Interesting
Two friends at the age of about 7 were having a...discussion:
Friend number one - Did you know that when you swallow gum it stays in your tummy forever!
Friend number two - Nah they dont
Number one - Shut up you nollywolly
Number two - If Im a nollywolly then that makes you a zipperflipper

Now is it me or are those just fantastic!
(bushman, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 21:16, Reply)

My 2 year old daughter
looked me in the eye the other day and said, very quietly and very earnestly "you're not a bad mummy." I'm pretty sure that wasn't a compliment.
(Hoopla, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 21:13, Reply)

i like ...
fag boots.

i also once told my manager at work that he smelt of gay. i have no idea what that means to be honest but it had me in hysterics at the time.

yes, i was drunk.
(Jim the Cat, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 21:12, Reply)

This just in
"donkey felcher"

I have no idea where this came from, but it's in the public domain now!
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 21:07, Reply)

I once
called an idiot trying to start fights outside a pub a "buggy-eyed plum".
(godspants, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 21:04, Reply)

A
Face like a bulldog liking piss off a nettle.
(KellieFo zomgz11!, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 20:52, Reply)

Following that,many faced reference
Old eastend term used as an insult "kipper" two -faced , no guts.

You could always say Janus if you wanted to be be less real.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 20:43, Reply)

i've heard these from older people
a work colleague describes people thus "more faces than the town hall clock" "couldn't lie in bed straight"

a friends mum once described someone else as "he must have been an unfortunate looking child"

the same lady described muslim fundamentalists as "beardy cunts".

not to forget my own personal favourite for saying someone is unattractive... "i wouldn't touch her with a stolen dick."

artard is always effective. same with fucktard.
(stapleface, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 20:36, Reply)

Not only do I give a flying fuck about your problems...
...I don't give a soapy titwank on a jetski.

Although I did once say that and someone responded with "Does anyone give a soapy titwank on a jetski? If so, can I have her number?".
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 20:33, Reply)

When insults conjugate
I release this hybrid that just happened when I was very angry at someone into the public domain, reserve it and use it carefully:
"The best part of you went down your milkman`s leg"

" still having delusions of adequacy are we?" pales in comparison and isnt original.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 20:32, Reply)

You
are a cum stain on the trousers of society.
If your chosen argument partner decided to compliment you with "good comeack!" then I geneally find, "If I wanted my come back I'd wipe it off your mum's face!" to be quite effective :p


First Post! (The post that hurts the most)
(Swagga, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 20:16, Reply)

partial pearost, from another question
the inspiration came from a cute but dim tv presenter as aired previously many years before, but still lurking in the archives of my head.

A dim plump girl with a huge crush became a pain, I tried gently to dissuade her, I didnt mind the plump, it was the dim that turned me off and the dogged persistence. ( oops I said dogged)

NO i`m not going home with you and I`m not going to bed with you.
"Why not" because fucking a dim woman is the first step on the downward slope toward bestiality, OK?"

"I`m not dim......... whats bestiality?"
IKYN.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 20:14, Reply)

Insult in Spanish - a language I don't speak.

I'm in my late 30's now but learned in college - a phrase from a visiting Spanish student --
that has stayed with me ==

This student would mutter it under his breath to passing co-eds - after he'd a few drinks..

"Yo mi cago in el suthio coinjo del to puta madre muerte ... "
(please excuse my poor spanish spelling -- mostly phonetic there)

Translation: I shit on the dirty pussy of your dead whore mother.

- Lovely.
(xianstudio, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 20:06, Reply)

People who step out into the road and make me brake suddenly...
...will be faced with "You fucking mong!", or "You fucking div!".

I prefer the latter, it has a kind of early nineties throwback feel.

Of course the classics will always be:

Pillock
Berk
Fuckwit

And one of my favourite new ones "Cockface!" ala Team America.
(Temper, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 19:58, Reply)

How to confuse the already bewildered.
Nothing obscene, but my Gran actually said in tones of pity " poor soul`s got no goto-comefrom" talking over someone who wasn`t the sharpest blade in the shed and puzzled so hard while people were laughing.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 19:52, Reply)

Two heads.
After bieng cut up whilst driving my bus i announced that to the driver if had two heads he would be twice as stupid
(andycrass loves two hats on, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 19:43, Reply)

insults
Also popular in Dublin is Bollockschops. Lenght?Short and nasty!
(swampi thought of this, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 19:35, Reply)

insults
In matthew pollys book American Shaolin one of the monks comes out with the following:I fucked your seventeen generations! Follow that!
(swampi thought of this, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 19:32, Reply)

Your mom...

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 5 Oct 2007, 19:28, Reply)

YOU SMELL OF GAY
*with hand up to nose action.
( war3n3xt < I'm with stupid, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 19:20, Reply)

Also Ran
I'm also fond of:

Clown shoe
Ass Master
Cockfag (wife can't stand tha one)
Mouth breather
(The Cosmic Fool Became aware that the bird is indeed the word on, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 19:13, Reply)

Short and to the point
A mate of mine, slightly the worse for drink in a London pub, unadvisedly tried to intercede in an argument between two hitherto unknown males.
The one chap, calmly and with distinct enunciation simply said 'fuck off brummie cunt', then turned and resumed his altercation. Particularly cutting for my mate, who is actually from Wolverhampton.
(druidus, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 19:12, Reply)

Funny chav
Heard on a train last week, uttered by a chav to his darling chavette, in a Special Brew fuelled argument concerning her fidelity,

'You nut-juggling nympho'

I was quite impressed actually.
(quantum raspberry quizzically quashing Quebecans, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 18:59, Reply)

On a lighter note...
Monkey-breath puke face -it always shuts them up as they take it in. (Not length.)
(CdrVimes, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 18:52, Reply)

CdrVimes
That's awful, I'm an oncologist and on top of my own patients I have a friend of a friend whose mother is dying of cancer.

Please never use it.
(quantum raspberry quizzically quashing Quebecans, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 18:48, Reply)

My fave insults come from my gorgeous husband......
Just last night, we got ourselves settled in bed, the leccy blanket was on so we were nice and snug, got into a nice position and was just dropping off to sleep when I remembered the camera batteries needed recharging (which he had promised and forgot to do earlier) so I prod him and remind him. He heaves himself out of bed and walks out of the room muttering "flange licking, cock sucking, arse wanking, knob jockey" Not sure if it was directed at me or at having to get back out of a cosy bed, but I can assure you i'm not even half of those things!
He will also describe anything he doesnt like or isnt happy with a "rancideous pile of sweaty donkey bollocks".
( randomwomanwholikespink, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 18:44, Reply)

Our french teacher lost it at this twunt of a kid...
"You are a...a pube, on the scrotum of society!"

Cue twunt sitting down, shocked, and teacher getting on with the lesson. It was never mentioned again.

She left two months later when she ended up throwing a chair at someone else. (It fucking hurt)
(kimini touches your shoulder gently on, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 18:44, Reply)

Insulted Pizza
Mate of mine was staggering home after an evening on the pop. Having just purchased a pizza from a nearby take-away, he set off on the short walk home. Upon entering his street of residence a car full of chavs slowed, the window was wound down and a baseball hated face emerged and yelled:
“Haaaa…Have ya seen your fuckin’ pizza”.
The car promptly drove away, leaving my mate somewhat bemused by this fairly random exchange.

They had insulted his pizza man. WTF ???
( Adolf Jitler is editor of Practical Shoelace Collector, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 18:41, Reply)