Come one, come all.
Not there please, that'll be a nightmare to clean up.



Why does my iTunes shuffle seem to think shuffle means "play anything as long as it's by Queen"?
(inb4 "why are you using iTunes"?)
( Maladicta, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 19:21, 62 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

There's a news story in today's local rag.
A shoplifter stole 120ish fuck books from Waterstones. Worth nearly a grand. He said he was going to flog them, to fund a booze and drug habit.
What would you own up to? Being a pisshead and junkie, or excessive wanking?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 12 Oct 2009, 19:14, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning my fictional friends!
What an amazing experience the fishing tournament was! I didn't do too badly, either!
Full explanation in reply - I'll try to keep it short.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 18:37, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

FUCK YEAH,
I'm gonna bung on my headphones (the not as good ones, as I lost my good ones), and go mince around ASDA for a bit.

What Goodies will I bring back? NOBODY KNOWS ! Thing is though, I don't know what to have for dinner (again).

What delights should I aquire?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 17:36, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How
do you post an image challenge - I can't find anywhere to submit an entry.
(dchurch bah, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 17:22, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I ate a full trifle earlier
and I wish I hadn't

How have you been a greedy cunt recently?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 14:48, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Only joke I've been sent today
Michael Jackson was a bit miffed in heaven when Steven Gately arrived. He thought that someone from boys home was coming.

Sorry, I know it's shite.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 14:46, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fings aint what they used to be......
Usually I make breakfat on Sunday and take it up to bed for porkess and myself to enjoy before a nice cuddle and lie in. Due to the recent removal of cast and pins I can't carry a laden tray so the porkess has been ever so kind. So. Yesterday after much clattering in the kitchen (just to make me feel more guilty) she arrives upstairs with the tray. Check it out.

1. Fresh orange juice - check
2. Large mug of latte (strong) - check
3. Empty plate - Check.

She'd forgotten the cheese and tomato filled hot croissants. How the hell am I supposed to lie in bed looking smug without my croissants?

Standards are slipping I tell you.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 12 Oct 2009, 14:03, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ooo controversial
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8299079.stm
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 13:57, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm bored
it's not fun. managed to postpone my lunch break until later than usual though so my afternoon will be shorter.

I'm having a halloween party at my house and I want some help with decoration suggestions.

So far I have ordered about 400 square feet of fake spider web....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 13:44, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lingerie and sexeh tiem
It is reasonably easy for a woman to get sexied up, lacy bra here frilly knickers there, even some cheeky stockings if the occasion is deserving. The question is though, what options does a guy have in an attempt to look sexeh for his missus?

And also, do you prefer you missus to have the bra on, or bra off? Personally i like it on, nice textures.... softness on top softness etc then the straps pulled down to the side, and the bounty 'released'.



*motorboats*
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 12:34, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

He's also got viking genes.
He gazzed me to tell me.
(TheColonel, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 12:03, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Stephen Gately
Taken from todays which can be seen here

• R.I.P.stephen gately you will never die in my mind and heart you and your music your beautiful grin and smile will live in me forever you are a special angle like my lovely mum she will guide you as i will pray for your soul amen.so sad.xxxxxxxxxxxxx

He's an angle

I'm bored. Is it too early to start with the jokes?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 11:23, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Those of you with access to the London Metro should look at the story on Page 9
Those of you without it, can go here:
e-edition.metro.co.uk/home.html
and look at the e-edition.

Some of you, especially those girls who found pictures of cocks in your b3ta inbox, will be amused by this.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 9:24, 144 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I Am Miffed
A couple of weeks ago I planted a variety of herbs, all from seed, in a massive planter. Every day I've diligently watered and fed them and was rewarded by a flush of green as my little darlings sprouted and took their first err - steps - towards the light and leafy goodness. I was proud.

Got up this morning and went to water them to find a scene of carnage. Some avian fuckwits had taken into their heads to uproot and scatter all of my precious seedlings. They didn't eat them. They just wrenched them out of the ground and scattered their bodies into the full glare if the harsh Ozzie sun.

Fuckit. I'm buying a gun. No more Mr Nice Guy.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 4:14, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Casey
A while back I posted a link about a girl suffering from cancer who'd entered a contest with Victoria's Secret to win a trip to New York.

Well guess what? Even though Casey won by more than twice the votes than her nearest rival - she didn't win. VS claim that due to vote rigging they had the winners decided by an "independent" panel of judges and the judges didn't pick Casey.

I guess that's because they didn't want a girl who's hair had all fallen out due to the chemo as the face of Body By Victoria. The new "winners" are girls who have conventionally "pretty" faces. No fucking surprises there.

But there is some good news. After a torrent of phone-calls and emails Victoria's Secret have decided to send Casey to New York after all.

But that's not the fucking point. She won, fair and square. So fuck Victoria's Secret.

The original post from my mate where he found out that Casey hadn't won is here:

jblaque.livejournal.com/730274.html

and the post where we found out that she's getting her trip after all is here:

jblaque.livejournal.com/730794.html

I know that Casey's getting her trip - it's her not being acknowledged as the winner sticks in my craw.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 2:20, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I was going to inform my fellow friendly B3tans on here about my fantastic weekend with other B3tans.
Unfortunately it is classed as personal so only myself and the other B3tans in question will be aware of the great time we had.

Sorry!
( girlinthehole, Sun 11 Oct 2009, 19:53, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello gorgeous denizens of the internet
How have all of your weekends been?
Thursday night began interestingly, and ended on Friday with me going back to my block from a friend's room covered in blue paint, clutching a mainly empty bottle of absinthe. The rest was a gig, a few pints of cider and black and idle chit chat. And working on grammar at 2am.
Et tu, Brute?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 11 Oct 2009, 19:01, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, not only do Tescos deliver me the Daily Heil with my shopping,
but today the Daily Heil (or rather, Heil on Sunday) has included a 12-track Robbie Williams CD. Fabulous, I could do with a new coaster.

What's made a bad thing even worse for you lately?
( Maladicta, Sun 11 Oct 2009, 18:43, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I went to the gym this morning
and as I'm drying myself after my shower the guy who's worked in my local corner shop for years before branching out and running his own pizza delivery comes into the changing room and says Hi. So now the guy who delivers my pizza has seen me naked.

Had any embarrassing run-ins lately?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 11 Oct 2009, 14:29, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Home!


i have the house to myself this morning. god it's quiet!
there's a mountain of washing up to be done as well as a pile of laundry the size of a large dog/small horse.
do i:
a) attend to domestic matters...
b) go back to bed...
or c) lose the morning to the interweb?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 11 Oct 2009, 8:30, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Rally cars..
They are doing horrible things outside my house, and will continue to do so for another 48 hours at least! I HATE the 2300 Club's Tour of Mull.
That is all.
Anyone else hate Rally cars?
(Sir Clitherington Smythe offers him yourself., Sun 11 Oct 2009, 2:28, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A question for London types,
So next week I have to teach about the Great Fire of London.
I really want to show the class some pictures for buildings that survived the fire.
Does anyone know of any buildings?

I've tried google but what I really need are the names of some buildings that survived so I can google for them.

Thanks for your help!
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 10 Oct 2009, 18:43, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fuck me, I'm nervous
I've got the big fishing tournament tonight. I'm up against professional anglers as well as anglers who are way better than I could ever hope to be. I'm one of two women who qualified for the tournament, and we're both being interviewed for the Orange County Register.
I don't care if I place in the top ten (there's 40 of us), I just would like it if I don't come dead last!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 10 Oct 2009, 17:54, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just had a visit from the cops.
Last night I had a smallish fire in my backyard fireplace. It's a circle of stones that looks a lot like a miniature Stonehenge, situated in the middle of a brick patio. I had built a nice little fire with seasoned oak and was sitting by it when the wind blew up hard and carried a lot of smoke toward my neighbor. The wind held for a couple of hours.

He came bustling over and yelled, "You gotta do something about that smoke! It's all through my house! You gotta move that fireplace to the other side of the yard or sumpin' coz it's blowin' in my house!"

(Now if it were me, I would have simply closed the windows... but I guess that makes a bit too much sense.)

"Sorry, I can't move it. It's built into the ground."

"You want me to get the cops involved? We can do it that way if you want. I'll call the cops, I'll call the fire department, I'll call the homeowner's association, I'll call the district attorney."

"Do what you need to do, I guess," I replied. "It's legal."

So this morning two cops arrived on my doorstep. "Hi, umm, can we speak to you for a minute? We had a complaint about a fire last night..."

I explained what had happened and showed them the fireplace, and pointed to the stack of firewood I had been burning. The cop almost looked embarrassed by the time I was done. "Yeah, obviously nothing really happening here. You'd think he could have just come over and said something like hey, I got some smoke in my house last night."

I chuckled. "He's still mad at me for calling animal control on his dog after it bit my daughter."

"Oh, the Dalmatian that doesn't bite?"

We both laughed. He turned to his partner. "Come on, let's go talk to him." And they walked back out.

I haven't seen the Choad since.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sat 10 Oct 2009, 16:56, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Google wavers
Anyone on this yet? I am, but I don't know what to do with it all. Gaz me for email addy!
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Sat 10 Oct 2009, 16:07, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

True Blood (Again)
After the discussion earlier in the week (here) I got around to watching Season 2 yesterday and it stays good so go ahead everyone!
(bill, Sat 10 Oct 2009, 14:15, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

From Popbitch:
"I sat next to West Ham and England player Alvin Martin at a corporate dinner. He told me that during the 1986 World Cup in Mexico he and fellow England players would smear cream cheese under their foreskins, let it ferment for a few hours up until kick-off then scoop it out and hold in the palm of their hand until they shook their opponents' hands before the match."

What's the most disgusting thing you've done to someone?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Oct 2009, 21:54, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

i usually dislike it if people say i look like someone
famous or not. it's unsettling and I usually can't see how we're similar. Depending on the person it can be downright insulting.

Mictogirl just showed me a magazine and I thought for a moment they'd published a photo of me. It was some other unfortunate looking bloke, but HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME. I feel odd.
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 9 Oct 2009, 21:44, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bert's racist post has me thinking
Is bunch the collective noun for Pakis? I would've thought something more colourful (and perhaps ethnic would be better).
So let's be blatant racists and come up with collective nouns for different people.
Since I'm a paddy, I'll start with.
A gowl of Irish.
A shower of knackers.
A cunt of fucks.
A larceny of chavs.
A nag of wives

Be creative folks.
(knackerz is skinning up, Fri 9 Oct 2009, 21:43, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)