I have the sincerest feeling I'm up shit-creek without a paddle.
I'm going to the Fringe in about a week. I was told when booking my tickets that I could stay with a friend, who was in a show. She's just turned round today and told me that I can't stay after all. So I'm in a bit of a pickle.

Anyone know anywhere cheap I can stay?

Failing that, what dreams did you have last night?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 16:05, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

**edit** FUCKING! Anyway, I feel rude....
....jumping in on other threads, is that wrong?
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 15:26, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking!
Funny old game, isn't it?
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 15:21, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking... I'm thinking of getting these
www.catfootwear.com/UK/en-GB/Gallery.mvc.aspx/M/Men%27s#/UK/en-GB/Product.ajax.aspx/MS-B/17664M/36554

begin abuse NOW!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 15:00, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking slow-arse internet.....
....which would be understandable were it 1998. It's not though, and what adds insult to injury is the fact that I work for a 'media' company, a fucking media company for fecks sake! If there is any company out there which should have a decent connection to the the interporn, sorry, net, then it's mine.

I can't do my work, which is normally not an issue, but today it makes me want to throw kittens at passing traffic.

Anyone got any suggestions? Be they kitten or Mac related.

**Edit** Yes, I'm aware of the irony, but trust me, it took about 15 minutes to post this.
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 14:42, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking Dale Winton is doing the afternoon show on radio 2
its all we're allowed to listen to at work , steve wright , the usual guy is bad but fucking dale winton makes me feel like I'm already in my allocated chair in the old folks home , enjoying sitting in the warmth of my own urine .

How would you kill him ?

extra points for doing it this afternoon

Edit or just start another thread with the word fucking
( fudboy high ideals and crazy dreams, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 14:15, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking monitor mounts
So far I've only managed to find one mount that meets my requirements but it costs around £120 and I need 2 of them.

Can anybody suggest websites for monitor wall mounts/desk stands? I'm running out of ideas =/
( Captain V, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 14:15, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gonz's Tip Top Tip of the Day.
Do YOU like Mousemats? Do YOU find they're too SMALL? Well, my friend, pop into your local phamacy (and/or) corner shop... I presume you've made friends with Mr/Mrs [insert name] here, so they'll know your face.

Do you see those A3 matts they've got, designed to write on so they don't scratch the table? They probably get a few of those a month, and can only use one. Well, THAT, THAT my friend, is the PERFECT mouse-matt.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 13:59, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Come on my face, you dirty bastard.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 13:37, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Spent all day in the pub yesterday....
And surprisingly the epic hangover I fully expected and deserved did not arrive this morning. It would seem that drinking double Jamesons for 10 hours is the way to go.
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 12:14, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Super DiT and me did the good samaritan bit this morning
and helped out a 90 year old lady who fell over a step and possibly broke her hip. We called an ambulance and waited with her until they arrived whilst generally keeping her smiling.

Have you done anything nice for someone else today or if you’re not feeling too nice at the moment, have you done something particularly eeeeevil today?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 12 Aug 2009, 11:01, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just got a new phone contract
and it comes with a 'free' PS3.
Now, at the best of times, I'm a bit clueless when it comes to anything technological, so I imagine my other half will adopt the PS3 as his own the minute it arrives - not a problem, that's why I chose that 'free' gift; however, are there any games that a dimwitted woman might enjoy playing on this console? Games that involve no killing or guns?

(the game I am currently best at is Tetris, and that's only since mr vitamin c pointed out to me that the pieces could rotate, making them easier to fit in the slots. seriously, THAT'S how fuckwitted I am)

alternatively, has anyone had a particularly satisfying bowel movement recently?
( ascorbate, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 10:21, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just perusing some maps for work
and found a place called Heanton Punchardon

Made me laugh.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 10:03, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The half million approaches
The 500,000th post on QOTW is nigh. Question is though, will it be as amazing and sexy as the 400,000th?
( djtrialprice, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 9:57, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've been given a marrow by the person in the next office.
I've no idea what to do with it.

Any suggestions?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 9:42, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I hate waiting for stuff
my house is being valued on friday morning. My financial security for the next couple of years at least is dependant on the opinion of a surveyor.

I'm nervous. Should be fine, but I'll not be happy if it isn't.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 9:09, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Right lads and lasses: I need your help.
On two fronts.

1) I'm hoping to go to the Launch Party for Diablo Swing Orchestra's new album on 2nd Oct. However, it's at the Purple Turtle in Camden, and having never been to London in my life, I have no idea where this is. Does anyone know which train station this is nearest to, and also of any cheap hotels/B&Bs nearby?

2) How the hell are you supposed to get wax (of the hair-removing kind) out of a carpet, without actually cutting it out?

Much appreciated.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 8:52, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Report please.
Fed 26%
Watered 80%
Addictions satisfied 100%
Horn 45%
Need more sleep 62%
Positivity about day ahead 4%
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 8:34, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

YES!
Get the fuck IN!. Just found a jaffa cake. Fuckin YES!!!!
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 22:48, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Mythbusters just cut a pig in half.
That got me thinking. I would punch a Dolphin on the nose, I'd tweak a Moose's balls, and I'd kick a Woodpecker. But if I was going to cut one animal in half, using a forklift and a steel cable, it'd be a Pelican. Lengthways.

This stems from when a Pelican hit me in the head when I was 10. Revenge is sweet. So, what gross acts did an animal do to you, and how on earth will you get your revenge? Or you could just say what animal you would like to cut in half.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:20, 82 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello Dear QOTWers! I need some advice... [UNIX/LINUX Related]
I'm still here, buwaha! *Rubs hands together*
How are we all today? It's just peachy here in Canada...

For the techies: Now, as you all know I'm currently looking for work. I've got three interviews in the UK soon and all of them want me to do some sort of "Aptitude Test". Are there any linux/unix sysadmins out there that have had to do the same thing? If so, what's it like?

For the non techies: Post pictures of kittums and let me know of a bash that you will all be attending in London. I'll come along

(Also, thanks legless, you've been a great help recently)

Axai
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 21:05, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Better late than never!


Tonight's question: how do you make Worms Armageddon run in Vista?
( Maladicta, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 20:51, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We had a stray dog brought in to us that looked so happy it was almost smiling as it opened its mouth
We called him Mrhappy because sometimes he would be sweetness and light and other times he was a right stroppy cunt with definite attachment issues. Last I heard, he was desperately sad, but keeps on lurking around certain areas. Maybe there's some hope for him.

I'm wussing out of going to Kendo tonight because it's too hot and the walls sweat when it's hot like this, you're not allowed to drink water in there because it's a dojo and my arm hurts from being dragged around a carpark by a pitbull cross this morning. What are you currently wussing out of or putting off?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 19:48, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Things that I have learnt today.
If it starts to piss down with rain when you are out for a run, it makes you run even faster and not stop till you get home.


Edit. What I meant to add is that it is a great help and gave me the impetus to not stop every 10 minutes like the big girly pants that I am because I'm tired.
( girlinthehole, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 19:09, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Those depressive days...
Sometimes, when I'm having a bad day, I can eat like a pig without feeling physically ill or needing to stop.

Last Thursday was like it. I had:

- A bowl of cereals
- A seeds muffin
- A Danish pastry (with nuts and cream)
- A big bag for peanuts M&Ms (one of those to share)
- A banana
- A ready meal spinach and ricotta cannelloni
- Another banana
- A pack of crisps
- Two cheese and onion rolls from Tesco
- A stilton and steak pastry from the Pastry shop in Piccadilly
- Three pints of beer
- A bowl of chips.

I'm a girl, 1.65 m (whatever it means in your units) and didn't use the toilet even once until before going to bed. I could have had more food if it wasn't because it was getting late and I had to go to sleep.

Have you gone insane and ate like if it was going out of fashion? How much did you manage to put through your throat?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 11 Aug 2009, 16:38, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

afternoon rapists!
I'm bored and bit horny, so, should i go for a cheeky wank just now, or should i save my cock custard for the blowjob my wife has promised me this very evening?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 16:30, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So I've just had a Facebook friend request from
my Mother-in-law.

Should I go with it or does it contravene the Golden Rule of facebook - never add your parents or bosses as friends.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 11 Aug 2009, 16:00, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Advice, please. Do I want an iPhone or hero?
Hope you nice b3tans don’t mind me coming on here (as I normally only lurk around qotw) but I need advice and you OT people seem to know everything.
I want to know whether to get an iPhone 3GS or the HTC hero.
Despite being with Orange for about 10yrs, they are not being terribly competitive so I am quite happy to move to O2.
Thank you v muchly for any help.
( kitsune-tsuki tankeløst hode får lettest sove, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 15:32, 98 replies, latest was 16 years ago)