abscess caused by an combination of a impacted wisdom tooth and an errant shard of Christmas eve peanut.
She had a rant about Salfords Hope hospital continually cancelling appointments to remove said impacted wisdom teeth over a period of 2 years.
At the end of this rant the tears started to flow and she was whispering 'bastards, bastards, bastards'.
She got me an appointment for removal quite quickly after that though.
When the abscess burst it felt like my whole mouth was full, that was nice.

Oh aye, my flatmate did his work experience with a dentist years back. He tells me the Dentist was extracting a tooth using gas when he went, 'Oh dear', as he'd pulled the wrong one. He swore my flatmate and the nurse to secrecy then pulled the proper tooth.
He later told the woman that he'd found the neighboring tooth was rotten... charged her for it too.
('tin'tintin, Thu 9 Nov 2006, 4:32, Reply)

Dentists - hate them
i endured the 6 monthly visits as a child, whilst the "qualified" dentist butchered me, but when i got to adulthood i ditched him...

5 or so years later i got toothache, so rang up and got an appointment (pre striking off all nhs patients for any excuse days), to be told - yup you need a filling.

so, fill it he did - couple of weeks later it dropped out so more drilling and another filling..

then that dropped out, so he took the nerve out and did another filling..

which dropped out.

fuck it i thought, it doesnt hurt - itll be ok.

and it was, for another 3 or so years - ok i had a hole but it didnt hurt, until next time i got toothache when i rang again - to be told that my dentist had struck me off for not completing my treatment - the treatment he was fucking up and charging me for!

so, i rang the emergency dentist and got an appointment, and after the prelimineries took a look in my gob and said "i bet your dentist used to be Goger Rott" (name changed to protect the [not so] innocent) - "yes", said i - "how did you know?"

"i'd recognise that work anywhere" he said - he wouldnt elaborate further but it was obvious that this guy was a well known cowboy amongst dental circles from his comment....

anyone else from the cleethorpes area seen by this guy??

sorry its not funny, but i really do hate dentists and its all down to the treatment i received from this tw@, to the point where i still cant bring myself to re register with a new dentist in case hes as bad as this one (34 now - and really should know better)........

EDITED for spelling - sorry, pissed...
(Aleister Crowleys Badger Nothing to see here, Thu 9 Nov 2006, 1:24, Reply)

A Riposte


I am a dentist and I feel that a response to some of your tales (some of which sound rather overly elaborated) is required;

1) Many of the posts contain or revolve around the sentiment of "I hate dentists" or "I hate the dentist/going to the dentist". I can understand the reasoning behind this knee-jerk reaction, but may I point out that a world without dentists would undoubtably be a worse place. Toothache that could not be cured and in many cases would result in the sequelae of potentially life threatening infections, individuals with aesthetic problems that cripple their confidence and who face a future of pursed-lipped awkward semi smiles in photos.

2) Whether you choose to have your tooth problems treated by the dentist or not essentially boils down to a choice between short term, transient discomfort or long term often difficult to reverse deformity.
If you have a cavity in your tooth and you choose to leave it until it becomes painful (as many people do) you may have lost the chance to have the tooth restored with a filling and will probably need a root canal treatment or an extraction. If you leave a broken down tooth until it is infected and swollen then it is going to be harder for us to numb up/take out. If you wait until you have an entire mouth of broken down, chronically infected teeth, do not be surprised when we can't sort them out for you with the ease that we probably could have if you attended when the problem was small.
In summation, if you are not too big a wimp to put up with (in most cases) less than a minute of discomfort while you are being adequately anaesthetised prior to simple early treatment, then the road down which you are travelling ends in toothless hillbilly town.

3) Your problems are (in 95%) of cases self inflicted. You come to us with problems you have mostly brought on yourself through your own laziness and or ignorance and expect us to fix them, and are shocked when we have to numb you with a needle or use a drill on a tooth to remedy things. Do you want me to use a magic wand or voodoo chanting?

-If you eat gluttinous amounts of sugar/acid containing foods or drinks and don't clean your teeth regularly then you will get tooth decay, and ultimately it will hurt/lead to the loss of your teeth.
-If you smoke/don't clean properly/don't floss, then you risk gum disease which can lead to your teeth getting loose and jumping from your mouth like rats from a sinking ship.
-Don't come to me and say "but I hardly eat any sweets/always clean my teeth, yet for some reason this decay keeps coming back/my fillings keep falling out" - I don't make the rules, take it up with god or allah or nature or the cosmos.
-Parents don't say to me regarding your kids: "but he/she won't brush his teeth/won't stop eating sweets" - if you can't control your awful kids, how am i meant to get through to them?

4) People of this era (and by no means not just the young) do not realise how lucky they are that their everyday waking life is not almost constant harsh physical discomfort. If you were a medieval peasant or you worked in a mill in the industrial revolution, life was one long series of nagging blisters and calluses and sores and aches, your fingers would be red-raw, your back and shoulders probably twisted out of recognition, not to mention tramping through muddy fields in sodden boots tilling a plough from dawn till dusk in fear that the land owner would evict you into likely starvation.
----Now that is pain and discomfort and once upon a time it was omnipresent in the lives of almost everyone on this planet, and it will always be a fact of life that should be accepted (and Nietzsche would say even embraced), but now you people sit on your fat arses watching Tricia or the fucking Jeremy Kyle show or you do some job that I imagine isn't very difficult or makes much difference to anyone and you come into my surgery and moan and writhe and groan in agony at seconds of sensation that your great grandparents or serfs in china would laugh at.
(Calfderno, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 23:41, Reply)

Hmm...I have a few tales of interest regarding dentists....
When I was young, probably about 6 or 7 I guess, I was having the last of my sprog teeth removed. This was back when you were allowed to be gassed to sleep for removals. Being asleep I don't remember the operation, but I've never, ever forgotten the really fucked up dream I had. I was a 7 year old boy being anally grape-raped (yes that does mean having grapes shoved up my anus) by the seven dwarves. Naturally, being 7, I didn't really know what was happening, but the dream was so vivid that I never forgot it. Either that or my subconcious mind has taken a real memory and converted it into a dream memory...

When I was about 18, my normal dentist decided to sell up and piss off round the world. So these new dentists took over the practice, and I think they were fresh out of the hollywood school for dental tosspots. A simple filling went horribly wrong as the twat slipped with the drill and ripped open my gum. The only good thing about the encounter was that I no doubt ruined a perfectly good smock my spraying it all over with my gum blood.

Finally, when the dentists say, hey - this morphine drip will make it so you stay awake but can't feel a thing - they're lying bastards. I had to have two wisdom teeth out a couple of years back, and elected for the morphine. I had to sit in the chair as I could feel the bastard twist and rip at my teeth. One of which broke in half and so he had to try and twist and rip at a shattered peice of tooth that was even more difficult to remove than a normal tooth. What's worse is that I would try and talk and say "ARGH FUCK MOTHERFUCKER STOP!" but I just ended up drooling on myself.
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 23:15, Reply)

The dentist used to sing 'Jennifer Juniper'
whilst he drilled my teeth when I was a little girl.

Evil fuck, I hope he's dead!
( jenpots, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 22:41, Reply)

Ahhh the butcher dentist..
In the days of ye olde, tbh it was only 8 or 9 years ago, i had to get a lot of teeth work done. In all honesty this was my fault, being a manky little shit from the day of my birth til i was 12 and generally not brushing my teeth. And from this iv had it all, extractions, caps, root treatments, crowns, fillings, rebuilds etc etc estimated to be about 4k's worth of goods on my gob, i could actually buy some grills with that.

Anyway, so 9 root treatments and 2 extractions and a rebuild.

Performed by the lovely Dr Schuller of Pitt Terrace. Every single root treatment crumbled my teeth within the next 3 years or so, had to get every single one redone, plus that rebuild, rebuilt again.

Did not use enough anaesthetic, so it was to say the least painful. A better description was telling my mum that if i was forced to go back to him, i would legally disown her and move in with my dad.

I now live with my dad. Good point though, he shot himself 2 years ago after he found his wife and her lover in bed, classic.
(nirm, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 22:24, Reply)

Well...
Nearing the end of an all night drinking binge, I passed out landing on my face. I awoke moments later spitting teeth. Once i realised what they were, and shock had set in, I set about picking all the little pieces up and examining my new gashed eye socket and jaggedy sharks teeth. One tooth was clearly hanging by a piece of flesh & was extremely painful to touch.

Ended up, 5am, pissed as a lark stumbling into A&E, blood pouring from my mouth and a large gash above my eye, all the time being very carefull not to spill a whisky glass, full of milk and the many shattered bits of my teeth.

The doctor dressed my cuts and scrapes, but I stupidly had to ask him if he could do anything for the teeth. He flicked the dangleing tooth as hard as he could and said "I'm a doctor, not a dentist!"

When I sobered up around 9am, still without sleep, but with the glass of milky teeth, I luckily saw my dentist. He confirmed that I'd f*ucked my teeth up and that one that the doctor examined, had actually snapped at the root and was only held there by the nerve, hence the sheer bloody agony!

I got to know my dentist pretty well over the next few months, he went skiing at least twice a year, and retired soon after, probably with all the money I payed to get my teeth fixed. You can't see the damage now, Hollywood Cheesy Smile! Dentists aren't scary, they are outstanding!
( 42 Loves Teh Funphenschnaffles, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 20:54, Reply)

Butcher Bench ...
was the nickname of our old dentist Mr Bench, who was one of the old school, through anaesthetic was sissy and once broke somebody's jaw with the drill. My sister ran away from home when she had an appointment with him. Then we changed to another dentist who gave me so much anaesthetic for an extraction that I couldn't be woken for four hours. However, the current dentist, who is the spitting image of John Cleese, is totally painless, although with an unfortunately posh bedside (chairside?) manner, referring to the teeth as little chaps, such as, have the little chaps been behaving themselves lately? And if he sticks some pointy thing into the gum and causes blood to spurt everywhere, ah, we seem to have made the gum a little angry there ... rinse please.
(grangeb77 bored of sigs. boom zig, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 20:50, Reply)

Wheres my fuckin badge!
When I was around 10 I had to have 4 teeth removed.. not because they where rotten or any of that shit =P But because they where ment to fall out.. but didnt or some shit..

So after hours of blood, the needle not numbing the pain and no tears.. the bastard finished...

Didnt give me one of those badges tho.. cunt..

I later went home and cried..

Whoop first post.. Im not gonna say sorry for length.. Its small.. work with it baby
(Samsquanch, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 20:48, Reply)

appointment
I went to get an appointment once, was told the best time to see the dentist was two thirty. So I did.
(grangeb77 bored of sigs. boom zig, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 20:28, Reply)

Unfotunate for everyone, really...
I finally get a job with benefits and look up the local dentists. Lo and behold, to the delight of my immature mind, I find Dr. Chang Jer Wang. It's too good an opportunity to pass up, so I book an appointment. I show up, it turns out he's got no staff, it's just him in a poorly furnished office. He goes to work and when I rinse & spit, I think, "Hm. I've never actually seen pieces of my gums like that before. Should there be that much blood?"

After the visit, I call a friend and can barely hold back the snicker as I shout, "I just had Wang in my mouth!" Which I immediately regret. After a pause, he tells me never to mention that again.

All that pain for a terrible joke and bleeding gums. Hey, at least it finally got me to register for b3ta.
( intesvensk can't recall when I last checked the newsletter, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 19:40, Reply)

I saw a dentist last week
He didnt see me though.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 17:16, Reply)

evil orthodontist
if you've ever read George RR Martin's Song of Ice and Fire, imagine Tirion the dwarf as an orthodontist.

If you haven't just imagine a short dumpy guy with a twisted lip and a sadistic sense of humour who scares all the kids who go for braces

I was 17 when I had braces and I thought he was great, clearly a man who loved his job (like the dentist in little shop of horrors)

me "mfffaawwwmmmoooooOOOWW" (trans: that piece of wire is digging into the back of my jaw)
him: "..oh is that hurting, never mind"
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 17:00, Reply)

Little bit of politics
Blair is so far up Bush's ass that he has to go to the Whitehouse dentist for a haircut.
(frankspencer, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 16:34, Reply)

When I
first started seeing my present girlfriend the sex was vigourous and often. One weekend I munched so long and hard on her bush that I had to go to the dentist for a haircut.

Stusut's BAAAACCCCCCK!
(Kihap, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 14:56, Reply)

my dentist forgot to put the correct ammount of
pain killer in my mouth before pulling out a tooth when i was 13...


bastard...although he did give my family free dental health (IE not having to pay for fillings braces and shite over the age of 18)
( Sir T. Skellington, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 14:26, Reply)

By rights I should have horrible teeth.
Both my parents have mouths full of fillings, my Dad has hideously crooked teeth, my 16 year old sister has had several teeth removed and wears braces, my 14 year old sister has several fillings and mouthwork. And me?

I have beautiful (mostly) even teeth, have never had fillings, surgery, crowns, caps or anything else. When I go to the dentist he looks around for a minute or so, says "That's fine, come back in two years."

Makes for a boring story, though. Now my eyes, on the other hand...
( MooCow_Byter, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 14:14, Reply)

smug
I am 29. I have all of my own teeth. I have no fillings. I have never had dental surgery. When I see the dentist for my annual checkup the appointment lasts about 5 minutes, at the end of which he says "If everyone had teeth like yours, I'd be out of a job."

Sorry.

/smug
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 13:58, Reply)

well my dentist is very nice, shame about my orthodontic experiences...
My dentist is called mr. young. a very nice man actually, always chats and has a laff with me and his assistant is very nice too.
HOWEVER, i had a cyst on the inside of my bottom lip when i was about 14 and ended up having it removed...twice. why is it that the orthodontist gives you numbing cream to put in your mouth and once numb, pokes u with scissors or other sharp objects, which don't hurt at all by the way, but as soon as the little needle goes in, well it aint so numb after all! it bloody hurts.
anyway, had this lump removed first time leaving me with a face like a hamster. had my stitches out and within a few months the bloody thing grew back. so this time he apparently gives me a stronger anaesthetic so that he can cut deeper and for longer. no it wasn't stronger at all. and to top it off, i had a room full of dentistry students gawping over me for a good hour and a quater. what's the point in asking me if i mind them being there when you know damn well that i phisically can't answer you!?
so i had it removed again and now it's gone. bloody hospital charges you something like £3.50 every time u park there and it doesn't matter how long ur there for, my stitches came out while i was walking accross the car park to have them removed....after my mum had payed the £3.50. and i still had to go in and see my orthodentist, who had cheese and onion breath btw.
my sisters' orthodentist is very nice though, but she has buck teeth and u would think being a dentist and all that she would know how to sort them out.
(CathT, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 13:38, Reply)

Just remembered
There used to be a dentist on Chiswick High Rd called Mr Phang.

I kid you not. Used on a Pink Floyd album cover or something.

[holds sides laughing, wipes tears]
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 13:36, Reply)

This is my dentist
He's terrible at dentistry cos he tries to save the world all the time.

In fact, he just about bumbles his way through that too.
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 13:23, Reply)

Root Canals
Hi Farking HATE the dentist - phobia since i was a kid, had to have my first six or so fillings done under general anesthetic along with several teeth pulled and other nasty stuff. Getting better now, but still hate fillings - then i was told I had to have the dreaded root canal. My dentist is v v nice and explains everything, and told me that it would be done in one sitting (woot) instead of two and i only had to have an injection in my gum - not the roof of my mouth (ouch!) as well like they used to. Also - they do it a v cool way somehow with a plastic cover over the hole while they work on it, therefore reducing infection rate by 40% or so (most ppl have to hav them redone because of infection apparently) So I was quite a happy bunny considering what could of happened.
And it was the NHS as well. :)
PLUS my friend goes to a posh private dentist and had a root canal and had to have it redone cause they farked it up the first time - lol.
(PixelGirl unlock the mind...unmind the lock, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 13:18, Reply)

I once knew an apprentice dentist
called Dennis Prentice.



Or maybe I dreamt it.
(Udidin is chuffed to have made the newsletter, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 13:14, Reply)

Scream
Some years ago I was summoned for a regular check up. My two budgies, Percy and Emily (named after the Coronation Street characters), had both passed away in the previous two months, so I was glad to have something to divert my mind from the all-consuming misery that had engulfed my very soul in recent weeks.

I walked into the surgery for my check up confidently. I've never been scared of dentists. After all, they're just ordinary people like you or I. (If you're a horse, then I apologise for such a sweeping generalisation, but I would be interested to know what kind of modified hoof-mouse and equine keyboard you use.)

"HELLOOOO THEEEEERRRRRE!" screeched the dentist through the hygeine mask covering his mouth and nose. The sheer force of shock slammed me into the back wall. Not wanting to offend the dentist, I smiled politely and sat on the leather chair.
"JUST LIE BACK AND RELAAAAAAAX!!!" he wailed. I did as he said and looked up at his upside-down face glaring down at me. His glassy eyes peered down through wire-framed spectacles. "OPEN YOUR MOOOOUUUUUUTH FOR ME PLEEEEAAAAASE!" Tufts of golden hair reached out from his scalp like solar explosions spewing from his head-sun.

"I CAN SEE IN YOUR MOOOOOUUUUUTH , STU!" he squawked with glee. "NUUUUUUUURSE! COME IN HEEERE AND LOOK AT THIS YOUNG MAAAN'S MOOOOUUUUTH!"

The door smashed open and a nurse, also with a mask over her mouth and nose, hopped in, arms by her side, feet and legs together, like a hygienic mouth-kangaroo. The dentist grabbed a mirror and held it in front of my face. "LOOK AT YOUR FAAAAAAAAACE!" he screeched. "LOOK AT YOUR MOOOOUUUUTH!"

This was all a bit too much. I decided to leave and go private. I tried to sit up but I was unable to move.
"YOU C-C-CAN'T L-LEAVE, STU," chirruped the dentist.
"Do I know you?" I asked, frightened now.
The dentist laughed, and the nurse joined him. "OH YES, YOU KNOW US!"
They removed their masks and stared at me expectantly. The nurse looked vaguely familiar, but the dentist's face drew a blank.
"AAAAH," he screeched, "FORGIVE MEEEE!" With that, he removed his glasses. It was then that I noticed the white, downy fur on his cheeks and the yellow feathers around his neck. I looked at the nurse. I hadn't noticed before, but her head was full of blue feathers, and I could now see her orange beak.
"Oh no!" I cried. "Emily! Percy!"
The two dental budgies burst into hysterical laughter.
"I don't understand," I said. "You're dead."
"WE WEEEERE!" hooted the dentist. "BUT WE'RE BAAAAAACK!"

And that was how I found out that my two dead budgies had been reincarnated as dentists.
(stusut79, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 11:56, Reply)

Haven't been in 6 or 7 years....
my teeth are hardcore, and now I've stopped opening beer bottles with them I'm sure they'll carry on that way.

however, if I were to go to a dentist it would most likely be the one in the funky wooden building that I can see out of my window now from my desk. Recently found out though that when you sign up with them they charge you £95 for an "initial consultation" where they stare into your gob for an hour!

seeing as my last 10 or so dentist appointments lasted a max of 30 seconds I see this as a waste of my time and money.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 11:47, Reply)

Stupid dentist names...
...I have none, unfortunately.

But if I may digress slightly, when I worked in Medical Staffing at a hospickle I DID know a Dr Doctor. And a Dr Aase.

The latter would've been funnier if he'd been a gastroentererologist, but alas he specialised in dermatology.

*dodges tumbleweed*
( weebear1974 discovering the joy of cat rape since, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 11:21, Reply)

REAL pain
You lot don’t know you’re born. The most painful thing you can do – in connection with dentists, that is – is to force your child to go for check-ups, fillings, orthodonistry, the FULL WORKS when they cry all the way to the door, stifle sobs in the waiting room, make you come into the surgery and watch as they writhe with pain.

I will NEVER forget the look my daughter gave me from the orthodontist’s chair as he tightened her train-tracks. He used to say “If it hurts, lift your arm”, she’d lift it as soon as she sat down, start waving it around, try to punch him, arm-wrestle the nurse…how she still loves me, I’ll never know.

We did keep her ‘before’ mouth casts though…scary.

My own dentist stories are boring and ended about seven years ago when I was chucked out of the last NHS practice in town for missing a check up. How is this NHS???? when they charge a small fortune just for turning up??? [In my day…]
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 11:13, Reply)

Poot canal
I once had a delicious swelling on my upper gum on the left hand side, and thought it best to go and see my dentist about it in case i had cancer or owt. She informed me that i needed a root canal, so i duly had one (this was when i was 16 and still got free treatment). So all goes ahead and she lets forth the gushing pussy shite that had been collecting in the side of my face for a good 2 months.....it tasted and smelled like rotton milk.

I was walking home, sucking on my new hole and trying to get rid of the crap, when suddenly i felt something small and hard in my mouth ( this is before i discovered boys and it was unexcpected). The white thing that she'd used to jam the holes with had come out, so i did what anyone else would do and ignored it.

The next morning i woke up with an even bigger fave and a mouthful of even ranker crap. So i go back to the bitch-tist and get it all fixed up again....then went every 3 weeks or so for her to drain, re-stuff, and all that bollocks until it was finished.

Fast forward to the present day.

I went to the dentist last week because i had/still have a swelling on the OTHER side this time, and he said that mrs previous dentist had royally buggered up my root canal and it would need to be re-done.
Not withstanding the fact that i had originally come in because i had a big fuck-off filling fall out, which he didn't even acknowledge, he wanted me to pay him £200 bloody squid to get the bastard root re-done!

'Bugger that', said I.....so he decided that 3 of my bottom tooth fillings needed replacing due to decay underneath. *zing* injection goes in with a beautiful CRRRUNCH as it entered the back of my jaw, and he starts buggering about with his drill.

It hurt......he told me that it wouldn't....but he drilled basically down to the raw nerve, and i was flinching away from him as he tried to get his fucking metal grinder down into my sensitive mush. not to mention the BITCH of a dental nurse was jamming this fucking sucky/blowy thing into the corner of my mouth, not actually bothering to collect the huge amount of spittle and bits of filling collecting in my windpipe.

Well i haven't been charge any money thus far, so i'm assuming it's an ongoing bill. If he tries to give me another root canal today (11.50am) i will tell him precisely what he can do with his 'fancy £200 new root machine' pile of cock. I wouldn't have another root canal done for FREE! They are bloody rubbish! So i will probably update this later, when i get back from episode 2 of 'Dentist of doom the uneccessary procedures', and his demon assistant. I will shove her Bob the Builder 'Good Boy' stickers up her cunt if she jams that god forsaken instrument of gum-death into me again.

EDIT: UPDATE

Well i have just returned after being seen 30 MINUTES late, the twunt is insisting that i have this poxy £200 root canal done, but thankfully the 2 fillings he did today were painless, although i was bleeding a lot. On November 23rd i am scheduled to have my broken tooth removed. I have practised smiling and laughing in the mirror to try and gauge how i will look when the deed is done. Thankfully it won't be too bad.

I'll be buggered if i'm paying £200 though, this lot job is probably costing me hundreds as it is!AND i nearly got knocked off my bike at a junction by some blind old tossrag who wasn't looking.

Bloody dentists. BLOODY!
(chili_kitten Cheese, peas and honey bees, Wed 8 Nov 2006, 11:03, Reply)