Camp freaks
I wish I could shut up about camp stories and have something good.

There was this kid in lower campus, about 10 years old, who I shall call Phillip, because his real name seems to work best. He'd walk around in a fringe vest, coonskin hat, and made the population of ADHD afflicted people look like they were in comas. Occasionally, he carried around a fake tomahawk and bow. The kid sort of became a campus celebrity for the hat and being just about the funniest tard any of us had encountered.

His popularity only seemed to sky rocket when a box in one of the vocal rooms was found to have his poo in there. Word soon spread of incidents in which Phillip would become so frustrated, he would drop his pants and take a dump right there (i.e. wood shop, etc). During the end of the year video, when Phillip came on screen, just about the whole audience (mostly boys), started screaming "THE BOX! THE BOX!"
(DeadCats, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 3:30, Reply)

wow
My story kind of bites now, seeing as there are some REAL nutters out there, but there is one guy who's a really happy, nice, feel-good kind of nutter that's always around County Fair.

Everyone on this side of my town knows Tex. He walks around the mall all day, sometimes with shopping, mostly without, and you can always recognize him by the cowboy hat and bolo tie. That'd be kinda normal, but he strikes up conversation with anyone who sits on the mall benches for any length of time and the man's convinced he's a cowboy. It's cute.

He asks women to dance to the mall musak too...my friend's mum accepted one time, apparently he's quite a good dancer too. Who knew?
(dippingsauce, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 2:56, Reply)

If you do not have a local weirdo in your town...
they're probably in santa cruz. downtown is crawling with weirdos. i could go on for ages. instead, i'll just touch upon my favorites:

the reverand- a "psychic" who will read your tarot cards, or come up and ask you for money. if you tell him you have none he yells "the reverand is psychic and he knows that you are lying! you do have money!" he was recently arrested for selling pot, but i beleive he is once again out yelling at innocent schoolchildren.

john- john is the bill gates of the bum world. he has six shopping carts tied together, filled with god knows what. rumor has it that he used to be really successful, but he decided the vagrant life was better.

violin man- a little old mexican who stands on street corners and plays the violin. he's been there for as long as anyone can remember.

bum behind the dumpster- my old school was located downtown and there was a bum that lived behind the dumpster. if we got too loud during physics we would wake him up.

dirtclod- the leader of the bums. he is a real asshole. he used to live in a forest behind my house but he got arrested for heroin possession.

marty- short for the mardi gras lady. little old woman that hangs out in the local vintage stores, constantly getting kicked out of them for upsetting the other customers (ie she smells and makes strange noises). she is always dressed in quite possibly every article of clothing she owns, and finishes it off with a marti gras purple-green-gold mask with huge feathers. she looks pregnant but i doubt even a sex-starved mental patient would fuck her.

the guy with chunks in his hair- (self explanitory)

also there is the man, that upon seeing any small child (or anyone under 30 for that matter) starts saying "they are all obnoxious they are all obnoxious they are all obnoxious" in a falsetto voice.

and the man that yells at strangers in the street, cars on the freeway, bushes, mailboxes, etc.

and the relatively nice-looking woman who flips people off and laughs at random.

well, there you have it. a field-guide of the local weirdos.
(sponch!, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 2:03, Reply)

Crazy Lady
I've seen a couple of really crazy people in the past years, the below ones are the most memorable.
1.
A long time ago I used to go to a local Burger King(North American Fast Food Chain) once in a while. Two or three times, this lady, an old Jamaican and homeless lady would strole in. Immediatly, she would hold up her bible firmly and look around at everyone. Then, after everyone had noticed her, she would begin to sing "Jesus Christ Superstar"(I'm sure you all know the song from the '70's movie.) Except, she didn't know most of the song, so after the second verse, she would just start over. After a couple minutes of this, the manager forcibly removed her. If I was the manager I'd of called the police.
2.
My second experience with the insane happened when I was about 10. I was a member of the Beavers (like Boy Scouts, except for younger kids). We were all taken to a local nursing home to sing Christmas carols to the elderly at Christmas time. Pretty much all the people in the home(a couple hundred) were seated around the stage where we were singing. Everyone was enjoying it except for one old women. As we started to sing "we wish you a merry Christmas" she started to pound the table she was seated at, and pound it hard! She then began to scream "make the music stop!!!" again and again!It was as if it was killing her to hear it. There was such desperation in her voice that I have remembered it to this day. A nurse came along and took her wheelchair away from the table and out into the hallway. I didn't think we sounded that bad.
(good_sniper_sent_by_God, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 2:01, Reply)

Scary old Amish guy named Danny Boy
He used to come into the stores in my area and take pictures of all the girls that worked there. Most of us went into hiding the moment he walked in with his equally crazy brother and sister. He's not allowed in my store anymore because he kissed one of the girls I work with.
I heard him say once that he talked to someone in "the government" and that they were going to arrange for him to go to the White House in Indianapolis to meet the President. Okay.......
(little one, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 1:46, Reply)

Whilst I remember...
Back when I was living in the UK, in my home town there was a nutter called Kenny Cook.

Apparently he'd once been really clever but a bit on the innocent side, and when there were travellers camped outside the town, Kenny hung about and became guinea pig for all their drugs.

So basically he'd had far too much of everything, and can now be found in alleyways rolling around in fits of hysterical laughter or wandering around town trying to scav cigarettes or money for a cup of tea.
(squirrelysquirrel, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 1:41, Reply)

Dirt lady and the effete skirt wearer
Two notables here in Aberdeengrad.

A notorious pudgy woman with fright-wig hair and a purple tracksuit. Generally approaches you on the street, frantically enquiring if you can see any dirt on her backside. Won't calm down until you've inspected her sizeable arse area and pronounced it mud-free. At which point she walks off, muttering. Apparently she also had to get escorted out of the bank after screaming at them for "hiding all her money".

Another lovely gentleman would do his grocery shopping in the corner shop where I used to work. Obviously a serious, well-educated, compos mentis kinda guy, apart from his propensity for wearing incredibly short kilts. And I mean SHORT. Short enough to make a Newcastle slappah blush. My workmate was sure she saw his cock dangling out one time. Bleeurgh.

Furthermore, he always bought tubs of cream and root vegetables. Maybe I shoulda reported him. Pervert!

first timer. hello trees! hello sky!
(HectorProtector, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 1:29, Reply)

Sydney nutters...
and believe me there are quite a few...

my favourite two are

1) the beggar who is often seen in the area of various major railway stations around the city (usually North Sydney, Bondi Junction and Martin Place), who stands there with cap out muttering unintelligibly to himself, and if you go anywhere near him breaks out in a case of Tourettes.

2) the bloke that looks somewhat like a transvestite Moby, often to be seen in the Bondi Beach area, with spiders webs drawn on his face with black makeup, talking to himself very loudly as he walks along on his high heels.

also worthy of mention is Carrier Bag Man, who squats by the side of the road in O'Brien Street in Bondi for hours on end (either that or he can tell when i'm about to pass on the bus), never moving and never without his collection of carrier bags.

photos to follow if i see any of them before the question closes.
(squirrelysquirrel, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 1:26, Reply)

A few I've seen
I hang out with tramps quite a lot, being 16, so I've met a few interesting individuals, but the wierdest are:

1) I was walking around Covent Garden on the day Greece won Euro 2004 with some friends. We were all Ouzo'd up, and were seeing a little band we know later that day. It's a really nice place, cobbled roads, no cars, old buildings, except for this tramp, sitting on the curb. His thing was shouting the Match of the Day theme tune down a traffic cone. We thought it was funny so we went over to talk to him, but he smelt of piss, so we never found out his name.

2) Probably been mentioned before, being a notorious wanker. This bloke that walks around Oxford Circus mainly, preaching about Our Lord through a megaphone. Occasionally we stop to argue with him, but he's a repetative arse hole so we usually just dance around him singing a song about being a twat. He is a true religious nutter though.

3) T'was the last day of the Reading festival this year, and we were lashed. Greenday had been perfect, and we were wandering around finishing off the left over rum and vodka. Some friends of ours had a house boat (they're from Oxford) by the river, so we were reclining on the bank there, and end up sitting with some people around a fire, drinking and chatting. I pass the vodka to some guy who's sitting next to me and he finishes most of it, when I notice he is wearing a dodgy hat, the mark of the tramp. It turns out nobody knows him or asked him to come, but he'd just invited himself over, and put his dirty tramp saliva on my bottle.

We were fairly nice to him, though I made him drink vodka out of the bottle cap so I didn't catch rabies. We talked to him and found out his name was Carl. He had a really cool tramp voice, and spent most of the time being incoherent or laughing (his laugh was fantastic, like a fox going "heh heh heh heh").

He kept telling us stories about how he had been on the streets since he was 19, and was now 52, and how his dad had been a raging alcoholic, and then laughing as if it was the best joke in the world afterwards.

Good memories from that guy were my friend Ben, the drunkest of all I think, had fallen asleep on the grass (after the rather good line of "One more unit and I'm going to pass out"), and eventually woke up with this tramp right over him, doing this evil cackle then saying "Boo". He must have thought he had gone to hell for a few seconds. Ben then went on to promise to buy Carl a Harley Davidson when he became rich and famous, because out of all the things in the world, that was his dream.

4) Oh fuck me purple I nearly forgot! The black guy with no legs who sits outside John Lewis in Regent Street. He plays the flute to make money, but he hasn't completely got to grips with it, and sits there, legless, determinedly playing a single out of tune note again and again. Spoke to him once and he gave me some money and told me "You buy tea!". Wasn't paying attention, thought he was offering me money for some reason, said something like "Nah it's ok mate, I don't want any" and he started shouting at me in cripple, so I buggered off.
(Smoot, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 1:24, Reply)

the rude beggar in brum
normal etiquette is that if you have no cash you walk past the homeless nutters, but one day this beggar in Birmingham ignored etiquette and after I'd blanked him he followed me for about five minutes repeating 'have you any change, have YOU any change, HAVE YOU ANY CHANGE' until i finally turned round and said No, At which point he muttered 'fucking rude bastard,at least have the courtesy to answer me' and then fucked off.
He's the rude lazy fucker scrounging for my hard earned, and has the nerve to be rude to me! If I'd had my hammer Bash, it'd be one less scrounging fuck bastard dirtying the streets of our beautiful cities.
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Fri 17 Sep 2004, 1:17, Reply)

Nice old lady
not far from where i now live. About 4 years ago, you'd see her on the highway overpass every day, with a cross, some flowers, and a bucket of what i assume to be water. Every time a car would pass, she would wave the cross around and sprinkle water on the cars. Disappeared a few years ago. Hope she's not fallen into a ditch or something.
( cheesemaster a screaming naked asian man driving a semi, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 1:15, Reply)

scary beggars
in leeds outside the train station (circa 1998/1999) there was this scruffy female beggar early 20's who'd start by asking you for money, then for breakfast and if you kept ignoring her she ask you if you were looking for business. one day my mate replied yes love I am, do you know where the yorkshire post is? at which point she started baa-ing like a sheep.
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Fri 17 Sep 2004, 1:14, Reply)

and the other one
there's a nutter who frequents Downing st and the palace of westminster, his name is Tony and he seem's to think he's the prime minister. Nutty as a fucking fruit cake.
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Fri 17 Sep 2004, 1:11, Reply)

swampy
I used to work at a motorway services and every so often this long haired skinny tramp(rumour had he travlled up and down the M1 by hanging on to the axels underneath the trucks) would be found asleep either in our crusher round the back,in the gents (or ladies) and once in the back of the site managers audi (god knows how he got in there!) once he was fast asleep in the corner of the restaurant dribbling,smelling and muttering under his breath and I was given the job of removing him(cos everyone else was too scared to talk to him), so i shook him awake with the cheery words 'Piss off swampy this is a restaurant not a hotel' and he slunk off. Three hours later and storms back in up to the hot food counter where I am, threatening to remove my head and shit down my neck, at which point my heavily pregnant four foot nothing manager walks up to him and tells him (in front of a restaurant full of customers) to 'Fuck off because your smell is putting us off our food' at which piint he slunk off. I had to have security to escort me to my car every night for a week in case swampy decided to come back and carry out his promise.
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Fri 17 Sep 2004, 1:08, Reply)

Karaoke Karen and friends
Karaoke Karen used to grace the streets of Wellingborough (Northants) most afternoons and all day on Saturdays. She was a young lady who lived in the sheltered housing in the town centre, and used to stand in the pedestrian zone and dance along to tapes played loudly on her "ghetto blaster" ad infinitum. In fact "karaoke" was not the right word because she did no singing, just mad dancing, but that was the name the locals gave her. Eventually, the council stopped her because she had no public entertainment licence for the commercial recorded music she used.

Great Yarmouth Robot Man - you've seen those people in Covent Garden dressed as "robots" who stay still and only move when you turn round? One guy who does a similar thing lives in Great Yarmouth, and does he get changed when he gets there? No, he travels by train in full costume. One day I watched as the guard asked for his ticket. He jerkily turned round and said something like "ticket... processing..." and then, accompanied by hissing sounds, slowly removed his ticket for inspection. His arms were all covered in little tubes and wires, and he spent the rest of the journey repairing them with superglue, complete with hisses and jerky movements. The funny thing is that the guy (underneath the suit) looks the spitting image of anothe bloke at work.

Charles Roberts is a resident of Kettering but is better known as Elvis or Benny Hill, due to his habit of walking round the town centre dressed as one or the other, accompanied by his wife in her wheelchair, and his little dog on a lead. Far from being a "nutter" he is a local "character" and collects money for charity as well.
( Amos E Wolfe makes vinyl signs and things like that, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 0:48, Reply)

I live near philadelphia, pa
Its hard to pick one nutter from there. Two personal favorites:

Naked woman on the corner: In broad daylight, on one of the busiest streets in south side. 10 AM. Fairly old, not the looker, and entirely motionless. People were just walking around her, pretending she wasn't there, including an officer of the law. I guess there is crazzier shite to deal with in philly.

Spike: favourite bum who is always saying, "HEY man, can I get a dolla to get summin to EAT?" in a charming loon voice. Claims to have been an up and coming boxer who's down on his luck. Forgets your face/name no matter how many times he introduces himself to you, even after you take him out to eat or give him dollars on a daily basis.
(zyn (thetix), Fri 17 Sep 2004, 0:31, Reply)

our local nutters are pretty mild by comparison...
One fairly sad individual who lives nearby hordes... everything! He has cars full of newspapers, pizza boxes etc. presumably because nothing more will fit in the house. At the same time as he lives in this tip, he's often out sweeping the street with a straw broom. He has lucid moments, but I've also seen him shouting abuse at anyone within earshot.

...then we've got the singing lady. The Vic Market is a great place to listen to really good buskers, but when this old hag starts warbling her strangled canary impersonations, she clears the pavement! No-one can stand to be in earshot... people ask if paying will make her go away!

and finally, the school crossing lady, who's not really a nutter, but is just from a slightly different universe. When a new staff member arrives at the school, she welcomes them with a crocheted kewpie doll toilet roll cover - in favourite football team colours. It's priceless to see the look on a cool, young graduate's face when they're presented with this absolute gem of kitsch.

( woowoowoo, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 0:23, Reply)

Mad Dave...
Mad Dave is a middled aged man named Martin, he became known as mad Dave when he used to wait outside school and ask you to punch him. If you didn't jump at this chance straight away (not everybody did) then he would pay you 50p. He was soon banned from schools and so used to wait at the train station instead... Years passed, i left school and mad Dave was banned from most places where children frequented. Then, one day in my local, there he is, collecting glasses! He wasn't mad at all and had even secured a job i thought, however on closer inspection it appears that he doesn't actually work there, he alternates pubs (tuesdays and thursdays at one, the rest at another) and collects glasses, his fee? half a bitter! Now, this story isn't all fun and games, it appears that mad Dave used to be a very clever guy until his car crash/horse riding accident (other theories do exist) and he has a thing for dates (all mad people should have a 'thing they do') Dave, well he carries a little black book to record the birthdays of everybody he meets...EVERYBODY! Then, at the pub, he sings happy birthday to them, one at a time, even if they are not there! Oh course he can't speak properly and his speech is hillarious and i have his singing as my ringtone, i also have photos of him wearing his favourite/only jumper with vaseline up his nose!?
(pleasedeletemeplease, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 0:22, Reply)

i work at waterstones in ipswich....
we get alot of nutters, at least 4-5 a day.
i think it must be some sort of extension of the way nutters tend to congrigate at librarys, so book store seems the next logical step for crazy people, anyway here are my favorite four.

miss.smith
female. hunched over. age unknown as she wears a big coat and head scarf all year round. carries backpack full of stones and basket full of scrap paper. odd mannerisms include, hiding in the shop untill closing time, then when discovered by staff she begins to scream wildly, although it does not appear to be in anger.
likes to reserve books on:
-poisonous plants
-bread making
-prostitution

-captain zero
fat. male. smelly. greasy comb over hair. wierd black leather jacket. sandles with no socks. manky feet. pervert. enjoys following women of all ages around shop for hours on end. once reported to have climbed underneith a pregnant woman whilst she was trying to browse. BANNED.
reading interests:
-none

-crusty crunden
male. mid to late 50s. balled. big aviators glasses. tweed jacket with loads of badges all over it. harmless, yet annoying. enjoys reserving books on all subjects, however never buys anything. has name because his last name is crunden (which he reserves the books under) and also appears to have a serious case of skin diease, often leaving flakes from his hands on anything he touches.

- dogman
tall. male. late twenties. wears a big blue coat. seats alot. listens to holly valance music at full volume on a cd player. believes he is going to marry her and tells everyone this, previous obseesions include cilla black and katherine (a girl who i work with). pants like a dog and doen not appear to be able to read or write.
likes to ask for books on:
-making bodies from cotton wool (?!)
-getting better bodies
-how to stop people from sending him letters (?!)

there you go.
( zanzibar, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 0:21, Reply)

Devon Nutter
There used to be a guy who walked the streets of the hellhole that is Newton Abbot. His name was Gordon (now sadly deceased I believe). He would always be happy to provide entertainment to us when we were skiving from school. He was your typical common or garden nutter picking up fag ends, but had a very good repetoire, namely his dance, and his owl impression. Everytime we saw him (which was most days) he would tell us he had just had 4 teeth out at the dentist (and proceed to show us the "gaps" in his incredibly smelly mouth), and then would give us the sad news that his brother had died yesterday on the railways. Although very odd, he seemed harmless enough and never tried to bum us or anything.
(kohoutec, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 0:12, Reply)

Local Nutter!
There is a whole load of nutters in my area but one guy stands out more than all the rest. He goes by the name of TECHNO FATTY. - He does exactly what it says on the tin. This guy is about 40 years old now and as far as I can remember he has always always carried around an 80s style "ghetto blaster". He carries it up on his shoulder you know like a proper bruva. He is about 25 stone and loves his cheesey techno and anything else that is on the radio at the time and I mean ANYTHING!!. It doesn't matter what time of day it is he sits in his fav bench in the local precinct with his tunes turned up to the max.

Techno Fatty was every school kids favourite piss take piece.

Every lunchtime during my school days we would take the piss out of him using all the classic school kids destructive slaggings and weapons AKA wet bog roll.
Anyway he decided to get his own back on us once by attacking my mates and I with a chain, he chased my mates around the shops swingin his metal chain proper cowboy style...
oh the laughs!...
Ive saw him in my town, Glasgow and Edinburgh. Im sure he's mental but the place just wouldnt be the same without Techno Fatty.
Oh yeah he made it onto the news here too!!!
(Cowabunga, Fri 17 Sep 2004, 0:12, Reply)

theres two guys....
on our local buses, both very weird. One of them mutters to himself, and is essentially harmless, until one day he began to get a little flustered, the voice was raised, and he started screaming at me "I TOLD HIM!!!! I TOLD THE STUPID FUCKING BASTARD!!!! The other guy just happens to gel his hair with something that isn't hair gel, and after extensive research, we think its.........BARBECUE SAUCE!!!! Yay!!! Also, in the town centre, theres a guy called, 'The Pigeon Man' (we're very imaginative round here) who is surrounded by pigeons all day, and after spending so much time around them, has begun to look a little like them, with his bulbous chest, skinny legs, and freakish feathery hair...Anyone from blackburn recognise these guys...???
( Mr.Ons knows you can hear him, Earthmen., Thu 16 Sep 2004, 23:45, Reply)

James Matthews...
A strange child at my old school who grew a full length beard and played the flute. Has a tendency to headbutt people at random intervals. He also talked with a lisp and a stammer. Lmao, he rid a decripid old moped and stabbed people too. Strangest person i have ever known.
(martymcfly, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 23:37, Reply)

The guy at the bus station...
In the city where I live there are lots of really special people. One of them is a guy who is sometimes seen at a bus station downtown. He just stands there smiling and sometimes he waves at people. This would be no problem if not for his clothes. Under his shirt he has tucked two basketball sized balloons which are supposed to be his breasts. He allso has a "wig" made from yellow yarn on his head.
( The little pink animal is mostly harmless, except on, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 23:26, Reply)

Sponge man
Not sure what is medically wrong with spongeman be he well loves sponges. He always walks into the local chemist my friend works in. He then feels every bath spongue in the shop, squeezes em, rubs em, talks to them. Then after he has dont this to the varies 30odd sponges in the chemist he leaves, but not before he has said goodbye to everyone and everyone has said goodbye to him. if you dont say bye he doesnt leave.

Bless the spongeman.
(Songi, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 23:13, Reply)

And since Rob mentioned Camden
Who else has seen Captain Jesus? The preacher. He wears an admiral's cap with SALVATION written under the anchor, has a Saddam Hussein beard, and stands by a banner marked JESUS IS ALIVE. I like to stand at the back among the crowd he draws and whisper to strangers "What did he say? Blessed are the cheesemakers?" or starting choruses of the Spongebob Squarepants theme. The spookiest thing about this nutter is that he told me God will save my soul if I quit drinking and poisoning my soul. I told him to fuck off. I had barely gone twenty steps when my vodka bottle fell through my plastic bag, smashing violently in Camden Town station's centre.

But anyway, he acts very erractically and changes his opinions every ten minutes. One reason not to be religious for me.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 23:04, Reply)

driving instructor
possibly the most dangerous around...
Every time I had a lesson, he would begin by producing 'irrefutable' pieces of evidence that Elvis was alive, pointing out the highlighted words, his misspelt middle name on the death certificate, and other nuggets of conspiracy which a 18yo girl would undoubtedly be enthralled by, and obviously would make the person who imparted this highly interesting info look fuckable. Everytime he cracked a joke while I was driving (usually speeding down the A1 coz his speedo didn't work) he'd shove my shoulder hard as his tramp-like skinniness could muster, not satisfied until my head cracked against the window. He had a greasy mini metro with dodgy brakes, and made me slow down for blondes. I am blonde. I was disturbed.
So the next time he cracked a joke (had to be racist/sexist or just generally against someone) as we were hurtling down a single-lane country road I took both hands off the wheel and covered my eyes in a mock expression of 'give me strength'. I was accused of dangerous driving. Touche Billy you fuckwit!
Could be worse. My mate's instructor had a false arm (had a trunk full of them, but his favourite seemed to be the affectionately-known 'wanky hand', for changing gear of course) and he was outed by the ever-classy 'Mirror' for touching girls up. Luckily she didn't seem to be 'his type'.
Apologies for piss-weakedness.
(spida, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 23:03, Reply)

There's a bloke called Kenny round here.
He's a drunkard. He once punched me in the stomach when I was on my way to a karate lesson in full gi. I was eight.

There are a range of Kenny stories. Like when my friend saw him put tissue into his underwear and pull out a soggy, piss-stinking tissue.

He leaves cartons of Chinese food and curry around the main road. If you see him take food off of the pavement or off of someone's wall, he's probably stashed it, so don't worry too much about his nutrition.

One of the odder things he's done was to take offence at a bus I was on. He jumped in front of it and started trying to pull the windscreen wipers off. When this failed, he started flicking Vs at the driver. I think he was shouting something about the Pope. I can't be sure.

But more Kenny. He once racially abused some black man in the Chinese, who then proceeded to threaten him with a beating (rightly so). Kenny went out onto the main road and sat in front of a car for 20 minutes. Nobody could move him, and after a while he started laughing and just left the road of his own accord. The traffic jam was horrendous.

He's also, according to a mate, kept pulling up this woman's skirt and smelling her naughty bits. I'm not sure how she reacted, but it can't be nice having a drunkard of 40 or more with his nose in your flaps, can it?

Also round here, we've got Duckman. He might not be a nutter, but nobody can understand what he's on about. He's about eighty-two and will go along the streets talking in his weird duck-like quack. Try to do ventriloquism whilst holding your nose and use lots of M sounds. That's how it sounds.

And the cleaner at my school is a paedophile who won the lottery, according to rumour. I know he's a paedophile as he asked my nine-year-old sister to his house. I've got word that he won the lottery but he spends all his money at Ladbrokes. A sixty-year-old bloke, about four feet tall, wearing glasses with grey hair. Scary.

The East End is full of nutters.
apologies for length
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 22:44, Reply)

Nut house.
I work in the brand spanking new Zurich office in Cardiff, but unfortunatly, it was built on Newport Road, which has to be the shittiest area of the City. Right next door, there's some sort of rehab centre or something, and on my first day, someone sprang out of the bushes and smashed a mug in my path, muttering to himself. Fun. Oh, and I actually gave money to Toy Mike Trevor today. He seemed pleased.
( owain2002, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 22:40, Reply)