You know you're old...
... when you read posts on this forum by 16 year olds who think they're old.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 29 Oct 2004, 0:07, Reply)

the first time i realised i was even getting older was . . .
. . . . when i said to a friend who was bit younger than me who was eating a snickers.

"remember when they were called marathons?"
(niazipan, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 23:56, Reply)

My god - I've got a list and gets bigger every year!
Hitting 30 in Jan and it just gets worse...

1)Nasal hair - need to trim regularly, same with my bloody eye brows or I'd look like Dennis Healy.

2)Hangovers - 4 pints nowadays to have a thumpimg headache and a face like slapped arse the following day. Plus! my bladder has got weaker, as I piss like a racehorse after only 2 pints then constantly going to the bog like clockwork after every 3/4 pints.

3)Music is fifty/ fifty - haven't known what is No 1 in the charts for at least 10 years. But I reckon if I was 15 now - I would still think that it was utter shite. But I still go clubbing and I was listening to Snoop and Pharrell Williams earlier, so not too bad...

4)Fashion hmm - still think I wore better clothes - Chippie T-Shirts, Ralf Lauren Jumpers, Joe Bloggs Jeans when I was a young pup compared to the local scuffers in Nike track suits, burberry caps, white reeboks and clad in that shite Elizabeth Arden jewellery from Argos...
4)Have recently talked to my Dad about:- Gardens, Pension schemes, hill walking and doing a half marathon.

And to sum up...

5)I just can't go out and get battered on a school night and roll into work after 1 hours kip.

6)Knowing deep down that every 18 year old you would ever meet thinks your a wanker...
(don the wrong, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 23:54, Reply)

Where to start?
Grey pupes .... failing eyesight ...... creaking bones.
(Benz, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 23:34, Reply)

being shocked by
how young children appear to be wearing nearly no clothes.
begining to go to bed before 12.
caring about spelling and grammar (although that dosent make me use the buggers)
complaining about the state of public transport.
spending hours wandering down memory lane..
wearing slippers.
stupid ringtones and text speak.

and to top it all off, ive not even hit 20 yet.
( toxie, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 23:18, Reply)

The first time I felt old
was when my kid sister says "What's Happy Days?" I tried to explain, and tell her about The Fonz, but she had no clue.

Also, my step son will be turning 5 on Hallowe'en.
(skada21, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 23:16, Reply)

I think I was born old
I never let myself drink too much because I don't like losing control, I prefer to listen to great songs other than chart pap.
My knees crack when I squat down
I find myself shouting at the TV
I find myself agreeing with my dad about things
I find myself trotting out the same sayings to my husband and son that my mum used to say to us
When I hold the door open for someone with their child they always say 'say thank you to the nice lady'

It's not good
( Roxy_Hart is so so old, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 23:15, Reply)

I don't feel I'm getting old
but I do feel like these 14-22 year olds posting replies to this question are simply full of teenage angst that they're mistaking for maturity. At 22 I feel far more immature than I thought I was at 16, it just took a while to accept it!
( ma0sm, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 23:10, Reply)

my new neighbours having a 4-year old.
i just turned 16 and a 4-year old living nexdoor makes me feel soooo old and worldly as he looks up to me and i can just about remember a bit of myself at that age.

and gettin taller than my parents.
and realising what a fool my older cousins made of me when i was 6.
(Banjo-Jeff I don't play a banjo, and I'm not called Jeff., Thu 28 Oct 2004, 22:46, Reply)

Me too.
Munsta sounds like my kindred spirit.
(CerberaSpeedTwelve, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 22:43, Reply)

You Damned Whippersnappers !
Just imagine what it's like for us 40 year olds.

Computers at school was BASIC or machine code on the Sharp MZ80K (or maybe the new Sinclair ZX-80!).

I'm coming up to 18 years in the same full-time job. And I basically enjoy it.

Usenet is my friend, although some of my first posts are too old for Google to find.

I own a diesel engined car. I sold my Landrover 101 Ambulance as it wasn't really practical.

Miscellaneoud medical problems. I can only see my feet with the aid of a mirror.

'Young totty' is no longer jail-bait. Raquel Welch still looks humpable.

I can look at the singles chart and it's all shite. I enjoy black and white movies.

My drink of choice is coffee. Pills ? 7 in the morning ; all prescribed.

And the number one indicaton that I'm getting old ?
My doctor suggested I might want to think about a will. Hmmm.
( Tepid_Halibut felt like a cold, empty shell of a human...until, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 22:42, Reply)

I know I'm getting old...
because I found myself agreeing with Munsta.
(spida, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 22:39, Reply)

My ridiculous level of cynicism
although no bad thing.

Music: I view the top forty that is presented on a weekly basis as a sham, it's nothing more than advertising for the album. Thanks to twelve year olds buying shite though it's become saturated with wank. I honestly believe people who are under sixteen should be banned from buying music, and that all the shite that is made by artists without the faintest idea how to do anything other than sit around on a stool looking like they're recieving oral during a 'live' performance should be forced into a seperate category and chart to prevent me from having to fucking put up with it.

Politics: None of them give a fuck. The country is a joke and they're jsut contributing, making crime worse and massaging figures making it seem that crime has dropped when in reality the country is fucked. turning around and saying certain things aren't a crime just to lower levels is a fucking joke, recategorising things to make their egos bigger and things look better from their point of view. Also the stupid idea of giving the scots their own parliament then allowing them to vote on issues that have absolutely no bearing north of the border in english parliament is ridiculous. Next election day, I intend to stay at home and register my apathy once again.

Public transport: What a fucking joke this is, use public transport they say, fast and efficient they say. I stood at a fucking bus stop on a road that was more akin to a bastard wind tunnel with my mates and their two kids on wednesday for over forty minutes, waiting for a bus that is scheduled to come every ten minutes for no fucking reason whatsoever. If I had fucking car I'd use it un-necessarily just to make my point.

Banks: Cunts, the lot of them. I love the way they all came into being by taking your money, looking after it, lending it to other people and charging them interest to borrow your money. I'm sure laws exist to prevent that, but no, not a fucking jot. the cunts give me a paltry amount back on a twice yearly basis to lend people my money at 15.9% per fucking month. What a joke!

The media, shite. All they do is peddle scare stories and news that has abosolutely no relevance to me. The country just sits around living in fear because they promote apathy and hatred, and it won't stop because it's popular. wankers.

Courts: Now theres a fucking joke. Yeah, you've killed , raped, embezzeled millions, done the most outrageous crimes possible. Have a life sentance. Oh, but don't worry, with good behaviour you'll have been released within 10 to go out and carry on with your fucking wankerish ways.

Religion: Fucking cocks.

I'll stop now, but the moment you hit 23 years old its all downhill from there.
( Muns, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 22:29, Reply)

My ten-year old self would disown me.
Last week I passed on the opportunity of buying a 5.6-litre Pontiac TransAm (the car from Knight Rider) and bought a VW Golf for the same money.
(CerberaSpeedTwelve, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 22:27, Reply)

Well..
Getting up is out of the question, Kids tv looks really low compared to what i used to watch, The price of the beano looks extortinate, Im noticing more and more little fat kids the further up the education years i get...
I also read my dads daily mail..only for the cartoons of course (shifty eyes)
(Pigmash, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 22:16, Reply)

I take great delight
In making my 24-year-old boyfriend feel old, mainly by relating innocent anecdotes about my 8th birthday party, pausing and adding "...of course, you'll have been 14 then..." Although that probably makes him feel like a kiddy fiddler rather than old...

Also: Him: (Telling me a story of his misspent youth) ...and this was back when you were allowed to smoke on buses, remember?
Me: No.
Him: ...Jesus, you're young!
(SusK, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 22:15, Reply)

The unfunny answer
* I've been in the same job since 1989. Some b3tans weren't even born then.
* When I go to a football match, I call players "Lad" and "Get rid of it boy!"
* I am the same age as my kids' school headmaster.

* In other news, I have kids.
* I once voted for Thatcher. What was I thinking?
* I know how much is in my pension fund.

* I remember my Dad's 40th birthday party, and shudder with fear that mine is 17 months away.
* The first record I bought was by Adam and the Ants.
* When wanking, my first thought on completion is "Made it!". If I bought jazz for said purpose, it would be "Forty and Naughty" as it features models in my age group.

Now that's old.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 22:04, Reply)

When I sit down

I sort of go... "Aaaaarrrrrrr that's better"
(mister nice guy, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 22:03, Reply)

Oh christ where do i begin
well for a start i now only listen to music that came out in 'my era' i.e mid-late 90's because the music these kids listen to today is shit, i listen to classical music alot and complain that kids TV used to be much better in the 80's (which it was), i also drink loads of cups of tea (dead giveaway), also Tv presenters today are far too cheery for my liking and about 99% of new films out are utter bollocks and i can remeber a time when there was such a thing as an accident, you didnt have lawyers crawing up your arse trying to sue someone for compensation, oh yeh and kids with 'learning difficulties' were just called thick and told to get on with life like a normal person, ah i miss those days, now its 9pm so its time for bed and a nice cup of tea in my rocking chair with my tartan blanket over my knees....
and im only 21!
(Absynth&Cheese Have you tasted my Jesus, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 22:01, Reply)

I think I'm getting old b/c
When I go to the department stores and look at what people think is fashionable, I want to laugh.

All of my friends...and some of my ex-boyfriends are getting married.

I almost never listen to music that came out after 1990 unless I'm making fun of it.

I find myself saying things like "damn kids."

I don't get hangovers because I won't let myself to drink that much.

I can drink an large pot of coffee and not get a caffeine buzz. In fact, without it I have problems concentrating.

My knees pop when I walk upstairs every morning.

My father's euphamisms are suddenly meaningful and useful.

Worst of all: I remember high school and think "those were the days."
(little one, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 21:59, Reply)

The university gang
We all got together again for the 10 years anniversary of the year we spent together pretending to study while being constantly drunk and under the influence of various exotic medications. So everything was going to be the same again, we'd go out and party all night like monstars, as we always did. So we met in the old town north of france, Lille. We went to that restaurant first. Everyone tried to sit as far as possible from the one he/she cheated or puked on in the days or the one you fancied and who got married with that awful twat, etc...I got caught between 2 couples discussing the benefits of gas heating while the neighbour on my left was trying to redirect the conversation towards the benefits of wooden houses, which he happened to sell for a living. The best company i got all along that meal was the bottle of wine. As we paid the bill i counted a little more than one bottle per head. Then we went to that bar we used to love, and ordered shooters, as you do, did maybe 5 or 6, and we all died.
Before midnight I fell asleep in my seat, and woke up 13 hours later with the worst hangover in the world® and my host's wife in my bed.Not being able to remember anything from the night before I panicked and woke her up to ask 'why the hell did you do this?' She answered that her husband puked in their bed and on her and that she just came here to sleep. I went downstairs to find 5 very sick people around the living room trying to remember what they did after midnight the night before and asking me what i remembered. I said : nothing. They didnt know either. So we played board games for the rest of the week end. I think i'll switch to gas heating soon, or maybe, a wooden house, who knows, i hear it's worth the investment.

EDIT : oh yeah my wife just told me to add that my spunk tastes crap nowadays. That must be a sign. Bugger. *trying to find something witty to say about old casks*
(Bertie, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 21:58, Reply)

Oh bloody hell
I've started wearing slippers because the kitchen floor's too cold. It takes me four times longer than it used to to drink a pint - and my hangover starts before I've finished drinking. The coppers are looking younger. My wife's midwife was a kid (my lad is seven months old). The first thing I do when I get home from shopping is brew up. I need at least two cups of coffee in a morning before I can focus properly - let alone talk to anyone. Burger King cannot sustain me for more than an hour. Cuts take longer to heal. The charts is nothing more than an exercise to see how much money can be stolen from an eight year-old - the talentless tossers. Have you heard the 'new' version of I'll stand by you? Is it not just a tawdry imitation of Chrissie Hynde? I seem to piss for ages. I listen to Classic fm in the car. I like my jeans loose around the crotch.
Bugger it. There'll be more.
(boukha, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 21:47, Reply)

When i get in trouble
with kids of the ages between 13 and 18 for not liking Zeppelin and Sabbath.

This is 100% fact.
( Mr. Street, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 21:45, Reply)

I'm 16
Thanks a lot for hosting a question that I can't answer.. *sob*
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 21:42, Reply)

When your favourite footballers...
... are now all managers and you find yourself telling young-uns what good players they used to be, then remember your dad saying what a good player Billy NeverHeardOfHim was when he was a kid ...

Ray Clemence was commentating for Sky the other day and I remembered him in the 1977 FA Cup Final - That was 27-years ago!

Aarrrggghhhh......
( Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 21:40, Reply)

I know I must be old
Because I have no idea why "the" is being spelled "teh" and, furthermore, I have no desire to find out. I only recently found out what "bling" was and I wish I hadn't bothered.

Oh yeah, and my scrotum is getting bigger.
(ianisme, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 21:31, Reply)

Waitasec-
I no longer know or care who is at number one in the charts.

I've nursed hangovers all day.

I use words like furthermore.

I'm 14.

Ohshi-
(bionic sheep, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 21:25, Reply)

when i was a teenager...
... i was wondering why my parents moved to the suburbs and didn't stay in the city. i always had to cycle 6 miles home.

now my son is 6 weeks old and i know why.

we're looking into sussex/surrey. any suggestions?
( bierbelly, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 21:20, Reply)

Q
I started buying Q magazine from issue eight. It's now reached issue 220.

And I tell you what, in my day it was a really good read!
(smugpie, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 21:12, Reply)

.
I just turned down sex with a good looking woman because i couldn't be bothered with any aftermath .
It's 9pm and i think i'd best be off to bed soon.
I genuinely enjoy waiting for public transport.
I can spend a happy evening with either of my ex wives without feeling the need to kill or screw either of them .
I think the last of those comments is the most telling.
One final comment , i don't care about length (or girth) anymore.
(mitch, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 21:00, Reply)