I'm in pain
Was up in Co. Durham for an eighteenth birthday and as with most family get togethers, got bladdered. Yesterday afternoon I got roped into playing five-a-side with my uncle's team, with hangover and borrowed kit.

Opposing team's average age - 18
Our team's average - 37.

We lost. And I hurt.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 20:09, Reply)

Well that's a first!
Fucking freaked out by a client crying in the consultation with me this evening. No, I wasn't mean to her and I didn't tell her to MTFU either. Her pet is ill and the receptionist at another practice was mean to her and she needed someone to offload on, so she chose me. WHY? I don't know.

To be fair, it wasn't her fault, the receptionist is known for being a cunt and I've advised her to put in a complaint as she's treated some of our other clients like that - this I've learnt in a week of being there, so clearly she's not a nice lady.

But what gets me is she looked up at me with her big sad eyes and asked "Will my pet make it?" I didn't know the answer so I said I hope so.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 19:51, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Time for your evening dose of WTF

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 19:17, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Christ Asda are useless.
I went to pick up a few provisions about an hour ago and I went to the checkouts and there was maybe 6 of them open (plus the automated not-that-fast-lanes). 6 checkouts and the queues were 8 - 10 deep.

A call went out on the tannoy for 'queue-busters' but I don't think anyone was listening. I suspect queue-busters don't exist and it was a meaningless statement to appease the crowds.

Five mins later I phoned the switchboard and asked them to send someone down to 'bust some queues'. They said they'd put me through to the duty manager (for some unfathomable reason) and the line went dead.

I eventually got served and on the way out, complained at the customer service desk about it.

So, when did you last lodge a futile complaint?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 18:41, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

No new thread for over 2 hours!
So here's one about nothing in particular.

I had a jolly good weekend, and a very busy Monday at work. it's now nearly home time.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 17:11, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This rocks!!
business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/industry_sectors/transport/article6719191.ece
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 20 Jul 2009, 15:10, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello! cunt and pissflaps etc
Where the juddery fuck, (as Pooflake would say), is everyone?

I've decided to stay away from dating websites as much as possible as they're driving me to drink thus negating the wonderful effects that going to the gym have made.

What drives you to drink?
( girlinthehole, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 14:54, 60 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Need to 'translate' belming into English
for my other half - he isn't a native english speaker, so when I described someone as a belming twerp the other day, he naturally asked for an explanation.

How would you describe the word 'belming' to a foreigner?
( ascorbate, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 14:07, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I feel rough
so I'm going home

up yours *gestures*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 13:53, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

MARS, BITCHES
www.spectrum.ieee.org/aerospace/space-flight/how-to-go-to-marsright-now

Where are you going for your holidays?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 13:40, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So school ended last Friday and my children gave me lots of gifts
most of these were chocolate.

So who wants to help me eat:

2 boxes of Heroes
1 Thorntons Champagne bottle
2 boxes of maltesers
1 box of Thorntons Chocolate
1 box of After Eights
2 boxes of Ferrero Rocher
1 kg of Dairy Milk
1 slab of Thorntons chocolate.

*edit* I forgot

1 bag of chocolate eclairs
1 bag of fudge.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 20 Jul 2009, 13:29, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Calling All QOTW People
One of our own, Spimf, got badly burned by a shower of twats in Dubai and I offered to help him get his own back.

The company in question is Omnia Creative Consultancy and I want to help them with some publicity.

So, what I'd like all of you to is to post an in-line link pointing to Spimf's blog post about them. Basically, I want you to use companies name as the text inside the link and the link to be:

ominousdubai.blogspot.com/2009/06/burned-in-dubai.html

Just like I did up above. If we get enough of us doing this then Google will rank Spimfs posting higher than the companies official web-site.

So any of you who can, please post the link onto Facebook, your blog, Myspace, your own websites if you have them. Anywhere and everywhere is the ticket.

Omnia Creative Consultancy claim to offer S.E.O services to their clients. Together, let's show them want Search Engine Optimisation really means.

Sorry for the length but I think this is important.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 13:09, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

CRICKET

(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 12:00, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

For Spimf
www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/middle_east/article6716543.ece

Harrowing reading indeed...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 20 Jul 2009, 11:54, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Things are slow here at the moment,
so take some time to sit back and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now.
YM is inappropriate because I don't have one.
Al is OK though, you can do him. He loves it.
( thealternativefact, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 11:37, 62 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Further to BGB's question below
who belives that NASA didn't get to the moon? or at least, didn't get there when they claimed to at the time.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 11:02, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am curious and quite stupid so please tell me.
If we went to the Moon in the sixties then why have we never gone back.

A. Too expensive

B. Nothing worth going back for

C. We never went in the first place
( girlinthehole, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 10:54, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm not at work today.
As much as I like some of you people, this makes me feel so much better than you.
And a week today I get two weeks off.

Is this how vipros feels all the time?

Anyway, what have you got/done/had recently that made feel smug?
( Cawl, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 10:41, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's b3ta advice time!
My freeview box packed up at the weekend so I'm looking for a new one. I want one with a hard disk recorder so I can tape Hollyoaks.

Some of you people are really into electronics and stuff so I'm sure you can recommend something for me.

If not, why not try and find a way to insult me that will grow to become intrinsically linked to my online personality. Please note, that TGB has already tried this with the size of my bottom and it didn't work. It's also common knowledge that I have a very small penis. Be inventive.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 10:15, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hurrah
I had an awesome weekend - apart from driving hell getting to/from London - and now I see Vipros is having a shit day which has pleased me. Also the weather is beautiful and I have very little to do in work :D

Question: If you could build your dream house what feature must it have? I want one of those massive wooden slides that I think was featured on Grand Designs Live.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 9:18, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fuck the question below
I've been in the office for 15 minutes and my week has already been ruined.

It's been weeks since the moron fucking cad technician was in, and it's been beautiful. The tosser has only been here for a few minutes and already I want to rip his throat out. It has quite literally ruined my week.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 8:35, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning
I'm tired. This weekend's injury tally = badly bruised wrist and scraped fingers. Achilles still hurts. Not interesting injuries, but injuries nonetheless.
How was your weekend? Alternatively what was your most amusing/interesting injury ever?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Jul 2009, 8:23, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tonight's important question
What popular things that everyone else seems to go nuts over do you actively dislike?

I'm not a fan of tea or coffee, children, apple mac products or pasta.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 19 Jul 2009, 21:46, 80 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello you lot!
We're in the middle of a heatwave - yes, it may be Southern California but the temperatures average around 75 degrees at this time of year, today it hit 90 degrees at 11am.
So my questions is, should I go to the pool and sunbathe, or clean my apartment?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sun 19 Jul 2009, 20:18, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

OMGSWINEZOMBIEFLU!1!!!!!
I've screen shotted it as i dont trust them to change it or delte it like they did with david carradine. sorry i'll put it in the replies as its a bit big fnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar
(MoistTickle we are legion, Sun 19 Jul 2009, 19:55, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Theory Test...........
If you are a driving instructer slash examiner, how do you do the work for your theory? What I've tried (and thats everything) doesn't bloody work!
(one-winged-angel-616 isn't as depressed as she sounds, Sun 19 Jul 2009, 19:16, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Famous Last Words...
There's no way the Aussies can score 350+ to win with 5 wickets down...
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Sun 19 Jul 2009, 16:13, Reply)

Hello All...
I am having something of a dilemma, and knowing how much people at B3ta love teh fluff, I thought I would ask you, "What should we name our kittens?"

I've suggested Trevor, as in magical, for the tabby, and mittens, as in 'my cat's name is mittens' from the simpsons, but these were rejected...

Any ideas?

photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs152.snc1/5648_557949640022_273100323_3638253_2250749_n.jpg

photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs132.snc1/5648_557953332622_273100323_3638637_1764016_n.jpg

photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs152.snc1/5648_557953337612_273100323_3638638_1954221_n.jpg
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Sun 19 Jul 2009, 12:18, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

At the moment I'm re-reading The Naked Civil Servant by Quentin Crisp.
And to quote him,

'Find out who you want to be in life and then be it like mad'.


One of my favourite quotes and I wish I'd read this book when I was a teenager. It would have saved me from a lot of sadness.
( girlinthehole, Sun 19 Jul 2009, 8:14, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)