Class struggle
My school was very mixed. We had some some extremely middle class kids and some dirt poor pikeys. The posh kids came from the posh estates which surrounding the school and an even posher estate from down the road. The pikier kids came from a nearby housing estate and fifteen minutes up the valley (I was somewhere in between).

Trouble brewed between the various tribes with the pikeys marauding round the posh estates with hockey sticks beating up anyone who got in their way. This continued until it was decided a 'rumble' was needed.

'Ferny' and 'Woody' were to battle it out behind the school on a Saturday night, as a post-cider binge entertainment.

The hordes gathered, they threw a few punches, 'POLICE!' was shouted very early on and everyone scarpered.

The fight was bollocks, the class struggle remains and the pikeys still beat the shit out of the posh kids. Hehe.
(Bunnygirl, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 14:53, Reply)

first schoolboy in orbit.
Reading about the desk story reminded me of an altercation that happened at our school many, many moons ago. We had a scruffy kid in our class called Michael, hurtfully nicknamed Michael-no-neck by the rest of us because his head literally met his shoulders with no gap inbetween. He had the cheek to insult the teacher one afternoon and when told to stand outside for the rest of the lesson actually had the balls to refuse, even when the rather huge Mr. Davies tried to drag him out of his chair. Desks in those days used to come with the chair attached, what loon thought that up I have no idea but Mr. Davies, being the no nonsense, rugby playing Welshman that he is lost his rag and picked up the whole thing, boy included, opened the door with his foot and fluuuung the whole lot into the hallway. Absolutely amazing display and quite amusing to see the shock on the face of Michael as he sailed in a beautiful arc out of the class. He sat out there for a full 45 minutes in bemused silence while the rest of us couldn't stop laughing. One of many crazy schooldays.
(Suddenly, zebras Safe and sound for eternity, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 14:20, Reply)

chav fights
I went to the local comp for a few years - and there were fights almost daily. One which sticks in my mind however went like this:

The school was out in the country, so the playgrond was surrounded by farmer's fields... and farmer's fields often have electric fences...

...and there was one boy who was a right cunt, and who had just thrown his packed lunch over some chav's cap. So the chav and his 'hood' picked him up and... *takes moment to steady myself* attached his bollocks to the wire.

I will never forget those screams...

Thank b3ta I left that school a year or so after.


For those sick people who want to know what he screamed, it went along the lines of: "AAAAAH Please stop! Aaaaa! No, No, No, NOO! Aaaaaah! Help!! Waaaaah! AaAAAAAAaaaAAh!" (and so on.) Right wailer he was.
(Fwapper Has just got a new PC =), Sat 11 Mar 2006, 13:24, Reply)

And yet another...
...from my first year at high school, but again not me.

Our first year science teacher one day started off a lesson by bringing in a lairy-as-fuck fifth year and bollocking him in front of us all, presumably to humiliate the lad and to show us he won't stand for any shit.

We got the message, but the fifth year got a different one. He lay in wait after school that day for the teacher to leave then decked him right there next to his car.

Suffice to say the fifth year was never seen in school again, but to his credit the teacher shrugged the episode off and was back in the next day - no emotional breakdown for that chap. We asked him about it a couple of years later, as by then it had almost passed into legend. He responded with 'It was one way to get rid of the little thug'.

Never really worked out what he meant by that. The deepened mystery only added to the legend. Man, he was good :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 13:17, Reply)

goth kids vs chav kid
well this is kinda the shortest fight i have ever seen.

at my school i hang around near the back building under a fire escape with the other goth kids. once in a while you get some one thinking they will fight us all.

there was this one boy who i really hated cos he used to pull my hair,try to lift my skirt up and shout dirty goth girl at me.
well one day this boy and his friend decided to go over to us lot and shout dirty goths.

as soon as he did two of the goth boys grabbed one of his arms and legs each they then poled him which is basically ramming his balls into a metal pole attached to the fire escape.
i stood there laughing as he ran off trying to hold back the tears.
(torture bunny lives under the kitchen sink, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 12:49, Reply)

Yeah...
In year seven. Me and some other girl, stupid girly fight, was resolved by her telling our head of year she had constipation... No, I don't know why...
(Balue Free From Tetanus, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 12:35, Reply)

Geeks fight each other too....
Me and a mate of mine were in the cafeteria at college when we heard shouts at the far end of the room. We turned our heads to find it had all kicked off between two geeky first years so being the sensible second years we did the right thing and began to egg them on. Now, this wasn't your typical geek fight consisting of girly slaps and hair pulling, this was a proper barny. Punches were being thrown that Mr. Tyson himself would be proud of! Once the dust had settled and the two rejects had been pulled off each other they started blubbering. Inbetween the sobs we got wind of what the fight was about.

Apparently there was a dispute between the two geeks during an intense game of Yu Gi Oh cards which results in one of them throwing the others cards in the floor. I'm not in with geek culture but this must have been a grave insult to warrant the beating that was dished out.
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 12:26, Reply)

Ah, and not really a fight
but I did get beaten up once by an odious child who I probably can't name for legal reasons, given what follows.

After a bit of a kicking from him, which followed quite a lot of psychological torment some time in Junior school, I resolved to get the bastard back somehow.
I won the fight in the end a few years later. I had access to some company headed notepaper and an electronic typewriter (I was only eleven, so this was millenia ago - no MS Word back then...). I grassed his dad's building business up to the Inland Revenue.

Moral of this story - don't bully people who are clever. We can be sneaky bastards, and harbour grudges.

And as the Italians say, "revenge is a dish best served cold"...

Apologies for lack of physical fisticuffs, but it's the one I will treasure..
( expf, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 12:11, Reply)

So many of these stories are about looking after your siblings
Which is sweet.

However. When my sis (age 5) joined my primary school, I (age 7) was all prepared to look out for her and make sure she wasn't picked on etc.
First day, she ran up to me in the playground, and bit me so hard on the arm it drew blood through my jumper.

I guess at age five, you have a rep to protect.

I have asked her about this some two decades later, and she does remember doing it, but has no idea why. She also remembers I took this with good grace at the time, but socked her one as soon as we got home. The logic was there (don't get in trouble with the teacher by fighting at school). The method on the other hand, was a bit useless. Mum was watching, and gave us both a good hiding for our troubles.
Aside from that, life was pretty peaceful..
( expf, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 11:58, Reply)

Just remembererd a 'not me, but' time...
...when I was halfway through high school in what was then third year (age 13). I was just walking away from the canteen with a couple of my mates and rounded a corner to a rare sight.

One of the fifth Year boys was pinned against the wall by a first year girl who was repeatedly twatting him with her schoolbag whilst shouting things along the lines of 'You're a senior pupil here"', 'Can't believe what you did!', 'You're supposed to set an example!' etc etc. Each syllable the girl spoke was punctuated by a whack from the bag. We had no idea what he had done, but the girl had certainly taken exception.

Understand that in my school, the fifth years were a law unto themslves to pupils and teachers alike, and the rule was that whatever year you were, lower year pupils were given no quarter and shown no mercy. My brother was a fifth year at the time and had all but ignored me the entire time I had been there purely on this principle. So we just had to stay and watch while this (to us) huge lad, who was already known to us as a mid-range cunt and worth avoiding, getting whipped by this 11-year old girl who was barely two-thirds as tall as we were, let alone him. He wasn't getting hurt but just watching him with his hands in front of him and an expression of bemused amazement was a sight to behold.

I think now that it was the most rewarding entertainment I ever experienced at that school. I would have congratulated her but being the principled young lady she so obviously was, I may have come in for the same treatment for condoning such behaviour :)

/off topic: I hooked up with one of my old schoolmates from FriendsReunited a couple of years ago and not only found out that he's gay too, but was also fooling around with another mate of ours back then. Bloody hell :D
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 11:35, Reply)

red mist, sort of
In lieu of sleepaway camp, my parents sent me to a kind of pre-college program at a nearby campus. Most of the kids stayed in the dorms, but some of us were bussed in for the day. We had "day groups," apparently so that we could make friends. Mostly my group sat around glumly until it was time to go do something else.

Two days before the end of first session, the day group leader, Kai, decides that we're finally going to do something fun - she challenges another day group to a water balloon fight. We show up on the field with balloons and, for some reason, a big tub to put them in once filled. The other group doesn't show up, so Kai declares that we're going to fight each other instead.

It's hard to have a fight with people you're completely ambivalent about, but I gave it a shot, throwing a water balloon at this girl Hayley, who happened to be within range. I missed, but Hayley saw, and she rallied her two friends together to get back at me.

Soon I was being pelted with balloons from every angle, and I couldn't keep up in the slightest. Then they stopped - whew! I went and sat down, wondering how this had turned into a major vendetta, when I felt a massive splash - the girls had filled the tub with water and tipped it all onto me. WTF? I think I was angrier than I had ever been. I *had* to get them back.

So I ran to the dining hall and grabbed a bunch of ketchup packets. I put them between some paper towels (for stealth!) and tore open the little corners. Walked right up to Hayley. "Hey!" I said, and when she turned around, I squeezed. It was beautiful.
(tinyninja, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 11:27, Reply)

Rival schools
Where I used to live in Cheshire, two high schools within say a mile of each other and every lunch break pupils would either meet halfway on a big stretch of land, or groups of virile males from either school would plant themselves in the other's playground, and therefore would kickstart fights which no amount of teachers could stop. Great fun. Memorable fight was letting them all walk up to our school, then 300 yards down the road we walk out from behind a small local power station thing, sneaking up behind them, and generally beating the absolute cunting fuck out of them. I think the number of broken noses got into double figures that day.
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 11:10, Reply)

she what?
We were in 5th grade (age 11 and 12, for you there in the UK). There was an annoying girl in my class called Danielle - very into glitter and who was best friends with who. This kid named Andy loved making Danielle cry; said she had no friends, she smelled, etc.

There was a new girl that year called Maddy. She was a tiny little hippie child (she made her own enormous beaded earrings) and because she was new she was generally nice to everyone. One day, she saw Andy laying into Danielle and she lost it. Stormed right up to him and punched him - he never saw it coming.

He had a black eye, and Danielle had a very strange hero.
(tinyninja, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 11:08, Reply)

Final year of high school (before sixth form)
Normally benign class of nutters starts throwing paper balls at me with me nonchalante

Some cunt flings a rucksack which strikes my gonads

So I do the honourable thing and offer him a square go with marquis of queensbury rules

Do I bollocks

I open up the teachers draw take out a pair of scissors and fling them Across the room like some kind of demented scissor ninja striking some guy inches above the left eye

Cue lots of blood and stitches administered on site etc
(Slyph, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 11:02, Reply)

Pissing blood...
I was the newest kid at the school, a painfully shy skinny runt and one of only a couple of kids whose parents made them wear the non-compulsory school uniform.
I was therefore prime target material for the school bullies and dreaded every day there.
One lunchtime I was about to get a kicking when the maths teacher walked by. I told him what was happening and he told me to walk with him.
Out of earshot of the other kids he told me I was the new kid and to take the beatings and be done with it until another boy became the new kid. A bit shell-shocked I walked back to the playground on my own and without even thinking I picked out one of the 'hard kids' and beat the crap out of him. I think I was more surprised than him and my actions came more from frustration than bravado. His mates just stood and laughed at him as he cried.
I was now a cool kid and had a sudden reputation for being ‘hard’. I felt bloody invincible…until his much bigger brother and his mates ambushed me on the way home from school.
I pissed blood for days but I never got picked on again.

Ironically, I later saw the same maths teacher get beaten up by a student for picking on the students girlfriend. Jeremy Ladyman, I salute you!
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 10:50, Reply)

I felt so bad
I had just the one fight at School and have never had one since.
It was a quick fight that got stopped by teachers after only a few minutes,we both managed to land a few good punches and because it was broken up quickly we set a date for another fight the next day.
The Second fight never happened, he was killed when when a car hit him while he was crossing the road on his way home.
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 10:36, Reply)

3 idiots vs the whole school
I remember a time when 3 idiots from a neighbouring school decided that they wanted a fight with someone at my school, so they came down and dinner time. All that this resulted in was the whole school chasing them through the town onto the beach (what people would have said about 500 kids running through the town i'm not sure). 2 of them then ran along the beach back to their own school but the other ran into the sea. He was in there for a long time scared to come out before the police arrived and told us all to go away.
(monkj, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 10:07, Reply)

Standard School Fare...
...the 'Stand Off'. The bit where two lads just stare at each other encircled by half the school.

You always get the kid who's saying 'awww, did you hear what he just said then?' just to get a rise out of one of them, even though neither said owt for 15 minutes. Classic. It either ends in both lads just walking off, or the lad in the middle getting a kicking off both of them.

Either way, the audience gets a laugh.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 9:59, Reply)

Silent But Deadly
There was this one guy at school who was always, always at me. Pecking my head about whatever amused him about me, my family or whatever. I always took it on the chin, and never said anything to rise to the bait.

Anyway, one day, he made a comment about my mother (pretty tame and standard for a school, but you know, still a bit harsh) that was it, I snapped. I gave him the hiding of a lifetime, broke his nose and two of his fingers. One of his mates came up to help him, so I gave the other lad a bit of a pasting too.

Deed done I just walked off around the other side of the school, calm as anything, ready for the obligatory bollocking by a teacher.

I didn't get one. Apparently the teachers knew what was going on (so why didn't they do anything about it), and all but said to me the lad deserved it.

Sorry Michael, but you had it coming.

Also, has anyone witnessed or been part of massive inter-school fights? You know the ones, where 100's of pupils kick the living daylights out of each other in a local park or town centre? Anyone growing up in North Sheffield in the 1990's will know what I'm on about.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 9:56, Reply)

my only skill: blind luck
im not exactly the most athletic guy but i tend to score a lot of goals in football just by flukeing (spelling?). the same goes for fights.

i remember once at some sort of camping thing i went to where the was a trampoline.one day there were some pretty rough guys on the trampoline.
the situation: i wanted to jump on the trampoline, they wanted to jump on my head.

THEY came to a comprimise that we would fight for the trampoline, ON the fucking trampoline.
so i, terrified, got on and started jumping up and down while he stood there grunting. he jumped at me and completely by mere luck i was in the middle of jumping up and my foot whacked him in the face. he stumbled back and fell off the trampoline and i was thinking "holy shit what the fuck happened?"

they let me jump

the moral of the story: don't try to fight me, as i have blind luck on my side.


length? ha! length is my middle name!
(General Arfarfarnarf He who hesitates, Masturbates!, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 7:00, Reply)

i remember in 7th grade
there was this one dirty little ghetto-y who came in about halfway through he year and never talked to anyone. he smelled like pee. then one day someone said he smelled like pee, and he responded by throwing a desk (as in a bloody desk) at him with alarming force. he missed and it went through the window. it was kinda funny. never saw him again.
(joeyramoney oily yellow discharge, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 5:45, Reply)

Not so much a fight...
I had three brothers, see, and was the youngest of the lot, so I could take a beating. This lad in the same year started insulting me and punched me in the arm, so I told my teacher he beat me up and threatened to stab me. He got expelled. I saw him crying, sat outside the headmaster's office. Result!

Oblengthatory remark with added nipples.
(mmmkay, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 5:34, Reply)

once
i gave this kid albert a piledriver and gashed my knees. true story
( Dazz - In Your Base, Killing Your Dudes since, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 3:51, Reply)

Theatre Geeks
This all occurred back in Year 11..

Me and my friends we're taking GCSE theatre. despite the fact we we're taking the technical options, this automatically made us gay and we regularly had shag fests in the eyes of the thickest twattish chavs in the school. This singles us out for the usual verbal abuse, pushing, spitting etc, nothing really major but annoying as fuck.

One night we'd been rigging lanterns and building set since we'd arrived at 8am, and it was now 6pm. We'd been working all bay without a break, half the equipment still wasn't working, we had to come back the next day 9saturday) to finish up. We are all tired, sweaty and pissed off. I'm carrying a great heavy bag of tools, and the teacher who was supervising us (great guy, died of cancer last year, the poor bastard) just said as we were coming out "Come on lads, let get a drink".

Two of aforesaid chav twats are at this time released form their regular after school detention, and ride past us on their BMX's swearing blindly at us. They then decide it would be funny (with a teacher there for fuks sake - like i said, not the brightest apes in the world) to block our path and swear at us. My memory is blank of the following period.

In the pub over a pint i was later told that i just put my bag on the ground, pulled a CROWBAR from it and twatted the biggest of the two over the head as hard as I could, picked up my bag and calmly walked off, leaving the idiot lieing very still on the ground.

Never since then have I ever been so feared and respected, and from what I've heard this has been passed down in legend, so if anyone in the drama dept is getting stick again, all it takes is for a mamber of the tech crew to wonder arojnd holding a large tool meaningfully ofr it to stop. The happiest days of my life......
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 3:33, Reply)

Fight Club...
I was the biggest kid in the whole of my junior school (think 9 year old with C cup boobs, periods and much taller than any of my peers) so I was nails when it came to fights.

I used to have a scrap each break time with two boys called James and Clint. Every break time I would beat them senseless...until one day Clint smacked me right in the jaw.

We all got put in the 'black book' by Mrs Tibbets.

Clint just so happened to be the younger brother of disgraced ginger West Bromwich Albion star, Lee Hughes.

There you go, a fight story and the crappest claim to fame ever!



I would like to complain about the distinct lack of length these days.
(Just a girl., Sat 11 Mar 2006, 1:21, Reply)

Ive had people take a dislike to me in the past
The worst was probably a real nutter lad who had hated me for a long time, finaly snapped one day and started just getting increasingly violent with me.

I was in a rather odd mood that day though so i let him do it a bit, didnt hurt to much. I then asked him "can't you hit any harder than that?" So he did, he punched me in the ribs.

I then laughed at him *he was beginning to see red* so he hit me harder.
It started to hurt a bit more but id be fucked if i let him see that, so i laughed some more, egged him on, starting to dodge him now as he became increasingly het up kicking and punching and that lark. Really working my ribs couldnt breath without pain for about a week... *twas horrid*

I was in real pain now, but he was becoming a complete nutter *lost his rag flaying around compleatly, people ran for teachers ect ect.* So i saw my chance being the sneaky bastard i am, i lunged at him and clocked him hard with one good punch, he lost his balance and fell over on his arse like a tit.

The crowd errupts in astonished laughter *partly that id taken all this beating standing up, and partly because id just flawed the twat.* I then smiled and kicked the fucker in the ribs. He as i said was a bit nuts and never came back to school,and the headmaster gave me a pat on the back for finaly getting rid of the nutter from his establishment.

I also got a hug and kiss from a lovely girl for being brave and standing up to the mad fucker, result :)

/I still see him sometimes, he threatend to kill me last time. Which is kinda creepy concidering im now 18 and its been a good 3 years.
(Pimms'N'Lemonade thinks you are a twat, prove me wrong., Sat 11 Mar 2006, 1:15, Reply)

Willie
I had a penchant for kneeing fellow school mates in the bollocks.
We had one of those pupils who was loud, a bit retarded, a bit rough, and came from a rough family, a bit of trouble. I can't remember what he did, I think he kicked our football or something, and I prompty kneed him in the gonads. He cried, I got sent to the office, and promptly bollocked by the scary teacher.
Never kneed anyone else - until the next day. I had an argument with 'Willie', my mate - out came the knee again - "I'm going to tell Mr Bell!" said Willie.
I spent the next 1/4 hour shitting my pants trying to find Willie to apologise. He accepted, and we became best mates again. Until I had cause to knee him in the bollocks again on the playing fields. :)
(Nibi, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 0:47, Reply)

Double Teamed - and not in a good way
We had these two kids at my school - freddy and richard, they were identical twins, except for one was a sport obsessed big guy and the other a lazy ass dumb tit, together they could have had some nickleoden tv series where they solve crime or somthing, anyway,
in year nine this must have been, there was a big bush that separated 4 benches either side of it, and they used to throw food over it at people, one time i got hit by and orange, and decided to get my revenge by hiding in the bush and squirting one of those frubes at them - you know, petti fillu in tubes, stamp on it and watch it fly,}
well, long story short i was double teamed and only won the fight because i stole freddys glasses and he sparked his brother out when he threw the wildest and craziest punch ive ever seen, it was a spectacular battle,
(Sennor, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 0:38, Reply)

Comedy Classic
Some break times me and my group of mates used to form a large circle, facing inwards and start chanting the world standard "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!", which obviously attracts the attention of anyone near by, and causes them to come running to watch.
Except when they got there, there was never a fight, just another one of my mates doing "the robot" in the middle of the circle.

Made us laugh anyway
(Nyphur, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 0:32, Reply)

I was 13 (year 9)
and my opponent was 14 (year 10). He was known as "psycho" for his psychotic tendancies- he really wasn't that hard and in fact I think he was a good 2 inch smaller than me- but a nutter nonetheless.

Anyway, all us year 9 lot were playing football when Psycho decided that it would be humourous to steal our football. He ran onto the bit of field we were playing in and picked up our football. What a cunt!

He tried to run off but ended up running straight into me. I just gave him a harmless shove, got the ball back and got on with playing football.

Thinking nothing more of it, we carried on with our game. Until I felt a rather large whack on the side of my head. Psycho had only come running up to me with a fucking crutch he'd nicked off some poor kid.

I saw red and properly went for him. He ended up with a broken finger and a black eye. He legged it and I was about to chase after the little twat but in the corner of my eye something distracted me.

The image of an 11 year old fat kid with one leg in a cast trying to get up off of the floor and failing miserably made me laugh so hard I nearly pissed my pants. I couldn't even stand up for laughing, nevermind chase ol' Psycho round the school.
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Sat 11 Mar 2006, 0:14, Reply)