A Good Office Party:
Okay...the BEST Office Christmas party was when I was working on Wall Street. We rented the WOrld War Two Aircraft Carrier "Intrepid" and had roving magicians, musicians, caricature artists, tours of the ship and two live bands on different floors. The formal dinner was impressive as well. The booze started flowing that afternoon IN the office and we had a half dozen strippers kick off the pre-party festivities.

The evening peaked when, one of our trainees, a heavy kid, dove from the flight deck of the ship into the Hudson River complete with tuxedo and white silk scarf. He made $5,000 for the stunt...we stood there amazed that he did it, but also amazed that he didnt hit the bottom and get stuck! THAT was a GREAT party. I was worthless for two days.

Then last year, working for a National US co. in DC, we had finger foods at the ESPN Zone and the firm covered one beer. What a let down. I should have never left Wall Street. D'oh!

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
Sean

PS FORGOT! FIRST POST! Wahooooooo!
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 16:06, Reply)

Simply don't have time to read this week's QOTW
Far too busy rushing round getting ready for yummy christmas. Spent most of last week lunching at various london clubs and having a riot with my work chums Tilly and Carro. Employed by daddy to lighten his wallet. Spent any free time riding my pony.*

*May not be true
*May be fantasy where I'm the pony
(Scoobs, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 15:52, Reply)

Bloated Frog Leaps
Me again... At one of the posh Xmas do's, my ex Tim-Nice-But-Dim boss, sensing that he'd done a completely terrible job of instilling any sense of comraderie or morale between the staff over the course of the year, insisted that we all swap places after every course to get to know other people better. So not only did we have to sit with people we had nothing in common with (including the boss himself with his rotting cheese/meat halitosis), but the waiting staff got really angry because they couldn't keep up with who'd gone where or ordered what. It also meant that you'd end up using cutlery that some other gimp has licked/coughed over/breathed on.
Infuriating.
(codenamebonkee, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 15:37, Reply)

Christmas Party
Sorry to rub it in we have had TWO christmas parties this year, one last week where we had the afternoon off and had to sit and eat a christmas dinner and drink loads of free booze. On our tables was a beautifully wrapped 'Gucci' box, and inside a silver braclet with 'Gucci' engraved on the link.
Then we had another marquee on Saturday with live band free food free drink and a buffet at the end oh and free transport.....

No bonus though...... Chin up, can't have everything!
(LittleMissChatty, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 15:35, Reply)

xmas in scotland
free xmas bash at a top hotel with transport, drink, food and an over-night stay or transport home provided. good looking men or woman available for those who want them.

wakes up......... lunch and booze which we paid for ourselves on an afternoon which meant i lost money cos if i dont work i dont get paid..... and im sitting opposite a complete twonk who thought it would be hilarious to load a ballon with pepper and send it across the room........ i only wish i'd had the bottle to tell him he was a knob....... on the plus side the balloon hit the deck 2 feet from him so did no harm. and he got pepper on his bell-end the next time he visited the gents (It said gentlemen on the door but he got in anyway)and he spent the rest of the afternoon scratching himself.
cnuts
(montyzuma, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 15:29, Reply)

*sigh*
Ooh, our Xmas party was tough last week.

The days started off with free lunch and booze at a pizza place, then back to work for 2 hours and being forced to drink more fizzy booze. Later on, sit down meal in the Grand in Brighton, free wine all night, amusing entertainment, followed by coke and pills, the on to another hotel bar until 5 am paid for by the company credit card

The tight watermeloners wouldn't shell out for a cab so I could go home though :(
(ginger ninja, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 14:47, Reply)

selective tightness
Last week, my company paid for all 30 employees plus their partners to have a 3 course meal with all the wine and champagne we could drink in a very swanky restaurant overlooking the Arc de Triomphe. When we had all eaten, we got VIP access to the club attached to the restaurant and the company paid for endless bottles of Whisky and Vodka to be served to our tables (at over 200 euros a bottle). Earlier in the day we had all received 50 euros of gift vouchers. I was given a budget of 300 euros to buy and decorate on xmas tree (I actually spent 150 and did two trees).

This morning, I got an email from the office manager saying that I couldn't have the box of staples that I ordered last week (cost 1.58 euros) because I ordered a box two months ago and he doesn't think I can have used them all yet.

My company doesn't believe in finding the happy medium
(ellen smellen, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 14:45, Reply)

Not working
Managed to get out of working Christmas Day and Boxing Day in Ankora, Turkey, due to my passport being at the Russian Embassy getting a visa, bummer.

My boss said it would be like having xmas in Slough.
(loquis, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 14:21, Reply)

Muahahahahahahaha!
Not at all Scrooge-like! They took us to a very posh hotel in Hampshire, gave us a TOP dinner and a TOP disco, and a free bar till 5am! And a present each! And didn't charge us a penny. Hahahahahahahahahahahahafuckingha!

And we get a bonus!
( pxyzyzygy, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 14:03, Reply)

Xmas present...
...I received a Xmas card and a scratch and win ticket from a grateful patient. Working for a government department I had to declare the ticket as 'gifts, favors or monies recieved whilst on duty'. "No problem with your receiving the gift" said the senior officer I report to, "but you must understand that any winnings will belong to the department". He's right too, I looked it up just before scratching a modest win and substituting the ticket with a losing one and handing it in.
Ho ferkin'ho...

edit: I love my job and have great colleagues, but hate the ferkin' tards that pass for managers.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 14:01, Reply)

really
how many of you people actually like the people you work with? i know i hate 99.9% of the people i work with. But then i hate my job. So its all good
(neo-x-, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 13:44, Reply)

a downward slide
ok so I start at this very promising mortgage brokers 3 years ago.

first year is all tux's and ballgowns (mine was a little sequin number)

the company grows and last year we do a Haolloween themed affair wit hcostuems and the lot, not bad.

this year.

Dinner at the restaurant of a local hotel (local to the Directors for us squibs who don't drive it's a nightmare journey)

get there no one know's what they ordered, the drink isn't free and it's not cheap either.

the worst singer in ther worl come to the dance floor to croon us with 'classics' she thought she was Tina Turner. so drunk me and a mate just took the piss right in front of her and were 'break dancing'to every song she sang from who let the dogs out to the maccarana.

Oh yeah and the mortgage consultants who usually get a weekday off as they usually work Saturdays have been told that christmas day is thier day off and they can't have a day off this week!

sorry for length and spelling errors.
(lokiy2j, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 13:29, Reply)

Last Xmas
I was working for "the world's local bank" (so local they've decided to ship all the jobs to India). Anyway, twas free food and disco at a local social club, booze not included (in the year they made £7bn profits).

Party ended with a racially-based mass brawl and the DJ finishing early cos his wife turned up and found him with his girlfriend. That particular bank is now banned from that particular social club. Bunch of bankers, indeed.

Ooh, forgot! 1st post! Woopah! (Stop yawning at the back)
(ryry, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 13:02, Reply)

Christmas bonus
Santa's come early to the newspaper where I work.

I've had a cracking year. They're exceptionally pleased with the work I've done. Can't praise me highly enough. So here's my Christmas bonus:

I have to pay the company back £9 for a work taxi I took after meeting a contact in OCTOBER.

I've emailed my boss to say he should send HR down to my desk with a ruler. There's some wear and tear on the flooring they could charge me for as well. If they're quick they can get the money out of me before I spend it on Christmas presents for my children.

EDIT: Oh yes, and I'm on call over Christmas. But not paid anything extra for it, obviously.

Ho. Ho. Ho.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 12:47, Reply)

Just Recieved An E-mail
from my cranberry cranberry cranberry cranberry cranberry cranberry cranberry cranberry yank boss. usually i do nothing at this poorly run firm but as the computer geek is on holiday, i have to type emails for the computer illiterate people. Anyway the email tells me i have to work till 10pm on christmas eve with the other poor souls i work with as our boss needs some urgent figures that day. i replied saying does he really need them by 1pm (california time) on xmas eve. his answer yes as he will be working christmas day - what a watermeloner. no life so we cannot have one.

isn't it a shame i am getting the flu tomorrow
and i hear it spreads fast
( MagicallyInept Bored Sig., Tue 21 Dec 2004, 11:44, Reply)

hateful swines
about a year ago the multi-national, continent spanning corporate behemoth for whom i sweat piss and blood for and probably knows where you and i live gave us... a financial self help book. for women. it had a pink cover. i got officially reprimanded for chucking it in the bin.
(hotpiss is very much liking your popping musics, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 11:37, Reply)

ugh
Several years ago our company got taken over byb another one and we were all invited to the new company Xmas bash where they had hired a club for about 200, laid on a massive all night buffet and free bar and transport home which was very good of them.

Of course we all took the piss and got utterly utterly hammered. One of our team took it upon himself to encourage all and sundry to partake in an almost never ending tequila slammer competition at the bar, which ended when he puked through his nose all over the bar top, got kickeed out and ended up sleeping in a chip shop doorway.

I embarrassed myself by saying to my new bos, 'you know your problem, your just a happy baby orangutan' and banging on to senior managememt about how it was a great party but where were all the class A's. Oh dear. Several of us fell over on the dance floor as well.

In the minibus on the way home we stopped at a service station and nicked all the presents under the display christmas tree, which turned out to be mouldy bread wrapped up in gift paper.

Surprisingly everyone was alright about it all next day, after the embarrassed apologies, although the guy who puked on the bar top didn't last a great deal longer with the company.

Happy days.
(p0zitr0n - phunarmically charged particle, detected at, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 11:15, Reply)

bonus? ha!
oh, go on then... one free drink at the bar, at the christmas do you organised and paid for yourselves - and would you mind if the CEO sits at your table? he hasnt paid for his meal or drink, and the bastard never did
(big fat lazy man on a sofa is giving his piles a bloody good clawing, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 10:54, Reply)

Not at all scrooge-like!
Actually my new company (been here a month) throws probably the best christmas parties ever!

There were around 180 of us all taken out to the home of the boss, big country home etc. He had a big top style circus tent in the garden. Chris Barrie was the host, there were lots of circus style acts, trapeze, tight-rope walking, juggling etc. After dinner was the live music, first on was Girls Aloud, next was Rachel Stevens and lastly the Sugarbabes! I couldn't believe it!

I love working for a company that looks after its employees! And we made the local press as well...

:D
(Angsty, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 10:11, Reply)

three words
paul elvis chan.


all paid for, booze, the lot.

heh
(magictorch, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 10:09, Reply)

2nd hand band
Our company were so cheap all we got was liberty-x performing for us. They are dire. And the birds didn't even look fit without all their makeup. Snarf.
(SpagBol, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 10:04, Reply)

Whilst working for Hewlett Packard
An email was circulated to say that everyone would have £70 to spend on a meal this christmas! Que lots of "whoppees" and "woo yays" alround. Later found out that this email was meant for just the five senior managers of my team but cos they sent it out to everyone by mistake they had to honour it. Ha!! There was 45 people in my team!! We all went for a big slap up feast were we had to move on from drinking Moet and move on to the bollinger purely because there was non left in the resturant.
(maddave, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 9:23, Reply)

After the dumb bints...
I work with decided to phuck off for lunch yesterday, not invite anyone and not return to work. I've decided I'm leaving at 2pm today where my "Christmas lunch" will be 2 litres of San Miguel at home, laughing about the fact I'm not back at work until the 24th January.
(DrGonzo, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 8:57, Reply)

christmas bonus?
what's a christmas bonus? party? here, have 2 beers, now fück off.

days off? none. zilch. zero. nada.
(radja, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 8:53, Reply)

Set the bar high
I'd just like to say that at my Xmas party this year I got heroically drunk, made sexual advances on my boss in front of everyone (with the classic line "you're well fit, I could really do you" before lunging in with the tongue), and then was prodigously sick. Felt up at least three of my female workmates too, but they were all very good about it. Sadly, I was so drunk I remember nothing. I woke up on the train at 7am having faredodged my way home. 3 hours of that journey are still unaccounted for, Christ knows what I might have done in that time.
(Parkingtigers, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 1:42, Reply)

Un-miserly boss
i work for a VERY small company. so small infact, that its just me and my boss.

i didnt get a christmas bonus last year, due to having only been there for 3 months.
im not sure about this year, but i dont think i will.
however, karma is a wonderful thing, because i got a 5 grand pay raise today.

huzzah!
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Tue 21 Dec 2004, 0:08, Reply)

christmas watermeloning eve
I am working til 8pm on xmas eve, despite the fact that no-one will call up for our services on xmas eve (for watermelons sake why would someone want to borrow more money on their mortgage at 7:30 on xmas eve?) so we were told that because we were needed in the evening we could come in at 2, whoop de watermeloning do! then they told us no we couldn;t because it hadn't been authorised. And the reason why we are open til 8? is because some muppets in another call centre (dealing with bank accouns/lost switch cards etc...kind of essential on xmas eve) decided it was unfair that we got to finish early (we used to finish at 4!) so they moaned to the union, and now we have to work til 8, watermeloning bunch of tightarsed motherhumping cranberryybollocking horseshagging nazi whorepig rapistwanking paedophile cranberrylickers knob watermeloning wanking sheep lovers.
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Mon 20 Dec 2004, 21:00, Reply)

Xmas party (or lack of...)
One year the company I used to work for had a bad year, so bad in fact that they cancelled the xmas party, and instead brought in some 'nibbles' from marks and sparks and bottles of cheap lager, which we couldn't drink anyway because we were all driving home... that was the same year that decembers pay cheque bounced..... ah happy days!
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Mon 20 Dec 2004, 20:32, Reply)

christmas party
just started a plumbing apprenticeship with quite a big firm anyways went to the christmas party and i thourght id try and make a good impression on all of the top blokes at this firm that kind of went out of the window after my 10th free pint i ended up in hospital havin my stomach pumped i still think that i made a good impression.
(fwack bang on it, Mon 20 Dec 2004, 18:43, Reply)

Christ, mine's awful this year,
Afternoon company talk and presentations in a purpose decorated studio, followed by a 3 course meal (being served in our other studio, prepared by a professional catering company), a disco, games and entertainment going on late into the evening with as much drink as you want. Taxi home, hotels if you've come from out other office in the UK, Flights as well if you're in our office in New York.

Worst thing is, it's all free. Everything.

I hate working for a TV company...

Oh and I probably should mention that we get given 2 weeks off over christmas... *sigh*
( icezebra *insert large monkey*, Mon 20 Dec 2004, 17:04, Reply)