My college course
it makes no sense, but i am politely smiling and making out that i understand it, as i am about 10 years older than everyone else in the class and should know better.
(squirrelysquirrel, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:09, Reply)

Class
I'm writing a presentation right this minute for a play that has something to do with the Catholic Mass, Jesus Christ Superstar and Buddy Jesus. What exactly it has to do with those things I couldn't tell you.

I recently had to hand in an essay about incorporation and hegemony, and I have absolutely no clue what hegemony is. But I still got a B+.

Why am I paying the University so very much money to be so very confused?
(dragonrose, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:07, Reply)

I saw somebody win...
...Takeshi's Castle once

I don't understand how they won.. Or even what they won.

(incidentally I bought a new car because I was a first time buyer and didn't want to get shafted with a piece of junk. Will be keeping the car for at least 5 years and getting my moneys worth out of it knowing it's reliable and hasn't been raced around by a 17 year old or driven into a tree)
( beefandcheese, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:06, Reply)

People who reply to an enty on QOTW
It's a place to post an answer to the question of the week. Why do people feel the need to add a comment?

There are message boards for discussions...

Edit - Hehe. See above.
( The Rabid Ferret of Doom is no longer a badger, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:05, Reply)

People who buy brand new cars
Are they F***ing idiots,or what!?

OK, so they go out to the car dealer and hand over £15000, for instance, for the latest Peugot or VW or Ford or whatever. What the retards either don't realise... or even worse, don't care... is that the very second that they put the keys in the ignition and drove it away, they lost about £3000 - at least!

You wouldn't withdraw £3000 of your hard-earned savings from the bank and then set fire to them, would you?

Also, I know someone who just bought a new Mini One. I asked him why he didn't buy the Cooper S version.
He replied that he couldn't afford the extra couple of thousand pounds!.... What a turd!.... If he couldn't afford the extra two grand at the time, then how can he afford to piss away the three grand in depreciation that he WILL lose in the next 12 months or so!
F*CKWITT!

What it really all boils down to.... is that twunts like him just want to be seen driving around in a car with a new registration! Wake up and smell the coffee... THE REGISTRATION IS ONLY NEW FOR SIX MONTHS!!! BUTTHEAD!!!


And don't give me the old: "We I bought a new car because I wanted a reliable car and didn't want to worry about mechanical breakdowns".
WTF?!
I can't think of any car (OK, with prehaps a few examples from Italy) that won't do at least quarter-of-a-million miles without any problems whatsoever!


Top tip from your Uncle Icepimp... purchase a two year old car that is still under the manufacturer's warranty. You will get a nearly new car for just over half of what the original purchaser paid.

You could spend £20000 on a brand new Mercedes.
OR you could spend £13000 on a two-year-old Mercedes (that still looks absolutely brand new) and with the £7000 change from the £20000, go buy yourself a plasma screen, ski-holiday for two AND a 5-year-old Mazda MX5 sportscar for Summer weekend fun!
Seriously!

And do I practice what I preach?... But of course!
Last year I bought a two-year-old Audi S8.
Some plonker paid nearly £70000 for the car a little over two years ago... but it only cost me £28000!

Still, if it wasn't for the f**kwitt, retard, plonkers who do buy brand new cars, the smart ones amongst us wouldn't be able to bag the bargains!


Length, girth?..... It's not the size of the nail, it the hammer that bangs it in!
(IcePimp, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:01, Reply)

'Celebrity' programmes...
...how come these people are 'celebrities' if NO-ONE has EVER heard of them?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:01, Reply)

1337 spk
What the fuck are they banging on about? It's the same as Txtspk. Why can't people write whole words? In english?

These days, it's cool to sound like a complete fucking moron.

Bastards.
( The Rabid Ferret of Doom is no longer a badger, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 14:00, Reply)

I don't understand
that post down there, the one about soap operas. Does anyone else?
( Nikfuf Eetr Northern Midlander, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:54, Reply)

sprouts
they're shit too.

In fact all vegetables are crap.

Except chips.
(nappy rash, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:54, Reply)

I understand everything
But my mum does not. She signs off emails with 'LOL' thinking it stands for 'lots of love'. I enjoy the image of her cackling with delight as she hits send too much to correct her.
( AntonSporz, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:53, Reply)

Philosophy, Titles and The Theory of Relativity
If you are a student of Philosophy does that mean that you are studying the works of other Philosophers or that you are training to become a Philosopher in your own right...? or do the two go hand in hand.? Who determines what is Philosphy and what is mindless drivel?

If you are a Lord and a Professor and an Admiral and a Knight what title do you use.? Robert Winston has a couple of those...

Is the result of the equation E=MC^2 an accurate assessment of the amount of energy a body is capable of releasing or is it just a random massive number to illustrate the almost infinite amount of energy stored by matter at an atomic scale...?

Also I don't understand inbred racism, xenophobia and other such intolerance. I just don't get how events that occured hundreds of years ago can still be shaping society today.

I just don't get it....
(Pearly Pearl, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:52, Reply)

cauliflower
its shite and tastes like feet.
(nappy rash, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:52, Reply)

Computer 'tards
I work for tech support on a broadband provider (set myself up there). I dont understand why people spend loadsa cash on a PC that they have no knowledge how to use. For example, people who don't know where the start button is on winXP or don't even know how to double click a mouse!! GAH!!!
Go to the library and read a book for fecks sake... and dont eat while yer on the phone to me either, and shut those kids up too!!!
AND another one!! cheeky teenage gamers who are convinced the connection is slow and you find out they're running P2P, a network and hosting games aswell as being riddled with spyware. fools i say, FOOLS!!
whew...
( 4-0, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:50, Reply)

soapoperas
The amount of stupid soap on tv.
It all goes of , murder, rape, gays, muggings, fires, death, criminal activity, someone having someones kid, drug taking.
no telly,no one fumbles over their words, go to no other pub.

But no one at all swears dispite all the crap thats going on.

and those people who chat about it well sorry to disapoint you but its not real.
IT in alsie 2 bottom shelf at Tesco and its called get a life.
(funkie, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:46, Reply)

The Daily Mail
and other assorted BNP and/or Tory Party pamphlets of varying stature (Daily Express, The Sun, etc.). I neither get them physically, or understand people who do because they actually like to read them.

Watch out for paedo gypsy asylum-seeking gay left-wing transsexual hunt protesters, they're everywhere and after your jobs, Britain!
( Irregular Shed is trying to remember what it is he does, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:46, Reply)

The 10% of people who always phone in on teletext polls to answer

'I don't know'

'oh...and here's 50p'
(baco_the_foil, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:44, Reply)

Dogfood
What is up with that? Its foul!

Then again they do like to eat poo
(TheintolerableGS, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:43, Reply)

people....
who dont get that Im not in the same time zone as them, so organise stupid conference calls at a time where Im going to be in the pub trying to drink myself into a stupor while trying to flirt with the rather attractive Irish bar men....
(helish, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:39, Reply)

Voting in TV programs
Arse off you money-grabbing telly whores.

Every program on TV today has some forking vote thingy. "Send us your vote if you thing rapists should be jailed or not. Texts cost 8 quid." Um...let me ponder that one.

I guarantee the only program with no voting in it in in the near future will be the general election coverage.
(daddypigsaw Geddinthebackothevan!, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:37, Reply)

Bad Grammar
Your vs You're
Are vs Our (what the F*CK???)
Its vs It's
There vs Their
Apostrophes in plurals.

For crying out loud! When did semi-literate, Americanised drivel suffice as good grammar?
( B00gle-H00ps Looks like a horse, in a man costume..., Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:35, Reply)

political satire
i never get the jokes because i don't know who's who in the house of commons. because i don't really care for the petty squabbling that is our political system. but i generally laugh along because i don't want to give the impression i'm completely out of touch with our nation's politics.

occasionally i do my research afterwards to find out what the joke was about. but it's nearly always something quite pathetic anyway; so i continue with my apathetic stance on politics.
(moik, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:33, Reply)

Girls
Girls and clothes especially.

How the hell can you justify spending upwards of 40 quid on a SHIRT?!?!?! Think of the poor starving people in Africa.

This is probably why I have no G/f at the moment...
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:31, Reply)

takeshi
Yeah I don't get the end bit. They never win...ever
(dukefukem, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:30, Reply)

New events?
How about "pogo stick jumping on a tight rope".
(Wrecked Tums, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:30, Reply)

Takeshi's Castle??????
Very funny though, a bunch of numbskulls hurting themselves for our amusement.

That's an idea, how about the next QOTW being "what new events should they do?". Here's a couple to be going on with:
Chainsaw juggling
MFI flatpack assembly

*gets coat...
(Technotrousers is a caffeine-based lifeform, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:26, Reply)

And don't get me started on
Reality TV

Not only does it clog up the TV with the sort of hopless cock knockers I would walk bearfoot over burning, broken glass to avoid you then have to endure every fucker in the world endlessly banging on about which of the usless attention hungry cunts they want to vote out/in

I could rant for days
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:23, Reply)

I know of someone, who witnessed a stabbing
And her first action was not to call the emergency services for help - but to go back to her flat, and call/email/instant message everyone that she knew that she had just witnessed a stabbing.

Further to this, despite her flatmate telling her that was a very silly thing to do, and that she should call the police, she refused, on account of 'other people being there and seeing it, and they would have called such people...' etc.

I really don't understand the reasoning behind that.
(witty_ditty has made multiple miaows since, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:20, Reply)

In the vain of the post below.
I've never found a Perishers cartoon funny!

Or Fred Bassett really!
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:18, Reply)

Here's another one...
Why are some people incapable of understanding what the dividers are for on supermarket conveyor belts? I work at Somerfield and whenever I am unfortunate enough to be on tills you always get some moron who can't be arsed putting a divider between their shopping and the person in front/behind making it impossible to tell where one person's shopping finishes and the next person's starts. Then, of course, they shout at you when you start putting through shopping that doesn't belong to them, as if it is your fault that you are not psychic.

ARGGGHHHH IT MAKES ME SO MAD!
(Mr Slippyfist, Thu 31 Mar 2005, 13:15, Reply)