Mugged with a breeze-block
Was wandering through the Barri Xines in Barcelona late one night, looking for a Moroccan from whom to buy some hash. No dealers out tonight though - police must have been through recently. But wait, we may be in luck, a teenage boy in shell suit appears, asks me if I want to buy any hash. Beckons me to follow him down a dark side street, down another smaller, darker street, and another until I have no idea where I am any longer. Then half a dozen of the little tykes appear from an alleyway and surround me. The biggest and oldest (about 14) is holding half a breeze block in a threatening manner as he demands my wallet. I try and do a runner, but the pack of rabid youths haul me to the ground like hyenas killing a zebra. Hands rifle through my pockets and my wallet is gone.

Next day, at the police station (I had to report it to get a crime number, to cancel the cards etc, not because I thought anyone could get my wallet back), the desk sergeant asks if they had a gun, a knife, a baseball bat? No, a rock, I said. And how old were they? 14, I said. He creased up with laughter and told me to piss off.
(se8card, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 23:03, Reply)

Get a bigger stick
My friend Big Bob and I were walking to a restaurant near his apartment when two skinny guys jumped out of the bushes. One of them said "Give me all you money!" while the other one threatened us with what looked like a broomstick.

Bob was unimpressed, and simply tore the stick from the bandit's hands (it turned out to be a sponge-mop). Then he broke the stick over the "give me your money" guys head. Cue both baddies taking a running leap back into the bushes and out of sight.

Three days later, Big Bob and his girlfriend were mugged in the same spot, apparently by the same guys. This time, they cracked him over the head with a baseball bat, from behind, with no warning. Down goes Bob, and they get his wallet and her purse. Bob gets a detached retina and permanently impaired vision.
(danalan Pretty good, for an amateur., Fri 16 Jun 2006, 23:00, Reply)

More me being assualted...
..Then mugging, but they still tried it on. Living in one of the UK's chav central cities, it happens nearly every other week. But on one occassion, asscoiate of mine and me, were going about our normal buisness when like magic *wullah* appears a 10-11 crowd of chavs. All wanting to fight us. So being the better men, we left it and walked off, just to be followed. Now knowing its a big mistake. One of the scum bags tries to set alight to our hair then cheap shots me in the back of the head. They try it a second time, now its there mistake, i spun round grabbed the kids arm and kung-fu'd his ass. His arm now in a good strong lock, what to do? i know flip him. One down. The crowd of cock gobblin chavs decide to bring on big man "patrick", who just ended up being thrown into a rather large box thingy, and dint get up for a while. They did have the last laugh though. As any one who lives in plymouth, the sundial used to be very skanky. Who gets pushed in by a rather large whore of plymouth, girl. But me. Drenched to my knees. Lush.

*insert joke bout length and girth here* and *here*
oh and long time follower, first qotw posting
(Seanus, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 22:46, Reply)

Funny Money
Whilst waiting for a bus at night, a group of lads approached me and asked if I had change for a ten pound note. I was a little scared and of course totally obliged, I dipped into my pockets and took a few minutes sorting out my change. I handed the money over and received the ten pound note off one of the lads. Almost immediately I realised it was a laser copy, printed on cheap white paper. I chased after the bastards. For some reason, even though there was 4 of them, and I am a weed, they gave my money back. Which was nice.
(silkysean pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 22:40, Reply)

This one time...
First of all, how many sodding people have friends in the marines? It's getting a bit much now.
Moving on.
I'm not the biggest person in the world. And My facial expression is something reminiscent of something as threatening as a sloth with no limbs. And I always seem to be everywhere dangerous on my own. Smart, I know.
Walking home on a lovely afternoon, 3 well 'ard gangstars cross the road to ask me the time. I knew what was gonna happen straight away, living in Brixton. Luckily, I didn't have my phone on me that day so all they got from me was 21p and 3 sticks of chewing gum. I wasn't stuffed as I just wanted to get home and put my feet up. I made the God-awful faux pas of sighing and asking whether they were done yet. So got lumped in the jaw. Once, twice, yep I've realised what's happening now, thrice, block the fourth and spin one guy's kneecap around his leg with my amazingly useful Doc Martens. They're like tanks for your feet :D.
After that I feel smug for approximately 0.3 seconds, when I'm reminded by several hard, fist-like objects that there's still a fight going on.
Turns out I lose. Yeah. 3 on 1 isn't really the best odds to have. I got a few days off school for my trouble though.
(Gat Bandish I've got wood in my soul, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 22:18, Reply)

The Jo'Burg Kid
I got kinda mugged in Johannesburg in 1990, I think it was. I had stopped for a few seconds to look at a poster, and this passing kid went straight in to my pocket and grabbed my keys. It was hardly subtle or skilful, and I immediately spun round and advanced on the kid, slamming down the drink I had been carrying, probably roaring.

The kid was like a rabbit in the headlights, and looked about 12, which is probably what saved his neck. He stuck his hand in his pocket and did a gun shape with his hand, still crapping himself. It didn't really fool me, but he was so young and it was only a few keys, so I stopped, and he ran off.

That was the first time I had any trouble, over several years of visits. I haven't been back to South Africa since 1991, but if I do I know what parts of Johannesburg to avoid: just about the whole of the city and southern suburbs. Hillbrow in particular is a no-go area.
( bnt what, me worry?, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 21:35, Reply)

Hyde Park, Leeds
Sadly I can account for a mini-crime wave in this hotspot of nefarious activity.

I used to own 4 flats on Belle Vue Road - lived in one and let the others out.

I woke up one bright and sunny and realised that my car was'nt where I'd left it the previous night.

Rang Dear Ol' Plod and got summoned to that soul-less place near Leeds Bus Station, where I was presented with an HT lead and told to retrieve my car from the MIDDLE of the park.

Seems it had been nicked and used in several drive-by muggings, so if anyone got ripped by twattos in a Black XR2, reg'd F789KRA - I share your pain.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 21:24, Reply)

relevant? Perhaps.
As a young lad I had the great privilege of going to a top Public School in Lunnen Town. Sadly this meant wandering the area in a noncy little suit whilst the kids from the local comps paraded in their cool gear. We were obvious targets, and by nature of going to a posh school everyone assumed we were rich. (I had a free scholarship, but that didn't stop the threats.)

One day I'm strolling down to Peckham Rye Lane in the afternoon. This huge buck dashes across the road and blocks my path, then says:
"You're the one that's been messing with my woman." Now bearing in mind I'm a skinny, speccy white kid of about thirteen and he's about ten years older than me and at least a foot taller, this strikes me as hilarious. Why would his 'woman' be messing with the skinny lil honky when she's got a Sammy Jackson lookilikee already? (I'm guessing he doesn't know about my winning personality and 8" tongue!) All I can think is that this is the worst excuse to start a fight I've ever heard, so laughing to myself, I turn around and walk away, saying he's got the wrong guy. It was (to me) so funny I didn't even think about him coming up behind me. He didn't! Gobsmacked.

About a week later I'm down Herne Hill with my buddy Seneca, who is a Tamil, and we get picked on by the local white supremacists from Kingsdale school. I got a boot in the gob for sticking up for me mate, and he got away on his toes like a good un.

So after that I decided enough was enough, and that it was time to 'fight back'. I took up drumming, beefed up a lot, but mostly adopted a rather 'street tuff' attitude. I still use this a lot, and despite working in some of Lunnen's crapper areas, I've never had any bother. In fact I now enjoy intimidating chavs and crackers at the Nightbus Stops in Brixton. It's all a matter of attitude.

That said, a mate of mine got mugged in North London recently for his wallet and stuff. It nearly destroyed him, so I'm not sure this is a very funny topic.

Oh yes it is, my stupid fat lodger got robbed in Brixton one night. Mind you, he's got victim written all over him, plus he's walking around Coldharbour lane at 3am dressed in a Dj after a works do.

If I'd been there I'd of mugged him meself!

Girth is my middle name.
(Mr Steve is jobless and fancyfree!, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 19:33, Reply)

Firth Park Fair, Sheffield
Anyone's who's been to this knows how hairy a visit there can be, like I for one realised when I was about to play a game of Taito World Cup Football in the Arcades, only for my pockets to be picked by a lad I knew from school.

I don't know what was worse, the fact that my pockets were picked or that my 'mate' who I was with at the time, in the melee afterwards, took my go on said arcade game.

Not happy.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 19:24, Reply)

I was in France...
...when I was about 14.

A french kid and his mate approached. He pulled out a knife, and demanded ten francs.

Yes. The equivalent of about a quid.

I told him to fuck off. Such a lovely child, I was.

-

In other news; chavs in Stevenage Leisure Park? I nearly ran a pack over the other day. Whoops.
( gone, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 19:01, Reply)

Steak goes great with drugs...
I was walking downtown in unnamed western new york shithole of a town (not Buffalo), and I was searching for some drugs. I asked the usual bums around, and some non-bums, who'd I prefer to buy from. Well, it was a hopeless search, but just then some old black guy with a voice modulation problem asked me what i was looking for. Scratchy neck, talked in a horse high voice. I told him and we proceeded around the corner for a chat, after he patted me down, in case I was a cop. We walked into this cove and I wanted to see it first, so he showed me, along with three steak knives with wooden handles in his pocket. He told me to give him the money, which I did, and stepped three feet back and ran like the wind. I am not fucking around with non-retractable 5in serrated knives wielded by a crackhead.

I'm mostly curious on how he was going to hold all three; all in one hand? two in one hand? maybe make it a fair fight and give me one? Lastly I'm curious if hes ever stabbed himself accidentally from those blades, I'd imagine it's a good possibility.
( Umojan, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 18:05, Reply)

The meek shall not inherit the earth
Personally, I've never been mugged. Living in an urban area, I walk around with the attitude: "I will hurt you if you get near me", and I'm told I'm quite intimidating for a small, blonde woman. However, a former boyfriend was mugged. While walking down the street, he was shoved into an alley by a lone, unarmed assailant and relieved of his wallet. He cried as he told me about it. My reaction: What a pussy. Summed up his entire personality, and I broke up with him about a week later.
(bunnybutt, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 18:00, Reply)

Don't mess with the Oirish
My dad's mate came over from Ireland about 40 odd years ago and has worked as a labourer all his life. He's now in his 70s, built like a bricksh1thouse and the nicest guy you could meet.

One night he was walking his dog through some woods near Blantyre (a salubrious suburb outside of Glasgow), when two neds/chavs decided to mug "an old man walking his dog". Packie has other ideas. He picks up his little yappy dog, and rips a sapling right out of the ground and starts chasing the young miscreants. They bolt, and Packie gives up the chase.

But he's not finished. Instead of going home like most folk would, he hides in the bushes near his house and waits. Eventually one of the two comes swaggering up the road and into the local shop. Packie follows him in and pins the guy by the neck against the wall about a foot off the ground. Needless to say, the wee b'stard shits it and won't be doing that again!

Moral of the story. Don't fcuk with an Irish labourer, no matter how old he is.

Pop. There goes my cherry after much lurking. The length hurt at first, but got better. Now I like it.
(A*D, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 17:43, Reply)

Not me (again)
At unit a rather large chap was mugged by weapons of a trather stout piece of wood being whapped across the back of his head.

By some miracle he stayed concious, turned to the muggers and said "Yes?"
The mugger thought process was probably like "Oh shit. That was big piece of wood. That was a big blow. He still awake. Oh fecker, he's big. RUN!"

Just after they legged it matey boy passes out and spends the next few days in hospital.
(SpangleDangle >->)))'>, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 17:33, Reply)

Barcelona again
Sat down in Barcelonetta on a bench to eat picnic. Man approaches my and gf from the right holding a guide book and map looking puzzled.

My gf instinctively slaps her hand down on her bag on her left and for some reason it doesn't move like it should. She looks down at the bag to find another dirty spaniard has his hands on it and a tug of war commences. She stands up and shouts at the top of her lungs "fuck off you greasy daego fuck!". This grabs the attention of the many diners enjoying the street cafe's nearby who stop and stare at the foul language emminating from this docile looking lady...

The 2 would be thieves give up and walk away casually and laughing, while my now totally flpping mental gf hurls abuse at them from a far.

Throughout it all I ate my crisps :-)
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 17:31, Reply)

Mugged, Well they tried......
Well back in the Hood "Maidenhead" I was walking back home at about 1am.

I got surrounded by a group of 5 rather large northen lads and they demanded I give them my mobile phone and all my money. I promtly told them what to go do and where to forcibly insert it.

Now me being not a small guy they started to throw a few punches and kicks and I retaliated and a few of them fell to the floor a few times but eventually one of them saw sence broke it up and with the others they all ran off.

Well i walked out the station not feeling too bad (Thanks to the drink) and then realised that a once white chirt was crimson and discovered my nose had moved about 3 inches across my face.

Well spent the night in hospital and the next days throwing up. Did the usualt statment to the police and 2 years later the police give me £2000 for it !!!!! RESULT and I did not loose a thing except a week fully paid of work :D
(tfi049113 Was found alive on, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 17:09, Reply)

Not mugged more assaulted
To those of you complaining that all the stories involve ripping the persons heart out and showing it to them the reason normal mugging stories aren't being posted is amply demonstrated here:

New Year Eve two years ago some chavvy piece of shit walks up to me out of the dark and punches me with his sovreign ring across my jaw. While shouting "come on you two against us six". Needless to say we beat a hasty retreat.

Result is I spend New Years Eve 2004-2005 in A&E surrounded by drunken Chav untermenchen and seriously pissed off staff.

On the plus side got A++ service from the NHS as the only sobre and deserving patient of the night.

There's a scar on my jaw line were facial hair doesn't grow that reminds me of the little twunt every time I look at it.

There you go mugging/assault-it's really isn't all nunchuks, lasers and ICBMs.
(mm123, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 17:07, Reply)

Not me, but my brother, and not really a mugging per se
My bro and his mate were on their way to see the Beastie Boys in London late one night, chatting away about how cool the concert was going to be. A guy comes up and starts the following conversation:
Guy: "You're going to see the Beastie Boys?"
Bro & Mate: "Yup"
Guy: "I don't believe you - those tickets are like gold dust!"
Mate: "No? Look!" *pulls ticket out of pocket and waves it in guy's face*
Guy: "Cheers!" *Grabs ticket and legs it*
(Plyck, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 17:05, Reply)

Mugged... well no not quite
My mate was in liverpool centre minding his business when he felt a kick to the back of leg. He turned to see a lad of about 14 in front of a couple of other kids grinning at him. The lad smiled and said, "There! My brother's dead hard and he's around the corner and he can beat you up so give us a few quid!·.
My mate pondered this for about a second, then smiled, then slapped the kid around the face as hard as he could. Said kid burst out crying (not cool in front of your mates) and went off.
Never, EVER try that stunt on a Royal Marine.
(DustyD, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 16:47, Reply)

Boyz in the 'hood....
I recall one dull Saturday circa 1992 when me plus a couple of friends went to Harrow (North London craphole). Upon exiting the train station we were surrounded by a small gang of black lads convinced they were the baddest things outside of the Bronx!

"Gimme a dollar!" they demanded.
More than a little puzzled my mates and I looked at one another and produced about 55p in loose change (the going rate for a dollar at the time). I mean, we were all about 14 where did they expect us to get money from!?
Wow, hope they didn't spend it all on crack and ho's in one go ;-)
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 16:30, Reply)

3 stories from 'Pon Road'
Growing up in Walthamstow (east london for any who don't remember the bell ends that were east 17, Brain Harvey actually lived down my road but that's a whole other story) i've had my fair share of dramas pon road (sorry bout the hoodie/gang starrrr lingo but it adds to the atmosphere)!

The first of my offerings however took place in quaint ol Canterbury. After a rather boozey, mary-jane filled night of uni fun myself, jimmy (uni mate) and Archie (Jim's mate from school) decide to walk into town at 5 in the morn and wait for the golden arches to open for a McBreakfast (the hash browns are nang). So they we are, perching on the benches outside the luxuar restaurant when a chap with his chavvy Henry Lloyd coat zipped up over his mouth walks up to us with his hands in his pockets and mumbles something.
"What's that mate?" Jimmy asked
Once again mumbling but this time we quite clearly hear
"Give me you money"
Now lets look at the evidence, 3 of us, even though i'm not that big jim and archiebold are, 1 of him.
Us in unison: "Fuck of you scally cunt!"
Him after unzipping his jacket: "Can you lend us a quid then?"
Me: "No really mate, fuck off and eat a dick you bombar claht" (i don't normally speak like this unless joking with friends but i couldn't resist it)
Archie stands up and the bloke legs it, it wasn't till after he was round the corner archie said the reason he stood up was to give him a quid!

Second incident was in walthamstow. When i was about 14 i used to 'cotch' in the local video shop and bun weed all day through the school holidays. Anyhoo, one lovely july day one of the local boys (who was a bit margot - thin/weak) comes running in proclaiming he had been mugged by 2 blokes. Normally we would've have cained him about this but realising this had happened in our hood you can imagine how we felt.....dissed blood! Cue 8 street kids of various ages jumping into 2 souped up Novas (yes i cringe as i write this) tearing off to find the muggers). 5minutes later and we've spotted them just past Billet roundabout. Both cars screech to a halt and we surround them baying for blood and revenge. To keep it short they were instructed to strip to their boxers and told to "Fuck off". It wasn't until i got back in the car and saw the spoils of their various mugging missions that emerged from their jacket and jeans pockets that i realised we'd just mugged them! Street Justice.

The last one still scares me. I recently met up with a friend i went to a very good charity boarding school (school for underprivileged kids see school of rock) with for a pint. We hadn't seen each other for a long time as this bloke had been expelled when we were 16. Now he came from Bow and really was from the ghetto, he'd been stabbed etc and most probably had done the same but was a good mate even if i didn't approve sometimes. I don't know how it got onto the subject but his sister had been mugged in his 'manor' by a yout he knew. Now the sister had gone round to this chaps house and asked for him to return the bracelet he had taken, but alas to no avail.
Me:"so what happened mate?"
My friend from the ghetto, saying in a very calm voice:"I burnt his house"
Other friend who was with us:"but you didn't get the bracelet"
Friend from ghetto:"No, but he only has half a house now"

Lessons to take from this....Don't fuck with really aggy looking people from the ghetto, generally they don't give a fuck!
(crispyshark, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 16:21, Reply)

I live in Romford
the classiest shithole there is. There I was, about 14, standing at a busstop outside the station, when some hulking frankenstein chav comes up to me:

Chav: Gimme your CD player..
Me: No, fuck off!

Chav promptly fucks off, much to my surprise.

This was repeated the next day, and after much the same, he decides to try it on someone else, who swiftly gets the cops involved, who, whilst pulling up, ran over a pigeon and exploded it everywhere in a puff of blood and feathers, much to my delight!
(fantomex, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 16:18, Reply)

Sort of Heroic
An Ex of mine returned to her car after work (in a Bar as 3am) to find that someone had broken into her car and turned the glove box over. She called the police etc and they said it was all by the same 3 people but nobody ever saw them do it, this happened every week.

Obviously we asked why if it was every week they didn't sit there and wait for them to do it again, but they were' too busy'.

Friday night 2am, in a work transit van with 5 mates parked in the same car park, we are waiting.
2:30 3 chav scumbags walk over and break into the van through the back doors. The chavs were more than supprised to find 6 angry bastards waiting for them, even more supprised when they were dragged into the van, beaten up, clothes nicked and then burnt in a nearby bin. Then sent free to walk home through Streatham.

We're like the A team, of sorts.

Note: we left them with the Jewlery they were caked in, it was crap anyway because they all had green marks from the cheap gold. haha
(wifebeater Funkier than a BinBag of Affro's, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 16:05, Reply)

Mugged, no way
Only swamp donkey's with a conscience get mugged. Me? I don't have a conscience and tell them to fuck off, and the muggers? they're the so called charity collectors/spare change mate arseholes that are littered about town.
( frogdog Fuck Your Holy Leaders, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 15:57, Reply)

Not A Mugging At All
While out for daily run in Gloucestershire countryside, I passed an old dear out walking her dogs. After a few moments, it struck me that instead of wishing me 'Good day', she'd actually said 'Dont try and take me on, I've got several dogs'.
Eh ?
I'm 20 years older than your average mugger, Upton St. Leonards is hardly Moss Side and running vest and shorts is hardly chav wear.
I'm just thankful I didnt get a sharpened walking stick shoved somewhere.
(anat0010, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 15:56, Reply)

Moped Saviour
OK so Amsterdam 15 years back, me and Gaz had been doing what 17yr olds do in Amsterdam, namely wondering around the RLD in a haze.
Two blokes approach and offer to sell us coke, we politely decline and walk away. They start shouting that we have spilt their goods, and follow us up the strasse demanding cash. We stand by a bridge for a while trying to get rid of them and they are getting very shirty. All of a sudden, one of them goes "alright mate, never mind" and walks off. "That was odd" says my mate, "not really" I reply pointing to the policeman on a motorbike behind him.
Later that day we were crossing another bridge and as we get to the apex see the same two fellas, with a dozen mates, sat outside a cafe. Unfortunately they clock us at the same time and stand up pointing and shouting and running our way. Out of nowhere a moped appears and smacks straight into the leader at full pelt, carrying him off 20yds down the road before slamming on and depositing him hard on the road. His mates fell about laughing, forgot all about us and we turned tail and scarpered!

Same trip saw me get mugged at scissorpoint for a pocketful of guilders, get my bag and passport nicked from under my nose, and be late for the ferry, prompting a knuckle biting race in a taxi to the docks where they put the gangplank back on for us to run up.
I don't speak much Dutch, but am reasonably familar with the term "fucking stupid English".
(whatfun?, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 15:24, Reply)

bending a charver's ring
let me paint the scene for you - walking in a nice bit of newcastle (jesmond for those in the know) on a glorious summer's day, on the way into uni, when me and a mate got pelted by some conkers thrown by charvers (an unusual sight in the usually salubrious suburb) - do the usual and tell them to cut it out, at which point they get angry and keep throwing more and threateneing us if we keep "being effing students" (wtf?!) - naturally, we ignore them at which point they run after us - sensing danger, I leapt into action....one tried to hit me with a truncheon (again wtf?!) - decided at this point to run...they chased, one tried to hit me, missed but hit my back - and promptly ruined his sovereign ring ("you bent me ring" were his exact words). Survived that, but then met one of the charvers a few days later, walking towards me, who said "lend us 50p". I said "no". he walked off. Not very exciting really....but I did bend a charver's ring (oooer!)
(ruttiger, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 15:00, Reply)

What's the time..
Once this guy asked me and a mate for the time, so I looked at my watch, but oh no, he says 'Naww man I don't go for that kinda time, you gotta phone' Knobcheese.
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Fri 16 Jun 2006, 14:56, Reply)

Telling the time
Is it just me or when someone asks me the time, I check my watch rather than checking my phone, thus avoiding any phone related problems. Also being a londoner I tend to be very wary of anyone talking to me, regardless of who they are. Especially grannies.
(PixelGirl unlock the mind...unmind the lock, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 14:51, Reply)

Coincidentally...
Was 'semi-mugged' today on the way back from my lunch break.

Was strolling back to the office through the deserted 'Leisure Park' in Stevenage after a lunchtime pint when I notice 3 tracksuit-clad chavs swaggering toward me. A vague panic sets in, and not wanting to appear a coward (to the other non-existant people in the Leisure Park) for no real reason, I decide to keeping walking in their direction (as it is the way to my office anyway). As we pass each other, one of them grabs me by the arm, reeking of cheap aftershave (probably from one of those Argos selection boxes) and his 9ct gold necklaces reflecting the sun into my eyes. Like a cheap 21 year old white Mr T, he growls:

"gimme yo' phone mate".
Me: "yeah whatever, let me keep my SIM though, there's no credit on it anyway and i want my numbers"
Chave Tw@t: "whatever mate, just give us yo' phone".

Cue me fumbling with SIM card..his mates are shufling in their shoes, this obviously taking more time then they are comfortable with.

"here you go dude, happy?" says me, handing over my mobile.
Chave Tw@t: "ROFL, LOL, LMAO etc etc"
(I don't think they like my phone...)
Chave Tw@t: "Keep it mate, get a better one for next time"
(Next time?)
Me: "you're not impressed with my phone?"
Chave Tw@t: "you've chewed the f*cking aerial to pieces and it's a piece of shit anyway".
Chave Tw@t: "see ya"
Me: "hope not"

We go our separate ways and I head back to the office to write this.

I actually felt kinda crap after that, I don't even have good enough stuff for chavs to want to steal... D'oh
(small-non-bearded-gentleman-of-indistinguishable-origin, Fri 16 Jun 2006, 14:49, Reply)