I blame the beer but..
1. A crappy BMX off ebay. It looked radical on screen but turned up and looked very gay.

2. A garden kneeler / seat. The day England beat the Argies. Then wandered round pubs / clubs with it under my arm. Women loved it and I got some good 'funbag action' at closing time.

The bloke I got my house off bought a 4 people sauna during a drunken card game. It was installed and working when I moved in.
(ganglepin, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 13:41, Reply)

Skindley:
wtf is 'pea-wet' ??
(nappy rash, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 13:34, Reply)

My idiot housemate...
...wandered off to the chinese takeaway one night while pissed (three pints! at least!) and stoned.

Unfortunately for him there is a petshop on the same road. You can tell this story won't end well, can't you?

The fool returned later with a tropical fish tank. He filled it with various tropical fish. The bigger fish ate the smaller fish. Then the bigger fish died.

Then again, considering I've caught him pouring both kitchen salt and boiling water into the top of the tank, I'm just surprised that a few hardy specimens have survived.
(fogbat, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 13:32, Reply)

ebay... i mean EVIL surrounds us...
a 60's bright orange ice bucket, kinda pumpkin shaped, made from cheap plastic. like i have friends to come to parties that i'd ever host and embarrass myself by getting out this monstrosity... curiously it smells of moth balls.

i kept hitting refresh too - just to make sure i wasn't beaten in the dying seconds of the auction

THEN the misfortune cause my slack ass postie can't carry parcels over 6gms in weight i had to use extra petrol to collect the heathen from the sorting office.

Kill me. Kill me now.
(TheManofScience, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 13:26, Reply)

racing vibrator
not so much something that was bought, more something given as a consolation.

myself and some friends were in our local old man pub having a few drinks after a long day of snooker and booze. the toilets of the pub have a machine which sell racing vibrators. (i'm not sure what makes them race though). we'd bought one a few months before and had a fun evening dipping it in pints and giving each other buzzing wet willies (excuse the pun).

we thought, in our haze, that we should buy another one to relive those times. we clubbed together the fiver that was required and sent one of our number to the toilet to make the purchase. he returned a few minutes later, claiming that the machine had stole his money. he was prepared to let it go, but i for one wanted my money back. he went to speak to the landlord (nice fella, used to play for accrington stanley) and explained the situation, saying he wanted his money or his sexual toy. landlord made many jokes, and took him off to the toilet. we all pissed ourselves at the sounds of banging and swearing coming from the toilet as landlord tried to prise the machine open. out he came, no vibrator in hand.

as we were finishing our pints, landlord came over with our five pounds and a package that he claimed he bought for use at hen nights. inside the package was a 'Peter Sipper', a crude rubber penis with a straw for a urethra. it was apparently modelled on a porn star's tool, but it was a bit girthless. the journey home was made all the more interesting by hitting each other over the head with this cockstraw.

we went to a friend's house to show them our prize, and many photos were taken of our prize. i'm not sure what happened to it in the end though. last time i saw it, it was stuck in a milk bottle, posing as a very limp candle.

i wasn't sad that we tried to buy a vibrator, but only got a floppy strawcock, i just question why.

bit long? sorry
(no1_cheesecake, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 13:13, Reply)

just remembered
after a drunken evening in the pub myself and a number of work mates decided to do the Berlin marathon. Not so crazy you might think. However we decided to do the Berlin rollerblading marathon......cue me the following weekend after many hours drinking getting the train to Docklands where they have a wearhouse type shop that sells rollerblades, or as I prefer to call them boots of death. Anyway decided to give them a try, fell over, broke my elbow (v.painful) and have never worn them again.

Oh, and they cost me £150 fecking quid.
(myohmy, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 13:13, Reply)

Lung destroying pipe
A friend of mine, let's call him Chris (his name), once bought an electric pipe on the way home from a day at the pub. Seemed like a good idea to all concerned at the the time, but paying £25 to have extremely hot smoke blasted into your lungs by a 50p fan engine is not as good as it first appears.
(impossibly witty twat No, YOUR Mum etc etc, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 13:10, Reply)

a timeshare holiday scheme - cost me 16 grand
a timeWASTE scheme, which I eventally got out of.
( Frumbert has no sig, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 12:50, Reply)

A mate
bought a £60 giant trampoline. I'd love to know what happened to i.t
( Greenbat, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 12:28, Reply)

24 hour budgens
Always a great stop for drunken munchies - unfortunatley one late night I was incapable of counting change, so paid for a packet of crisps on my visa card!
(ginginio, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 12:24, Reply)

TelevisionX
After much booze and watching some boxing, all the lads decided we needed to see some tittage. So off I pop, with credit card in hand, to get TelevisionX enabled on their Sky box. All the lads had given me a tenner each as it was going to cost 90 odd quid.

Next morning, awoke to find myself more affluent than I thought I was and had some junk mail from some TV porn channel which I promptly binned.

They never charged me, my mate got TelevisionX free for 6 months and I rob 80 quid off me 'mates'.
( Mr Spleen Can do better. C-, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 11:33, Reply)

one time, at the pub i was really, really really drunk from all of teh beer.
and then i went and bought...

wait for it...

more beer!

i'm mad me...MAD!
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 11:31, Reply)

Got drunk and bought myself
a 16 month ban from driving.
( icezebra *insert large monkey*, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 11:29, Reply)

I bought a random
monkey fuck horse tissue wank cunt mother fucker tit tash refridgerator pond chuff-spluff bum announcing coil fart.

And then my mum wanked an otter.

Also, it wasn't me but ice cream vans rained down their firey delusions upon the children of the nightly disguise.

Randomly.

Wooo I drink yeah love me wooo.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 11:22, Reply)

Retail Therapy
I am the king of random booze related purchases (and a lovley feifdom it is too).

I *popped* out for some more beer at half time during the 2003 rugby world cup, was asked to pick up a packet of 20 tabs for a ciggie challenged mate of mine. I returned from a "Tesco Extra" with.

- A 7 foot rubber plant
- A 'Barbie' lunch box
- A partially consumed bottle of Sambuca (which incidentally, Tescos staff take a dim view of you swigging from the bottle whilst shopping)

Upon arriving at the tobacco kiosk, the pimply knave serving me seemed confused at my request for a tin of snuff.

/lurk
(ColdLazarus, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 11:21, Reply)

didn't pay for them, but....
...woke up the next morning after a binge dans le Camden with a very nice arty picture of a harley davidson with a swastika on the fuel tank stating (for full/fuel effect I guess)"Thank god I'm white" - Also acquired a fire extinguisher for good measure.
Hmmm...arty racism...
( -:Coop:-, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 11:19, Reply)

My Russian Wife
seriously.
(MrVictim, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 11:18, Reply)

Used to always buy donnor meat, chips with garlic and chilly sauCe
Every thursday after a night out.
Till nearly 2 years ago when I tried it when I wasnt drunk enough and threw up everywhere.

So I would get chicken kiev pizza but now ive found the same place does the best chicken pamasans in the world dead cheap, yum
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 11:12, Reply)

Greenland
but i gave it back in the interest of international peace.
(Chance1234 up for parole on, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 11:02, Reply)

Donner meat, chips, pea-wet, scraps and gravy
Every time I get pissed in Bolton
(skindley, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 10:55, Reply)

an unfortunate series of events
Mostly concluding in paying for a £3,000 Cambodian language course at some language school in England.

I live in Scotland.

I don't have £3,000.

I'm never going to Cambodia.

...

..

.

Yeah, so -uh- that was the worst hangover ever. Got off with it, mind, but still. Shock and horror to discover the e-mails from the head of the faculty in the inbox.
(Schumann makes awesome quiches., Fri 10 Jun 2005, 10:55, Reply)

too far
I've since cut down on the boozing due to doing and buying many stupid things but I think the night that topped any other was when I was out with a friend of mine who later went on to be kicked out of alcoholics anonymous for "leading others astray".

We were playing a stupid game of tupenny bets, for those of you who are not familiar with this concept you & other simply bet each other very random and even more stupid tasks for a 2p.

I ended up with a nipple ring and an infected nipple. My friend finally ended up changing his name by deed poll to Jebediah Spunkmonkey. The bet involved both of us keeping our respective punishments for a year.
(Let's all have an asbo, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 10:45, Reply)

Pina Colada, as suggested by a mate of mine.
Makes you look gay (i'm not, he's not, so why were we drinkin 'em?)
Makes you feel like shite if you've been drinking bitter beforehand.
Urrrrgh.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 10:43, Reply)

A
drum kit
( Vultan the real one I threw my little yellow shoe, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 10:41, Reply)

An afghan coat...
...from a now deceased hippy shop (Pasha) in Newcastle, circa 1985.

It smelt like a dead, wet sheep. (Funnily enough.)

About six years later I sold it to a mate, who was equally drunk.
(BeerPoweredNoiseFrenzy, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 10:34, Reply)

Well at least you're plagiarising the GREATS I suppose...

'Sennor's' shitty jeans story may well be part of Ricky Gervais's act, but Spike Milligan was telling that one 30 years ago. So Gervais is a lying unoriginal thief as well.
(scunnydelight, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 9:55, Reply)

Well not quite drunk...
but the morning after a mammoth sesh a few weeks back I went on E-bay and purchased myself an oxygen canister to cope with all the other hangovers due this summer *inhales*
( hypnochimp, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 9:49, Reply)

i once traded
an ice cream van with Hotdog.

I swapped it for a bandwagon.

:D
(nappy rash, Fri 10 Jun 2005, 9:41, Reply)