first of many
The first fight I can remember was back in playgroup; I must have been about three. I was playing with a small, brightly coloured truck with differently-shaped slots in the top to take differently-shaped plastic blocks, a sort of 80's interpretation of the 'square peg round hole' scenario.
Enter Another Kid. I have no idea what the child looked like or what sex he/she was, but I have a vague impression of fatness. Of course, that may well have just been my reflection.
So, Another Kid decides it wants to play with the brightly-coloured device; a brief tug of war ensues; I sock the little shit one, I believe in the chest; Another Kid staggers off in tears to the nearest adult for some sympathy.
Then we all got given juice. To this day I remain unpunished.
(chikkstrel, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 20:00, Reply)

Our school...
...was in a bit of a transitional period when I arrived. It had a reputation for being really, really rough but the new head was whipping it into shape. It didn't stop a few brilliant fights though.

The 'hardest lad in school' had a fight (I use the term loosely, the other fella didn't do much fighting back) with someone in the year below him. He chased him down to the gates where he repeatedly rammed his head into the metal fencing. He then turned him round and began beating him to shit before throwing him on the floor and making his own way to the heads office.

Our prom was packed with action aswell but not between the kids. An ICT teacher turned up with her toyboy looking quite smug, 20 minutes later her husband turned up and a scuffle ensued. The toyboy left by ambulance with a bread knife sticking out of his shoulder.
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 20:00, Reply)

Tom Woodhams decked Alex Adams
with a now legendary flying kick to the chest. The flying kick was legendary, as anyone who saw it could tell you, as it was made from a standing start, with no conceivable movement of the legs. It was like watching a peice of beautifully choreographed Kung fu wirework and was spoken of in hushed tones for years afterwards.
( brianftang www.brianftang.co.uk, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 19:58, Reply)

RIOTS
My school, which was shit, was known to have regular gang-fights with other local schools and, on some occasions, gang-fights between its own pupils.

The fights that took place between different tutor groups were far more vicious and bloody. The riot, because it was a riot, that stands out most happened when I was in year 10. For reasons I still haven't worked out, years 10 and 11 decided to have a playground war.

That's not entirely unusual, except this was all out WAR. It only needed tanks for it to have been a bona fide battle. For about a week, there were designated areas for year 10s and year 11s and daily mass-fights – 30+ kids running like fuck at each other, whilst weilding chairs or rulers or whatever they could get their hands on.

There were casualties. I'm lucky to have survived. It was fucking mental.
( Fictional Emma, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 19:41, Reply)

I can only think of one proper fight, but it was quite memorable.
A skinny, geeky kid in the year above me and this quiet trainspotter who just about everyone disliked intensely due to his general strangeness and the way he was a complete cunt to anyone who tried to talk to him were generally the best of friends.

Then, one day as we were all sitting around playing cards in the sixth form common room we heard someone shouting over the other side and, looking over, saw the geeky kid, utterly red in the face, literally windmilling his arms trying to beat the shit out of trainspotter. His fists were just going either side of the target's face and, evidently realising this, he changed tactics and started doing the strangest overarm punches I have ever seen, also missing entirely. His opponent had until this point been slowly backing away, but having reached the edge of the room was now trapped against a wall with a whiteboard on it.

Seeing that he had no escape, he landed an absolute belter of a punch into the other's stomach, then ducked under his arm and legged it out the door. Our nerdy hero, however, is in full berserker mode and utterly oblivious to pain. He continued to throw his ridiculous, wildy flailing blows for a good 10 seconds before the mist cleared and he realised what was going on.

Afterwards, his knuckles were bleeding and a red-stained crack could be seen on the whiteboard. I never found out what the fight was about, but as far as I know they never spoke to each other again.
(MooCow_Byter, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 19:29, Reply)

Beat the shit out of the school bully
in drama class one afternoon.

Stupid cow tried to pick a fight with me. Very bad idea.

Nobody tried anything with me after that.
( Sylia Stingray is pilfering the biscuits on, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 19:25, Reply)

Not really a big fight, but prolly my most memorable.
Musta been about year 5 or 6. At lunch. Matthew picks up my bottle of Panada Pop and 'hilariously' shakes it up so it'll a-splode when I open it. I do the only sensible thing - Open it and tip it over his head.
He tried it again about a week later, convinced I wouldnt do the same thing twice. This time I see him going for my stuff and pre-empt him.

I twatted him around the head with my Transformers lunch-box.
(Booga O Valencia!, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 19:12, Reply)

feckin' psychiatrists
Well, one time a mate of mine back in jr. high stabbed another kid (this other kid happened to be a fat kid who no one liked) with a screwdriver (quite nasty, drew quite a bit of blood) but at the time I happened to find it funny, and gave a bit of laugh at him. I was tagged as "unstable" by the psyche dept. at my high school for the rest of my tenure through local schools and had to go to all sorts of meetings and psyche appointments for 5 years.

Not fun
(wherethecheeseat, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 19:01, Reply)

Bragging cockfoster floored
This one happened in my final year at high school. (In a Maths lesson to be exact)

Being one of the tallest blokes in my year, I regularly came in for a bit of stick off the short-arse council-estate chavs who wanted to prove their worth by fighting the biggest lad they could find. I indulged in this once or twice until my head of year gave me multiple detentions for picking on people smaller than me. (it didn't matter that one of them had come at me with a knife, turns out he was very good at crying to get sympathy, wanker)

Anyway, I put myself on a fighting ban and would always walk away from trouble rather than cause any more grief.

Until one very warm afternoon in Maths, that is... I used to sit near the back of the classroom with my best mate Alec and my other close mate Mike would sit infront of us, next to a guy called Richard Benson. Benno (as he was known) was about an inch shorter than me, but he had a good 5 stone on me in mountainous blubber. He was the archetypal farmer's son - reckoned he owned the place and loved to recount stories of how he acted as door security at the wrestling matches his dad supposedly organised. He would also brag that he was the only person hard enough to keep the peace at these events.

Anyway, on this particular day, the fat knacker kept turning around and hittng mine and Alec's knuckles with a 40cm (not 30) steel rule. He would wait until our maths tutor had her back turned an then he'd launch his witty little attack. I could feel the red mist coming over and in the end I lost it. I slid my chair backwards and sneaked out into the aisle between desks. I stood to the left of Benno and tapped him on the shoulder. As he turned to face me I hit him with a left hook that onlookers said I seemed to pick up from the ground. Unfortunately I hit him that hard that as his podgy head flew back, he sort of headbutted Mike (who as I said, was sat next to him) and pretty much knocked him out.

The classroom fell silent and I stood there thinking "oh shit, I've really hurt him" then I just sat down and carried on with a batch of simultaneous equations.

As anyone who's been to high school knows, fight news travels fast and soon I was the talk of the year group. Benno was not happy and spent the next two days telling people he'd love to come back and hit me but his eye was too swollen to be able to see me properly. Anyway, his royal fatness never did take revenge and Mike only had minor concussion.

Apologies for length, unless you're a female reader.
(The Graduate Adding to the confusion since 1974, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 18:57, Reply)

For being a wimpy little 'computer geek'..
I do get myself into alot of trouble, and come out usually quite well.

First fight involved being thrown into a fence before landing a jab into the prick's face which burst both his lips and loosened his front teeth, looked like Leslie Ash for a week.

Second fight I was jumped on while coming down some stairs, instead of falling I managed to grab the attacker and throw him down the stairs causing him to roll comically before smashing head first into a glass paneled door, he could only muster a "nyuh!" before running off teary eyed.

Third I was set upon for having a girlfriend (I don't understand either) me 17 and them being 6 16 year olds, well the one who started attacking me eventually got my elbow (which are extremely boney) into his neck, not only did he struggle to breath for the next 10 minutes his mates backed away sheepishly.

Still 17 and today actually, standing waiting for some friends while a younger year 'charv' walks past, comes nose to nose with me and screams in my face, well I thought that was less then sociable behaviour and so politely gave him a glaswiegan kiss which he didn't take so well.

Seems every fight I'm in ends faster then it started, thankfully, since I may not be short (at 6 foot) I am only about 9 stone, and if they didnt go down so quick I fear I'd be dead already.
(Vikingheadache, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 18:43, Reply)

Fights you say?
I do not start fights. I however do finish fights, i am considered a bit of a psycho at my school for many reasons, mostly to do with swords and weapons etc. there are many fights i have been involved in but tonight i shall regale to you the tale of how i became the nutter i am today.

It was on the school bus, upper deck of course (im cool) and an argument ensued with a lad from my primary school, im a resourceful chap and it ended up with me almost snapping his arm in two between some bars he had mistakenly swung for me between, i realised the error of my math, him being 150lbs me being 100lbs at the time, and said i would let go of his arm if he promised not to hit me, otherwise i would break it he said OK. needless to say he knocked the living shite out of me. i was not a happy bunny, i now realise that had i snapped his arm i would have won the fight and that it was my fear that had made me lose. i now live by the idea of having no fear means that there will be nothing to be afraid of resulting in much humorous japery and mirth between me and bullies, in one case a lad tried to draw on my coursework, so i quite happily stabbed him in the hand with a rather chavtastic gel pen which went in up to the bottom of the nib type detachable bit. i fucking loved it, you dont know fun until you have got your revenge in a very over the top way.

my cock is fucking enormous
(Jimmai, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 18:36, Reply)

Not directly involved, but,
in year 8 we were encouraged (forced) to run/walk a sponsored mile around the school grounds. We were told to come up with an original and interesting way to travel the mile, the more interesting the better, as we would get more sponsor money. Not being one to be out-done, I chose to walk the mile on my 3-ft high stilts. I walked most of the mile quite happily, surrounded by my mates, until in the last 200m, Scott Kilfoyle, notorious cunt, ran up to me threatening (for no apparent reason) to swipe my stilts out/trip me up. After a minute of dancing around me, he charged towards me, leg raised, ready to kick my legs out. Before he could make contact, my good mate Swanny (a big lad) smashed him in the shin, and only being on 1 leg at that exact moment, Scott fell swiftly on his face. The resounding thud was extremely satisfying, and Scott hobbled off with a hurt leg and presumably squashed nose.
Cheers Swanny!
(Dooley, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 18:36, Reply)

My school was pretty rough...
Replace the word 'fight' with 'stabbing'. Nuff said.
(Pixel, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 18:33, Reply)

My First Fight
I was maybe 6 years old, and around the time I refused to cut my fingernails because I was ar eally lazy kid and I didn't like doing it. Therefore, I had some bigass claws.

Anyway, this other kid who lived down the street had taken to pissing me off at school, every time he saw me. It was all that little stuff that gets to you when youre young, like a shove here, and a comment about poop there.

I was at the breaking point, when one day in gym class he decided to get too clse to me while we were playing some sport involving a lot of balls. I reached over, grabbed his face in both hands, and pulled, leaving 4 bleeding lines on either side of his face from my "claws".

I saw what I did, got afraid the teacher would see and get mad, so I went and got a drink from the changerooms. He followed after with two friends, shoved me one more time while crying, and went and told the principal. Fortunately, I was a teachers pet when I was little and the principal decided I would never do anything bad unless really provoked, so the other kid got in trouble instead of me.

I think he never even said another word to me after that day.
(Davmaster is not a quadrispazz, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 18:29, Reply)

Hard Guy vs. Annoying Twat
Leaving a lesson, Hard Guy asks (acne-ridden) Annoying Twat: "Why have you got loads of dents in your forehead?"

Annoying Twat replies: "Why are you a Paki?"

There was an impressive amount of blood spattered on the floor and walls.
(The Sun King, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 18:09, Reply)

I never got into a fight
But the ones at my very large school were a sight to behold. About once a month, the daily two people going at it would turn into 4, 6, and so on, and those who weren't fighting were gathered around going "OOOOH." And then the rent-a-cops would come with their handcuffs(and later tasers) and the fun would be over.
edit: oh oh, I forgot, when I was about 7 or 8 I threatened to stab someone in the head with a pair of surgical scissors I'd accidentally had in my bag. And so began my long mental health history.
( trintrin has jam for blood, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 18:07, Reply)

Fighting a girl
When I was in year 8 the local 'hard' tom boy thought it would be funny to run off with my bag. I gave chase and rugby tackled her to the floor to recover it. She yelled 'look what you've done to my combats' (now grass stained) and punched me in the stomach.
I sat down next to a friend and smiled at him in answer to his question are you ok. The girl let out a yell, ran back to me and cried 'are you laughting at me' and followed up with the best roundhouse kick I have ever seen, right to my head. I just laughted and she ran off in confusion.
Winner by default
(Seagoons Heros, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 17:44, Reply)

Yeah?
Come on then
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 17:34, Reply)

Hard Knocks
Ah trinity high, right in the middle of hulme in manchester, we had the northern (might have been country) record for most amount of fire alarms set of in a week (16) during my stay there i was accused of saying all black people came from outer space and martin luther king was a babbling cunt (NOT TRUE) that was the worse, there were others, many, but the two fights (approx one every two weeks (not me) that i remember were 1) this 'hard man' (his dad nicked cars/tv's for a living) said to my friend (whos a black belt in judo, and though smallish, is built like a brick shit house) u long haired cunt, your mums gonna die, unbeknownst to him, his mum had died two weeks previous and he was a little upset, cue him pushing said hard man back about 6 feet with one arm and walking off enraged.

at the end of the day, 'hard man' was bragging to friends and hangers on in the enclosed football court that he beat the shit out of my friend and all the things he said to him, plus a few made up things, friend smacked him in the back of the neck just underneath the skull, making him fall to the floor, and taking on all hard mans friend foolish enough to stick up for him, sweeping the feet from beneath two of them at once, throwing another over his shoulder and before he had finished spinning kicked him on the way round, (did i mention hard man had a certain attraction to wrestling? well he liked to think he could recreate it) so hard man had gotten up and climbed the wall fencing about 5 metres up, and jumped at my friend, who saw him mid flight , grabbed his legs and followed him through face down onto the concrete surface, then sat on him as he sobbed and moaned and whipped out a fag, said to guy hes sitting on that he noticed he smoked, 'i notice you like to smoke' and pressed it against his forehead

this took just over a minute, and im now scared shitless of him

2) the other involved me, and this dirty cunt who developed a penchant for flemming on the back of my coats, he started provoking me, so i jumped on his back and pulled him down, he got on top of me and out of all the thigs he could of done with my arms pinned... rolled over taking me now on top, and again, and again, so i kneed him im the giggleberries, got up and tried to walk away, and he flemmed on me

i dont like this, so i ran at him, turned him around and pushed his face into the rim of the nearby bin,which i didnt know had a rusty peice hanging loose, which got stuck in the base of his nose

they do say school days are the best days in your life, but then i rape them..
(muggins im afraid dave.my mind is going, i can feel it, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 17:31, Reply)

Fat Ging
OK Fat Ging was part of our group of friends and this isn't a malicious fight.

first, how he got his nickname: one day we were playing a sort of game where you had to jump on Fat Ging whilst he was on the floor in the corridor. i jumped on him and he banged his head on the wall, oops. he got up and got me in a headlock and called me a "Fat Ginger Git". i pushed him off and that was that. i must add im not ginger, not overly fat and definatly not a git.

i dont know how long after, but he was subsequently given the nickname Fat Ginger Git, which was shortend to Fat Ging, or sometimes Fat. He wasn't fat, ginger or a git either. :/

in one science lesson with hydrochloric acid, he wetted a bit of tissue with the aforementioned acid and threw it at my back (he sat behind me). so i turned around with my pippet and sprayed some in his face. he got me back with his pippet, so i grabbed the whole beaker and thrust it in his face, and he did the same to me.

none of us won, because we had both run out of hydrochloric acid, but we got told off and had to wash off in the sink because the acid was acting acidy and burning my face!

i also remember getting a group of our mates together, and running shouting "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT" which obivously alerts others, who then chase us looking for where the fight is. the number of people snowballed and we led them on a wild goose chase around the school. eventually we could sneak into the middle of the group and sneak out, stop and watch them kind of disperse when they finally realise there will be no fight.
other times we would point at one person in front of us, who would get scared of the mob and run, which made the group think it was this bloke getting beat up, so would chase him until something stopped them! oh the days!

My Penis is big.
(dani_B Bollocks, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 17:16, Reply)

when i was about 16..
the class twat, david kay, having tried to grab my attention vocally one lunchtime, whilst my ears were plugged with walkman headphones, decided it would be a good idea to pull the back of my headphones to get my attention, thus causing me to almost fall backwards on my already leaning chair.

i decided i didn't like his course of action and swiftly sent my fist flying towards his nose (quite a strange reaction from me considering i'm a complete nancy), to which he retaliated with a jolly punch in my gut, winding me, clapping and cheering from the rest of the classroom ensued, causing the attention of a nearby teacher to be caught. i had to the spend the next 3 days doing work outside the headmasters study for breaking his nose, his parents were trying to get me done for assault aswell. bleh. only fight i was involved in at school.
(mild_swearwords, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 17:11, Reply)

Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away...
or about three years ago, when I was in first year, at school, I was sitting on the bus, not necessarily minding my own business, but taking the piss out of the wanker behind me who was trying ot make me look stupid, even though he was special needs.
However, I didn't get in a fight with him. Nope, I got in a fight with a fifth year getting on the bus. All I did was say hello to him in a Russian accent. Not really a touchy subjct, but he took offence for some reason.
He grabbed my wrist and started to twist it round really hard. I knew I couldn't punch him because, as well as my age, I'm a weak guy... So I gave him a fucking hard slap.
Smack! One black eye.
( Butters and his titanium codsocket, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 16:58, Reply)

i'll have a fight with you dickhead if you click the i like this button geez
(getdown is not spanish, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 16:52, Reply)

Meh
Not much of a fight, but still.
They called me names and called my brother fat (he is, but nevermind that) outside school. I didn't know who they were at the time, but the next day it became apparent that they went to my school. And were 2 years younger than me, and therefore deserving of being forcibly quietened, not to mention easy pickings.

Pushed one of them headfirst into a wall. He hasn't said a word to me since.

On Monday I'm going to shut the rest of the group up as well. I'll post how it goes.
(youthink, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 16:52, Reply)

I'm not a violent person
Really, I'm not. I don't think I've ever hit anyone or deliberately broken anything in my entire life.

Except this one time when I was 13. One of the big 5th year bullies did something terrible to me that raised my moral indignation to an unprecedented level; he didn't hold the door open for me.

In fact, he did quite the opposite. He made eye contact with me, and there was a premeditated glint in there. He shut the door on me just as I was passing through. Then I thought he chuckled.

It was a fairly innocuous misdemeanour, especially as my shoe took the full force of the feeble blow, and I was in now way injured. However, I was enraged at the rudeness, the like of which I had never encountered before.

So I picked him up and threw him through the very same door with which he had so successfully managed to raise my hackles.

I was a normal sized 13 year old kid, and he was huge, hairy and two year my senior. I was as proud as a child could be at my derring feat of strength and bravery.

But then I looked at his unconscious body a little closer. In a tangled mess of blood and glass I could just about make out one of his lower-arm bones protruding through his flesh. He had glass in his face and a mouthful of blood. His right knee was bent to an extremely unnatural angle. There was a gash to the rear of his head, the crimson contents of which was gushing out onto the lino. And he wasn't moving, or even breathing, so far as I could make out.

To cut a long story short, he had more injuries than a usual road traffic victim could expect if involved in a collision at 30mph. I was told that he 'must have fallen at a very awkward angle'. He spent three weeks in hospital, and had his arm in plaster for what seemes like months. And he had, in total, 60 stitches to patch up the holes I had made in him, and, to me, it seemed that he never really walked properly again.

And the irony in all this? He wasn't a bully at all. In fact, he was a corridor monitor who was trying to tell me that the door was brokn and that he was attempting to lock it before fetching the caretaker to fix the hinge.

So, whatever your name was, if you're out there and reading this, sorry for fucking up your arm when all you were trying to be was a Good Samaritan.
(rymix, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 16:46, Reply)

I still feel bad about this
being a mouthy twunt in my early teens I got a regular beating from various people, mostly leaving me on the floor in a ball in tears but the one 'win' I ever had was a play fight, I was having a mock argument with some fella in my year and I grabbed him by his blazer lapels and pushed him, no big deal, I thought, all part of the fun, I thought, until he slid down the wall and didn't get back up, you see the back of his hear hit a corner of a wall and knocked the bugger senseless, completely sparko. 3 days in hospital and everything.

I felt so bad, not as bad as when the 'popular' girl in my year shouted out that everyone should forever ignore me and not be my friend (I didn't have many in the first place (see first part))

to be fair on Tim when he came back to school he was pretty cool about it all but for some reason always kept his distance....

still, never got started on after that!

although this might be because I sat alone hidden behind the music block smoking fags! alone.

I was ugly too!
(Starzy had a headache on, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 16:46, Reply)

Well i wasn't involved ...
... but i remember when i was in, ooh, about year 8 of high school, some chav from year 11 decided to pick on this other lad. He was rather weedy and couldn't really defend himself properly, unfortunately for him.

He hit him in the face a couple of times and then pushed him into the wall, while his cronies jeered him on. The weedy kid, being sensible, didn't retaliate but tried to move away. He was pushed up against one of those huge blue wheely bins, and someone shouted "Put him in it!". The bully did just that, picking him up and throwing him face first into the half-empty bin, and closing the lid behind him.

Still not satisfied, the gang wheeled the poor lad half way across the playground. When the teachers finally arrived, they pushed the bin over and ran off into the park.
( Ghostwriter can't pick up his pencil, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 16:45, Reply)

The Last Laugh is on the IMD
Got the shit kicked out of me at school, on a routine basis by a trio of scally shits, on the grounds that my dad had a decent job and I wasn't thick.

But Ha Ha! The last laugh is on me. Because i'm not rotting in a grave.

#1 died joyriding into a wall aged 15.
#2 died in a pub fight aged about 19, with a spiked baseball bat through his head
#3 died as well, alas I can't remember how as he was less significant. So let's say he got anally raped by a goat until he bled to death, for comedy purposes.

Best bit is, as an Atheist I won't even go to hell for feeling cheered at their welfare state burden reducing deaths. Yay!

* Disclaimer: Whilst their deaths fail to sadden me, I didn't do it. Officer.
(incrediblemonkeydoctor www.rantatsomeone.com - go on, have a rant, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 16:38, Reply)

He should never have picked on my little brother.

The school bully picked on my little brother and I saw red, literally. The bully had short, bright ginger curls so I slid my fingers along his scalp and grabbed and twisted and he fell to his knees screeching like a baby.

His little brother turned up at that point and kicked me in the shins. I was wearing a new pair of tights that day and, worrying that he had holed them, I let go to see what the damage was. No hole, but blood running down my shin instead. I chased after the little brother and booted him up the bum while he tried to squeeze through a fence.

They left my little brother alone after that though.
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 16:16, Reply)

for the first 2 years of school
i was bullied daily, nothing too severe, but a dead arm everyday, and a few roughing ups. i never retaliated, figuring they'd just get bored, plus my high pain threshold meant it never hurt much anyway.
well, one day, i was already sitting in class, teacher present, when my antagoniser arrives, and on his way past, punches me in the back of the head quite hard.

now, im not sure if he caused some level of brain damage, or wether i was just fed up with it all, but, for the first time, i struck back.

i jumped up, grabbed him by the hair, and repeatedly slammed his face into the desk, while bringing my knee up into his stomach. i did this a few times, before pushing him over to his seat, and returning to my own chair as if nothing had happened.

best part? my teacher (who had witnessed the whole thing, and had seen me being bullied for ages) took the opportunity to send him out of the class to the headmaster for starting the fight.

after that, i never got picked on again. win-win :D
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 16:15, Reply)