I are a b3ta n00b
please play nice :-)
(Sarsh monkey monkey ketchup tree!, Sun 27 Dec 2009, 0:00, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I haven't been out of the house for two days.
All I've done is eat, shit and fart.
And put up with annoying bloody people who just watch the telly.

Is it over yet?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 26 Dec 2009, 22:13, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This evening
I'll be attending a night of novelty Ska in Bristol.

What are you doing to wave good-bye to Christmas?

Alternatively, if you were on celebrity 'come dine with me' who would you most like to poison?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 26 Dec 2009, 17:16, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Soft-Hearted: survey on ethically-produced soft toys.
I'm starting a business selling ethically-produced soft toys. That is, soft toys which are produced in an environmentally-friendly way, without the use of child labour, and so on.

This means I need to talk to people who might be interested in buying these toys, to find out what they want.

So I've made a survey. There's only one page of questions, and it's likely to take about 5 minutes.

Anyone who completes the survey before February the 1st will get 15% off on one order, of any size, made before 2011.

The survey will be anonymous. You won't have to give your name or contact details (although you can choose to, if you want to be notified when I have products for sale).

WHO SHOULD DO THIS SURVEY?

You should do this survey if you would consider buying soft toys, either for yourself or as a gift.

The survey is here:

www.esurveyspro.com/Survey.aspx?id=7effa1c5-bfdb-4394-b5e2-19402e3e6577

Thanks,
James.

PS Please feel free to forward this to groups or individuals who might be interested.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 26 Dec 2009, 10:25, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Go on then, what did you get for Christmas?
I got thoroughly spoiled.

Custom made trout rod
Shitloads of fishing gear
Necklace
Rod holder
Shitloads of English chocolate from back home (yay!)
A tamagotchi
A screwdriver set
Pliers
Epic Movie DVD
2 books
A shitload of American candy
Homemade fudge
A bottle of Bitch wine
A flashlight
Power tools

I'm the only girl I know that gets excited about getting power tools and screwdrivers for Christmas!
Hope you've all had a great day, despite the last few days I've had a brilliant time!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 26 Dec 2009, 0:30, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bastard Bastard Bastard the Bastard Bastard Wanker Cunt
Merry merry bollocks to all you bollocks.

Bollocks.
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Fri 25 Dec 2009, 20:15, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Merry Christmas
from California!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 25 Dec 2009, 19:26, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Merry Christmas
From a new b3ta member who joined seeking both laughter and an insight into the surreal (objective: MET), may I wish you all a happy Christmas and a healthy and successful 2010.

I'm going to be on call from 1800 tonight onwards (more's the pity) so have managed to avoid being inebriated throughout the day. Again, more's the pity.
(Medical_Male Say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Fri 25 Dec 2009, 17:44, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Christmas Movies
I just finished watching "Wasting Away", a zombie movie told from the zombie's perspective, sort of. Not bad.

Now I'm trying to choose between "Series 7 - The Contenders" which I believe is about people attempting to kill each other, and "Ravenous", a black comedy about cannibalism. Ho Ho Ho!

What are you watching?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 25 Dec 2009, 15:54, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Merry Chrimbo
We've having a wonderful *hic* tiem here. Kir Royales are the new Christmas drink... ace.
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Fri 25 Dec 2009, 15:22, Reply)

Right....
Me, Al, Barry, Aunty Barbera and Cousen Mark are waiting outside BGB's place now, she doesn't seem to be in and she hasn't left the key under pot plant like she normally does. Barry is insisting that we should smash her back doors in, but we won't find a door repair man today to fix it afterwards. I think barbera may have had a little accident, she's being very quiet, just kindda rocking back'n'forth mumbling something about how the elves at the care home have taken all her possessions and how she's not allowed to tell anyone or her family will never speak to her again. Marks really wants to shoot up, and doesn't feel like doing it in the middle of the street, he's got princaples and pride. Al's OK, he started drinking last night and hasn't stopped yet, we had to piss in her neighbour's garden (well, you wouldn't piss on your own doorstep, would you?), but is fine now. To be honest, I really don't want to waste this lobster and fois gras, it's really got to be cooked soon, I don't want to see it go off. BGB - you'll sort us out for that, right? Shouldn't be more than £100/head, I know it's an ugly thing to talk about, but I really need you to sort me out, I owe some bad people some money.

So, if anyone has seen BGB, can you please let her know we're waiting outside for her.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 25 Dec 2009, 13:47, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh god, I don't remember last night, hardly at all.
Last thing I remember is being fine and in the back of the pub having a fag, then I have a flashback to throwing up in a cab, then another looking at some steps thinking "Shit, if I fall, I'm fucked", then another to throwing up on the tube, and then I was at home in bed.

I think I won a few bob on the roulllette, but spent most of it again buying some redball-yagamister shot things for everyone.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 25 Dec 2009, 10:52, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Christians! Old men! Party hats!
While most of you brits are just starting, here in New Zealand, Christmas is already over. Getting drunk was the most rational way to endure it. My whole extended family are christian - virgin birth, 7 day creation christians. This has always been the cause of a little friction - I'm atheist and I don't hide the fact. For me, Christmas is a festival which has been stolen so many times from so many different religions that for any religion to assert ownership of it seems rather arrogant. For my extended family, Christmas celebrates the birth of good old JC.

i'd wondered if it was going to cause problems on Christmas day, and enquired as such to my mum the day before.
"It'll be fine, it's all very low key, those who want to go to church will go, those who don't, won't. There are no obligations in any shape or form."
Which assauged my worries somewhat.

Christmas morning:
9am: Woken up for church. We're not going to church, we're having family church. In the house. in the lounge. As the only atheist, it is conceded that perhaps I don't HAVE to attend. If I'm really sure. But it would be SUCH a lovely time to have the family together. Your Grandmother will be so disappointed. This really is all rather inconvenient, you know. Pointed stares abound. Eventually, my assertations that I would rather drink antifreeze sink in. Of course, this won't stop my grandfather coming to have a chat with me and tell me to "stop being silly about it" and come and join the 'church'.
10am: The bible readings begin. Apparently it would be antisocial for me to tactfully withdraw, but if i were to sit in on the proceedings, that would be rude. So I'm given a couch in the corner to keep me out of the way, but not out of the way enough that anyone has to feel guilty.
10:15am The bible readings begin.
11.15am the songs about Jesus begin.
1pm After a rousing chorus of 'Christ the holy child', lunch is served. Topics of conversation include 'muslims just going back home where they belong', 'people who don't believe in god aren't in the majority so why shouldn't public money be spent in churches?' and the all time favourite 'PC brigade, can't look sideways at a faggot without being carted off but they can do whatever they like to us'.
2pm Party hats are donned.
2.05pm After biting my tongue for most of the day, I venture a suggestion that perhaps we should consider some of these issues from a different perspective. For example, if my grandfather went to Iran, would he find it reasonable to not be allowed to practice Christianity?
2.06pm I'm firmly 'advised' to not speak on such topics because disagreeing is "simply rude"
2.07pm onward: Losing the will to live, I try to remember why I didn't go spend Christmas with somebody - anybody else.

For a day that's supposed to be about peace and love and family, it sure was shit.

Anyone else not quite as cheery for the holiday as Hallmark expects them to be?
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Fri 25 Dec 2009, 10:40, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

merry christmas from Aus.
god. so much fucking FOOD.

Have a good one folks. :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 25 Dec 2009, 3:03, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

sitting looking at all the wee fella's prezzies all wrapped up, very excited!
merry christmas to all
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 25 Dec 2009, 2:12, Reply)

Merry Fuckin' Crizmuzz
Y' bastards.

*hic*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 25 Dec 2009, 0:10, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Merry Christmas
You fuckers.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 25 Dec 2009, 0:09, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

i was wondering why nobody was replying to this.....
b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post599021

Then IO realise it was the wrong message board
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 23:13, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Getting mugged two days before Christmas is always fun.
I had a small handbag with me, and in it was a pack of cigs, a lighter, my drivers license and $25 in cash. Thank FUCK it wasn't my regular bag with my purse and credit/debit cards.
Ended up in the hospital with concussion and a headwound that needed stitches. They finally let me out today.

On the plus side, I've just saved a shit load of money on Xmas presents as I am not going out anywhere!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 18:42, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Xmas poem
fat kids in santa hats ringing my doorbell
slamming the door on them saying "Go To Hell!"
i'd like to bind them in gift-wrapping string
these are my favourite Xmas-y things

handing my credit card to black-clad harpies
they look like they've applied their make-up with Sharpies
their fake leather smiles must make their faces sting
these are my favourite xmas-y things

watching humanity clawing like monkeys
for turkeys and hams like they're sad strung-out junkies
see how they fret as the closing bell rings
these are my favourite xmas-y things

xmas ad actors, celebrity grocers
lying and flogging their shit is atrocious
id like to throw them to lions in rings
these are my favourite xmas-y things

gluttony, greed, tantrums and ultimatums
a typical family Xmas verbatim
lets raise up a glass, lower its contents and sing..........
these are my favourite xmas-y things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 13:01, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

juvenile CDC lulz abound
thankyou maplin, thankyou

(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 13:00, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Right you lot, I gotta make a moooove
I have to finish cleaning and getting ready.
I might make it back on, I might not.
Dunno what tinternet's like at my parents' house.

I'll try and pop on by mobile because I'm addicted to the internet and I like you lot more than my real people. Apart from Al. He molests people with Frazzles.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:44, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The view from my front window.
In replies.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:40, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Disturbing christmas image
twitter.com/twitfics/statuses/6970682547

How do you picture Santa?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 11:12, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ooooh errr missus.
I'm off to get my hands up a plump bird and stuff her 'til she can't take any more.

What festive puns and/or innuendos do you favour?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:26, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bank pub crawl.
Most banks give out free fizz and mince pies on Crimbo Eve. Indulge all of the fuckers, in preparation for tonight's piss up. The one day of the year they give summat for nowt.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:24, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

look at this twat
www.b3ta.com/questions/schadenfreude/post598728
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:08, 104 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

For all you rock fans

I give you an alternative 12 days of Christmas: www.youtube.com/watch?v=grwP8QvI1jY

May be worth skipping towards the end as it's a bit repetative
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 10:03, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gold, frankincense and myrrh?
How archaic. What three modern gifts would you give the new messiah?

Also, are you feeling festive, or humbug?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 24 Dec 2009, 8:52, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)